I could feel my sorrow turn to rage and that rage reach its boiling point when my mother made it to the front of the funeral home right beside me and began talking to one of the visitors on the first pew, like she was at a graduation or some shit.
“Oh, hey Clara. I been good girl, considering all that’s going on. If it wasn’t for my fiancée Lee, I don’t know where I would be. It’s just been one tragedy after the next. I don’t know how much more I can take, to be honest,” my mama said with her fake, dramatic ass, putting on another Scarlett O’Hara, Oscar worthy performance.
Too bad most of the people in my family and those close to it were beginning to see through her bullshit though. Just like us, everyone was slowly seeing my mother for the selfish, self-centered, sadistic, vile person she really was. Ms. Carla, one of my mother’s childhood friends, could see that my mother didn’t really care about anything but herself because even at her grandson’s funeral, she made it about her. I was glad Ms. Carla was there to speak up on it too because just as I turned to beat the hell out of my mother in front of everyone, Ms. Carla spoke up, and called Denise on her shit.
“Well, I’m glad you’re doing okay Denise but I’m more concerned about how your daughter is doing, as you should be. I been wanting to say this for a long time, but I didn’t want to say it here, yet you leave me no choice. Why you so fucking selfish Denise? Everything is always about you and never these kids. I heard a lot of evil things and I don’t want them to be true but after seeing you in action lately, I know they are. I partly blame myself because I stayed blind to the shit going on right under my nose for their entire lives, but I can see now. I can see that you are nowhere near the person you pretend to be and I’m done feeding in to your bullshit. You need to get your shit together, Denise. Be here for Tisha or just get out. You hear me? Denise, you and Lee can leave now,” Carla said standing as she whispered to my mother through clenched teeth, only loud enough for us standing in front to hear.
I watched as that fake, sadistic smirk my mother always wore slowly faded away and the reality of her situation finally sunk in. I could tell my mother was scared as hell, knowing that someone was finally starting to believe us. It was like her house of cards was slowly crashing down around her and she could do nothing to stop it. I smirked to myself before I turned back to Terricka and prepared to go back to my seat and pretend my mother wasn’t there. However, Denise had other plans. Before I knew it, I felt the heat from her palm on my back as she grabbed me and tried to pull me into her embrace.
“You’re right Carla. I love my baby though…I do. And she knows I’m here for her. Don’t you, Tisha? Let mama console you,” she said and tried to hug me, as I elbowed her as hard as I could before breaking free.
My sister was on Denise’s ass in a second after quickly handing A’Miracle to Tania. I could hear the room erupt in chaos as I fled out of the back door to get some air. I sat in the lobby for ten minutes, just thinking about what I wanted to do to Denise, before Tania came out to get me.
“Everything will be okay baby, I promise. That evil bitch will get hers. Let’s just finish this for your baby’s sake. We’ll deal with Denise later,” Tania said as she dried my tears, and I shook my head in agreement.
If she only knew why I was agreeing, she would have never let me walk back in to that room without trying to talk me out of it. However, she didn’t know that I was agreeing that Denise would get hers. I planned on putting my hands on that bitch that day, if another opportunity presented itself, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop me. When Tania and I walked back into the church hand in hand, everyone got quiet before looking at Denise, who was sitting one row behind my seat.
I didn’t even look in her direction as my sister and I made our way to the podium and began singing our Salvation Song. By the time the song was over, I felt strong and confident that I could let my baby go. Everyone stood after our song to give love to my baby one last time before we headed to the gravesite. I stood to the back of the room with my eyes glued on the coffin and waited for my final goodbyes. I was in such a daze standing there that I didn’t even see Denise sneak up beside me until she was so close, I could feel her breath on my neck.
“So Tisha, you really gonna do this? Bring yo ass home where you belong or you gonna force me to fuck you over. I ain’t gonna keep asking your funky ass. So, are you coming voluntarily? You know I know some muthafuckas and I can make shit happen. So, think carefully lil girl. You coming home Shartisha?” My mama asked through clenched teeth, as she grabbed my arm and dug her nails into it like she used to do when I was a kid.
That was one of her many ways to torture us that would leave minimum scars and she loved to do it. I would cry the entire time she dug her nails into my arm or hand, while she would shoot threats at me like daggers. That shit use to have me petrified, however, as I stood there with residual pain and new anger mixing inside of me, wasn’t no fear. Before I knew it, I had elbowed my mother again, this time in her nose. Bursting it on contact.
I expected the brawl to be on then as I jumped back in a fighting stance and my mother quickly pulled some Kleenex out of her purse to stop her nose from bleeding. However, to my surprise, she didn’t react in violence. All she did was laugh this low, ominous laugh as she soaked up the blood running from her nose. I stood there still on guard and waited to see what the lunatic would do next, as people walked past us not even noticing what was going on.
“Hahaha, Ole Tisha got some balls now huh? I guess after all those ass whoopings, you should have some by now,” my mother said and laughed, as she continued to wipe her nose while she walked closer to me to whisper. “But let me tell you something, you young, stupid, weak ass bitch, you can’t win against me hoe. I should’ve broke yo fucking neck when you fell out my pussy with yo worthless ass, but no, I wanted to give you a chance. Now look at the shit you do. Hoe, the robots told me everything bitch and believe me, I’m gonna get you back. I’m gonna get you back under my thumb bitch and this time, I promise I’m gonna break you. Believe that shit! How dare you think you can leave me like all the rest. How dare you!” my mother whispered, trying to ensure no one around us heard our conversation and would see her ass was really crazy.
I stood there with a stone face, stoic and unimpressed by my mother’s threats as she continued to curse, make threats, and snarl like a fucking deranged dragon. I laughed in the face of her lunatic ass, as she continued to rage and tried her best to scare me back into submission. Her tactics weren’t working anymore though because I knew she couldn’t hurt me. I wasn’t that little girl still looking for love and acceptance from mommy anymore. Gone were those days because I didn’t give a fuck about her anymore and her life was even less important to me. Everything that she said sounded like gibberish to me as I stood there, and a similar sinister smirk developed on my face.
My change in demeanor took my mother off guard too because she suddenly shut the fuck up when she saw my smirk and swallowed down the wad of spit in her mouth. I felt victorious for a second, as she stood there looking puzzled before she stuck her hand back into her purse. Her confusion was gone though, when she pulled a yellow sheet of paper out of her purse that had Shelby County Juvenile Court written across the top of it. I felt my heart start to flutter again, as I watched my mother smile brightly before she read from the paper.
“Therefore, this court grants temporary custody of the above named minors, Shartisha Lewis and A’Miracle Love Lewis, to their mother and maternal grandmother, Denise Lewis, until the mother Shartisha Lewis turns eighteen or the father steps forward,” my mother read out with elation as my world crumbled around me.
All I could do was think about her and her new boyfriend doing horrible things to my baby and me not being able to do anything about it. I went over scenario after scenario in my mind and contemplated the disgusting things that could happen to my baby if she went with her. I wasn’t worried about myself because I knew my plan. I just wanted to get my baby somewher
e safe. I had to. I racked my brain and stood there in a daze with my fists clenched and eyes closed, as Denise’s boyfriend Lee walked over to us to further taunt me while she continued to threat.
“See what I’m saying, Tisha. You can’t beat me bitch. NOW, I got you and that bitch ass baby and yawl gonna get me some money one way or another. I told you, I got the juice. I have fucked enough politicians and judges in this city to get anything I want done. I got the best lawyer fye cap can buy, so lil bitch you might as well give it up,” Denise said to me and laughed, as she stepped so close to me her nose touched my face and her boyfriend pulled at her arm.
“That beautiful lil BASTARD child coming with me and I’ma turn her into a bigger hoe than I ever was,” Denise said and laughed before she walked away.
With those words still lingering in the air and ringing in my mind, I lost it. I was on Denise’s ass in a second. I wrapped my forearm around her neck from the back and choked the fuck out of her. I broke her down to the ground so fast that no one knew what was going on, as we quickly disappeared behind the pews.
“I hate you, you evil nasty bitch. You will never get my baby, you child molester. I HATE YOUU!” I yelled as I continued to choke my mother from the back and her eyes rolled in the back of her head.
I lost all sense of time and place, well, all of my sense altogether as I laid there on that floor of the funeral home in my white dress and my dead infant waited to be laid to rest. I didn’t even know the men in the church had pulled me off of her until I heard her loud, shrill voice fill the air.
“SEE! Y’ALL SEE NOW. SHE THE ONE CRAZY. SHE JUST TRIED TO KILL ME. SHE DOESN’T NEED A BABY, WHICH IS WHY I PETITIONED THE COURT FOR CUSTODY. TISHA IS CRAZY AND NEEDS HELP. Y’ALL SEE NOW?” my mother said, while she held her throat and turned to talk to the room.
She was doing what she always did, playing on people’s emotions and using her crack magic to get them to believe her. I could see half of the room suddenly look at me in a different way, feeding in to the bullshit my mother had said. I didn’t give a fuck what they said though because I knew the truth would be out soon enough. I fixed my clothes and wiped away my tears as my sister rushed to my side and went at it with Denise. I couldn’t even argue anymore as I thought about the fact that when we left the burial, we would have to go with her. She could read my mind too as she stood there and took all of Terricka’s cursing, while she stared at me.
“Both of them are crazy, that’s why they ran away so much. I can’t do nothing for this one though cause she grown, but I got Tisha,” my mother said and pointed at Terricka before she turned back to me. “I’m gonna get this one right though and make sure her baby grows up differently. Yawl coming home today Tisha...if not, I’m getting that baby,” my mother said and turned back, so I could see the evil smirk on her face.
I wanted to run back over there and hop on her ass when those words came out of her mouth but Terricka was holding me so tight around the waist, by then, that I couldn’t move. I didn’t need to though because what I heard next shut all of that shit down. It was like God had suddenly opened up the clouds and sent the perfect person to stand beside me and fight at the right time.
“No, Tisha won’t be coming home with you and you’re not getting that baby. THAT’S MY BABY AND SHE COMING HOME WITH ME!” A voice from the back of the funeral home said as everyone quickly turned to look at the door.
When I looked to where everyone’s eyes were going and saw Jerrod standing there, I think I lost my mind. I know my heart stopped as my breathing suddenly became labored and everything went black.
Chapter 7
I woke up some time later in the backseat of Tania’s car, confused and distraught, sure that the face I saw before I passed out was just in my head. I fluttered my eyes open and waited for a second as they focused and Jerrod’s handsome, chocolate face with deep dimples came into view. I couldn’t believe my eyes as my tears began to fall again and he leaned in to plant kisses all over my face.
“JERROD…Jerrod baby, it’s really you,” I said as I sat up and cried, and Jerrod grabbed me and pulled me into his arms. He held on to me tightly and I clung to him, as he caressed my hair and his tears mingled with mine. I felt breathless but finally safe in his strong embrace as I held on tight and never wanted to let go. I had dreamed of the day I could feel his love again and for months, I had wished for nothing more than him. That is why having him back with me in that moment when I needed him most seemed so unreal. I had to let him go so that he could sit back, as I gazed into the beautiful hazel eyes of the only man I would ever love. I traced his face with my eyes for seconds, drinking him all in from head-to-toe. I wanted to remember everything about him, just in case fate threw us another curve ball and he disappeared on me again.
“Baby, it’s me Tisha. It’s me. I’m so sorry baby. I’m sorry I wasn’t here. Tisha I’m sorry, please forgive me. I’m sorry you had to endure everything that you did while I was gone. I’m sorry about everything Tisha, please forgive me baby. Please Tisha. Our baby Tisha, oh my God, our baby. Tisha I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.” Jerrod cried as tears fell from his eyes like water.
I felt my heart break seeing him in so much pain, blaming himself when nothing that happened was his fault. I grabbed his face in my hands as he continued to cry and beg me for forgiveness. I dried the tears that fell from Jerrod’s eyes with my thumbs before I kissed him passionately on the lips. Kissing him was like sucking electricity straight from a power line, pure FIRE. His kiss sent tingles all through my body and made my heart flutter in my chest, just like it did when we first met. His kiss was exactly what I needed to regain the strength it would take to make it through what was to come. His love was so undeniable; I could feel it as it flowed through my body like the blood in my veins. All I wanted to do was get lost in Jerrod’s love at that moment, shutting the world out. However, I knew that I couldn’t do that when the memory of what happened before I passed out popped into my mind.
“Jerrod baby, it’s not your fault. None of this is your fault baby, place the blame where it belongs. This was all Denise’s evil doing and she’s gonna pay for this. I promise if it’s the last thing I do, I’ll make her pay,” I said to Jerrod, as I saw a fire similar to the one burning in my eyes develop in his.
I knew that he could feel everything I was feeling and that he wanted revenge on Denise as much as I did. I just didn’t know the extent of why. I was about to find out why though as Jerrod kissed me again before he responded.
“Baby, I know most of this was her doing, but I could have done more to protect you. I could’ve been here Tisha, if I tried harder. I need to tell you where I’ve been. I would never leave you voluntarily, you have to know that Tisha. You do know I would never leave you if I could help it, right?” Jerrod asked me as he continued to cry and hold my face in his hands, like I was doing him.
“Yes baby, I know Jerrod. That’s why I say this isn’t your fault. I know you would have been here if you could’ve,” I said back to Jerrod and kissed him again.
Jerrod kissed me back passionately and ran his fingers through my hair, as we combined our sorrow. Our hearts raced as one as he held me lovingly in his arms, like no time had passed. Suddenly, Jerrod broke our embrace and held me out in his arms and smiled at me with his eyes, but he wore a troubled, pained expression on his face. I could tell there was more to the story as the happiness that was in his eyes slowly melted away and was replaced with malice.
“That’s true Tisha, I wouldn’t, that’s why I have to tell you what happened right now. Maine, after Buddy and I left the hotel that day, we got snatched up by two big, redneck white boys. Those muthafuckas pretended to be cops and said we had warrants. The only thing is they didn’t take us downtown. Once they handcuffed us and threw us into the back of a white van, them muthafuckas drove for two days before they let us out. For two days, we were handcuffed in the back of a van, rolling the fuck around and not knowing what was going on. I thought about you e
very second too baby, wondering if you were okay, and if you and Terricka was in the same situation me and Buddy was in,” Jerrod said as he looked me deep in the eyes.
I could tell talking about it was hurting him, just as much as the thought of leaving me and losing our child was, but despite his pain, he kept going. “On that second day baby, the van finally stopped and four white boys pulled us out by our legs. We ended up on some ranch out in the desert of Nevada and that’s where our torture began. Baby, I got cuts, scars, and bruises all over me from what those bastards did to us,” Jerrod said as tears rolled down my cheeks, and I relived my similar fate.
I couldn’t help but to flash back to those dark times in my mind, losing a sense of what was going on around me. Jerrod could still sense what I was thinking and knew just what I needed as he kissed my forehead and held me tight again, making me feel a security only he could offer. He held me like that for a while, and just listened to me breathe as I simply enjoyed having him near. After about three minutes, Jerrod suddenly started talking again and picked up where he had left off.
“The entire time we were there hanging from chains in a storage shack getting shocked by cattle prongs and beat with two-by-fours, I could think of no one but you and wonder who I had fucked over bad enough to deserve being in such a situation. After being there, tied up for a week, I finally got the answers I was looking for when I heard your mother’s voice coming into the shack. It was that evil bitch’s doing the entire time. She threatened me to stay away from you and stop trying to be the hero before cutting me down the stomach.
SINS OF THY MOTHER 3 Page 6