The Ebb Tide

by Beverly Lewis

  “Are you all right, Sallie?” He reached over and gently clasped her hand.

  She nodded silently, trying her best to gather her wits. “I think I could really grow in my faith in this type of church,” she said, trying to ignore the thrill of his touch. It was ever so difficult to keep her mind on spiritual things while Kevin stroked the back of her hand. I’m not thinking straight.

  “That’s something only you can know,” Kevin said. “The Lord will guide you, I’m sure of it.”

  She felt the lump in her throat again, and when Kevin removed his hand from hers, she drew a long and trembling breath.

  Along with everything she’d gleaned today, she realized that Frannie was all too right. I’ve fallen for Kevin.

  39

  Sallie changed into one of her everyday Amish dresses and even put on her full black apron before going to talk with Monique Logan and politely bowing out of Sunday lunch with them. She apologized for the sudden change of plans, yet Monique was ever so kind and even suggested Sallie might need some time alone. And Sallie agreed, heading over to the beach for a walk.

  She recalled the Sunday school teacher that morning sharing the many kinds of barriers to following the right path—finances, expectations, family, time, energy, and self-doubt.

  “What if the right path seems very much like the wrong one?” the teacher had stated, stirring Sallie’s heart.

  The breakers lapped against the shoreline, waves calm as Sallie carried her sandals, wandering through the incoming tide. Her floppy sun hat was the perfect topper to shield her face from prying eyes.

  The ocean breezes brushed softly against her, and she wished Kevin were walking by her side. Yet allowing him to pursue her would only lead to disappointing her parents . . . the rest of her family, too. She imagined her mother’s grieved face, and a settled sadness took over as she realized she must keep her promise to join church, putting aside the Sunday school lesson and sermon, tempting though their promises were. She couldn’t pretend any longer . . . not with Kevin. It was terribly unfair to him. Besides, her friendship had grown into something dangerous . . . something that had the power to make her think of backing away from the Amish community.

  It’s better that my heart is broken than Mamm’s, she thought resolutely.

  Sallie picked up a sandwich at one of the food stands and, after a good long walk, ambled to the cottage. She had just finished showering off and dressing when she decided to answer Perry’s most recent letter, though she wondered if she could sound as upbeat and happy as in previous correspondence. Still, it was the right thing to do. Wasn’t it?

  Sallie tried to picture what her life might be like if she consented to court and, someday, possibly marry Perry. Even if being with him didn’t make her heart race, wasn’t it good to share life with someone who was kind, someone in keeping with her family’s hopes for her? I should at least give him a chance. . . .

  ———

  It was midafternoon when the phone rang, and Kevin’s phone number popped up on the ID. Sallie took a steadying breath before answering. “Hullo?”

  “Hi, Sallie. I just wanted to say again how great it was to have you with me in church today,” Kevin said.

  She walked to the window, then admitted, “It was eye-opening in many ways.” Her voice sounded rather discouraged, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it. She remembered how jealous she’d felt seeing Kevin with his cousin, mistaking her for a girlfriend. I’ve definitely crossed a line.

  “Is something wrong?” he asked.

  She offered a silent prayer for strength. “I wish I could say that all is well, but honestly, it just seems like we’ve been foolin’ ourselves. Or at least I have.”

  A prolonged stillness was his only reply.

  “I daresay we’ve moved beyond bein’ friends,” she said.

  Kevin heaved a sigh. “I’ve never known a girl like you, Sallie. You see life in a pure and unaffected way . . . and I love that about you.”

  Her head was spinning. “We’re from two different worlds,” she gently reminded him. “You’re returning to college, and I’m goin’ back to farm life. Besides, there’s no place for a relationship like ours in the world I’m from.”

  “So you’re going to go ahead and join the Amish church?” Was it her imagination, or was there a note of disbelief in his voice?

  “That’s always been my plan.”

  “Even after your time here?”

  She didn’t dare speak of her private struggles. Her heart was breaking even now as they talked around the issues. “I’m not right for ya, Kevin. We both know it.”

  “I think your heart is at odds with your plans, Sallie. Don’t you agree?”

  She hesitated. It would be impossible to go ahead with what she must do if she allowed her feelings to take over. She’d known all along that a relationship with someone like Kevin was forbidden, even if just a summertime fling . . . and this was so much more than that.

  “Have you considered that maybe you belong in this world . . . the one that gives you such joy? God may be leading you to—”

  “Please, Kevin, don’t call me again.” Even to herself, she sounded unconvincing, her voice too soft, cracking.

  “You’re smart and curious . . . so open to nature and to new things.”

  No one had ever understood her like Kevin, yet this was one door she could not keep open.

  “Let’s talk more about this, Sallie, face-to-face.”

  The memory of his hand caressing hers so tenderly threatened her resolve. “I’m sorry, Kevin. I really am. Good-bye.” She hung up, refusing to stare at the receiver, the link between them broken.

  ———

  Sallie tried to read—anything at all—but shortly gave up.

  Instead, she put on her bathing suit and donned her cover-up to walk to the pool. Glad none of the family was around, she slipped into the water and began to swim one lap after another as fast as she could.

  All the while, she prayed for divine comfort, pleading with God for help. Dear Father in heaven, I’m all torn apart. You know I want to do the right thing. Isn’t closing the door on this relationship doing that? Please, carry me through this heartache.

  Sallie was delighted to receive a call from Mamm on Monday night, letting her know that little Aaron’s laser procedure was a success. “His valve is workin’ great, and the doctors are expecting a normal recovery. It helps that he’s so young.” Mamm sounded more lighthearted to Sallie than she had in some time, and Sallie was thankful for this most wonderful news.

  “Be sure and tell Aaron he’s in my prayers—Vernon and Barbie Ann, too,” Sallie said. “It’ll be so gut to see him healthy again.”

  “Best place to be, surrounded by prayer,” Mamm agreed. “Don’t forget that we’re praying for you, too.”

  Mamm mentioned Frannie’s visit and what a good time she’d had, touching on some of the highlights in Cape May. And when it came time for Mamm to say good-bye, Sallie was honestly relieved that Frannie had kept her confidence and not said anything about the fancy clothes she’d seen in Sallie’s closet . . . or more about Kevin Kreider.

  Sallie spent the rest of the week helping Autumn make crafts with seashells that they and Rhiannon had collected from the beach. Sallie and the girls also spent time playing with another neighbors’ cat, Tammie, which repeatedly showed up at the Logans’, tickling Autumn to no end. “She loves us, Miss Sallie!”

  Another letter arrived from Perry, yet Sallie didn’t feel up to opening it. Instead, she focused her energies on Autumn, doing everything within her power to erase the memories of what she’d had, or thought she’d had, with Kevin.

  Nine days had come and gone when, after breakfast, Monique asked Sallie if she’d heard about the big craft fair coming up that Saturday. “It’s an annual event. Would you like to go?”

  “Love to.”

  Autumn was playing a math game on her mother’s laptop at the kitchen island. “I’ll go if you come
along, Mommy.”

  “That’s a great idea,” Sallie said, going over to watch Autumn’s progress. “I could stay home with Connor.”

  “No, I mean both you and Mommy go,” Autumn said. “Daddy could watch Connor.”

  “Or maybe he’ll come along, too,” Monique said, then wrinkled her nose. “Although he might not want to.”

  Sallie laughed as she pulled out a stool and sat down. “I can assure you that the menfolk back home would steer clear of any craft fairs. Well, unless food was involved.”

  Autumn seemed to like that it would be just “the girls,” and after closing down her game, marked the date, August second, on the kitchen calendar.

  With that, Sallie realized there was only a week and a half left in Cape May.

  “I’ll text Daddy right now.” Monique pulled out her phone and wandered into the living area.

  “What do you think—is today another beach day for us?” Sallie asked, hoping so.

  “Or we could go shopping, like that other time,” Autumn said.

  Shaking her head, Sallie quickly replied no.

  “Then let’s take the boogie boards again!” Autumn raced off to her room to change.

  Sallie went back to the cottage to change, too, realizing she had no desire to purchase more fancy clothing, or even new sandals or shoes. No matter what, I’m still old-fashioned, she thought. And it was both a relief and a regret.

  The waves were choppy enough that most swimmers were staying close to shore, so Sallie proposed she and Autumn build a sand castle for a while instead.

  Autumn eagerly agreed, wanting to make a mermaid out of wet sand, and together, they set to work. “We’ll need some seaweed or long grasses for her hair.”

  Sallie agreed. “You’re right, but let’s stay out of the ocean till the water calms.”

  Autumn seemed to enjoy shaping and changing things to her liking. It was clear that Sallie was just along as the companion, not the authority on sand sculpting.

  When the mermaid was finished, Autumn took a long look at her. “We need some pretty shells for her to hold,” she said, then ran off down the beach.

  Sallie’s gaze followed but diverted toward the lifeguard stand, where a blond guy kept his whistle poised at his lips as he held a pair of binoculars. Rough waves, indeed, Sallie thought, hoping there were enough lifeguards on duty what with so many out in the water.

  Pouring some lemonade from the thermos she’d brought, Sallie kept an eye on Autumn, who, in just a few minutes, waved to her and ran back.

  “I found matching shells. Yippee!”

  Autumn looked as if she’d grown at least an inch since they’d first arrived in Cape May. Amazing, thought Sallie, recalling how Amish mothers declared up and down that their youngsters grew doubly fast in summer.

  “Watch me push the shells into Miss Mermaid’s hands like this,” Autumn said, beaming. Then, stepping back, she inspected her creation once more, tilting her head this way and that. “Ooh, she looks so pretty.” Autumn covered her mouth for a moment. “But she seems a little sad.”

  “Why would that be?” Sallie sensed Autumn was talking now about more than the mermaid.

  “I just know it.” Autumn pulled on her ponytail, her mouth curved downward. She sniffled and bowed her head.

  “Are you all right, sweetie?”

  Autumn shook her head quickly, her head still down. She wiped her nose on the back of her hand.

  “What is it?”

  Ever so slowly, she lifted her eyes to Sallie, tears filling her eyes. She seemed to be pondering something important. At last, Autumn gave a sigh. “You don’t know it, but Mommy got real sick before my brother was born. The doctor said she had to stay in bed, and it was for a long time.” Autumn’s small shoulders rose and fell. “I didn’t know what was happening to her. It was scary.”

  Sallie cringed inwardly.

  “Mommy’s still not like she used to be,” Autumn murmured softly. “I think taking care of Connor can be too hard on her sometimes . . . and I don’t know what will happen when we go back to Philly.” Her eyes were earnest as she looked up at Sallie, tears trailing down her cheeks.

  “Come here.” Sallie opened her arms, and Autumn fell right in. “You’re all going to be fine, sweetie. Just you wait and see.”

  40

  Sallie’s heart ached with concern for Autumn, and as they sat beneath the umbrella and ate their sandwiches, she tried to assure Autumn that it wasn’t Connor’s fault that Monique had suffered so. “Lots of women expecting babies are put on bed rest. In fact, my own Mamm had to stay in bed for weeks before Frannie was born.”

  “She did?”

  “From what I learned later, she had high blood pressure.” Sallie was surprised neither Len nor Monique had kept Autumn more informed, even though she had been only eight at the time.

  “Mommy kept a diary before Connor was born.” Autumn mentioned that a pastor’s wife had suggested it, though she didn’t know why. “Mommy went to the spa sometimes, too.”

  “Well, those sorts of things were gut ways to help her relax.”

  Autumn glanced toward the sky. “But why is she still too busy for me most of the time?”

  Sallie explained that having babies takes up lots of energy. “And Connor’s only three months old, so your mom’s still getting back on her feet.”

  “Some days it doesn’t seem like it will ever get any better.”

  “But remember how weary she was when we first came here? I think your mother has progressed a lot. And Connor hardly ever has colic, not compared to before.”

  Autumn nodded slowly, then shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “Keep prayin’ for her. And for Connor, too, all right?”

  Sighing absently, Autumn said she would, then glanced out toward the sea. “The waves are much smaller now.”

  Sallie gathered up their lunch refuse and stuffed it into a plastic bag. “Are you ready to go boogie boardin’?”

  “If you are!”

  Sallie felt relieved that they had at least broached the topic of Connor. We’re getting somewhere, she thought, hoping so. But it was clear that Autumn still struggled with how having a little brother affected her mother . . . and her.

  They took out their boards and each slipped a wrist through the security strap. Sallie reviewed a few instructions, and they were off.

  When they were in several feet of water, they got onto the boards, distributing their weight evenly, their hands stretched out to paddle. Both kicked forward toward the nearest waves, eager to catch one just as it was breaking, following the white line of foam, merging with it, laughing as they went.

  After each wave, they floated near each other; then Autumn used her hands and feet to paddle a bit farther out, waiting for another wave, Sallie following close behind. She was thankful for this relaxing day after the recent challenges. Try though she might, she doubted she’d ever forget her extraordinary friendship with Kevin.

  The happiest time of my life, she thought wistfully.

  Sallie watched with Autumn for the next low wave. Another one rolled toward her, gaining strength as it came their way, but Autumn laughed and called to her, clearly having a grand time.

  Suddenly, Sallie felt a quick, hard tug on her board, and for a moment, she thought someone was pulling on it from below the water. Startled, she glanced down, and with a whoosh, she was knocked over.

  Holding her breath, she swam up for air, breaking through the water’s surface and looking around for Autumn as another swell of churning water rumbled over her. She clutched her board, struggling to get back on. “Autumn!” she shouted.

  Refusing the panic that threatened to seize her, she managed to slide back onto the board. “Autumn!”

  Then, in the near distance, she saw her, thrashing in the waves as she was being swept out to sea.

  “Autumn!”

  “Help me!” the little girl screamed back.

  She’s caught in a rip current, Sallie realized, co
ntinuing to paddle her way toward her charge with minimal success.

  All around her, there was an awareness of danger as boarders and swimmers bumped frantically into one another.

  The lifeguard whistles began to sound—welcome shrills. They had noticed at last.

  “Sallie!” Autumn cried. “It’s pulling me out!”

  Oh, dear Lord in heaven, help her! Help Autumn! Sallie paddled all the harder. Hear and answer my prayers, O God, she pleaded, beseeching the Almighty.

  “I’m comin’, Autumn—paddle parallel to the shore. Stay on your board, sweetie!”

  And if you fall off, hang on and float!

  Yet panic had overtaken Autumn . . . the terror evident in her voice. “It’s pulling me away!”

  “I’m comin’,” Sallie repeated, trying not to think that there might possibly be sharks beneath these dark waters. She forced herself to think instead of dolphins and seals, but what else swam just beneath her board . . . and Autumn’s?

  Stay calm.

  But the shoreline was far away now. And the water . . . how deep?

  Then, thinking quickly, Sallie did something risky: She moved into the rip current, which had the effect of speeding her forward like an arrow toward Autumn.

  Just then, as if things couldn’t get any worse, Autumn slid off her board, tumbling below the surface.

  Nee! Sallie moved swiftly through the water toward the empty board, begging God for Autumn to surface. Come up and breathe. . . . Oh, Lord God, let me reach her in time.

  Releasing her grip, Sallie slid off her own board and bobbed beneath the ocean’s surface, eyes wide open as she searched, holding her breath for longer than she’d ever dreamed possible. And just when she thought she must have dived too soon, there was Autumn, kicking hard with her feet, heading to the surface.

  They came up together, exhaling, air spraying from their mouths. Sallie clutched Autumn with a viselike grip, and Autumn, bless her heart, did the same to her, sputtering and crying.

  “I’ve got ya. You’re safe,” Sallie said, repositioning their boards beside them. “We’ll do this together.”