Fall Out Girl

by L. Duarte

  “What?”

  “Rex charmed the family into submission. They are out front, filling out the adoption paperwork.”

  I kneeled in front of Rex. “I’m so proud of you, buddy. You found a home.” He nuzzled me. I reached into my pocket and grabbed a treat. “They’re gonna be good to you. It’s a wonderful thing to have a family.”

  He swallowed the biscuit and rewarded me with slapping his wet tongue over my face. “Ew, save it for your humans,” I said, giggling.

  Vanessa strolled inside the kennel. “Enough good-byes. And don’t you dare feel sad. Rex will be happy.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’ll miss him, though.”

  “You always do.” She raised her hand to collect Rex’s leash.

  “I’ll take him,” Caleb volunteered. Vanessa’s tummy was huge, and Rex was too hyper.

  I started to wash the kennel for the next puppy. I was thrilled for Rex’s happy ending. I pictured him and his family, riding into the sunset, a haze of happiness burnishing the horizon.

  “Are you okay, love?” Caleb asked when he returned. He took the broom from my hands.

  “Yeah. It was about time he found a home,” I said dismissively.

  “Finally, I have you figured.” He put the broom down.

  “Oh. Interesting.” I grinned. “Please do tell, oh Wise One.” I gave a mocking bow.

  “You’re a badass pusher.” His arms slid around my waist.

  “Wow. Impressive. Like I said before, you do have a way of stating the obvious.”

  “Patience, young grasshopper.” He kissed one eye and then the other. “You dress gothic, dye your hair blue—”

  “Nothing gets past you.” I sighed in his arms.

  “Have tons of piercings and a thousand tattoos.”

  “Ten piercings, six tattoos.” I corrected.

  He kissed me fiercely and said with a grin, “I don’t appreciate the constant interruption.”

  “My apologies, Perceptive One.”

  “You wear a glare in your eyes, and a permanent scowl that intimidates even the wrestling team captain. You wear heavy makeup and have a heck of a reputation with the guys. Even though up until last night you were a virgin.”

  I bit my tongue to keep quiet, and the taste of sarcasm burst in my mouth.

  Caleb pecked my nose and continued, “Yet, here you are, soft and pliant. You smell of mint and gardenias, feed birds, cuddle with puppies and kittens, feed your cousin with healthy food, have a perfect GPA, don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t do drugs. Oh, and don’t curse much.”

  Oh-oh. “That’s me. Fucking Mother Theresa.” How did he do that? Well, I suppose one didn’t have to be a genius to figure me out. People just never took the time to study me.

  “And I know why you have all these little swallows inked on your skin.” He traced a kiss on my inked shoulder and behind my ear.

  “Well?”

  He pulled back and stared at me with penetrating eyes. “I was puzzled. Swallows are singing birds, a little at odds with your whole façade. So I did some research on them. According to legend, swallows will return home every year to mate and nest, so sailors tattoo them to ensure they return home after the dangers of a long sailing journey. It’s also believed that if you die on the journey, a swallow will take your soul to heaven. That’s why you’re obsessed. They’ll help you find your way home.”

  Caleb’s words were almost verbatim to what Dad had told me when he explained the swallow inked on his chest. “I’m gonna barf. Kudos to you, Caleb. You have a fertile imagination. That, or you had one hell of an LSD trip?”

  “Too late to cover your tracks with your witty comebacks. I see right through them.”

  That sucked. He did have me figured out, exposed, vulnerable. “Where’s your hat and pipe, Sherlock?”

  “Solving a difficult case has its rewards,” he said with an intense smile. “You’re fascinating.”

  “You might have a career in forensic science, you know,” I said in a dispassionate voice.

  “You wear your mask well, love. Just remember not to become it.”

  LATER THAT DAY I made a giant discovery. It was damn hard being a teenager. The entire frivolous attempt to look one’s best was draining.

  I debated what to wear as if it was a matter of national security. The shallowness of it all was despicable. In the end, I made a final decision to be comfortable in my skin. So I lapsed back to the common bitchy version of me.

  I applied my customary black makeup, placed rings in all the pierced places of my face and ears. I wore a tight black dress, black tights, combat boots, and a small leather jacket. (No, not real leather! I wasn’t a member of PETA, but I refused to deprive an animal of its skin just so I could wear it.)

  When Caleb picked me up, he didn’t seem surprised or disappointed with my look. In fact, he had a smug smile that seemed to approve of my emo style.

  His fingers fumbled with the stereo, and a Bob Marley song floated through the car. With his pensive stare fixed on the road and our twined fingers on his thigh, Caleb drove in silence. Perhaps he was a little nervous.

  He released my hand and pressed a button of a remote peeking out from under the visor. A wrought-iron gate parted. The gate alone was intimidating enough to send me running for the hills.

  “Damn. Judges must have one hell of a hefty salary.”

  “Don’t be impressed. It’s old money,” he said, justifying his father’s wealth.

  “Oh.” As if having money passed down from generations before you somehow made it less impressive.

  A vast expanse of luscious grass and exotic trees surrounded the brick-paved road leading to the house. There was a tennis court, a pond with a magnificent water fountain, a maze! And a swimming pool. The house—in all its glory and splendor was perched on the top of a hill. The ostentation sent one message, “Hey, look at me; I’m built to impress.” It belonged on the cover of one of those fancy home magazines. The designed landscape of the property surely cost more money than some people made in a lifetime.

  Caleb parked in front of the five-car garage and turned to me. “Ready for this?”

  “Are you nervous?”

  “No….” He let a long breath of air out. “Hell, that’s not true. I’m afraid that after tonight, you’ll be disappointed at who I am.”

  “I know who you are, Caleb. Or else I wouldn’t be here.”

  His hand clasped my face, and he kissed me with hunger and desperation. With heartbeat and emotion. He tore his lips from me, pressed his head to my mine, and said, “I love you, Luna.”

  “Let’s do this,” I responded.

  We walked to the front of the house. Caleb pushed an oak door open, and we stepped into a white marble foyer. Caleb put his hand on the small of my back and guided me inside. We stopped under an arch, and Caleb assisted me out of my jacket. While he hung it, I took in the magnificent interior. It was as if I had stepped inside a Hollywood movie with the crystal chandelier, swooping staircase, detailed crown molding, opulent statues, artwork, and a massive console with a tall vase filled with white calla lilies. Two white pillars stood like sentinels, leading to a spacious living room.

  As I gawked at the surreal luxury, I didn’t notice someone approaching.

  “Luna, you’ve made it. Welcome to our home.” A graceful voice greeted me.

  “Hi, Mrs. Cahan.”

  She pulled me into a welcoming embrace. “Oh, please, we went over this. Call me Ana.”

  I seldom admit to insecurity. That’s for the weak. But at that moment, a tremendous sense of inadequacy surged through me.

  In my subconscious, I knew that the appropriate response would be to reciprocate the embrace, but the scent of vanilla and the warmth emanating from her numbed my wits.

  She must have noticed my discomfort because she pulled back and freed me. “Feel right at home. Caleb, please make the introductions and get her something to drink.”

  “Thank you, Mrs.—I mean, Ana.”


  Though she chuckled, she remained elegant. How did she do that?

  “Come, love,” Caleb said, returning his hand to the small of my back.

  He guided me to a spacious living room. The room smelled of a strange combination of cinnamon and pine. Caleb introduced me to Mrs. Applegate, who appeared constipated. She slithered her gaze over me and wrinkled her nose as if smelling old cheese. With a fake smile plastered on her face, she managed to mumble a “delighted to meet you.”

  “And this is Mr. Applegate, Westfield’s previous judge.”

  Mr. Applegate gathered my hand and kissed the back of it. “Oh, the beauty and freshness of youth.” He turned to Caleb and said, “What a lovely young lady.”

  “Caleb, you’re back,” Lottie exclaimed as she approached. Looking at me, she frowned. “Luna, you came.” She glanced at my outfit and said, “You look different.” She had only seen me at the shelter.

  Great, now I got the kid confused, too. “Hey, Lottie. What’s up?”

  Before she could answer, a voice boomed from behind me.

  “Caleb, please, a word,” Mr. Cahan said and retreated without looking back.

  “Just a minute, love.” Caleb kissed my head and followed his father.

  Lottie clasped my hand. “Come, I’ll introduce you to all the other guests.”

  “Excuse me,” I said to Mr. Applegate over my shoulder.

  “I’m so glad you’re here. Maybe you can convince Mom to adopt one of the cats.”

  She introduced me to a great number of people, including the mayor and his wife, who I had already met. Some of the guests grasped their drinks to avoid shaking hands with me. A few were cordially polite, almost making me feel comfortable.

  Mostly, all the guests greeted me with wide eyes, bogus smiles, and forced politeness. I suppressed the urge to inject sarcasm into my responses to them. It wouldn’t be fair to Lottie, who was making the introductions. Also, as ridiculous as it may seem, there was a tiny part of me that didn’t want to embarrass or disappoint Caleb.

  “There are Andrew and Jessica.” Lottie cupped her mouth and said, “Jessica won’t be happy that you’re here. I think she has a crush on Cal. Just ignore her.”

  “Hey, Luna,” Andrew said with a grin.

  Jessica puffed and asked with a snarl, “Business or pleasure?”

  “A date,” I responded.

  “She’s Caleb’s girlfriend,” Lottie said with a genuine smile.

  Jessica glared at me as if I had just ripped her Coach handbag.

  “Girlfriend, huh?” Andrew asked. “When did that happen?”

  “It hasn’t been very long,” I replied. For Lottie’s benefit, I bit my tongue and again refrained from making a sarcastic remark.

  I was starting to worry about Caleb. My stomach did weird little flips. I was certain that his father was scolding him because of my presence.

  “Lottie, where’s the bathroom?”

  “By the staircase, there’s a door on the right.” She pointed in the general direction.

  I marched toward the foyer, but at the last minute, I turned in the direction Caleb and his father had disappeared.

  Two raised voices guided my steps. I put my hand on the door to push it open, but the mention of my name halted me.

  “Luna isn’t like that.”

  “She sells drugs, for God’s sake.”

  “Oh, sit on your high horse and judge her, Your Excellence.”

  “Damn right I’ll judge her. I mean, just look at her. She dresses like a slut and reeks of drugs. How dare you bring her to my house?”

  “I’ve brought worse home,” he said with a cold tone that I didn’t recognize.

  “So that’s what this is about huh? Getting back at me for…” Mr. Cahan didn’t finish the sentence.

  “For fucking Gwen. Go ahead and say it, Dad. Just say it.”

  Caleb’s words throttled me and pierced through my skin like barbed wire. A tight fist squeezed my heart and stopped its beat. The fake smiles, the warm embraces, the stares, the opulent luxury surrounding me started to tumble and close in, suffocating me. The huge house became too small, and I couldn’t breathe.

  For fuck’s sake, the last thing I needed was to add claustrophobia to my mortifying list of screwups.

  NEGLECTING TO RETRIEVE my jacket, I pushed the oak door open and stormed out of the house. A cold breeze bit my warm cheeks. Tears burned on the back of my eyes, but I ground my teeth and made them stop.

  A desire to chastise myself swept over me, but I wouldn’t add insult to the injury. Caleb used me as a pawn in his vendetta against his father. Plain and simple.

  When I reached the gate, I bit my lip. “How the hell am I gonna open it?” With trembling fingers, I pressed random buttons on a small box and a male voice filtered through a speaker. “May I help you?”

  “Yes. Open the gate, I need to get out,” I responded to the interphone.

  “Of course and you’re…” He trailed off, waiting for a response.

  “Luna,” I informed him. “I’m Caleb’s friend. From school,” I added solicitously, anxious for him to open the damn gate.

  A soft buzz told me the side gate was unlocked. I pushed it open and wandered idly down the road. It would be a long walk.

  I no longer could contain the bitter tears welling in my eyes. They fell silently down my face, wetting my cheeks with grief.

  I strolled down the quiet streets, my shoulders hunched bracing against the arctic wind swirling the dead leaves surrounding me. Autumn had arrived and was already making its exit with winter replacing it.

  It could have only been minutes, but I wandered for what seemed like hours, days, weeks… centuries. My heart was numb and hurting at the same time. How was that even possible? Then a car screeched to a stop in front of me, narrowly missing me. I glanced up. It was a blue Audi.

  The door cracked open, and an angry Caleb climbed out. “What the hell, Luna?”

  I tried to sidestep him. His hand clasped my arm.

  “Don’t touch me,” I hissed.

  He released my arm and raised both hands. “Wait, you’re crying. What happened? Did someone do something to you?” His eyes were questioning, his face crumpled with emotion.

  I wiped my face and commanded my tear ducts to quit humiliating me further.

  “I heard your conversation with your father,” I said, trying to bypass him again.

  He grabbed my arm again. “Luna, what did you hear, exactly?”

  I jerked my arm free. “Do you really want to make me repeat it?”

  I tried to sidestep him again. Tears were threatening to make a reappearance.

  Caleb stepped in front of me.

  I planted both hands on his chest and pushed him. It was like trying to move a boulder. “Let me go, you asshole.”

  He grabbed my hands and locked them behind my back. “You’re not going anywhere until we talk.”

  I thrashed, kicked, and screamed. I even tried to bite him. Using his massive build to his advantage, he gathered me in his arms as if I were a ragdoll. He pressed me against the cold surface of his blue car, his body imprisoning me. “Luna, please. Calm down.” His voice was gentle.

  The tears I was working so hard to keep at bay streamed down my face. It was like a deluge.

  “Please don’t cry.” He lowered his head to meet my eyes.

  Sobs erupted. I didn’t think I could ever forgive myself for such a show.

  “God, love. Don’t cry.” His hold on me softened. He raised his hands and cupped my face. His thumbs vainly wiping my tears.

  “You used me…” My voice trailed off. I buried my face in his chest. His pine scent wrapped around me, doing nothing to help.

  “Get in the car. Let’s go somewhere private where we can talk.”

  I glanced up and saw a couple standing on their front porch watching the free entertainment with scornful eyes. I flipped my middle finger at them and allowed Caleb to guide me to the car.

  We rode in s
ilence. Mercifully, the tears ceased to make their stupid appearance.

  Caleb drove to Gold Sand Park. He parked facing the water. It was dark and the moon, yellow and huge, was rising beyond the water.

  I glanced at Caleb. His hands were still holding the steering wheel, his knuckles white.

  “I’m going to assume you didn’t hear my entire conversation with Dad.”

  With my back stiff as a board, I remained silent. My face remained straight, and my eyes fixed on the vast expanse of the sea. I couldn’t look at him.

  “I don’t remember when I met Gwen. She was always there. Teasing, taunting. We grew up together. Her brother was my best friend.” He paused as if the memories pained him. “I had a huge crush on her. I mean, she was every guy’s wet dream.

  “I was a typical suburban teen, except I had an unhealthy level of self-esteem. In other words, I was egocentric, spoiled, and arrogant.

  “Then, I went to high school, which only intensified that self-centered notion. In freshmen year, I developed fast, becoming very tall for my age. My body filled in and gave me a build most seniors would kill for. I became the football quarterback and all that crap. My high school career would end with my pictures and trophies rubbing shoulders with Dad’s and Grandpa’s on the shelf of fame displayed in the halls of the school. The year was ending when Gwen took interest in me. I couldn’t believe my luck. She was a fucking senior. Taking her to prom was the highlight of my life. I was the most talked-about guy on campus. I had scored Gwen. She was the envy of all girls and the desire of all the football team. Hell, the entire school revered her. Other girls wanted to be her, and all the guys wanted to fuck her. Yet, there she was dating me.

  “I asked her once, why me. She flipped her platinum hair back and with laughter, said, ‘It’s endearing to break social rules.’ You would think that should have raised a red flag, but I was so infatuated that all I could think was how damn lucky I was.

  “We were together for a year. She was at college then. Imagine a sophomore dating a college girl. That promoted my popularity status to living legend level. I could have any girl in school, but I was faithful to Gwen. I mean, she was incredible. The sex was beyond the fantasies any teenage boy has. Gwen was very experienced.