Hadrian's Wall

by Felicia Jensen

  “Why didn’t you call room service?”

  Surprised, I raised my eyes at him. “I didn’t know that service was available in hospitals. I thought it was only at luxury hotels.”

  He laughed, probably realizing that I was on the defensive.

  “Still thirsty?”

  I shuddered again...How did he know? I began to doubt that everything happening around me had been part of my hallucinations. But if I accept what my mind rejects, then I would have to consider the fact that Adrian Cahill did not belong to our world. Don’t be silly, girl. Charity probably told him because she tells her cousin everything.

  “Yes, I’m still thirsty,” I finally replied.

  The doors opened and he gestured for me to go first. I wondered if he’d noticed that I was trembling when I stepped in front of him.

  We walked side by side with him holding my arm. The closeness between us was disturbing, as disturbing as his cold hand lightly touching my skin, but he seemed not to care about the subtle electric current running between us. I think he was actually enjoying my discomfort as we entered the cafeteria.

  I was just thinking that a few hours ago, I’d seen Adrian here, laughing and having fun with his friends. Sadness welled up inside of me. I sat down, determined to analyze with scientific rigor the asymmetric design of the floor and not think about it.

  Adrian sighed. Suddenly I felt his hand cupping my chin. Apparently, he wasn’t going to let me off the hook so easily.

  “What do you want?” he asked.

  “Coke is fine.”

  He grimaced. “At this hour? If your problem is inability to sleep, warm milk is more appropriate.”

  Unperturbed, I shrugged. Adrian went to the counter and made a request to the attendant. While he waited, I watched his back. Without a lab coat, I was able to see his gorgeous body. It was impossible not to notice, despite the baggy scrubs that he was wearing. I think I could lose my mind just imagining the two of us... I shook my head, trying to shoo away the sensuous visions that flowed through my mind.

  He accepted two cups from the attendant, set them on a tray, and returned to our table. Black coffee for him and milk warm for me. Great! I took the sugar bowl, then the spoon, and began to sweeten my drink.

  He stared at me with a concerned look. I avoided his gaze for some time because I knew we’d have to talk about sensitive topics and I was trying to delay the inevitable. On the other hand, the job offer was spinning in my head. Did it mean that I hadn’t yet digested Adrian Senior’s offer.

  “Did you tell your father about my drawings?”

  He leaned back in his chair, stretched his legs and propped his feet on the seat of another chair. His attitude was totally relaxed. He tapped his white tennis shoes lightly on the back of the plastic chair as if imitating the rhythm of an imaginary song. His indolent eyes were fixed on me. He’d taken off his glasses for the second time. Because of the absence of strong light, it was easier for me to view his fiery green irises.

  “Actually...yes.”

  He could be obtuse when wanted. It was visible in his face that he knew exactly what I was getting, but he had no pretense to make things easy for me.

  “Do you not think it was carelessness on your part?”

  He raised an eyebrow questioningly and I explained. “You introduced me to him as the ideal person to perform a task that obviously requires someone with professional knowledge.”

  He shook his head, tightening his lips.

  “It’s true.”

  I gritted my teeth.

  “What for?”

  An uncomfortable silence settled upon us. Why did the way he stared at me make me feel like a silly, five year-old girl? My face was burning with embarrassment.

  All the while, he stayed like a statue...immobile...just watching me. Suddenly, he threw back his head and gave a short laugh, but there was no humor in the laughter or in his eyes. With a sigh, he settled his gaze upon me.

  “This is ridiculous!” His cold voice cut the air like scythe through wheat. “By any chance, do you have something against me, Melissa? Any reason to dislike me?”

  I blinked, confused.

  “No, I...”

  “Yes, you. Because I recognize that feeling in you by the way you look at me. You are always on guard with me.” He sat back, removed his feet from the chair seat, bent his knees and leaned toward me, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands crossed under his chin.

  “I don’t...” I took a breath. What could I say to him? Say that this paranoia, if it was paranoia, made me believe that my life was being conducted without my control? Say that people considered me worthy of help that I didn’t think I deserved? The truth is you don’t want to believe that you deserve it as much as you don’t want to have any hope about Adrian’s goodwill.

  Imagine yourself as a burden that no one really wants. These feelings were very sad...not being able to trust others, having the impression that people support you for some moral obligation but not know what’s behind the hand extended to you.

  Instead of my talking about my obvious inferiority complex (the poor, rejected orphan), I decided it was more prudent to shut my mouth and not make an idiot of myself.

  Actually, I was afraid to reveal how much he affected me. He was not for me. I feel unworthy myself, unable even to play the role of casual meeting—someone he talks to in the bank line and then forgets without looking back. He would never be interested in a girl like me... and his absurd will to play my savior role was killing me. I didn’t want his pity. I wanted...what? For him to see me as a woman? A sensual woman? Wake up girl! You’ve been watching a lot of movies. You are not Julia Roberts, for Christ’s sake!

  In view of my silence, he took the initiative to speak.

  “Why didn’t you join us when you came into the cafeteria earlier?”

  The sudden change of subject took the wind out of my sails for a moment.

  “I, uh, I didn’t want to disturb you guys.”

  He rested his chin on his fist.

  “Why do you think you’d be disturbing us? You could have been stayed with us...”

  I lowered my head to hide my disbelief behind my hair, but it would have been ridiculous to talk with my own feet, so I made a great effort to look into his eyes when I replied.

  “I don’t belong to your social group. It would have been pretentious of me if I’d joined in uninvited.”

  “Ridiculous,” he said, shaking his head, a look of disgust on his face.

  I pushed my chair away from the table. Adrian was aware of my reaction because his jaw tightened. Adrian was aware of my reaction because his jaw tightened. He draped his arm over the back of his chair.

  “You’re not being coherent, you know?”

  He wasn’t the Adrian I knew. So...incisive—or maybe I had the ability to destroy the patience of a saint. I suddenly remembered Charity’s comment, ‘That’s a Lamborghini Reventon-Roadster. It means that AC doesn’t have patience for subtleties, today. He wants action.’

  “Do you really think we are so arrogant?” He gestured with his free hand. That’s when I noticed he was wearing a square ring on the little finger of his right hand. It had a strange symbol in the center, one I’d never seen before. It almost distracted me.

  No, I don’t think he’s arrogant in a bad way, but how do I explain what I feel without humiliating myself, causing more misunderstandings?

  “Not at all. I’m very shy. I don’t know how to interact with people with the same ease as the most of you do.” I opted for a half-truth.

  Adrian looked at me very seriously and then gave me a big smile.

  “Mmmm... So I have to take care of your shyness.”

  I opened my eyes.

  “And how do you plan to do that?” That was the kind of question that a sophisticated woman would have asked, but I didn’t realize it until later. I was silently praying that he didn’t interpret it as a provocation...or an invitation.

  His eyes narrow
ed slightly, while he analyzed me, but his smiled remained. He seemed to be pondering about the intention behind the question.

  “I’ll think of something,” he answered vaguely while a devilish smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

  I assumed that he hadn’t decided if my unfortunate question was flirting or just curiosity. This compelled me to make things clearer. Wasn’t there a saying about “the best defense is a good offense” and in his case, in particular, something told me that the best offense is sincerity.

  “Look, I’m not trying to play games with you. Actually, I don’t know how to deal with you, Adrian. I feel intimidated by you. I believe that, in most cases, I cannot understand what kind of question you are asking me, much less what kind of response I am to give you.”

  The corners of his lips lifted a little more, giving me the impression that he appreciated my confused sincerity. So, I was sure that Adrian liked direct and open conversations.

  “You feel intimidated because you don’t know how to deal with...” he gesticulated, searching for the right words... “this attraction between us, do you?”

  Jeez! He also decided to be direct—too direct for my taste. My face must have been purple with embarrassment.

  “I don’t know if we can reduce all that concerns us to a mere attraction, but I believe that combined with the mysterious way I came to be here in Hadrian’s Wall and the fact that we belong to two very different worlds...so yeah. I can honestly say that I’m not able to handle it all. I’d like to find the truth, but it seems to be eluding me.”

  He bowed his head and I could swear that his eyes sparkled. Calm down, girl! There was a simple and logical explanation—it was merely the way the light reflected off the iris, creating that peculiar effect. The physical laws could explain this kind of phenomenon perfectly. That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.

  “Do you really want to know the truth? Are you ready for it?”

  I swallowed hard. Finally he would to say the truth...and the mystery would be solved.

  “I will say this only once and never again will I repeat myself, so pay attention, Melissa Baker.” He slowly turned to face me, never taking his fiery eyes off of mine. I felt like a rabbit hypnotized by a snake.

  “I was on duty when you were admitted to the hospital. The rescue service brought you here. Your head was bandaged because of a small cut, but it bled a lot. The paramedic was afraid that you’d had suffered a powerful blow to your head. The mouse that I found confirmed his suspicion, so you were referred to the neurology unit.

  “Later...much later, I was just taking a break when a girl from the Resort called the hospital wondering what to do with your luggage. According to her, you’d been staying there. Apparently you had gone for a walk without telling anyone and as happens to many foolish tourists, you got lost. Big deal. Every year the rescue people are dispatched to find explorers. There’s always a wise guy who gets lost during the hunt for the Polish ghost. You must have been lost in the woods for two days before they found you. You were unconscious.

  “The reception staff at the hospital contacted me by phone. I went to the Resort and brought your suitcase here, hoping that seeing it might help you to remember what had happened. Apparently, it didn’t help...and that’s it. If that’s not enough, what more do you want to know? Can’t you leave the past behind and look to the future?”

  His questions sounded like lashes. If the idea was to make me shut up, it worked.

  Suddenly his face was filled with an ancient pain.

  “You can have a future here, Melissa. Why don’t you let good things come to you? What does matter if you had or hadn’t stayed in South Portland? If it’s so important to you, I can take you there to see for yourself, but please, let the good things enter your life!”

  There was urgency in his voice...almost despair. I was horrified to see that Adrian really cared. The promise to take me to South Portland sounded more like a promise that he would not get out of my life...at least not any time soon. That stuck with me more than I cared to admit.

  “I’m not a good artist,” I said.

  “I disagree.” His face brightened. “When I saw your drawings, I was sure that you are exactly who my father need. I must have been a little excited when I spoke with my old man...” Adrian raised his eyebrows as if to say, ‘So what?’ “He trusts my judgment. I can assure you that I didn’t know about his decision until yesterday when Charity told me, but I fully agree with the idea. For what he has in mind, you are the right person.”

  “And what does your father have in mind? Charity said something about giving me a job, but didn’t give me any details, so...”

  Adrian gave me an enigmatic smile.

  “Senior is quirky and temperamental.”

  “How so?”

  “He will get in touch with you...in his own way,” he said, grinning.

  I frowned.

  “Scared?” He started laughing.

  I shook my head. “I’m not a coward.”

  “No...just shy,” he emphasized the last two words, just to show me that he hadn’t swallowed my excuse before.

  Adrian took a sip of coffee and made a face. Was it cold? I looked down at my milk and I drank a little bit. At least mine was delicious.

  “Changing the subject...” he said in an intentionally mild tone of voice. “How was your tour around town?”

  I smiled and he smiled too.

  “It was wonderful! Hadrian’s Wall is beautiful! I’ve never seen a town like it. It’s like being in a fairy tale world.”

  His smile widened. His look was warm. It was obvious to me that he was proud of the town as much as Charity is. Which is hardly surprising! It was literally built by their ancestors so he had good reason to be proud of it. Even more than all of the places he’d seen traveling around the world or those times when he wanted to flee from his own origins, I’d bet that Hadrian’s Wall would always be his safe haven.

  “Did you like it?”

  “I liked it.” I let out a sigh before drinking another sip of milk.

  “Enough to live here?”

  I looked up at him.

  “Yes.” I didn’t know exactly what I was agreeing to, but it seemed like much more than just the view.

  As if he were concentrating, he cradled his coffee cup in his hands and then placed it on the table. Before, I’d have given anything to see his eyes, but now I preferred that they remain hidden. I still wasn’t prepared to deal with the impact of those green irises, nor the hallucinating variations that I saw coming from them.

  Suddenly, he became tense.

  “What did you mean before when you said ‘we belong to two very different worlds’?”

  I stared at him sadly. I had been naive to believe that remark would easily escape the notice of a sharp mind like his.

  “You know perfectly well what I meant. You’re rich, handsome, you have a bright future ahead...”

  He visibly relaxed with my answer. Huh? What response was he expecting?

  “Nonsense,” he muttered. “I’ll bet Charity annoyed you talking about the family saga. The way she puts things, even I get scared.”

  Adrian leaned toward me and whispered in a conspiratorial way, “We can get out of here together, if you want.”

  Adrian running away from his own town? I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “So it’s much better...”

  He fixed his gaze on my mouth, like when a man intends to kiss a woman. Was he thinking of kiss me? No, impossible! Given this perspective, even unbelievable. I felt lost and my spontaneous laughter suddenly sounded nervous. Shit, be witty! Be witty! Make an intelligent comment!

  As I struggled to keep my eyes relaxed, my face have given me away. As always, I was an open book.

  “I’m not kidding.” He was serious.

  He is trying to tell me it’s for real, right? If I wanted, he would run away with me? This is insane!

  Charity’s stories didn’t bother me.” I cleared
my throat, opting for a less intense subject. “She’s just a little overly protective. It’s apparent how much she loves you.”

  He grimaced.

  “She is your number one fan!” I was teasing him. It was great to see him embarrassed for a change.

  “Yes, but you shouldn’t be intimidated by whatever she said or showed to you.”

  “She took me to visit the museum. You really are mighty in battle,” I said derisively.

  He narrowed his eyes and shook his head, laughing.

  “Bullshit.”

  His eyes sparkled and he held my hand, sending small shockwaves through my nerves from my wrist to my shoulder, but they were nice.

  “Close your eyes, Melissa,” he whispered.

  I didn’t dare challenge him. His voice ruled my senses in a incomprehensible way.

  “Imagine that I’m not a rich person, nor do I have a ‘bright future ahead.’ Imagine that I’m not a Cahill. I’m just a guy and you’re just a girl. Forget that I am the son of a king, that I am someone ‘mighty in battle’ and you are the daughter of an enemy commander.”

  Is this to be a euphemism?

  “Imagine that I am a simple soldier and you are a girl who gathers flowers.”

  Suddenly, I could see the walls in the background, the carpet of wildflowers extending to the distant cliffs. Unexpectedly, the scenario changed. I was in the grove, the shadows mingled with the last sun rays, diffusely distributed among the tree trunks as if they were part of a watercolor. The faceless man of my dreams was there. I opened my eyes, shocked. I gasped. I had forgotten to breathe.

  Adrian kept looking at me gently.

  “Let’s be friends,” he suggested, playing with the fingers of my hand.

  “Why?”

  “Because there’s something special here that deserves to be explored, don’t you think?” He moved and turned to look at me with that peculiar way of his—a slight tilt of his head.

  “Can you discard this special thing? Do you ever...have you ever discarded your friendships without giving them at least a chance to succeed?”

  That was low blow. I’d never had a true friend to stand by me. I’d give anything to have a true friendship. I didn’t realize the pain that appeared on my face until I felt his hand tighten around mine. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. Machiavelli was a humble apprentice compared to him.