I grabbed Jerrod’s head and lifted it up, so that he could face me. When our eyes met, I knew that our love was strong enough to get through anything. I knew that no matter what had happened in our time apart, we would remain the same. I had to make Jerrod know that as he continued to stare at me and tears flowed from his eyes.
“Jerrod baby, look at me. I don’t blame you for any of this. I know that whatever she did to you was against your will, I know that. I also know that it was all just to make you stop loving me. She doesn’t love me and she hopes that no one else will. Everything good in her life has faded away, leaving her a lonely, evil bitch. She wants me to have the same fate. She wants me to be alone. She wants me to be her. You won’t leave me because of her, will you Jerrod? You won’t let me become her, will you?” I asked Jerrod as my tears fell hard and streamed down my face.
In seconds, Jerrod was holding me in his arms as he kissed away my pain. He vowed to me his life and devotion and made me see that we had a bond that no one could break.
“You are my forever love, Tisha. You’re the only woman I ever need or want in my life. You are the air I breathe. Nothing can EVER change that. I told you once before and I meant it then, just like I mean it now, Tisha. Know that only death can keep me away from you. Just like this scar on my stomach and your name tattooed big as fuck on my back, we are forever Tisha,” Jerrod said as I quickly pulled up his shirt to look at his back.
There was my name in big block letters sprawled from shoulder to shoulder on his rich chocolate skin. As I ran my fingers across the letters, I was quickly drawn in by what they represented. To me, they represented forever and a love so pure that not even the evils of my mama could ruin it. Jerrod quickly stood up and grabbed me by my hands to pull me to my feet as I stared intently in his eyes. He wiped away my tears and any hurt left behind before he kissed me with so much passion, I thought my lips would melt.
“Don’t ever worry about my devotion to you or our love because there’s no me without you, Tisha. Don’t you ever worry baby.” Jerrod panted between kisses as he pulled me closer to him.
That third kiss was so much more passionate and deeper than the others, so much so that my body shivered as Jerrod ran his fingertips up and down my arm.
“I’m not worried, just never leave me for that long again. I missed you. I love you, Jerrod,” I said as I looked into those deep, beautiful, hazel eyes.
“I’ll never leave you again, I promise. When this is all over, it’s me, you, and A’Miracle against the world, until the world ends. I love you more than you will ever know Mrs. Shartisha Hill,” Jerrod said and kissed me again and melted all of my fears and worries away.
In seconds, Jerrod had grabbed A’Miracle up in his arms and carried her over to the other full sized bed and laid her on her back before he kissed her on the forehead. I watched as he made a pillow barrier around her, like she could crawl or some shit before he would get out of the bed. He was such a good father already, trying to protect his baby from any dangers he could see. I had hoped for a father like that all of my life to shield me from my mother’s pain and all of my life, I went without one. That was a pain that still haunted me at almost 18, and I was happy knowing that my daughter would never have to feel the pain that I did.
I was happy knowing that was one sin of mine I was sure A’Miracle would never have to bear because Jerrod would always be there. A tear fell from my eye as I watched Jerrod walk back over to our bed, licked his lips and kept his eyes trained on mine. When he crawled on top of me, I couldn’t contain my happiness as I smiled and cooed beneath him before I pulled him down on me. His body felt so warm and inviting, as he stuck his tongue down my throat and grinded his pelvis into mine. Suddenly, he stopped kissing me and got up on his knees with a shocked look on his face that took me by surprise. I was still in mid-kiss with my eyes closed and a wet cat, when he jumped up.
“What baby? What’s wrong?” I asked Jerrod, as he looked down at me with concern.
“Baby, I forgot you just gave birth. What the fuck am I doing? I was just so happy to see you and feel your soft ass body underneath mine. We can’t do this, can we? I don’t want to hurt you or nothing Tisha. I’d never hurt you,” Jerrod said and reached down and touched my leg as I grabbed his wrist.
I smiled and felt consumed by love as I pulled Jerrod back down on top of me, while thinking about how much he loved me and was always thinking of my well-being. I kissed Jerrod long and hard, flicked my tongue into his before I sucked it, while I grinded my hot love spot into his.
“It’s okay baby, as long as we take it slow and don’t put too much pressure on my stomach. The doctor said six weeks, but there’s no way I’m waiting six weeks to feel your love. Hell, I don’t even know where I’ll be in six weeks. Our moment is right now and I won’t let it pass me by,” I said to Jerrod and kissed him again before I kissed around his face and down his neck.
I licked down Jerrod’s neck slowly, and gently, traced his natural lines, stopped to flick my tongue and blow on each wet spot. I felt Jerrod shudder under my touch as he gently grinded his manhood into my clit.
“Ohhh, shit Tisha, I love you. I don’t know what I would do without you. I couldn’t live without you, Tisha. I don’t care if we have 15 more babies, I just wonna feel you. I just wonna love you.” Jerrod panted as we both kissed again, only that time we were like two hungry lions and kissed and nibbled at each other.
Jerrod unbuckled his pants and pulled off his underwear quickly, as he remained on top of me and I continued to kiss all over his face, neck, and chest. Once he was undressed, he turned his attention to me, quickly slipped my dress over my head and slipped off my panties. When he lowered himself back down on top of me and entered my wound slowly and lovingly, I felt like all of the love in the world was in my heart and it would explode.
“Ohhh shit. You’re so wet baby. Damn Tisha, you feel so good. Every time we’re together, I know this is what love feels like. Tisha, I love you baby,” Jerrod said as he slowly dug his 10-inch manhood deeper into me and grinded his hips in a circular motion, as I dug my nails into his back and pulled him closer to me.
Jerrod kissed my neck and licked down to my hard, erect nipples. He took my entire breast into his mouth as he continued to long stroke me from the top. I thrust my hips back, gripped the walls of my vagina with each thrust and drew him deeper into my wetness. I didn’t care about anything at that moment because all that I could see was Jerrod’s loving eyes, as he stared at me and professed his love. His love was so strong; I didn’t even get flashes of the violent rapes I had endured over the years as we made love. His face was all I saw and his voice was all I could hear in my ears and mind, as I told him I loved him too and our passion began to grow to its peak.
We thrust together wildly as Jerrod ran his fingers through my hair and I scratched his back, while he gently banged me into the mattress. Suddenly, our love hit its height as I felt a tingly, almost magical, feeling take over my body and I began to shake beneath Jerrod. He got the same feeling at the same time as I did because he started shaking too and in no time, we were shaking in tune as we both moaned and panted like wild dogs. When the merry-go-round of euphoria he and I were riding finally ended, we laid in bed breathless and naked and looked up at the ceiling. We laid there and listened to each other breathe and spontaneously professed our love until A’Miracle began crying. I jumped up and prepared to get her when Jerrod stopped me and said he would.
“I got her, Mrs. Hill. You go on and take a shower, so you can come and sit down to eat. I heard that the doctor said you hadn’t been eating and we had to monitor that, so that’s what I’m gonna do. Now, get yo thick ass in there so you can get back out here with us. We gonna miss you. Say we gonna miss you, mommy, A’Miracle,” Jerrod said and picked our baby up off the bed, as she instantly stopped crying.
“See, daddy got this,” Jerrod said as I smiled at him and told him I loved him before going into the bathroom.
I sh
owered quickly, yet thoroughly wrapped up in a happy bubble with Jerrod and A’Miracle on my mind until visions of my son popped in my head. I cried tears for that little lost baby and then quickly sucked them up, knowing that I had to be strong. I had accepted the fact that God needed my baby more and I was at peace with that, so I had no choice but to be strong.
“I love you, my son and always will,” I said as I rinsed by body one last time, along with my tears and stepped out of the shower refreshed and renewed.
I dressed in black leggings and a white t-shirt and quickly got back into the room with my babies. I walked in, just as Jerrod finished warming A’Miracle’s bottle. He handed her little smiling, fat self to me, along with the bottle before giving me a kiss and disappeared to the bathroom to shower. I fed A’Miracle as she stared up into my face and smiled, feeling the love that I was raining down on her. I hummed the words to my sister and my Salvation Song, as she looked at me like she knew what I was saying. By the time I got to the second chorus, she was fast asleep and I laid her back in bed. By that time, Jerrod came out of the bathroom and ran his naked, damp butt back into the room, and jumped in the bed on top of me. I was comfortable and dozing off myself.
“Haaaa, got you sexy lady. Time to get wet.” He sat and rubbed his damp body all over me.
I squealed and broke out of his grip as he reached out and pulled me back before he tumbled me into submission. I declared him the boss and agreed to call him daddy before he let me up and went back into the bathroom to get dressed. I laughed so hard, I almost peed on myself as his voice filled my ears while he sang the, “he beat my ass song” to me.
The rest of my night was just like that moment; happy, fun, and like a dream come true. After eating, we watched movies and played with A’Miracle until we feel asleep. Jerrod got up with A’Miracle all the through the night and changed her diapers and fixed bottles before he tried to make me go back to sleep. It never worked though because I always convinced him to lay down and sat up and sang to my baby girl, telling her about how much I loved her. In those short one hour intervals, every four hours, I think I grew a stronger bond with my baby than me and my mother had my entire life. I kissed a A’Miracle a little harder and with more love than I thought was possible before I placed her back in the bed and fixed Jerrod’s pillow barrier. The next morning, we were all up at ten, refreshed and happy, despite that being our last day together for a long time.
When Tania came at eleven, we were ready, packed, and met her downstairs by the pool. After I helped Jerrod get all of our things, we got into the car with Tania as she played with A’Miracle and we headed to breakfast. We had a great breakfast at IHop, just reminiscing on old times and making plans for the future. Despite how happy I was to spend time with my family in that moment, I still couldn’t help but to be sad, knowing that our time was about to come to an end. I dreaded what was coming and I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do it, as I stared at Jerod and he laughed heartedly at Tania’s joke. Jerrod could sense me looking at him because he suddenly turned to look at me and winked his eye. I was wrapped up in my thoughts and my efforts to remember everything about Jerrod and my baby, as the breakfast went on and time for me to go back into the system drew nearer. I kissed my baby and inhaled her scent deeply, like I did when she was first born, as the waitress brought around the check.
“Well, I guess our time together is about to end huh? I just wanted to tell both of yawl that I love you so much and I’m so happy to have you in my life. I don’t know what I would have done without either of you. Thank you,” I said as my tears flowed again, and Tania got up to kiss my head and hug me.
Jerrod waited patiently for Tania to hug me, kiss me, and take the baby out of my arms before he made his way over and grabbed me by my hand and pulled me to my feet.
“Don’t you ever thank me for loving you baby because I’ll do that forever, whether you want me to or not. I told you, this is forever Tisha. I’m gonna always be here. Seeing you leave will be one of the hardest things I’ll ever have to do, but I’ll be strong if you can. Our love will get us through this baby. I promise,” Jerrod said and kissed me passionately.
Just then, A’Miracle cried out in happiness and I somehow knew everything would eventually be alright.
“I can do this baby. As long as you promise to always be there and never stop loving me, I can make it through anything. We can make it through anything,” I said to Jerrod as we kissed again, and then Tania got up so that we could leave.
We drove back to the CPS office in silence as Jerrod held me in the back seat and I held A’Miracle in my arms. We pulled up in front of the office a few minutes early and waited on Mrs. Avery to come and take me away. I used that time to love on my baby and whisper my love to her, sing to her, and kissed her all over her face. By the time Mrs. Avery pulled up, I was in tears thinking about how it would be at least four months before I could kiss my baby again. Mrs. Avery agreed that we could wait around until Jerrod’s mother got there before we left, so I kissed and loved on them a little more.
Telling Jerrod and A’Miracle goodbye, as we stood in front of the CPS office a few hours later waiting on his mother to pick them up, was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I felt like a piece of my heart, which was already battered and bruised, was being ripped out of my chest and I could do nothing to stop it. When Mrs. Hill pulled up and got out of the car to hug me, I released all of the sorrow I was holding inside, as she told me everything would be alright.
“We’re here for you Tisha and I will help Jerrod take care of the baby until you come home,” Mrs. Hill said and smiled through her tears.
I let her hug me and love on me, like only a mother could, for a few minutes before Jerrod interrupted our embrace, and took me into his arms.
“Here baby, here is my mama’s cell number. I’m gonna keep her phone until I can get one of my own, but you call me whenever you need me. Day or night Tisha, I don’t care, just call me and I’ll come running,” Jerrod said and slipped me the piece of paper with his mother’s number on it.
I quickly stashed the paper without Tania or Mrs. Avery seeing me before I hugged Jerrod tightly. I didn’t want to let him go but I knew that I had to.
“I love you Jerrod, always have and always will. Take care of our baby. I’m coming home soon,” I said to Jerrod as he dried my tears.
“I love you more, Shartisha Lewis-Hill. You like that better huh?” Jerrod said and laughed. “No, but for real, I love you and A’Miracle more than I love myself and I promise to be here for you baby. You are my world Tisha… I don’t want to let you go,” Jerrod said, and squeezed me and wrapped his strong arms tightly around me.
We stayed like that for minutes, wrapped in each other’s arms and cried, as Terricka, Mrs. Avery, Tania, and Mrs. Hill looked on. After a few minutes, I could hear Mrs. Avery clear her throat and indicated it was time for us to go.
“Come on Tisha baby, I know this is hard but we have to leave now. The Calvin’s are waiting on you,” Mrs. Avery said and Jerrod and I broke our embrace, and I ran over to hug my baby one last time.
I held A’Miracle in my arms and kissed and vowed to love her until my dying day. I felt like that day had come as I handed her to Jerrod, and they got into the car to leave. Without them, I was good as dead. I stood at the curb while tears fell from my eyes as I watched my life and my world drive right by me. I felt numb and totally lifeless, as my sister grabbed one of my hands and Tania grabbed the other, and led me to Mrs. Avery’s car. I didn’t know if I had the strength to say goodbye to more people I loved, as Terricka helped me to sit in the front passenger seat before bending down to talk.
“I love you lil sister and I know you can get through this because you’re strong. Know that I’m gonna be very close to you. I peeked at the papers on Mrs. Avery desk and I found out the Calvin’s live in Frayser, right around the corner from the Overlook. I will be close enough to get to you quick if anything happens, so don’t hesitate to call me,” my s
ister said and handed me a slip of paper with her number on it, just like Jerrod had done.
I wiped away my tears before I stashed her number in my bra, like I had done Jerrod’s and then hugged the big sister who had always protected me.
“You be strong and get through this, then we’ll deal with Denise. I promise,” my sister said and renewed my hope and need for revenge.
My goodbye with Tania was just as hard as she kissed me and promised to continue to be the mother I needed. By the time Mrs. Avery and I pulled away from the curb, I was hopeful that my mother’s day of reckoning was coming and my happiness was just around the corner. If I could only have seen the pain I would have to endure in the meantime, I might have chosen to just runaway with Jerrod. However, I didn’t know that storms lied straight ahead of me, but I soon found myself falling head first into the unknown.
Chapter 9
The moment we pulled up to the curb in front of the blue and red brick house on the corner of Frayser Boulevard and Steele with the big chain-link fence and sea of tiny wooden crosses stuck into the ground in the yard, I got an eerie feeling. The hair standing up stiff on the back of my neck like a ratchet girl’s hair weave and the huge stone that seemed to be sitting in the pit of my stomach told me that living with the Calvin’s wouldn’t be the happy, fun-filled adventure Mrs. Avery wanted me to believe it would be. I rolled my eyes and sucked in my breath, and blocked out everything Mrs. Avery was saying, like I did many times before headed to a new foster home.
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