Hadrian's Wall

by Felicia Jensen

  “Of course not,” I finally replied. “How about you?”

  He stared at me in surprise.

  “Would you be willing to have a friendship with an unimportant person with dubious past, who is completely insane?”

  Adrian frowned.

  “Do you know what I was hallucinating today?” I leaned toward him, retrieving my hand from his grasp.

  At that point, I could no longer contain myself. Normally I would have hidden my anguish in the deepest part of the drawer. Instead, I dumped everything right in front of him. Maybe it would be a good test for our “friendship-to-be.”

  “An old woman was washing clothes in a creek that did not exist...and that was only the latest of my hallucinations. I usually see flying monsters, giant panthers, eyes that change color...”

  He kept staring at me, expressionless.

  “So what?”

  “What do you mean, ‘So what’?”

  To my amazement, he rolled his eyes.

  “People say ‘from Jekyll to Hyde’—everybody has something of both personalities.”

  “I’ve heard this before,” I replied. This time it was me who rolled my eyes. “Let me understand, you’re the doctor and I’m the crazy?”

  Adrian laughed and nodded.

  “Exactly,” he confirmed when he could breathe.

  He reached out and took my hand again, staring at me with disconcerting seriousness.

  “Friends?”

  I couldn’t say no. I didn’t want to say no. He had me completely captivated.

  “Friends,” I repeated. Heaven help me if my decision hurts me in the future.

  Satisfied, he pointed to my milk, which had also turned cold.

  I raised an eyebrow. “You’re my friend, not my father!”

  We both laughed and cold or not, I drank another sip.

  As he watched me, his eyes lit up and started to change color. I was paralyzed, halting my cup before it reached my lips.

  “Are you ready to ask me?” he whispered in an ambiguous tone.

  Ask him... Why his eyes were yellow? Why his skin was cold? Why his cologne seemed so familiar? Madness!

  “How old are you?” I decided not to ask what I want to know. Okay, I’m a coward.

  I noticed the deception pass quickly across his face, but the yellow eyes suddenly became shrewd.

  “Twenty-two...” he said. “I mean, twenty-three last week.”

  My eyes opened. He looked so much younger than the age he just told me, but his attitude, particularly his eyes, belonged to a man much older and much more experienced. He was a strange combination of youth and maturity —like everything else in Hadrian’s Wall.

  “Congratulations! If I had known...”

  He nodded, as if to say it didn’t matter and then he gave me another dazzling smile.

  “How could you know?”

  Silence fell upon us and I tried desperately to think of something clever to say. As always, I couldn’t think of a thing, except for my damn, impulsive curiosity...

  “And you’re already a resident physician? So young...”

  He absently rubbed his chin.

  “It is not so unusual...I’m starting rotation this semester. I was doing the last stage of medical school in Germany, but then I decided that I should come back here as soon as possible and complete the course at UWall. I had some early electives...” He spoke in a way that made me suspect that he was being modest when he said “some” and I have participated in a kind of acceleration process.

  “So the university here is doing a review of my curriculum to see if I am able to follow the post-graduation, while I finish college. They’re testing me...” He pursed his lips and gave notice that it was an exciting challenge for him. “...to define what stage of PGY-1 where I could fit, considering all my background.” He chuckled. “I believe that I lived up to their expectations...on the PGY-2. I mean, if my future post-graduation colleagues don’t feel threatened by me.”

  Adrian was thoughtful.

  “I think the biggest problem so far has been...my indecision.”

  It was clear to me that he was editing much of the story, perhaps with the intention to simplify all it. Mmmm...maybe!

  “Now I’m really convinced that I wish to keep on with neurology, but I made a point of continuing my studies about the human blood. I took part in several research projects in this area and I’m close to developing my own project...”

  He may as well have spoken Greek, of course. I was beginning to believe that all physicians had adopted Greek as a second language, but I could infer some things about what he said. He was a young man who was in the early stages of his studies, (i.e., a very smart guy...maybe even one of those gifted persons and his teachers had no idea what to do with him. Given that he is rich, handsome, and intelligent, he is probably was targeted because he is a member of the most powerful family in the town. Therefore, people expect that he will have to lead by example and maybe that burden too much for someone so young. I felt he was like someone imprisoned, anxious to be free of all that. What? I didn’t know enough about life to deduce many things. All I knew was what I felt.

  I also understood that he planned to continue his own research. Adrian had a purpose and didn’t intend to deviate from it, even if he was pressed. Remembering some of Charity’s comments, I concluded that his research was linked to the rare disease that killed his mother. From what Charity told me, his mother’s neurological condition was very rare and affected the blood...or would it be otherwise?

  When my attention reverted back to our conversation I noticed that we were talking about the routine of medical school. He spoke a bit about his day-to-day routine and a few incidents with problematic patients. I laughed my head off listening to his stories, particularly the one about the old man who ran naked through the ward.

  I heard that Adrian was rotating in two hospitals to meet the requirements of the course—or rather, the requirements of the course’s adviser, who was monitoring his adaptation. As I understood it, a professor was rendering opinions about the level of his knowledge while he was also evaluating Adrian’s performance. Such pressure!

  It had been months since this routine had been established. He was in the Emergency Department and the also in the clinics alternately. Also, he was attending some disciplines at the college. The only things that disrupted his routine during the past few weeks were the new responsibilities that almost “made his hair stand on end” according to his own words.

  “You have no idea what it’s like when your team boss looks at you and says, ‘Today, you will help to extract a brain tumor...’” He took a deep breath. “Of course I didn’t help to extract anything, I just participated in the basic procedures—the open and close, you know.”

  I didn’t know, but I could imagine.

  “With my zero experience, I was less useful to the surgeon than an infected gauze patch. The surgical nurse knows more than I do.”

  Oh, I was doubtful about that. He knew more than he was telling me. However, something in his gaze told me he didn’t like or didn’t need to brag about his accomplishments to gain people’s sympathy. I noticed that he was trying to whatever would make him seem like a common person in my eyes. I felt flattered by that.

  “Believe, even worse than opening someone’s head is being in charge of a group of unsafe interns. Dr. Carter must love me a lot to play this dirty trick on me.”

  He shook his head and chuckled, which was more evil than sorrowful. I looked at him blankly.

  “They were a little resentful when they discovered that technically I was at the same level as them,” Adrian explained in a confident tone, with a touch of humor in his voice.

  “The life of a physician seems to be pretty hectic.” I looked down at my cup, skirting the rim with my thumb. He crossed his arms and smiled slyly, knowing that I was giving a longer lap...afraid to get directly to the point.

  “And...?” he said.

  “Do you have ple
nty of time to go on the celebrations of fraternities?

  “I belong to a fraternity, but I can’t talk about it. Our rules are very strict about the rituals. It’s part of my legacy.”

  I pouted, but I don’t give up so easily. “Yes, but medical students don’t have fun?”

  He laughed softly and shook his head.

  “No, Melissa. I’m not dating.”

  I opened my eyes wide, feigning innocence. In turn, he stared at me in disbelief.

  “I didn’t want to invade your privacy,” I replied. “I just thought friends could ask that kind of thing.”

  His eyes were black. Now I’ll get up and run!

  “Sure they can...and that means I can ask the same thing, right?”

  I kept staring at those black eyes, beckoning me ever closer as if they were going to lure me to the edge of a bottomless pit and push me in, never to return.

  “To ask what?” I said, confused.

  He laughed again. His eyes took on their green hue, glistening, mocking.

  “Do you have someone special around here?”

  I shrugged and took a deep breath.

  “When I turned 18, about two months ago, I was forced to leave the orphanage. There was no one who cared about me or who I cared about. No one special.”

  He looked at me seriously for a long time. He knew I was talking not just about boyfriends. Suddenly, a slow, devastating smile spread across his face.

  “Cool. I guess that means there’s no one I have to hunt.”

  “What?”

  He gave a Machiavellian chuckle—the kind of laugh that promises a thousand things at once. Then he shook his head, waving his hand as if to say, ‘I didn’t mean that.’

  “Nothing...nothing at all. I’m just relieved to found you before somebody else did. He seemed delighted with my embarrassment. I must have been beet red. Damn!

  I cleared my throat and returned to the attack. “Don’t you usually go out at night? What do you do when you aren’t at the college or in the hospital?”

  He scratched his chin and looked at me thoughtfully.

  “I like to travel. I enjoy sports...radical sports...radicals in the extreme, to be exact.”

  I tried to imagine how an extreme sport could be more radical than the name itself says and I felt a chill. I think I absolutely did not want to know!

  “I like ultra fast cars.”

  I already knew that.

  “And I enjoy playing a certain kind of video game.”

  No! Video games are for nerds, please! No way was he a nerd. Sure, I was biased and old-fashioned, but so what? I couldn’t imagine a grown man playing video games. Girl, you were born in the wrong century!

  “Yes, I enjoy having fun, but believe me, the video games that I play are nothing like those you know. They’re very...corporeal. We use the latest generation simulators.”

  “We?”

  “My brother, Vincent. You saw him today exercising his talent for the stage.”

  Ah, the angel face!

  “Stephen, my other brother and Christian, one of my cousins. He’s really good with computers. He was the one who developed the concept of our simulator.”

  Oh, the famous Christian Wade...

  “How many cousins do you have anyway?” I asked, startled.

  Adrian laughed.

  “There aren’t so many. Hey, don’t change the subject!”

  I pretended to be scared. “Okay, I’ll behave, I promise!”

  “Impossible girl!” He laughed. “So back to the game...it consists of a virtual part and another mechanical training specific to certain skills. Chris’ simulator was coupled with computer programs that raise the level of difficulty.”

  I frowned. “You’ll have to show me that.”

  “One day, when I think you’re prepared...for our lifestyle.” He paused, as if evaluating his own words. “And you? What do you like to do in addition to drawing and hallucinating?” He liked to tease me and I stuck out my tongue at him.

  “I like movies.”

  “Uh oh! A movie freak girl. It explains a lot.”

  “Of course, my habit of comparing everything with movie scenes. That’s it, really. I love movies, I love to travel, despite not having had the opportunity to go too far yet!”

  He raised his index finger, with a look of extreme concentration. “Let me guess, you want to go to the locations where movies were filmed that you like best, right?”

  I smiled with delight.

  “Rich, handsome, and smart!”

  “Very funny!”

  We laughed at the absurdity of this conversation.

  “I like to do research too.”

  “How so?”

  I shifted on the chair, feeling excited and enthusiastic. “You give me a theme, no matter how preposterous it is and if it awakens my curiosity, I research it.” I snapped my fingers. “I love surfing the Internet. I like to explore the shelves of a library.” I tried to read his expression, to see if he thought my hobby was stupid or annoying, but he was still looking at me in that mischievous, inscrutable way.

  “One topic leads me to another...which leads me to another.” I gestured with both hands moving simultaneously. “And when I finally find the answer, I know more than I did when I formulated the original question.”

  He shook his head in understanding.

  “Mmm... beautiful, interesting, and intelligent.”

  We laughed again, but I laughed more at the adjectives he used to describe me because there was no way they could be applied to me.

  The ring on his finger caught my attention again. So for the first time I took the initiative to touch his strong, cold hand. Before leaping from decision to action, my hand shook and my heart sped up. I was afraid that my action would be rejected or belittled.

  Very slowly, I touched the back of his fingers, marveling at the texture of his skin; but I was even more fascinated by the delicious little shocks that I felt in the tips of my fingers. I noticed that Adrian shuddered, visibly surprised. He was very quiet while I traced the outline of his ring with my index finger.

  “What does this symbol mean?”

  “You are very curious girl, aren’t you?” he said, looking a little uncomfortable.

  I gave him a half-hearted smile. His face brightened.

  “You asked me if I was ready to ask...”

  “I did not mean...” He stopped mid-sentence, smiling mischievously. “Okay, Melissa. I will do everything according to your time.” Of course, the phrase had a double meaning.

  I shuddered with the warm tone of his voice. It was almost like a physical caress.

  “I had my ring made a long time ago.” Looking at the ring, suddenly he was wistful. “This symbol means that everything ends up in me.”

  I faced those mesmerizing green eyes.

  “How so?”

  He sighed, took off the ring and placed it in the palm of my hand.

  “Omega...from the Greek alphabet.”

  I looked at the strange, yet beautiful jewel for a long minute.

  “What do you mean by ‘everything ends up in me’?”

  He smiled, but this time the smile did not reach his eyes.

  “I finally found my end.”

  I grimaced as I put the ring back on his finger. He didn’t move.

  “No one knows when we’ll find the end. Don’t be pessimistic.”

  The way he looked at me was scaring me.

  “No, of course not. He looked away. “But I can dream about how my turn will be and now that I get the chance, I won’t miss out.”

  He spoke as if the end was a good thing.

  “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

  “It’s not to understand.” He laughed, amused by my confusion. But the pain was there...hidden. I could feel it.

  “This ring defines who I am—the last of my species. With me, the generation is over.”

  I was thinking about what he’d just said: Adrian had no wish to ma
rry, have children, and perpetuate his clan. My heart sank. Stop being silly, girl. Live only the present. Having his friendship is already too good.

  I decided to change the subject.

  “Is it true that I look like your mother?”

  He opened his eyes in disbelief. “Who told you such nonsense?” He tapped his fist on the table. “Charity, of course.”

  I looked down, expecting for a reply...

  Adrian sighed and then said, “You don’t look like her in a physical way... although that doesn’t matter at all. I think you awoke in Senior some feelings that he’d kept buried for a long time. The situation in which you were found when you arrived at the hospital—unconscious—was very similar to my mother’s.”

  I looked up.

  “How so?”

  He stared at me with an expression of pain so deep that it took my breath away. I wished I’d never asked. I wish I could erase his suffering.

  “You have no idea what is to feel powerless while the person you love...that you chose to be your partner for life...goes willingly to their death.” He leaned towards me without taking his disturbed eyes off mine. “Watching her die, powerless to prevent it, is the most terrible pain that my father could ever have experienced.”

  Adrian took a deep breath and looked away. “When he saw you, so fragile and unconscious, he was sure that he should act—that this time things would be different.

  I think I understand it. What Adrian Senior couldn’t to do for his wife, he wanted to do for others...for me.

  The silence was lengthening. He seemed lost in dark thoughts. On impulse, I shook his hand and my gesture made Adrian look up with inquiring eyes. I said nothing. I just smiled and he smiled back. The sad moment had past, but the complicity born between us keep hovering around us, involving us in a sensitive bubble.

  Suddenly he looked at his watch and declared, “I think it’s time...the warm milk should soon take effect. Although I think the boredom of listening to talk is probably much more effective to help you sleep.”

  “Absolutely not! I loved talking to you. It was so...enlightening. I imagined you to be a entirely different person, you know?”