Fractured

by Leanne Pearson

  Fast forward to the last few years: Mindless hook-ups, drunken one-night stands? Yeah...can’t see myself doing that anymore. They leave me feeling empty. I’d take what I have with Kate over that any day. I wish I could hold her in my arms, tell her how I’m feeling.

  ~ 9:00 a.m. ~

  God, she’s beautiful, intoxicating. I feel almost drugged by this woman’s scent alone. Everything about her calls to me, and fills me with an overwhelming need to be touching her as I was last night. I’ve got the taste of her sweet mouth branded into my mind. We’ve just driven up to Jack’s Pass, arrived at the Department of Conservation public park, which signals the start of a few hiking trails, and were now checking our gear for the day hike ahead of us.

  “You okay, Dom?”

  “Yeah darlin’. Why?”

  “I don’t know, you…just seem usually quiet this morning.”

  I shake my head, forcing a smile. “I’m never chatty in the mornin’, sweetheart. Side effect of my lonely existence.”

  Now why the fuck did I just say that? Jesus.

  Kate nervously tucks some hair behind her ear. I know what question will follow. Talked myself straight into this one. With both feet in my mouth.

  “So you’ve never, uh...been in a serious relationship before?”

  Shit. Totally screwed now. And not a topic I wanna discuss with her.

  “I haven’t done serious for years, darlin’. Not a hearts-and-flowers kinda guy,” I answer, skirting the edges of the truth.

  She chews on her lower lip. Something I’ve noticed she does when nervous.

  “Don’t sell yourself short, Dom. You’ve bought me flowers, so there’s that element, and you’ve shown me a very gentle and protective side to your nature. Your heart.”

  She’s moved closer to me, so we are almost touching. Looking down into her trusting green eyes, my heart soars on hearing her words.

  “That’s because —” I stop myself. Three little words swim around in my head, bubble up in my throat. I bite them back.

  Woah. Back up here a bit…way too early to be thinking, let alone saying that kinda shit.

  Then the realisation hits me. Without even knowing, somewhere along the line, I’d jumped a step here, and am way past the serious mark. I have crossed the finish line. I am in love with her.

  I can’t tell her this. Not yet. Not anytime soon. I recover quickly, pulling her into my side.

  “Well, maybe you’re right. You are the first woman I’ve bought flowers for,” I answer honestly.

  “See, you are a softie under all that hard exterior.” She beams up at me, her arm around my waist, blushing as her eyes drift over my chest.

  I grin and kiss her on the forehead.

  Fucking hearts ‘n’ flowers.

  * * *

  Walking back towards me from the information board, I take in Kate’s appearance. She’s wearing a fitted blue T-shirt and brown hiking pants, which draw attention to her shapely thighs and tight ass. I can make out the shape of her legs, and I’m looking forward to seeing their naked form on display more often as the height of summer approaches. She’s removed her jacket, and the shirt she’s wearing has wording across the front, but trying to drag my eyes off the outline of her rack to read the words is proving really difficult. Her hiking boots don’t look durable enough to hike any significant distance. “Uh, Kate darlin’, do you have another pair of boots to wear?”

  She looks up, blowing a strand of hair out of her face.

  “Why, what’s wrong with these? They’ve got good grip.”

  “They waterproof, darlin’?”

  “I think so. The weather looks settled though, so my shoes should be good for a day hike.”

  Looking across at the horizon, where a few clouds are building in the distance, I’m far from convinced that the weather won’t swing; it’s extremely inclement in these parts. But if she has no other suitable shoes, I don’t want her to miss out on the trail she’s been so eager to walk.

  “Yeah, they should be fine, sweetheart,” I reply, tucking a bang of hair behind her ear. I hear her breath catch at the contact with my skin. I love that she reacts this way to my touch.

  She’s zoned out, staring at my mouth like it’s her favourite ice cream she’s about to lick.

  “So how deep do you want to go in?” she whispers softly. As the words leave her pretty mouth, their double entendre registers in her mind and she blushes. Adorably.

  “Through the forest that is.” She gestures to the tree line in the far distance.

  “Well that depends on whether you’re just wantin’ to go for a short stroll, or feel up to more of a challenge?”

  “Damn straight I’m up for a challenge, Mr Dell’Antonio. Lead the way,” she drawls in a near-to-perfect southern-belle accent, batting her eyelids at me flirtatiously.

  I smile. Yeah, totally adorable.

  “Okay. You’re pretty fit, so why don’t we have a crack at the The Mt. Isobel track and see how far we get? I’m told the views from the top are spectacular. If the gradient is too steep, we can turn around at any time. You game?”

  “Yeah. Let’s do it.” She smiles over at me.

  I’m putty in her hands. In that frigging deep.

  I figure that a relatively strenuous hike can be a precursor to an afternoon soaking at the local thermal pools, hopefully with a lot less clothing concealing her mighty fine body. After we checked our snack supply and hydration bladders for the hike ahead, backpacks on, we head off. Winding our way through a larch plantation, the landscape soon changes before us as we find ourselves trekking through native scrubland.

  Ten minutes into the trail, I look across at her face in profile as she guzzles water from her hydration tube. I can’t look away, my gaze dropping to the elegant line of her neck as she swallows.

  Yeah, I’m a goner. Right now what I crave more than any drug I’ve ever experimented with, is to be buried between those two shapely thighs. I’m a guy after all, but I’ll be a man true to my word. It would be all kinds of wrong to even attempt to go there now. My head knows that, but parts of my anatomy have other ideas.

  Climbing higher and higher, we stop to watch a few falcon flying high above us, majestically gliding on the up drafts, their laser-sharp vision scoping the landscape for any unsuspecting prey.

  Two hours into our walk, we have just hit the ridge line when a south-easterly suddenly blows in, and ominous clouds start skirting across the sky above us.

  Shit.

  We have a long trek back, and still a fair amount of ground to cover before we reach the summit.

  I have to make a quick decision; dark clouds are building and I am not familiar with the terrain.

  “We need to turn back, sweetheart. There’s a storm brewin’.”

  Disappointment immediately clouds her features. “Just a few clouds, Dom, surely we can press on and make the summit. It’s not much farther. We’ll turn around as soon as we’ve reached the top. Please.” She pouts prettily.

  I sigh. This goes against my better judgement.

  “If we don’t reach the summit within the next five minutes, we turn back. We’re too exposed up here. Agreed?”

  We are already wearing our thermal layers, but my guess is that the heavens will open shortly. It’s imperative we keep our torso’s dry and warm. I drop my pack onto the ground to extricate the two rain jackets that I’d packed. I pass one to Kate. “Put this on, just in case.”

  Dead on five minutes later, bad weather close on our heels, we scramble up to the summit. The view from the top is well worth the two-hour trek it took to climb. Hanmer stretches out below us. Snow still lies in patches across the rugged terrain, adding its chill to the rapidly plummeting temperature. I rush Kate through taking a few quick photos as a few drops of rain start splattering onto our rain jackets.

  Checking that Kate has zipped up her jacket fully and adjusted the baffles, we begin our descent, leaning into an icy wind that cuts into our exposed skin making our e
yes blurry and causing them to sting. We stumble over some loose scree on the way down, retreating as hastily as we can while the weather continues to deteriorate around us. A clap of thunder rumbles in the distance and Kate’s eyes widen with fear.

  Fuck, I knew it was a bad idea to have pressed on.

  I have to get her down to less exposed ground as soon as possible. The wind chill factor will fast become a problem for us. Fortunately the Gore-Tex rain jackets are providing a wind barrier to our torso areas, making hypothermia less of a risk. With the roiling, inky black clouds above throwing all they have at us, the rain soon turns to ice. Kate is now visibly shivering. I have to find shelter for her ASAP.

  Scrambling to recall the details of a DOC area map I’d looked over last night, I decide at this point to take an alternative shorter, albeit steeper, route down which will provide us with temporary respite from the worsening conditions in the form of a look-out shelter.

  “We’ll take a shorter route down, but it’s gonna be slippery and steep. Don’t let go of me, okay?” I shout above the wind and lashing rain, while gripping Kate’s hand in mine.

  I guide her through some dangerously uneven ground, as we skid and slip our way down the mountainside. Relief floods me as the shelter comes into view through the driving sheets of rain. Reaching the shelter, other than our protected torsos, we are both saturated. I brace my back to the exposed side of the small shelter, providing her with a windbreak to remove the wet clothing that is plastered to her skin. With every thunderclap above us, she flinches. After peeling off her wet pants, she pulls on a pair of track pants I’d given her to wear.

  I quickly rid myself of my wet clothing and shake the water out of my hair.

  “I’m so thankful I’m here with you, Dom. Thank you for getting us here safely.”

  “Don’t thank me, darlin’, if I’d insisted we turn back earlier, we’d be sippin’ hot chocolates right now, not freezing our asses off up here still.”

  “No, it’s my fault, Dom. I should have listened to you when you first wanted to head back. Anyway, hopefully this storm will pass soon.”

  She has changed into a dry thermal T-shirt, when a look of horror suddenly sweeps over her face, her hand flattened against her neck. Tears fill her eyes immediately.

  “Oh God, no. It’s gone. The chain with Daniel’s ring.” Her voice has a frantic edge to it.

  Shit. I know what this means to her, and knowing what she means to me makes this that much harder to deal with.

  She was wearing the chain when we started up the trail, I saw her absent-mindedly running her fingers over the ring as she oftentimes does.

  I pull her to me, holding her as close as I can without being rough. She’s a wreck. Her petite body shivers violently from the cold, and most likely shock from the adrenaline let-down. And the state she is working herself up into over this ring…each raw sob that bursts from her tiny frame pummels into me. I’m afraid to loosen my hold on her, as though the vice of my arms can prevent her from shattering into a million pieces.

  All I’ve wanted to do since I met her is to smother the life out of her heartache, to reach into her soul and rip out that pain she carries with her every day, every fucking second.

  “Shh, baby, calm down. I’ll find it. I promise. Once this storm passes and I’ve got you to safety, I’ll head back up,” I whisper into her wet hair.

  I hope to God this is a promise I can fulfil, but I’ve got to do something. This is gutting her.

  “N-no, Dom. I don’t want you out in this weather, even if it c-clears temporarily,” she begs through stuttering breaths. She grips my face with two icy-cold hands, her blood-shot eyes imploring.

  “You promise me, Dom. You’ll s-stay put. No heroics. As much as that ring means to me, you alive and safe means m-more.”

  Stilted hiccups catch on her words as their implication slams into me.

  God, that statement is significant. That ring means the world to her.

  “I promise to always have your best interests at heart, sweetheart.”

  I peel off my jacket and drape it around her shoulders, then sit us down against the dry side of the shelter, placing her tiny body on my lap. As we wait out the weather in relative silence, I rub Kate’s back soothingly, as her sniffling subsides.

  My knee had started throbbing on the trail down. In the blast that killed most of my unit, a fair sized piece of shrapnel had lodged itself in the tendons surrounding the kneecap. Extremely cold weather and excessive exercise causes niggling pain from time to time. The pain in my leg doesn’t come close to the ache I feel in my heart though, as I helplessly listen to the woman I have fallen for, heartbroken over a missing token belonging to a dead man she still loves.

  As a Marine, I can operate powerful weaponry with ease, I’m a skilled marksman capable of hitting a moving target with pinpoint accuracy, yet faced with Kate falling apart in my arms, I feel fucking powerless to do anything to ease her sorrow. Her pain whispers to my very soul, merges with it like an invisible cord, binding us together, so that I not only hear her anguish, but feel it slice into my heart like it were my own. I understand her connection to Daniel, but it’s just fucking brutal to deal with her coming apart at the seams over a ring that symbolised her life with him.

  It’s been months since her last major meltdown when she spent the night with me. After last night, when we shared out first kiss, I had hoped this meant she was healing and had started accepting Daniel’s death. That we are making some real progress. Now, I’m not so sure.

  I have to wonder if she will ever be capable of moving on with me while a part of her heart will always belong to him. She needs to accept his death for this to happen.

  Going forward, where does this leave us?

  If I have to admit, I’m jealous of the connection she has with Chase, Travis, and the guys. They all give her something I cannot. Memories of a shared past. In a way, I’m jealous that Daniel got to be her first lover. I wish all her firsts had been shared with me.

  Jealous of dead man. Yeah, pure asshole. Admitted.

  I guess I probably shouldn’t feel this way though. Through a cruel twist in life, our paths crossed and brought us together, and she’s finally let me in.

  Her scratchy voice breaks into my thoughts.

  “Ironically, it’s thunderstorms like this that I miss about Africa the most. Electric storms that light up the night sky, where you can almost smell the storm approaching, feel the static charge in the air just before it hits,” Kate says nostalgically, her voice gravelly from all the crying.

  Squeezing her tighter, I kiss her damp hair and tuck that sliver of information away for revisiting later. A future trip to Africa will definitely be on the cards.

  “Any snack bars in your pack still, darlin’?”

  “I think there’s one left,” she answers, shifting on my lap to reach her daypack.

  I pull her back against my chest gently. “I’ll look for it. Sit tight.”

  She relaxes against me as I rifle through her pack. Fumbling around the bottom of it, something snags my finger. Pressing my fingers together, I can feel small metal links of a chain. Shifting my hand a little farther, my fingers find the cool metal of a ring tangled in the damp clothing.

  Thank God.

  “Sweetheart, face me please.”

  She tilts her head to one side, frowning.

  “Why?” she inquires, but is already moving. Her thighs brace mine. A gust of wind whips her hair around, while the sky behind her lights up, creating a halo of light and dark.

  Beautiful.

  “Close your eyes, darlin’.”

  “It’s just a snack bar, Dom, no need for all this build up,” she says through a very weak smile, her green eyes, dull. I hate seeing her like this.

  “Just trust me. Close your eyes. No peekin’.”

  She obeys, a frown tugging her brows together. I quickly slip the ring back onto the chain and clasp it around her neck, lifting her hair away. Eyes still squ
eezed shut she instantly registers the feel of metal against her skin. Her eyes fly open, trembling hands up at her mouth immediately. Relief floods her features, and her eyes swim with emotion.

  “Oh God. You found it. W-where?”

  I couldn’t help the splitting grin that stretches across my face.

  “It was in your daypack, sweetheart. Must’ve dropped off while you were digging through your pack somewhere along the trail.”

  Next thing I know, her lips crash into mine. She leads the kiss, dominating my mouth as her sweet tongue seeks mine out.

  It’s hard to know whether to be happy that she’s kissing me like this. Is it me she wants? Her responses to me kissing her last night screamed “hell, yeah”, and the text messages that followed reinforced that. But based on the epic meltdown she’s just had, I realise just how far she has to go still. I’ll take what I can get, but I’m not sure what to think here.

  While the storm above us rages on for at least another hour, we spend the time huddled together making out, and between kisses, learning more about one another. Amongst other things, I find out that Kate hates gherkins, played hockey for Canterbury University, and has a paralysing fear of flying. When she asks me if I miss home, I share a little about my childhood; my two siblings, and growing up in Berkeley Springs, West Virginia, where my folks still have a ranch. Fortunately our conversation doesn’t venture into Afghan territory, or I’d have to have locked it down.

  ~ Kate ~

  The following afternoon, Sarah and I are indulging in a heavenly soaking at Hanmer Springs Thermal Pools. Chase, Dom, Sarah and I have spent the day here, unwinding, and soaking up the sights and sounds of nature while the other boys went out to seek some hair-raising activities that offered them more of an adrenaline rush, and gives Travis the perfect excuse for not having to be anywhere near Dominic and me.