“I wanted to break free and kill that hoe right then but I couldn’t get away. After getting that visit from her that day though, Buddy and I did have a face to direct our hate towards, so everything went a bit smoother. I was able to get cool with one of the niggas guarding us by talking about how much I hated Denise. Lucky for me, that nigga hated her too because he helped a nigga after that. By the time the second week rolled around me, Buddy and the guard name Alex had a plan to get away. We set it off in that bitch that Friday, killing two of the niggas who snatched us up and fucking two others up. We left that day, running through the fucking desert with Alex guiding us.”
“We were out there for two days with no food, water, and no shoes on our feet, trying to get back home. On the third day, the police caught us roaming through private property and that bitch nigga Alex turned on us. He told them we did everything and our asses got locked up in Nevada on murder charges. Baby, I had to call my daddy’s drunk ass for help out of that shit, so you know I was desperate. I made him promise not to tell my mama or Keith what had happened to me because I knew you were around asking, and I didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t know you was pregnant though Tisha because if I would have known, I would’ve escaped that muthafucka.”
I was locked up out there for six months before my daddy got me out and was able to get Buddy’s sentence reduced. I had to come back to Tennessee and face more charges after your mama put a statutory rape charge on me. I just finished fighting that and got released last night. I went straight to the Robinson’s house after that, looking for you, when your foster dad told me that our baby had died and today was his funeral. I think I lost it after I heard that, Tisha. I don’t even know how I got here, but I’m here baby and I am so very sorry for not being here the entire time. I’m sorry I didn’t just snatch you up and run away from this miserable ass city that first night I picked up a wet angel in a white nightgown. I can’t help to blame myself because if I could have just taken you away, then none of this would be happening now. Now look. I never even saw our baby, Tisha. I’m so sorry. It’s so much more about this shit I have to tell you Tisha, but right now I just wonna hold you. I want you to hold me.” Jerrod cried again as his body shook uncontrollably.
I sat there dazed and tried to process all that Jerrod had said as he cried his heart out and I held him. I couldn’t believe that evil bitch who gave me life was still causing me so much pain. She was the reason Jerrod was gone the entire time and she never said a word. I wanted to kill her even more, just thinking about all of the time I lost with the love of my life because of her. I could do nothing but hug Jerrod and tell him how everything was going to be okay as he continued to cry. The crazy thing was, I was sure things wouldn’t be okay because that nagging feeling in my heart kept telling me so. I shook that feeling off though and sucked up my sorrow and tried to be the strength Jerrod needed at that time. I had to make him see all hope for our happy future wasn’t gone, once I got rid of Denise.
“Baby, I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I can’t believe the lengths that evil wanch went through to break me. But, she didn’t take everything from us Jerrod. You hear me baby?” I said to him, as I gazed into his bloodshot, sad eyes.
I saw a pain that I had carried for days in his eyes and I knew that nothing could cure that but love. A’Miracle was that love that would save us and I couldn’t wait to have her with me and Jerrod, so that we could live the life we deserved.
I looked around outside the car for Terricka and my baby when I saw her standing by the door to the funeral home talking to Tania. I motioned for them to come over before I turned back to Jerrod and looked him in his eyes.
“Baby, we still have love and we still have life, she didn’t take everything from us. I see now that I had two babies for a reason. Although God called our son back home, we also had a daughter who I named A’Miracle and that’s exactly what she is, a miracle. We can make it through this baby. Together, there is nothing we can’t overcome. I love you Jerrod,” I said as tears streamed down my face, and Jerrod told me he loved me back while my sister handed A’Miracle to me.
I watched as Jerrod’s eyes lit up and the sorrow that was inside him slowly disappeared. I put our smiling baby into his arms and I saw the instant connection between father and daughter. She looked just like Jerrod and seemed to know who he was as she gazed up into his face, and he made a promise to her I had waited all of my life to hear.
“A’Miracle, my baby, its daddy baby, I’m here. She’s so beautiful Tish. She looks just like us, maine. I promise to never leave your side again. I promise to always love and protect you and your mommy, no matter what. Yawl are my life and nothing but death can keep me from yawl. Daddy loves you A’Miracle….and Jerrod Jr.” Jerrod said while he cried and kissed our baby and then leaned over to kiss me.
Jerrod’s love and strength pushed me through the rest of that very difficult day, by reminding me that there was happiness after the storm. He and I walked up to our son’s gravesite that afternoon with A’Miracle in our arms and hope in our hearts. We had hope that we would never again have to feel a pain that deep. I was able to tell my son that I would see him in heaven without feeling like jumping in the grave with him, and I knew that was all because of Jerrod. He was right there with me every step of the way, transferring his strength and love into me. By the time we released the white doves and my sister began to sing, I felt like my baby was at peace, as a beautiful rainbow appeared over the cemetery.
“They just welcomed him into heaven baby. He will be just fine. We have another angel looking over us now. We gonna be aite,” Jerrod said to me and kissed me on the forehead before he led me to the car.
We rode from the cemetery to the CPS office in silence, as Jerrod held on tightly to A’Miracle, and Tania and Terricka sat quietly in the front seat. My mind was all over the place as I tried to figure out what the nagging feeling in my stomach was trying to tell me. I didn’t have to wonder long though because once we got into the office and Jerrod’s paternity test came back as the father and he got custody of A’Miracle, the real battle began.
“Well, we know now A’Miracle will leave here today with her father. However, Tisha, it’s a different situation with you, sweetie. Right now, we only have one petition for custody of you and that’s from your mother. Something is holding up Tania’s petition and after seeing the spectacle your mother put on today, I think I know why. It won’t help her though because I put in my report also and deemed her unfit to care for any child. That should keep you out of her house, but baby, because you’re still under eighteen, it means you’re still a ward of the state, so you will have to go to a temporary foster home today,” Mrs. Avery said and my world shattered.
I could do nothing but break down as Jerrod rushed over to hold me, while Terricka rubbed my back. I had just gotten him back and started to bond with my baby, only to have everything snatched away from me again. I felt like it was some evil wizard playing a video game I called my life and he kept losing. No matter what I did, it seemed tragedy was right there to welcome me and I was so tired of fighting. I couldn’t give up though and Jerrod reminded me of that.
“Baby, it’s okay.” Jerrod said, while he held me in his arms.
“No matter where they send you, I will find you and be there. In less than four months, you will be eighteen and I will be right there to take you home, I promise. Know that A’Miracle will be safe and all I need you to do is hold on. Can you do that baby? If you say no, we can run away from here right now and never look back. I will do whatever you say Tisha. I love you baby,” Jerrod whispered as I watched tears fall from his eyes again.
I thought for a minute about running away with Jerrod and just leaving Memphis and all of the pain from my past behind. A part of me wanted to flee and finally be free, but I knew that I could never be truly at peace until I was sure my mother could never hurt anyone again. I felt like it was my duty to rid the world of the evil who gave me life, so that no one e
lse would have to suffer for her sins. That’s why, despite my need to be with Jerrod and my baby, I agreed to go to a temporary foster home, however I had to have something in return.
“I’ll go to foster care under one condition, Mrs. Avery. You have to give me until tomorrow morning. One night, that’s all I ask for with my daughter and my soon-to-be husband. Please, one night,” I pleaded with Mrs. Avery before turning to look at Jerrod.
Jerrod stood there with a surprised and ecstatic look on his face as he mumbled the words, “Soon-to-be husband,” over and over again. Suddenly, he stepped forward beside me as I turned back to look at Mrs. Avery and he whispered in my ear, “You would marry me Tisha?”
“In a heartbeat,” I quickly replied. I broke my smile with Mrs. Avery and turned back and faced Jerrod before I hugged him.
Jerrod picked me up off my feet and twirled me around and kissed me all over my face as I laughed and cried happy tears, and wished my life could stay like that forever. After a few seconds, Mrs. Avery laughed and broke our passionate kiss as Jerrod sat me back down on the ground. I grabbed Jerrod’s hand before looking in his eyes one last time and saw the love I knew was always there. We both faced Mrs. Avery together after that with hope in our hearts that we would be granted one wish.
When Mrs. Avery said yes, I think I passed out because the next thing I knew, I was in Jerrod’s arms and he laughed while he fanned me with a piece of paper. “Dang baby, you do that a lot. No more good news for you,” Jerrod joked, and kissed me on the forehead as I sat up on the couch.
“What happened?” I asked as I fixed my clothes and glanced around at everyone’s amused, yet concerned faces.
“You fainted after Mrs. Avery agreed to let you have the night with your family,” Tania said as she sat down beside me and held A’Miracle.
I felt embarrassed as I imagined myself falling out like some white girl in a horror movie, as my family and friends continued to laugh. I couldn’t help but to stop and enjoy that loving moment, which was a reminder of the life I never had. I waited for everyone’s laughs to subside before I turned to Mrs. Avery and told her how grateful I was.
“Oh, it’s the least I could do. You have gone through so much already. You need this time with your family, so on that note, let’s get going. I have reserved you all a hotel room not far from Tania’s house. Check out is at noon, so I must see you back here in front of this office by 1pm, no later than 1:30pm. Mrs. Robinson has agreed to pick you all up and bring you back here, so please be up on time to receive her ride. Other than that, enjoy your night Shartisha Lewis- Hill,” Mrs. Avery said before she hugged me and we all headed out of her office.
Chapter 8
In the car, I couldn’t stop smiling as I gazed at the boy I had always loved, as he sat beside me a fully grown, fine, sensitive, loving, and caring man. I couldn’t help but to have hot, lust-filled thoughts of Jerrod as he turned to smile at me or kiss me gently on the lips ever so often. I was in love with everything about Jerrod and I couldn’t wait to get to the room to feel his love again.
When Tania stopped at KFC to get Jerrod and I a family meal to last the entire night, I almost yelled out for her to forget the food and drop us off first because I was so anxious to feel his warmth all over me. I waited impatiently in the back seat as the fast food workers took forever and Jerrod held A’Miracle while he laughed at me.
“Heyyy...hey. We have an entire lifetime. Remember? Once we get married, it’s forever. Hell, it’s always been forever with me. I love you Tisha,” Jerrod said as he held my chin in his left hand before he pulled me closer to kiss me deeply.
Jerrod flicked his tongue into mine as we got into a deep, sloppy, lip biting kiss. I felt breathless when he finally let me up for air and the young girl at the drive-thru window laughed and handed the food to Tania out the window. When we got to the motel, I practically hopped out of the car as soon as it stopped and grabbed the food and bags as Jerrod carried A’Miracle in her car seat. Terricka and Tania walked us into the room but quickly prepared to leave after seeing the anxiousness in my face.
“Okkkkaaayyyy. We’re gonna leave because Tisha looking like she about to bust,” Terricka said and laughed as she came over and pushed me in the shoulder before she hugged me.
I laughed and hugged my sister back as she whispered in my ear that I was a hot heifa and we both laughed. She was right too because I could think of nothing but Jerrod’s hands all over me, not even a good comeback check for her.
“Girl hush,” I said and pushed Terricka towards the door and hugged Tania before I walked them both to the door.
I loved every second I spent with two of the women I loved most in the world, however, I was ready to spend time with my man, so they had to go. I had to push Terricka in her back to get her to the door as she suddenly stopped and made her body stiff like a statue. After I dug my fingernail into her spine, like I would do when we were little, she moved along quickly, but not without protest.
“Aww, I can’t stay, huh? See, Tania? She put her sister out for a man. That’s okay though, ole onion head ass,” Terricka joked, as I poked her in the spine again and she turned around to tickle me. My sister and I went back and forth for a few minutes, passing licks, tickling each other, and laughing like kids until A’Miracle suddenly began to cry.
“Shhh, you two, you’re waking up Sleeping Beauty,” Tania said as she opened the door and motioned for Terricka to leave the room with her.
“Okay Tisha. I will be here to get yawl at about 11, so we can have breakfast before we take you to Mrs. Avery. You all have enough formula and diapers to last A’Miracle until then, so she should be fine. I can still keep her tonight if you need me to, so you and Jerrod can be alone,” Tania said and smiled as I shook my head no and declined her offer.
As much as I wanted to have an uninhibited, passionate night with my man with no distractions, I did not want to part with my baby so fast. I wanted to spend time with A’Miracle, just as much as I wanted to be with Jerrod, so I decided we would all stay that night. I was sure she would sleep most of the time anyway and it was then, Jerrod and I could be alone. I wasn’t thinking about the stitches in my stomach from my C-section, the possible pain, or the possibility of me getting pregnant again. All I could do was think about that connection with the man I loved, which is why I continued to try to get Tania out of the door.
“We’re fine ma. Love you and see you tomorrow,” I said to Tania. She was caught her off guard as she suddenly coughed and couldn’t stop, for a full minute.
“Ma? I think that’s the first time I ever heard you call me that. I love you too Tisha, see you tomorrow before I start crying,” my first good foster mother said before she kissed me and quickly disappeared with Terricka down the hallway.
I closed the door and smiled, full of nothing but happiness as I turned to see the most precious sight ever. Jerrod had taken off his shirt and was laid across the bed with his eyes closed, as a sleeping A’Miracle curled up on his chest. They looked like one of those happy Hallmark cards announcing the arrival of a baby, all content in their love for one another. I felt lonely and a twinge of jealousy watching them so comfortable wrapped up in love, so I quickly threw my heart into the mix and bounced down on the bed besides Jerrod and laid back. I placed my head on his shoulder and my hand on A’Miracle’s foot. Jerrod quickly wrapped his arm around me and opened one eye, while he smiled and looked at me.
“What’s so funny?” I asked as he kissed me on the lips.
“Daddy’s baby jealous of daddy’s other baby. I got enough love for both of my queens though, so don’t you worry,” Jerrod said and laughed as he kissed me again before speaking.
“I love you Tisha and I don’t want to ruin this moment, but I think I need to tell you the rest of my story. I have to tell you everything, Tisha because I never want us to keep secrets or hide things from one another,” Jerrod said is he gently laid A’Miracle on the bed before he got up to pace the floor.
“Tisha, so much more went on out in that desert, so much that I thought I’d never be able to tell you if I got out alive. However, after knowing all you’ve been through and seeing that our bond can never be broken, I know that I can tell you anything. Tisha, Denise was there almost every day for the last two months I was there. Every day, she would rant for hours about how horrible her life was until she had her first child. She talked about how after she had Terricka, the love she had started to fade away. Once she had you, she said she really felt numb but she knew what was expected of her, so she tried to love you both, but she could never feel that genuine connection like she should have. By the time Sha came along, she said she gave up and said fuck her medicine altogether. After that, drugs became her love. She said she took them to mask the pain. I really don’t know the pain she went through because she never fully explained, and I didn’t really give a fuck. She didn’t see the sympathy she wanted to in my eyes after her speech, so she turned back to the evil bitch she is. That woman violated ever part of my body in that shed and did her best to make me stop loving you. That’s all that she could say as she held an electrical cord around my neck, and I laid bounded by chains to the pipes in the floor while she had her way with me. For hours on end, she could put her nasty pussy on my face or ride me like a lunatic as she spewed hate in my face. She wanted to hurt me badly, to push me away from you, but all she did was make me want you more. All I could think about was how I would gut that bitch and take you away from her forever. Tisha, I’m so sorry and I understand if you never want to be with me again, but baby, please don’t take A’Miracle away from me. Please don’t take your love away from me, Tisha. I’d rather die than be without you. Please forgive me baby,” Jerrod cried as he kneeled at my feet and tears ran down my face.
I could see nothing but sincerity and pain in Jerrod’s eyes as he buried his head in my lap and cried his heart out. I cried just as hard as he did as I sat there and thought about the lengths my mother had went through to hurt me. I sat there and realized that all of my life she had hurt me because she was hurt. She wanted to ruin everything good in my life because that was something she never had, but I wasn’t going to let her do it. I knew that Jerrod loved me with all of him and I wasn’t about to let the devil win.
SINS OF THY MOTHER 3 Page 7