Finding Him

by Naomi Townsend

  Anderson noticed Anika hadn't touched her food and lolked kind of lost in her thougts. "Are you gonna eat?," he asked. Anika turned away from watching her brother Zephaniah climb the rock wall, she looked down at the food in front of her and tears started rolling down her cheeks. Anderson knew something was wrong he had prayed for her on his way over, and asked God to help him comfort her. "Everything tastes like tears. You ever tasted teary pizza? It really kills the cheesy taste," she says with a little laugh. Anderson could tell that something was weighing her down, so he takes her hand and looks her in the eyes and says " talk to me." Anika can barely look him in the eyes. She goes on to explain how her parents have been fighting, her dad never rarely staying home, and the reason she had taken her siblings to Playland. Anderson just listens at some point she is in his arms and he's holding her as she cries. After awhile she pulls herself together. She remembers she needs to check her phone. She hasn't gotten anymore messages from her parents and It's almost 6:00 so she gathers her siblings so they can leave.

  Her siblings are on top of the world they have gotten a big prize like they wanted with enough left over for candy for each of them. Anika is happy that they were able to have such a good time. They load up while Anika says goodbye to Anderson. Anderson gives her a hug and whispers in her ear a message that she would soon come to fully understand.

  Chapter 3

  Where are You Now? On the drive home Anika hopes everything is okay at home. Traffic is a mess so her siblings do their homework in the car leaving it oddly quiet. The music on the radio calms her. The guitar strums and the piano stop her heart from racing and takes her death grip off the wheel. The music brings her to a tranquil place.

  They get home around 7:45 she instructs her siblings to take quick showers and hightail it to bed. While her siblings unload the car she goes to the front door to unlock it. Only to find that it's open. She pushes it open and finds the house destroyed and her parents passed out drunk through the crack in the door her dad's study. She sucks in a startled breath. She runs over to shut the door of the study before her siblings can see anything. The smell of alcohol oozes out of the room and fills the whole downstairs. She runs outside trying to appear calm and rushes her siblings upstairs as quickly as she can. She tells them to start showering but stay in their rooms with the door shut until someone knocks on the door (to let them know they're out of the shower). She tells everyone goodnight and goes to get her parents robes out of their room.

  She hurries downstairs to check on her parents, when she opens the door she finds four people in the room. Her mom is with another man and her dad with another woman. She freezes. She paces the floor for a moment trying to figure out what to do. She CANNOT let her siblings see their parents like this! Anika gets to work. She peels the man off of her mom and puts a robe on him. He moans but she just lays him on the desk. She puts a robe on her mom and sits her up on the couch to make space for her dad and the woman. She goes to her dad's closet in the study and pulls out two trench coats and puts them on her dad and the woman. She puts them both on the couch, turns off the lights and runs upstairs to get the keys to the van. She tells Emmy and Zephaniah she has to run out for a minute. "Watch them okay? Make sure they get to bed. I'll be back in ten minutes!” Anika says. She runs back downstairs and starts loading people into the van. Everyone is out cold as she puts them in the car. She contemplates piling them on the floor but decides to put them in the seats. As soon as everyone is loaded up she locks the door, starts the car and pulls out the driveway.

  By this time it's nearly 11:00 p.m. Anika is driving to the nearest hotel because she does not want her parents in the house with them in the state they're currently in. She travels alongbthe back ways where the police rarely check to lessen the chance of her getting pulled over. She blasts rock and roll music to try and take off the edge. The car reeks of a variety of booze and body. Suddenly the music stops and everything goes quiet. " You think that's funny God?," Anika yells. " Where are you? I need you and you're nowhere to be found! You said your strength is made perfect in my weakness! I havent seen thst yet! You promised that you wouldn't put more on me than I can bear. Can't you see im falling apart tgat this is ripping me uo from the inside out?" She lets out a frustrated scream shd hits the steering wheel. I thought you were supposed to watch out for ME, and protect me, but you're just standing by watching all of this happen!” “Why won't you save me from this misery?” Anika yells into the darkness. “I'm 16 I'm not an adult. I shouldn't be doing this." Anika turns into the parking lot of Hotel 5.

  Anika gets out of the car and goes to get a room for her parents and their partners. She’s uses up all her money for the room. She lugs them in one at a time thankfully the room is on the ground floor, she shuts and locks the door, and leaves.

  On her way home she hears Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." This passage brought her comfort. But she still doesnt understand why this suffering wont let up.

  Anika decides tinprays as she drives home something she hadn't done throughout this whole situation. Asking God to give her the strength to stand tall no matter what was up ahead. She prays that God would keep her family intact however He saw fit. She asked His will to be done and not hers. A peace came over her like she had never felt before at that moment she knew God had taken over and she could finally rest. Crazy what can happen in 10 minutes, huh?

  Chapter 4

  Peace in the Storm When Anika arrives home she remembers how messy the house is. Clothes and shoes all over empty bottles, pills, shattered glass, and some suspicious wet stuff all over the floors. She looks over at the clock (11:10). She still has time to do her homework (hopefully) and clean up. She texts Anderson and asks him to come over. He arrives in 30 minutes when he walks in he sees the disaster zone that is the Wilson house. The odor greets him first and everything else follows. He immediately starts helping Anika clean up. " Thank you," she says. She can't understand how she had happened on a guy like Anderson. He cares about her in a way no one ever has and wants nothing in return. After they had cleaned it was about 2:00 in the morning. Anderson offers to help her get the kids stuff ready for school and because she was so tired she agrees. Anderson made lunch and cleaned the kitchen while Anika slept on the couch. After he finishes he writes a note to Anika telling her he had left and that he’d cooked breakfast, and to call him if she needed anything.

  I know you're freaking out about Anderson. What a sweet guy, right? And I know some of you are skeptical. But let me tell you a secret. A Godly man puts God first. He's humble, generous, he prays, and obeys the word of God, and because he possess all of these things his actions show that. So to ease your worries Anderson is not looking for sex. He’s genuinely a good guy.

  Anika slept for two hours it was the most sleep she had gotten in at least a month. She got up refreshed and got ready for school. She was as chipper as Cinderella as she got her siblings up. The energy in the house had changed. Happiness filled up every space and everyone felt it. Anika walks in the kitchen to breakfast in the refrigerator. She finds Anderson's note and smiles. Shes starting to feel like Gid actually sees her. As soon as everyone finishes eating and the kitchen is cleaned Anika gets everyone into the van. She pulls out of the driveway and they head to school.

  When they arrive at school Anika repeats everything she had done the other day and headed to class. On her way to class she sees a girl cleaning out her locker. She stops and looks the girl up and down. She notices a little bump under her shirt. And she realizes it's the girl! She walks over to her and introduces herself. She tells the girl she wants to know more about her. The girl (Debbie) is okay with the questions. She was grateful that someone had talked to her instead of believing the stories going around or just assuming the worst. The girls planned to meet at a coffee shop after Anika got out of school and took her siblings home. "Oh I have a friend
his name is Anderson could he come too?" Anika asked. Without hesitation Debbie said that was perfectly fine. Both girls left the encounter excited for that afternoon. It was the most exciting thing either one of them had has to look forward to that week. Anika texts Anderson and fills him in on what has happened and asked him to meet her at the coffee shop.

  All throughout the day Anika is excited about the afternoon. As soon as school is over she grabs her siblings and they get into the van. Right befire Anika pulls out she remembers she needs to check her phone so she pulls back into the parking space to check it. Her parents had apparently found a way home and were nit excited to find that Anika was the one who had sent them to the hotel. She figures that they are not in a stable place so she turns the van around and heads to the coffee shop. She explains that she is meeting her friends. She tells her siblings that they were to seat at the tables and do their homework while she talked. "Y'all should have extra food in your lunch bags I looked so I already know. And if somebody ate theirs for lunch I put some extra food in my bag. I don't have enough money for y'all to eat at the shop. So eat what you need not what you want," she tells them. Anika didn't know what she would ask Debbie or what Debbie would say so as she drove she prayed that God would show her what to say and how to say it. They arrived at the coffee shop around 3:45 to find that Anderson was already there and Debbie was five minutes away. They piled out of the van and into the coffee shop. Anika got them situated and went to talk to Anderson. "Hi!," she said sounding exhausted as she sat down. “Sleep good?," he asked. "It may have been the best sleep of my life" she replied. Debbie arrives. She spots Anika and Anderson and walks over. She introduces herself to Anderson and starts talking.

  Debbie explains her situation to them. Her parents are prominent in the business sector and had given her two days to move out. She’s 4 months pregnant, she’s already taken her GED and is enrolled at the community college taking as many classes as she can before the baby comes. “Do you know who the dad is?,” Anika asks. A look of sadness appears on Debbie’s face when she hears the question. She takes a moment trying to decide whether she wanted to answer. “ David died a couple of months ago,” she says hesitantly. A silence falls over the table. “ He was sick,” she says. A tear escapes her eye and rolls down her cheek. “He had Leukemia,” she says. “ Cliche right?” She says with a little laugh. Anderson and Anika attempt to laugh but it's weird. “He’s the only guy I ever loved for real. No one believes me because im sonyoung when i saybtgat but we had something special...." she says as tears stream down her face. “We were always talking about getting married and having kids. We had our future all planned out, but,” she takes a pause she fiddles with a blue crescent necklace around her neck. “But, the doctors said he wasn’t going to make it. I was sure he was going to beat the odds though,” she says. “ I wanted us to be together forever and I was sure God wanted that too. But, he just kept getting worse. We were in his bed one day and it just happened. It was like our final goodbye, I guess." “But, things started looking up and I felt in my heart God was answering our prayers. And then I found out I was pregnant.” She pauses a look of shame passes her face, but she regains her composure. “ He was so happy,” she says with a smile. “He already had names picked out. But, then things got worse and he died,” her face goes blank and she looks down at her hands. “His parents don’t know. I guess they’ll be happy but they’re very conservative and,” she stops unable to continue.

  Anika grabs her hand. “I just feel so guilty and happy at the same time. The fact is I knew better and I chose not to do it for love,” she said looking at Anderson and Anika. Anderson sits back in his chair for a moment. He leans forward with his chin on his hand “ Look you're not a robot and you're not Jesus, youre a mistake prone human being. So, you screwed up like everyone one else, but the difference between you and everybody else is that you apologized and turned away from the sin you did. And that's all God wants. He's already cast that sin into the sea of forgetfulness like Micah 7:19 says. So, you dont have to be ashamed or guilty anymore because God has forgiven you." "The thing no one tells you about sinning as a Christian is that accepting God’s forgiveness is a ten times harder at least in my experience. The shame that tells you that you knew better but you still did it is a non-stop voice trying to talk you out of accepting your forgiveness but you habe to shut thst voice down with the truth that you are forgiven sndvGid still loves you the same." Andersom says. “That’s why I brought him,” Anika says smiling . Debbie smiles feeling better about her situation. The group continues getting to know each other for another hour and then Debbie leaves. Anika realizes she needs to get home so she tells Anderson bye before she walks away she turns around with a weird feeling and asks Anderson to pray for her he assures he will be praying (obviously). Anika gathers her siblings and they leave.

  Love is the best and worst thing ever. I know some of you are like I'm gonna skip this part because I don't even have a crush right now a significant other. But, love isn't just about a significant other. Love along with grace amd everything tied between them is the hidden force that drives humanity. It teaches some of the greatest lessons and causes some of the most heart wrenching pain. Love itself is just a word and it can be used lightly or with great conviction. But, love is a body language that speaks louder than words. Love is intoxicating. It gets into your blood stream and the fumes get into your head and sometimes cloud your judgement. And because love can sometimes have such an overwhelming and intoxicating effect it can take over your sound judgement. It is easier to say you won't have sex when you're not faced with that from your partner but when that happens it is a whole different ball game.

  They arrive home and unload the car. Thankfully the doors locked. Anika goes to unlock the door but her key doesn’t work. She knocks on the door and her mom answers it she looks upset. “Hi mom,” Anika says hesitantly. She doesn’t reply. “May we come inside?,” she asks. Her mom barely opens the door and they all go inside. Anika tells the other kids to go to their rooms and change and get ready for dinner. Her mom is till death glaring her. As soon as all the kids are upstairs she turns to her mother and asks her what the problem is. Her mother just points to the study. Anika is confused she’s sure her and Anderson cleaned that one especially! “Mom I don’t get what’s the matter?,” she said confused. “ Go into the living room right now young lady,” her mother orders. She walks to the living room and sits on the couch.

  Her dad is standing there leaning on the TV set, he looks angrier than her mom. “Would someone like to tell me what’s going on?,” Anika asks. Her dad throws a jacket at her. She picks it up to look at it. She realizes it’s Anderson’s. “So you had a party last night?,” her dad asks her accusingly. Anika nearly fell off the couch, was he SERIOUS? Did he not remember the drunken and God knows what else night? She couldn’t believe it! Her blood swells and runs hot through her body. How could they even begin to major in this extreme minor? She stood up from the couch and paced angrily back and forth, trying to figure out what to say that would still honor her mother and father (she was definitely not losing life points for this (Ephesians 6:1 says honor thy mother and father that you days will be long)). Her anger bursted out of her she tried to be as quiet as possible so her siblings wouldn’t hear “ How did you come to that conclusion dad? Because if anything I would assume you had rager from what I came home too!,” Anika screamed whispered angrily. “You really have got to be kidding me! Never in my whole existence would I had thought I’d be putting clothes on my own father and mother plus two strangers,” Anika is gesturing wildly as she speaks, she’s livid. Her mother chimes in now “ Anika Lynn Wilson do not raise your voice at your father!” Anika tried to make her mouth apologies for yelling but she really couldn’t get herself to say it sincerely. “I told you Martha that she was getting out of hand. I even asked the pastor about it. Anika's eyes nearly fall out of her head when she hears that. What are we going to do with her? She keeps violating our autho
rity?” At this moment Anika became very calm and spoke to her parents “ Y’all must be blind because I have been taken up the role of mom for two days now. I have had to drive your drunk selves to a hotel plus your extra guest. Pay for a room for you and all your disgusting heathens. I have taken your kids to Playland. Again, with my money so they wouldn’t have to come home to this tomfoolery. And you really want to magnify that I had a boy over to help me clean up the house you destroyed? DO you even know how sleep deprived I am? Do you know how little I’ve eaten these past few days?,” Anika stops for a moment her parents faces have not softened they look angrier. “WHAT I DO IN MY HOUSE IS MY BUSINESS!,” Paul Wilson yells right in his daughter face. Unmoved by his closeness to her she leans right up close to his face and says through gritted teeth “NOT when you have six impressionable kids in the house,” Anika says staring directly into her father’s eyes. The fire in Anika’s eyes far surpasses her fathers. Martha grabs Anika and yanks her away from where she is standing. “ Young lady you have not done a thing in the past 16 years to support this house and just because you’ve taken on some new responsibilities does not give you the right to disrespect me or your father!,” Martha says. Anika is heated now, “I haven’t done anything for this house? Are you joking? I have cooked, cleaned, nurtured, craddled, disciplined, and so many other things for YOUR KIDS, to make sure they feel loved! I have protected them from the wrath of y’alls arguments. Lied on your behalf dad to save face in front of them for your sake. And I have never once even breathed a disrespectful word to them about either one of you, unlike the both of you.