Hadrian's Wall

by Felicia Jensen

  He narrowed his eyes, completely aware of me now.

  “And now what do you think about me?”

  I shrugged, embarrassed. Where to begin?

  “Dunno. Apart guy unlike mortal people—intellectual, sophisticated, cold.”

  He grimaced. “Wow, I’m a snob...an anorak-wearing geek?”

  I shook my head, denying vehemently. “No! I meant to say that before you looked so...unreal. I considered you unattainable. And now you’re here, talking to me.”

  It was his turn to shake my hand.

  “Believe me, I’m very real.”

  After that, I didn’t know what else to say. Gosh! Nothing witty that someone with a tolerable I.Q. can say?

  He stood up and pulled me by the hand. “It’s time to go back to my rounds. And you must go back to bed because you have a full day ahead of you.”

  Only then did I realize that I had interfered with his work. Very embarrassed, I tried to say goodbye quickly, but Adrian didn’t let go of my hand as I expected when I tried to get away. Unexpectedly, he pulled me to his chest and put his lips on my forehead.

  “Sleep with the angels.”

  The deep voice whispering against my skin gave me goose bumps. I looked up and saw that his smile was anything but angelic. My eyes held his for a long time. It was difficult to break the charm and he was not helping at all, facing me like that. I spun on my heels and walked away.

  I didn’t remember to breathe until I was inside the elevator.

  12

  PERFECT BUBBLE

  The mattress shook slightly, pulling me from the world of dreams. During an infinitesimal second of transition between slumber and wakefulness I thought I heard the sound of a sigh...and could swear that gentle fingers slid over my shoulder down to my wrist, triggering a succession of little and delicious electric shocks. Now...yes, I was fully awake. I opened my eyes slowly exposing me to the room plunged into shadow, but laziness won out and I closed them again.

  Suddenly, an imaginary voice echoed in my head while scenes of a misty dream tried to emerge. However, my mind could not capture them. “Don’t leave me!” I was submerged in feelings too difficult to define—as if my body was numb. I turned my face into the pillow, trying to concentrate on the voice. Unexpectedly, I noticed the aroma of perfume impregnated in the pillowcase. Its fragrance seemed familiar to me.

  I turned onto my back and opened my eyes again. I stretched slowly, testing the muscles of my arms and legs. I was still tired, though it wasn’t an unpleasant sensation. I felt exhilarated because I awoke with an unshakable certainty about what I wanted to do from now on. This realization pushed the strange dream and the perfume smell out of my thoughts—something that would never have happened before. In fact, at this point, I would have been panicking; but that was the old Melissa. The new Melissa woke up with a different way of seeing things. I can’t tell if this is the result of therapy, from the wasted visit to the Resort, or from the revealing and simultaneously surreal conversation between Adrian and me. The fact is that something had triggered the process of change in me.

  I cast a glance around the silent room and stretched again, this time with more impetus. It was at that moment when I realized that this was my last night in the Caledonia General Hospital. Wow! I felt as if I had been hospitalized for an eternity. I almost regarded this hospital as my home.

  Home...although the hospital wasn’t a home, it was the only home I knew. My physicians should have taken that into consideration. Adrian Cahill Senior and his son must have taken this into consideration, especially after the crises and hallucinations. Now what? What would be my next move? As incredible as it seemed, I wasn’t even a little worried. This sudden calm astonished me.

  I checked my digital clock. Six o’clock—time to get moving. I got up slowly, but I had to hold onto the edge of dresser to avoid falling. I waited until the room seemed to stop spinning before I felt stable enough to tiptoe into the bathroom. After completing my morning hygiene and changing clothes, I returned to the outer room. I yawned, looked at my unmade bed—inviting me to climb back in it. I shook my head to ward off sleep and began to pack my things.

  Half an hour later, I put the suitcase and a bag filled with clothes near the door and then left the room carrying two other large bags that contained the extra clothes that I had decided to put in the hospital’s charitable donations basket.

  After completing that task, I went down to the ward to say goodbye to Bernice. Unfortunately, I had no a gift to give her. I had committed myself, but of course, had no money, so I decided to give her one of my most recent drawings. At first I resisted doing this because, in my mind to give someone gift of a drawing done by me, seemed like an arrogant, childish gesture. Besides, I didn’t believe that my “art” was equivalent to any trinket I would buy if I’d had the money to do so. But then I thought ‘What the hell! I need be more confident if I want to succeed in life.’ And I definitely did not intend to fail.

  Contrary to my pessimistic expectation, Bernice was overjoyed with the gift, much more than I could ever have imagined. Excited, she said that she’d always wanted a portrait of the lake. She embarrassed me showing the drawing that I had done to all of her colleagues as they came on duty. Lucky for me, at that early hour, the nursing staff was small.

  Having completed this task, I prepared to face the last and perhaps most sensitive task. Would I see problems where none existed? Well, I couldn’t tell for sure because I felt so excited. I walked slowly through the hospital corridors, not realizing that I was about to have another of my “hallucinogenic oddities.” While my mind was arming the trap, I absentmindedly watched the health care professionals performing their tasks with ease and safely amidst the chaos.

  The emergency room...the intensive care unit...and the surgical center. Those places are prohibited to unauthorized people like me, so I could only watch from afar through the glass doors and the half-open partitions. As always, someone appeared to shoo me away. They asked what I was doing there, so I said that I was heading to the clinic, so they urged me on and forgot me.

  The routine of a hospital was full of events that strengthen the value we should give to life. In difficult times, when we hit rock bottom, just to see how everything can fall apart when our health deteriorates. On the other hand, curious things can happen in the hospital routine. The hustle and bustle of a group of interns beginning their morning rounds, for example. I’d bet that they weren’t residents, because they looked at everything as if it was a big thing. They “flew” by my side, trying to keep pace with the determined supervisor. The physician definitely had a scowl!

  One of the guys was so focused on trying to disguise a yawn that he stumbled on his untied shoelaces and crashed on the floor. Apparently he wasn’t used to waking up so early or he’d had a rough night. He looked sideways and forward to make sure that the supervisor hadn’t seen the little incident. Of course, nobody saw it. The other students were too worried about keeping up that they didn’t pay attention to anything happening behind them. The intern quickly tied his shoelace and ran to catch up.

  I let out a giggle and the young man glared at me before disappearing through the double doors leading to the Surgical Center. I stood there laughing alone. In a few years, the spontaneous behavior of the intern would be replaced with the haughty attitude of a doctor. Well, that wasn’t funny. Actually, it was tragic. I remembered that my last task still awaited me and I turned on my heels.

  As I headed to the elevator, the issue that compelled me in that direction fully occupied my thoughts and I started to waver. I was undecided. Should I see Dr. Barringer now? After all, our next scheduled consultation was next week. Would visiting him at an unscheduled time be considered a breach of etiquette? I stood there thinking about it. Finally, I decided that I couldn’t leave the hospital without saying goodbye to him.

  The door to the waiting room of his office was open, but no one was there. It was early, so I decided to return later, at a
more appropriate time. What shall I say when I see him? I walked aimlessly, my mind so focused on trying to answer this question that I didn’t even notice that I was walking in the wrong direction, away from the elevators. When I realized what I’d done, I found myself lost in a succession of corridors going in several directions—up, down, right, left—stairs, doors, unfamiliar columns... Now what?

  I took a deep breath and decided to try retrace my steps back to Dr. Barringer’s office; however, the sound of two male voices made me stop. Apparently, they were talking in a confidential tone. I paid attention, trying to hear what they were saying. You and your habit of listening behind the doors... Well, what I preferred to call a coincidence had already helped me avoid certain complications in the past...so excuse me...

  “I’m starting to believe this whole situation is a big mistake... The result of the last Council meeting is a warning sign that we should not ignore,” said one of the voices.

  “You thought I wasn’t aware of their movements. That’s it, isn’t it? It wasn’t exactly a surprise to me. Look, I don’t mean to sound imprudent, but I will act according to my best interests, not the Council’s.”

  “Well, you’re acting irresponsibly! Don’t you realize that it’s impossible to have the best of both worlds?” said the other man. He heaved a deep sigh and began to speak again, this time employing a more measured tone.

  “She doesn’t suspect what’s happening around her and she has expressed a desire to leave. Maybe...maybe it’s what we should provide to her—a safe departure to anywhere she wants to go. It would be better than keeping her here, surrounded by conspiracies which only confuse her more and more every day. Do you really believe that you’re protecting her, acting like that? Wouldn’t it be safer for her to leave without causing repercussions?” A low, hoarse chuckle, but devoid of humor, made me realize that I was hearing Adrian Cahill’s voice!

  “You’re a fine one to talk about damages!” He laughed again. “If I hadn’t rescued her from the hands of that ‘beast’ she wouldn’t be alive now. How can you believe it would be safer for her to stay away from me?”

  What the hell is going on?

  The one I thought was Adrian groaned as if in pain.

  “In some ways, I can’t deny that you’re right. Keeping her here may not be the ideal solution...and I’m not so sure that I should interfere directly in her life.” The way he enunciated his words revealed how difficult it was for him to admit that. “She’s an independent girl, also sensitive and talented, who wishes to succeed by her own merits. I’d give her the world if she wants, but this is not the best strategy to gain her trust. Only the truth has such power and it is precisely what I cannot give her.” He sighed, disheartened. “Oh, yes...I’m aware that I’m taking a huge risk of losing her because of who I am. That’s the only reason I’m trying to go easy on her...as much I can go easy...

  “Adrian...” I guessed right! “You have to let her leave before you hurt her and hurt yourself.”

  “It’s not so simple,” Adrian interrupted energetically. For a few seconds, the voices stopped. Suddenly, Adrian said, “All I know for sure is that I have to protect her. It’s the reason for the scheme that...”

  “No, I don’t want to know anything about your schemes, if for no other reason than I will have a clear conscience when I say, I knew nothing, if she ever asks me. Ian may have readily agreed with you because in his mind, keeping her close to us jeopardizes the most important rule and your machinations supposedly are avoiding problems from now on. However, things have become more complicated for me. I cannot lie to my patients. They rely on my knowledge and trust is everything in the kind of work I do. I’ve been walking a tightrope. My ethics were impaired just to attend her, especially when I decided to remain silent about everything that happened.”

  “And you really would have rejected her? As a patient, I mean?”

  Another sigh. “No, I could not reject her. I owe her as much as I owe you, Adrian... forever... but...”

  I was astounded by the conversation. It made no sense... Exactly where were the voices coming from? There was a door ajar a short distance down the hall. The voices seemed to come from there; however, it was difficult to hear what they were saying now because of the constant noise of the air-conditioning in the corridor. The cold air was coming right toward me.

  “So, do you or don’t you want the best for her?”

  “That’s a stupid question, Adam. More than anyone, you should know.” The answer was a growl.

  Adam? Dr. Barringer?

  “The Council...”

  “The Council has no power over me.”

  “No, it does not, but it was you who created it. You created the rules when...”

  “I created them in another time...thinking only to fulfill the wishes of my father,” said Adrian. “I did exactly what was expected of me. But my priorities have never changed. You’ve known that from the beginning, but you preferred to not believe me. Very well, I never stopped believing. Now I’m free to do what I want.”

  The air seemed to have escaped from Dr. Barringer’s lungs with that revelation. His voice trembled when he spoke. “You have created the rules to get us out of the chaos in which we lived...and according to those same rules, we must stop you!”

  Adrian laughed again. This time it was a dry laugh.

  “You can try...”

  “Damn it, Hadrianus! You know I never would hunt you or her, but others who are more ambitious certainly will. You are the last of your lineage! It’s in your blood. You cannot easily rid yourself of this legacy.” The nervousness seemed to have accentuated a strange accent in Dr. Barringer’s voice.

  “Let them come! If it’s war they want...” Adrian’s voice morphed into a roar, something inhuman.

  My heart skipped a beat. Suddenly, I heard the sound of something crashing violently against another object.

  “Mmm... Poor desk! Too fragile to withstand your rage.” The unperturbed voice of Dr. Barringer sounded mocking. “I want to see you explain all of this demolition to the Laboratory Chief.”

  He’s kidding, of course.

  “After all, do you or don’t you want what’s best for her?” He repeated the question. I recognized the Socratic method kicking into action. “Because there will be only two alternatives: let her go or find a way to allow her stay to fit with our rules, otherwise...”

  “Otherwise what?” Adrian challenged him to continue.

  “As powerful as you think you are, you will not be powerful enough to protect her.”

  The voices went silent, but for me, the tension was almost palpable.

  “I issued a decree. My voice was heard throughout the town. You know that our people cannot ignore an order from me.”

  “How about the proscribed ones? At this point, they should now be aware that she is your weakness. If you’re not around to protect her for even one moment, a rapid attack may be inevitable and lethal.”

  “Proscribed ones are monitored all the time. Moreover, they don’t have access to the town.”

  “You are so sure about that! And what about our people? Even in the face of your command, there will always be dissatisfied ones. Moreover, your decree will be disqualified if you leave your position. Apparently, the best protection you can give her is for you to remain in charge.”

  “I will never be free...is that what you mean?” Adrian’s voice was melancholy. “Well, now let’s find out if, in fact, what we built here is solid. If our species have learned to live in a civilized manner with mortals... or if our society is merely an illusion that serves as a cover for our real condition—predators—a condition we think we have left in the past. Have we succeeded in evolving over the centuries? Or do we continue to be somber people, bloodthirsty for power, how we were called among humans themselves? Today we have strict rules about our behavior. The rules that I’m violating to keep her here are the same rules that prohibit somber people from attacking humans.”

  “But
her case is different. Although we are committed to the rules, this human in question is now a threat to the hierarchy. Her sudden arrival took us all by surprise. It’s a shock that we all should recognize—that someone might actually fail and I’m not foolish to trust her life only to the loyalty of my team. I know how things happen and how quickly we could lose control.” He breathed heavily, as one who suffers. “Even I lose control...like when I came across that animal on top of her...it was impossible for me to stop. The Council summoned me to answer for it in order to appease the yellow mantles. Well, I’m ready to lead by example. Every action has its consequence, but I will not allow two weights and two measures. No one will touch her...and anyone who tries will receive the same treatment I gave that human man.”

  “Adrian. I will not. Neither your brothers nor cousins will be capable of any evil against her. I’m just telling you that you should not be so confident in your power. You forget the hosts. We are far from eradicating them. If they win, we’ll all be threatened...including her.”

  “Enough!”

  “You have a commitment!” The psychiatrist did not seem intimidated by his tone. “Many people depend on your leadership. She also depends on you...on your ability to make the right decisions. For all that, you will be able to sacrifice your wishes for love? Will you be able to let her go?”

  Another silence, this time, much longer.

  “So I will let her...go,” Adrian whispered, his voice breaking at the end. “But not before ensuring her safety. She is who will decide if she wants me in her life or if I will have to be content to act behind the scenes. Anyway, I cannot ever stay away from her.”

  “You will make the girl a walking target.”

  “Adam, you’re the only one that I allow to say that to my face...and just because I know you sincerely wish her well...” He sighed. “But do not abuse the privilege or my patience...I know what I’m doing.”

  The threat was real. His voice vibrated in a rare and strange timbre, which gave me vertigo...like that time in South Portland.