“What?” I grumbled as I sat up, groping around for my glasses to dull the early morning sun.
“Get up. Breakfast’s almost ready, then we need to do our research.”
I rolled my eyes and wiped my mouth. The drool had dried and I felt like shit. The moment that I smelt the bacon in the air though, changed everything. Suddenly I was awake and ravenous.
Pulling on my runners—wishing I had boots—I grabbed a couple of pieces of spearmint gum from my wallet and popped them in my mouth. If I couldn’t brush my teeth, this would have to do. Morning breath sucked ass. Even though I knew no one here would care, or even be able to smell it over the stench of the cattle, I’d know.
“Coffee?”
“Sometimes, Jack, you’re just like your mother,” Dad confirmed with a sad shake of his head. I slid from the truck and landed with a thud in the dirt.
“Meaning?” Already I was defensive.
Since Mum had left, Dad had barely said two words about her. That was fine with me. I’d rather he said nothing at all about her than start bad mouthing her. She was far from perfect…hell, she was one of the most selfish people I knew, but she was still my mother. The only one I’d ever have. No one was going to talk shit about her. Not while I was around. Not even my old man.
“Calm down, Jack.” He chuckled, leading me through the empty stalls towards the mouth-watering smell. I felt my stomach groan in anticipation. “All I meant was, your mother couldn’t cope with mornings, especially early mornings, without her coffee.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. I remember when you were a little kid, probably only two or so, you used to get up at the ass crack of dawn. Who knows why…”
“To see you,” I remembered. I don’t know why I did, but there it was. The memory was as clear as a movie rolling in front of my eyes. I’d stumble out of my big bed, ’cause I was a big boy then, and run down the hall in my pyjamas just to see Dad. He’d be already dressed, and I’d watch him pull on his heavy boots and his hat. He’d kiss Mum on the tip of her nose before heading out the door. I wasn’t supposed to be out of bed yet, I knew that, but I never got in trouble.
“You never once yelled at me.”
“Why would I?” Dad spun on his heel so quickly I walked into his back.
“I wasn’t supposed to be up.”
“And what did I do?”
“You’d ruffle my hair, tell me to take care of Mum, and have a good day.”
“And did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Take care of your mother?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you did. What would you do when I left?”
Racking my brain, I struggled to find the memory. Although it was almost another lifetime ago now and it took a few minutes for me to wrap my head around it, then there it was. “I’d run into your bedroom and watch you out the window. You always waved. Could you even see me?”
Dad chuckled again. A deep laugh from the bottom of his belly. “Some days. Others, well, I hate to admit this, but it’s the truth—others I didn’t even look up. I just waved in case you were there.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why didn’t you look for me?”
“It’s silly. The moment I stepped through the front door I wasn’t your dad anymore. I was in work mode. I had more shit to do than I had hours in the day. And if I thought about you and your mother at home, making cookies or painting me pictures, or even outside in the garden planting her damn vegetables, I knew I wouldn’t want to go and do what had to be done. So, the moment I stepped outside, I pulled on the mask and went to work.”
“You still waved, though. I saw you.”
“How could I not? You’re my boy.”
Dad reached for me and dropped his arm around my shoulders. These days we were almost the same height. If anything, I may have had a few centimetres on him. But when he pulled me close, I could feel his warmth and breathed in the scent I’d recognise anywhere, I knew I was home. As much of a pussy as it made me, I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me. How much I loved and respected him. Instead I said nothing. I kept my mouth closed and fell in step with his long strides as we headed towards the barbeque.
He was losing his fucking mind.
Nope. Reverse that. He’d already lost it.
The auction had started and we had a list. After gorging ourselves on bacon and egg rolls and coffee that tasted more like sludge, we’d walked around the stalls checking out the offerings. To me it looked like slim pickings. Dad was after a couple of bulls to boost his already envious stock. I mean, people came from everywhere just to buy semen from our bulls. It was a weird set up, one I didn’t like thinking about too much ’cause I found the whole process odd, but nevertheless it was a huge money-maker for us. AI was the easiest way.
I picked two that I liked. They appeared in good health, looked after, and their temperament was calm. We already had one old bull who was a bastard. He was mean and angry, and on more than one occasion I’d threatened to turn him into a steak dinner. Shame too, he’d been the grand champion at more than a dozen shows and had blood in his veins that people paid top dollar for. To me though, he was just a pain in the ass who cost us more time and money in fencing than all the others combined.
When it was their turn to appear in the ring, Dad handed me the paddle and told me to get them. Turning to him, I asked, “What’s the budget?”
“Don’t have one.”
What the fuck? Everyone had a budget. Especially per beast. It was ridiculous to spend all your money on one animal. “Can you give me one?”
“Just start bidding. I’ll tell you when to stop.”
His face was calm, and it appeared as though he didn’t have a worry in the world. A thought that terrified me.
He didn’t tell me when to stop. He sat there with a dumbass grin on his face as I kept up in the bidding war with some Victorian stud owner. The first I got easily, and for what I thought was a fair price. The second though. Well, I think it was more a game. One Dad kept urging me to play even though at the end of the day he was writing the cheque.
We got both bulls.
And a third because Dad “felt like it.”
After we’d loaded them up, we jumped in the truck and headed home, the truck’s ass dragging under the monstrous weight of our newly acquired beasts and our bank account a hell of a lot lighter.
“Can you call the vet?” Dad asked, pulling me from my daydream.
“Why?”
“I want these guys checked out at as soon as we’re back.”
Made sense, I guess. What also would have made sense was to get them checked before you shelled out big bucks, but Dad had never been conventional. I placed the call and was surprised when Gage answered. I don’t know why I was shocked. I knew he was a vet and he worked there…I guess he just caught me off guard.
“Gage McIntyre.”
“Ah, um, er…” I was stuttering like an idiot. Anyone would think I didn’t have a brain. Or if I did, I didn’t know how to use it. “It’s Jack Reynolds.”
“Hey Jack!” his voice changed instantly. Gone was the formality. “You ringing to check on Holly?”
My stomach sank.
Holly.
Missing.
Dead phone.
Everything came crashing back to me all at once and I was spinning. Everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do last night. Then this morning, I’d gotten so caught up and forgotten about it all. I was an asshole.
“Er…yeah?” I lied. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know or if I didn’t. No, that wasn’t exactly true either. Of course, I wanted to know but only if she was okay. I wasn’t sure I could take it if she wasn’t. “She’s okay?” I asked hopefully as I held my breath.
“She will be.”
What the fuck did that mean?
Chapter Nine
Holly
Climbing the stairs, my feet felt like they were cased
in cement. Every step felt like an effort. Overhead the sky rumbled again as the thunder shook the buildings and lightning lit up the sky. I was drenched. My hair dripped down my back and rain pelted my face. It was raining so hard that my skin stung. I couldn’t even remember when the rain had started or how long I’d been out in it. From the looks of me, I’d been caught in the storm. I think at this stage, even my underwear was wet.
Knocking on the door with my frozen fingers, they stung as they connected. I was so cold my teeth were chattering and the tips of my ears and nose felt as though they were being tortured.
Thinking no one heard me over the howling winds, I knocked again. I leant against the rail and looked down at my feet. They were splattered with mud and grass. I was a mess. My eyes filled with tears as everything started to hurt all over again. Inside and out.
When the door was yanked open, I lifted my head, startled to see a huge, dominating shadow standing there. With the light behind him, I couldn’t see his face, but he was scaring the shit out of me.
Suddenly without warning another bolt of lightning lit up the sky and I saw the twisted features of the man before me. He wore a scowl and his jaw was locked. He didn’t look friendly.
“Holly?” he stated gruffly.
Before I had a chance to answer, he was nudged out of the way and I was wrapped in warm arms. “Beau, get out of the way. Let me get her inside,” Payton chided as she ushered me through her front door, seemingly unbothered by my appearance.
Inside, the warmth hurt more than the cold and rain had. Maybe I’d become accustomed to being so cold that as soon as the warm air touched me, I felt like a million tiny pins were stabbing my skin.
I heard a bang behind me and jumped at the sounds.
“It’s okay, Holly. You’re safe now. It was just Beau shutting the door,” Payton assured me, not letting go of my hand. It was almost as if she was afraid I was going to run. I couldn’t promise her that I wouldn’t.
I didn’t want to look at my brother. It wasn’t really an option, though. Staring down, I saw a pool gathering where I stood and felt terrible about the mess I was making.
“I’m—”
“Where the fuck have you been?” Beau’s deep voice boomed as he stalked towards me.
Risking a look at him, he was a walking, talking contradiction. His face was a mask of calm, his eyes wide with worry and relief. His hands were clenched in tight fists, his knuckles white. I knew he was doing the best he could to keep his anger under control and I appreciated it more than I could express.
“Holly, you’re shivering and dripping. Why don’t you go have a nice hot shower and warm up? I’ll find you some dry clothes.” Payton seemed undisturbed by Beau’s outburst or maybe she was just immune to it.
Not trusting my voice, I nodded and allowed her to lead me into her tiny bathroom. When I risked a look in the mirror I barely recognised the reflection. Not only was I soaked to the bone, but I had a black eye which was so puffy I could barely see out of it, and my nose was swollen. No amount of makeup could hide this mess. Quickly I turned away.
“Ignore your brother. He’s just been worried because they didn’t know where you were. We were all worried, Holly. But you’re safe now. Jump in the shower and warm up. Here are some clothes, they’ll probably be a bit big on you, but they’re dry and clean. I’ll be out here when you’re ready.” Payton placed a kiss on my forehead before leaving me to it. She never saw the tears that erupted as a result of her kind gesture.
The water hurt. It really fucking hurt. Yet after ten minutes standing under the spray, I was starting to feel better. Warmer. I could have stayed in there forever. I wanted to, but I wasn’t at home. Feeling guilty about using all the hot water, I stepped out onto the fluffy pink bathmat and wrapped myself in a towel. Thankfully, due to the steam from my shower, the mirror was now clouded over so I didn’t have to see my reflection. I dried off and pulled on the pink ice cream flannelette pyjamas Payton had set on the counter for me. It was the best feeling ever, like a big warm hug.
Finding a hair dryer under the sink, I turned it on and blew out my hair. I didn’t care what I looked like. I mean, how could I? With a black eye and swollen face, drying my hair wasn’t about vanity as much as it was about trying to stay warm. Clicking the dryer off, I grabbed a comb and tugged it through my fluffy hair. Taming it was a nightmare. It might be shorter, but that didn’t make it any easier.
“Beau, you have to calm down!” I heard Payton sigh, exasperated, through the closed door.
“Calm down? Calm down? Did you see her, Payton? And where the fuck has she been? This shit can’t continue.”
“I agree. But you going all big brother on her isn’t going to help anything or anyone. Especially not Holly. She needs you to be on her side, Beau.”
“I am on her side,” he snapped harshly. Instantly my heart sank. Payton didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that. She might be his wife, but there were no circumstances that made it okay for that. Especially not if I was the cause.
Cracking open the bathroom door, I heard Payton sigh. “Then show her that. Ask her questions and listen to the answers. But you need to keep calm. You don’t know what she’s been through.”
“Either do you,” Beau tossed back venomously at Payton.
I wanted to slap him. He was being a wanker. Worst part was, it was all my fault. Folding my arms across my chest, I stepped out into the room and both their heads jerked up. That was the thing about Payton’s apartment. While it might be in a great location, right above her bakery, it was tiny. From every corner you could see the rest. And there was no such thing as a private conversation.
“I do,” I squeaked as I moved further into the room. Beau tracked my every move while Payton deliberately turned away from me and started filling the kettle.
“Hot chocolate?”
“Thanks.”
Silence fell across us as we watched while Payton plugged in the stainless kettle and grabbed two mugs from the cupboard. Then from behind a packet of biscuits she pulled out a bag of pink and white marshmallows. When the kettle whistled she filled the mugs, added the powder and marshmallows before handing me a cup. Straight away the warmth filtered through the ceramic ‘never let anyone dull your sparkle’ mug and I took a sip. It was perfect.
“Wanna sit?” Payton offered.
Instead of answering, I followed, taking small steps, trying to ensure I didn’t trip on the too long pants, which dragged on the floor even though I’d rolled them up.
It was quiet for a few minutes and I was grateful for it. I needed some time to get my thoughts in some kind of order. I knew Payton and Beau wanted an explanation. Hell, they deserved one. I just didn’t know how to make them understand without fucking it up and making everything worse. I doubted I could.
I watched as Beau placed his empty beer bottle on the corner of the coffee table and sat back on the arm of the lounge chair. “Where the hell were you, Holly?”
“Beau.” Payton’s single word shook Beau physically. I watched as he exhaled deeply, squeezed his eyes closed before they once again popped open and focused on me.
“Where were you Holly? We were all really worried.”
“You were?” I hadn’t meant for that to come out. I spoke before I finished the thought though. I wasn’t used to people caring. I was used to them wondering where I was so they could torture me some more, but never like this. It would take some time to adapt, I guess.
“Of course we were. You never made it back here after school. When Payton rang me looking for you, I came straight in. I even rang the principal and she said you left early.”
“Oh.”
Payton took my mug from my trembling hands, thankfully before I spilled my drink in my lap. She didn’t let go of my hand though. “It’s okay, Holly. Why don’t you just tell us what you can?”
I noticed the secret, silent exchange between my brother and his wife and was thankful for the moment. I owed them the truth. The whole t
ruth. Not bits and pieces. I just hoped they still cared when I was done. Untangling my fingers from Payton’s, I grabbed the cushion from behind me and hugged it tight. This was going to fucking hurt. Even worse than copping that ball to the face earlier.
“I came straight here. I just didn’t come upstairs. Instead I went and sat out the back on the bench.”
“Why?” Beau asked.
“I don’t really know. My head hurt. A lot. And I felt like if I came inside looking like I did, you’d feel sorry for me and want to know what happened.” I snorted. I didn’t mean to. If you weren’t me, if you weren’t standing smack bang in the middle of this shitstorm, you’d find it fucking hilarious really. Everything I’d tried to avoid, looking terrible, the pity, people feeling sorry for me, I hadn’t avoided it. If anything, I’d delayed it slightly and made everything worse.
“What did happen?” Payton asked, shaking me from my pity party.
“Nothing really. I got hit in the face with a ball. It hurt like a bitch and I had a screaming headache, so I asked to go home. Or here, I guess.”
“So why didn’t you? If that’s the truth, why not just say that?”
Beau didn’t understand. He couldn’t. I didn’t think I could ever make him understand me.
“I don’t know. I guess I just wanted a minute to myself. Being home…being back here, it’s not as easy for me as you’d think.”
“What do you mean?”
“Everything changed. One minute I was at boarding school studying and doing okay then the next thing I’m living on a farm with a man who barely talks to me, and when he does, he scares the crap out of me. I went from no one having my back, no one giving a shit about me to having everyone watching my every move. It’s a lot. I’m just not sure I fit in here.”
“You’re not going back.” Beau’s temper got the better of him. He was up and pacing now. Back and forth. Back and forth. He was making me dizzy.
“Maybe I should.” I tossed it out there. Up until now I hadn’t given it a second thought. Going back to boarding school would suck. I mean, it would be hell, but here, honestly it wasn’t much better. I’d been gone so long no one remembered me, and those that did avoided me. I had girls I didn’t even know hating me on sight and I couldn’t figure out why. Living on a farm, while it was awesome and quiet, maybe it was too quiet. What was I supposed to do all the way out there on my own? Connor was always working and Ryan, actually I had no idea where Ryan kept disappearing to. Sure, Carly lived just across the paddock, but I was trying not to butt in on her life. She didn’t owe me anything. She was Gage’s friend, not mine.
Meet The McIntyres - The Complete Series Page 57