I stayed this way the whole weekend. I stayed this way the whole summer, and even the next because summer days reminded me of him. The summers reminded me of the time we spent on tour. The time we were… okay. I was losing my way and hoping one day I would find happiness and peace again.
Unfortunately, happiness wasn’t on my side and my peace faded day by day.
I was empty.
Damaged.
Alone.
The dread happened all over again… only this time, there was no way out of it.
Graduating college is way different from graduating high school. Why? Because when you’re graduating high school and going into college, all you have to worry about is what flavor noodles you’re going to eat at the dorm, how you’re going to ace the next test, and maybe dealing with some homesickness. But going from college into the real life? It’s way different.
After college, you have to worry about how you’re going to make a living, how you’re going to get your dream job with a well-paying salary, how you’re going to make it on your own. There’s a point in time when you can no longer live off your parents—well, you can if you want to look worthless, but if you want to make something of yourself, you have to be independent. Ambitious. Strong. After college, you have to start paying your own bills, making your own money, providing your own transportation, start paying rent, etc. The after-college years are scary, but I’ve been through worse, so I knew I could do it.
I finally got my bachelor’s in art. As they called my name and I walked across that stage, I was the happiest girl alive. I survived four years of hardship. Four years of determination. Four years of ups and downs. It’d always been a goal of mine to graduate from University of Virginia, and I had finally accomplished it. But this was only one of many goals to accomplish.
During my internship at Arts Global, Frank saw I was getting better and better and told me I could come work for him whenever I was ready. Oh, I was ready. More than ready, actually. Arts Global was perfect for me. I had actual friends there. New York was like my second home after spending the past two summers there.
Most people had to worry, but I didn’t. My job lay right in front of me, and I was starting in August. This summer was going to be based solely on fun, and I was accepting it.
After the graduation ceremony, I found Ben in the parking lot with a bouquet of flowers. He saw me coming before I met up to him and a wide smile formed on his lips. Usually Ben would make a scene and rush my way, but he stayed in place. And I think I knew why. I was no longer a little girl. He watched me transform from a girl to a woman, and thinking about it made me kind of teary-eyed. As I met up to him, the first thing I did was hug him.
Ben was all I had. Ben was all I needed. I didn’t care if the whole world were here to see me. All I cared about was my dad.
“I love you so much, Eliza. I’m so proud of you.” Ben squeezed me and sniffled. I had my makeup done by someone he knew and I was glad it was waterproof because the tears really gushed then. He knew how far I had come. He knew how much I’d gone through just to get here.
“I love you, too, Ben,” I said over his shoulder.
Ben gasped and kept holding on. “This is going to be so different now. You leaving me to live on your own.” He gasped again and I knew he was trying his hardest to keep in his tears. I giggled over his shoulder, but my tears kept streaming.
“I know. It will be different. I’ll miss you every day, but I’ll visit whenever I can.”
“Oh, I know you will, honey.” He pulled back but kept a hold of my shoulders. He studied my face and then smiled before leaning in and kissing my forehead. “You mean so much to me. I really am proud of you, Eliza. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you during it all… I know I haven’t been much of a father to you, but I would do anything for you. I’m still working on it.” He squeezed my cheeks, smiling.
“Thanks, Dad.” Surprisingly, he didn’t correct me and tell me it was “Ben” not “Dad.” I loved him even more for letting me have our father-daughter moment.
Ben was about to say something, but before he could, someone screeched my name and I spun around. Kelsey was pushing through the crowd with an envelope in hand. She grinned from ear to ear, and I laughed, swiping my eyes as I watched her make her way toward me.
“Kelsey! You made it!” I squealed.
“Hell yeah!” She pulled me in for a tight hug. I hugged her just as tight before pulling away. “I’m so damn proud of you!”
I giggled. “Thanks.”
Kelsey handed me the enveloped card and then looked at Ben, who was already staring at her. It wasn’t his normal stare. He was staring at her, looking up and down, trying to figure out what the hell she had on.
“Um—”
“Don’t even say it, Ben.” I sighed, shaking my head.
“Say what?” Kelsey asked, her eyebrows stitching.
I looked into her green eyes and pressed my lips. I wasn’t about to tell her Ben didn’t like her attire. I knew Kelsey, and I could tell she worked hard on this outfit. She wore khakis, red flats, and a really grandma-looking red blouse. She still rocked her glasses and her hair was pulled into a ponytail, but she looked nice to me.
“No. You know me, Eliza. This is her first time really meeting me, and I am just…” Ben pressed a hand against his chest dramatically. “I’m just shocked. Have you not told her how I am?”
“Shocked about…?” Kelsey still wore a confused mask.
I kept quiet and bit on a smile. Ben, on the other hand, shook his head and said, “Well, if she isn’t gonna say it, I’ll say it. I’m a huge fashionista, and when I see true potential in someone, I go for it. If we’re being honest here, I don’t… like… what you’re… wearing.” Ben looked Kelsey over again and then covered his mouth with his hand.
Kelsey looked down, studying her clothes, and then looked into Ben’s eyes again. I thought for a moment she was going to be upset, but that whole thought changed as she said, “Well, how about you fix me up, then?” She shrugged.
Ben’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head. “Really?! Damn.” He chuckled. “You were a lot easier than Eliza.”
“Eh.” Kelsey shrugged again. “I’ve been in need of a makeover for a while.”
“Great. And since you’re spending the summer with us, we can do tons of shopping.”
“That sounds ah-maze-ing!” Kelsey sang.
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Kelsey.”
Kelsey winked at him. “Pleasure’s all mine.”
I giggled, shaking my head. Yeah, this summer was definitely going to be the best summer yet.
Ben had to meet someone after my graduation breakfast, so as soon as he dropped us off at home, he took off and Kelsey and I caught up.
“So how’s AG now?” I asked.
“Funny,” Kelsey said, sneering as she nibbled on a carrot.
I tilted my head, elevating my eyebrows out of curiosity. “Funny? How?” I laughed.
“Well, you know how Frank gave Monica that promotion?”
“Yeah?”
“Well… let’s just say she hasn’t gotten the hang of it yet. She’s still learning and she was crying last night ‘cause she said it was too much stress, but she needs the extra money. She misses her old managing job.”
“Poor Monica.” I poked out my bottom lip. “She deserves that job, though. She’s been working there for so long. She’s, like, one of the best.”
“Yeah, but get this.” Kelsey twirled around in my rolling chair, finishing her carrot. “Frank asked for Monica’s hand in marriage.”
I nearly choked on my root beer. “What? How did I miss this?”
“It happened this morning. Mary called me earlier and told me.” Mary was Frank’s assistant, who was also really fun to hang out with.
“Oh my gosh! We have to call Monica!” I squealed, hopping off the bed. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and scrolled through it for her number.
“I’ve been try
ing to call her all morning,” Kelsey said, spinning in the chair again. She picked up one of my drawing pencils and rubbed it between her fingers. “I think Frank told her to take the rest of the day off and then took her out for breakfast.”
“Wow,” I breathed out. “I didn’t think Frank had it in him—especially with all the stories Monica has about him messing around with other girls.”
“Let me tell you something.” Kelsey dropped my pencil and stood from the chair. “Frank is in love with Monica. I think she has, like, a magical vagina or something. He looks at her all the time. Whenever we have a conference meeting, he always asks her to stay after. Whenever it’s Monica’s turn to speak up during a meeting, he smiles and winks at her. It’s the little flirtatious signs that prove his feelings. Men don’t do that, especially successful men like Frank. Monica has him pussy-whipped.”
I burst out laughing as Kelsey did her matter-of-fact face. “You think so?”
“I know so. Took him a few years to finally seal the deal. They’ve been messing around since Monica started at AG. That’s a long time.”
“Yeah, it is. I’m so happy for them! We have to celebrate with her when we get back to New York.”
“Damn straight.” Kelsey flopped down on the edge of the bed and looked me in the eyes. I knew the look she was giving me. Her smile faded; her lips pressed. She was about to say something I didn’t like. “Speaking of weddings… Grendel is having one in about a week.”
I rolled my eyes. “Grendel can do whatever the hell he wants. It’s been two years since we last talked.”
“No, Eliza. I told you before. I really think this whole thing is fake. He hasn’t said one thing about it. The only one talking about the wedding is that Penelope bitch. Gage doesn’t tweet about it, and get this… Roy Sykes actually replied to a tweet Penelope posted.”
I shrugged. “And?”
“And!? Roy never fucking tweets!” Kelsey said, hopping to her feet. “Like, ever! He retweets but never tweets his own opinion.”
“Well, what did he say to her tweet?”
“Penelope tweeted how the wedding was going to be amazing for both her and Gage. Roy replied and said, ‘You mean amazing for you. Won’t be for him.’ It’s been everywhere! They’re blowing that shit up. Because of his little response, everyone’s been thinking the wedding is staged… and I know it is! There’s no way in hell a man will marry a girl he sees less than five times a year.”
“Okay, but what does this have to do with me?” I asked.
“I think you know damn well what this has to do with you. You know when something is up with Gage. Every time I try to bring him up, you brush me off. You know something, so tell me. Your dad is their manager, for fuck’s sake!”
“Yeah, but Ben isn’t the type to be in the boys’ business. He has his own mess to worry about.”
“Oh, whatever. You know something.”
“Why would you assume I know anything?”
“Because… okay.” She blew out a breath. “The day after our little sleepover two years ago, you were supposed to call me, but you didn’t. And then that Monday for work, you were all gloomy again. I figured something must’ve happened with Grendel, but I didn’t say anything. Monica didn’t either because we thought you were still hurting. We kept quiet for you. The depression lasted that whole summer, Eliza.”
I pressed my lips and stood from the bed. “Kelsey, Gage and I are done. I can guarantee that.”
“No, you can’t guarantee it. They have a new song and, quite frankly, it sounds like it’s about you.”
“How?”
“The lyrics. Duh.” Kelsey rolled her eyes. “The song says things like, ‘Letting you go was wrong, I wish I could make it right,’ and, ‘I tried to care for your fragile heart, sweetheart. I should have held on to you.’” Kelsey sang the lyrics to me, and my eyes broadened with surprise.
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
“Ugh. Whatever. You’re being so naïve right now, Eliza. You know they’re about you. I know they’re about you! Gage was your first love and you were his! You said it, so tell me!”
I shook my head, taking a step back. “I—I can’t, Kelsey. I’m trying to leave him in the past.”
“Eliza.” Kelsey huffed a breath, frowning. “Eliza, you can trust me. I’m your best friend. You know how I am. Tell me what’s up.”
I took a deep breath. She was my best friend, but talking about Gage always hurt. After two years, I still wasn’t over him. I was still in love with him, but I found ways to cope. Hanging with Kelsey and Monica was one of them. Focusing on school was another. But of course there was always room in my mind for him. Always.
“All right. Fine.” I folded my arms, leaning against the wall. “Gage and Roy were playing in Central Park the day after our sleepover. I took a run through the park that day and he saw me and told me to meet him under the bridge. I met him and… he told me his sister came back—”
“Gage has a sister?” Kelsey interrupted, shocked.
“Yes. And she’s sick with stage-one lung cancer. It actually might be way past that stage now. No one outside the band knows Gage has a sister except Penelope and me. Gage knows I would never tell his business, but Penelope, on the other hand…” I sighed, shaking my head. “She’s a bitch. I didn’t know her dad was the boys’ boss. Her dad is the reason the band is this successful. Gage told me if he does anything to piss off Penelope, she’ll get someone to write about his sister in some magazine and she’ll tell her dad to drop the band. She’s blackmailing him. Forcing him to do things he doesn’t want to do for the safety of his family and his career. Penelope’s dad is the best there is.”
“Damn. Is she that much of a fucking snake?”
“She’s worse than a snake. She’s a damn anaconda.”
Kelsey burst out laughing and I laughed with her. “That’s truly the saddest shit I’ve ever heard.”
I shrugged. I admit it was a pretty corny line.
“So Gage is being trapped with Penelope?”
“Yep.”
“I fucking knew it!” Kelsey yelled. “He cares about his reputation that much?”
“That’s what I ask myself every day. Rumors will spread regardless.”
“Wow.” Kelsey shook her head, flopping down on the bed and lying on her back. “This is ridiculous. Glad I’m not famous.”
I lay down beside her and stared up at the ceiling. We were both quiet for a moment. I’m not sure what she was thinking about, but I was thinking of Gage. “I miss him, Kelsey.”
“I know you do.” Kelsey pushed up on her elbows to look at me. “You know what I think?”
I looked at her. “What?”
“I think we should find Penelope and beat her ass… or when we get back to New York, find out where Gage lives and convince his sister to tell Gage to drop Penelope. She’s older than him, right?”
I nodded.
“Older sisters always help their little brothers. It’s, like, an automatic thing in life. He may get on my nerves, but I’d kill someone if they ever hurt my little brother.”
“I think she would take the publicity for the sake and happiness of her brother. Gage doesn’t think so, though. He doesn’t think the boys will understand, either. It’ll be all his fault if they lose the contract with her dad. He promised his sister he’d keep her out of the spotlight so she wouldn’t stress. He really wanted her back in his life and now that he has her, he’s doing all he can to keep her around.”
“That’s bullshit… but I admit it kinda makes sense.” She flopped on her back again and blew out a breath.
“Yeah.” I agreed.
“So when’s the last time you talked to David?”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know. David was… David,” I muttered.
“That means…?” Kelsey mused.
“I don’t know.” I perched up on my elbows. “I just wasn’t feeling it with him. It seemed forced. And I think he felt it, too.” I lifted my
shoulders, shrugging. “Whenever I hung with him, I thought of Gage. I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t help it. I compared him to Gage a lot, and it sucked for David because Gage was much more fun to be around. It was best for David and me to just be friends. I couldn’t let him get in too deep with me. I can’t afford breaking someone else’s heart right now. I thought by being with him I would get over Grendel, but it only made me miss him more.”
Kelsey laughed a little. “Well, I think you did the right thing. Hopefully he doesn’t make it awkward at AG when we go back.”
My lips meshed as I flopped down again. “I don’t think he’ll be too upset about it. I told him from the start I wasn’t trying to be too serious—especially after all I’d been through with my last… whatever it was.” I waved my hand in the air. I couldn’t even call it a relationship with Gage. We were just… us.
“Don’t worry, chick.” Kelsey sat up. “It takes time to get over things. Some more so than others.”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “I know.”
The next day, Ben woke Kelsey and me up bright and early.
“Get up, girlies!” Ben chimed, tugging on the blanket. I groaned and Kelsey growled something beneath her breath before turning to lie on her stomach.
“Come on! Get up!” Ben shouted.
“Ben!” I pulled the blanket off my face to look at him. “You’re kidding, right? We’re tired!”
“No, I’m not kidding. I took today off to spend it with you ladies… and to take Kelsey shopping.”
Kelsey turned on her back, frowning. “I don’t shop this early. Maybe next time, though.” She yawned, but Ben folded his arms and frowned.
“Please?” he begged.
“Oh, God.” I groaned, rolling my eyes as Ben gave his pathetic grown-man puppy-dog eyes.
Who We Are (FireNine #2) Page 12