Who We Are (FireNine #2)

by Williams, S. Q.

  “I bought you something,” I said.

  “What?” His eyes turned on the brown paper bag on the table. I grabbed it, pulled out the cake, and Gage’s hazel eyes broadened at the sight of it. There was a boyish gleam in his eyes. I knew what he was feeling. Kristina said after their mom died she could never afford to buy him anything other than one big cupcake for his birthday, so I thought it’d be best to buy him a whole one. Even though he was a grown man, I knew this meant a lot to him. He hadn’t had a birthday cake since he was four years old, so the tears forming at the rims of his eyes were understandable.

  “Ellie…” he trailed off, shaking his head with a small smile. “Fuck, Ellie. You always get me at the wrong time.”

  I smiled up at him. “I thought we could all share some and instead of you singing, we could sing to you. You deserve this.”

  Gage looked at the cake again. On the cake was a picture of his mom holding him in her arms. He was just a toddler but adorable as hell. He looked kind of sick, but he was smiling. That’s all that mattered. Kristina had the picture for years and gave it to me to use on the cake. I thought it was a bad idea since his mom always triggered his emotions, but she thought he could handle it, so I went through with it. After seeing the final product, I didn’t want to cut the cake up. This was his mom. Someone he missed dearly. Someone he wished every day could come back and hold him for just a little while. His mom looked just like Kristina, only older. Long, dark-brown hair, bright-green eyes, on the skinnier side—she was gorgeous.

  Luckily, Gage manned up. He smiled at me again, kissed my cheek, and then hooked an arm across my shoulders.

  “All right, everyone!” Kristina yelled, clapping her hands above her head. She had a black bandana on her head and wore all black. “Get your asses over here. It’s my brother’s birthday and we’re gonna make it the best one yet.”

  Everyone gathered around the table as I lit the candles. These were my boys. They were all my boys. I adored each and every one of them. I asked Gage why he didn’t celebrate his birthday the year I was on tour with them, and he said it was because his birthday reminded him of his family. He didn’t like the reminder so he just considered it another day. This was another thing to add to my memory bank. June seventeenth. Grendel’s birthday. I had to make it special for him.

  Kristina did a countdown and we all started singing, and as I took a look around, I knew exactly what Kristina meant by getting together as a family. We were all family. Every single person around this table loved hard. We all cared for one another in some fashion, and I was glad to see it. We were one. We were a unit. A team. Nothing could break our bond. We may not have the same blood, but that didn’t matter. Nothing could get between us. Even though we all had our fallouts—our speed bumps—we still loved one another. This band was unique in it’s own way. This band taught me a lot—not only about myself, but also about life in general.

  Every person surrounding the table deserved to be in Gage’s condo because each person cared for him. Each person loved him. Everyone has their trials and tribulations, but in order to get through them, you have to stick together. You have to open yourself up and trust. Love. Cherish.

  It wasn’t easy—hell, it took a lot for Gage and me to get where we really wanted to be—but even though we experienced real pain, the breaking of our own hearts, somewhere along that line, we knew we would get back together. We knew not to say good-bye. We knew to hold on, because sometimes holding on is the best thing to do. Holding on proves we’re a lot stronger than we thought we’d ever be.

  The trip to Virginia was a blast. We sang along to songs, goofed around, ate a bunch of junk food and snacks, napped, and even took quite a lot of bathroom stops for a group of adults, but all in all we had fun. It’s what we were seeking.

  As soon as Kristina got the keys to the lake house, we all rushed to claim our rooms. Kristina made sure Gage and I had the best room of the house. We were on the second floor with a spacious balcony and a marvelous view of the lake. The bedroom consisted of a king-sized bed, gold drapes, with gold and black sheets and a comforter to match. The bathroom counters and shower walls were made of black marble with gold flecks and also had a large Jacuzzi tub that Gage swore we were going to dirty up countlessly.

  The lake house was nothing short of beautiful. Nothing could ruin this for us. This was our escape. Our alone time. And I was going to get the best of it with Grendel.

  After I showered, I hurried down to the kitchen where Kristina and Montana were cooking it up. Montana actually had his mohawk slicked back and a large spatula in hand as he stirred some shrimp around on a pan.

  “What’s for dinner?” I asked, peeking over his shoulder and inhaling the saltiness.

  “Shrimp linguini and garlic bread. Don’t tell Grendel. He isn’t allowed to see, but Miss Kris says it’s his favorite.” Montana winked over his shoulder and I nodded, taking a peek in the fridge. There were bottles of beer, wine, juice, and a carton of milk… oh, and more beer. I was sure Montana picked those up. I grabbed a bottle of beer and Kristina glanced over her shoulder, smiling.

  “Like it here?” she asked.

  “I do. It’s beautiful. The view of the lake is amazing.”

  “I know. If the view from my room is nice, yours and Dalton’s has to be breathtaking.”

  I nodded in agreement, uncapping my beer. Moments later, Roy and Kelsey stepped into the kitchen, arm in arm. It was cute seeing them together. It was nice to see Roy really smile for once. I could tell he loved spending time with Kelsey. I saw in his eyes that nothing outside of her and everyone in this lake house mattered. He had everything he wanted right here. I didn’t know much about his past, what he’d gone through, or how his life used to be, but I knew he most likely had it rough. I was just glad he was opening up to everyone.

  “What do you guys say to a game of spades?” I asked them, pointing back at the table with my thumb.

  “I’m a king at spades. You sure about that?” Roy asked, raising an eyebrow.

  I smiled, taking a sip of my beer and grabbing the box of cards from the shelf. “I say prove it. But we need one more person.”

  “I’m team Eliza,” Deed said, smiling as he stepped in the kitchen.

  “Awesome.” I hooked my arm through Deed’s and we met at the table.

  Of course, I was all talk. I’d only played spades once and that was with Teala on a rainy day. We were bored, the power was out, so we thought cards by candlelight would do the trick. She whooped my ass that day, but Roy and Kelsey murdered our asses this night. Deed laughed because he’d never played, but for his first time, he did well.

  After we finished about three games, Kristina said the food was ready and Gage and Megan (Deed’s girlfriend) rushed downstairs. They’d been playing some videogame in the bonus room. It was odd because Megan didn’t look like a gamer, but the way she talked about the different levels of different games over dinner proved she was and always had been. This girl grew up playing video games. It didn’t make her less beautiful or too boyish. She still had her girly ways, especially around Deed. Her blushing and giggling proved this, but videogames were obviously a big part of her life, just like they were for Deed. They were perfect together.

  After we wrapped up dinner, everyone went off to the living room with beers in hand to do some karaoke. It was funny. Really, really funny. Gage, of course, had the best voice, but we all booed him and considered him a cheater because he had natural talent. He simply shrugged and laughed at us all. Roy and Kelsey sang a duet of “Rolling in the Deep” by Adele and sounded absolutely horrid. Especially Roy. He couldn’t sing for crap, but he was having fun and we cheered for them in the end. Montana did a song by 3 Doors Down, and Deed and Megan sang a duet of “Misery” by Maroon 5. Kristina and I were up next and we sang our hearts out to “Counting Stars” by OneRepublic. We might as well have made it a contest. Kristina and I would’ve won first place. We were the shit.

  Later on that night, we a
ll went out on the main balcony and drank more beers. We counted stars, snacked on crackers and cheese, and talked about a bunch of nonsense—that is until Kristina said something that made us all really think.

  “Do you guys ever wonder why we’re really here?” she asked, staring at her beer bottle.

  Montana choked on a laugh, but as he saw how serious she was, he looked around and straightened up, running his hand over his slick hair. “W-what do you mean?” he asked.

  “I mean… you know… sometimes I wonder why I was really placed on this earth. What was I supposed to come down here and do?”

  Everyone was quiet for a moment. We all stared at one another with bulged eyes, but then I met Kristina’s gaze and smiled. “I think we’re all here to either make someone happy, to take care of someone who may be in need, or to make a difference in a few lives, good or bad.” Everyone was still quiet, but Kelsey nodded her head as if she understood what I was getting at. “For instance,” I said, sitting up on Gage’s lap and pointing at his chest. He looked up at me with stitched eyebrows before zoning in on my hand. “Your mom passed when you were younger, but she died for something good. She gave Gage his heart. She sacrificed herself. And then when she passed away, you promised to take care of him no matter what—”

  “But I didn’t stick with the no matter what so I guess I made a bad difference in his life. I kinda messed up,” she said, huffing a laugh.

  “True, but remember… this is life. We’re only human. We all mess up. We all make mistakes. And sometimes those mistakes show us who we really are.” I whipped my head to look at Gage. “You forgive her, right, Gage?”

  “Of course I do,” he said quickly.

  “Okay. See. Forgiveness is a huge part of life. He forgives you. It’s all about you forgiving yourself. Come to peace with that, Kristina.”

  She stared into my eyes. Beneath the moonlight, her rims began to glisten and turn red, but she tore away her gaze. “Trust me, I’m trying.”

  Megan reached over to rub circles on her back. “You know, my mom always used to tell me that life is shit until you clean it all up. Until you shower yourself with positivity, and nothing but, life will continue to be shit. You have to clean yourself up. You have to become someone you’ve always wanted to be… and I believe her. It’s how I see things.” Kristina tilted her head at Megan, who gave her a warm smile. “You’re a good girl, from what I can tell. You just have to be positive.”

  “And positivity goes a long way, trust me,” Roy rumbled out before sipping his beer.

  “Oh, what would you know about being positive, Grumpy Lumpkins?” Kristina teased, throwing a cracker at him.

  He ducked out of the way, laughing and holding out his hands. “Hey, I know a lot. You aren’t the only one trying to forgive themselves for something—I mean, I have, but, you know… It takes time to really go through with it. That’s all we really have. Time.”

  “Right. Time,” Kelsey whispered, kissing his cheek. “And hopefully with time you can tell me what’s really up.”

  Roy knuckled her chin. “One day.”

  The night carried on this way, with us talking and reminiscing—well, mainly Kristina. She had a good heart and soul, and we all knew this, but we also knew she blamed herself every time she looked into Gage’s eyes. For some reason, he was kind of quiet as she went on about what he used to do as a child or how their mom used to sing a certain melody to them. She actually sang the melody with an acoustic guitar, and I thought Gage would tear up from hearing it, but he didn’t. He simply smiled and clapped for her when she was done.

  Montana went on about the girl he couldn’t get a hold of, and all of us laughed. He flipped us all off before grabbing another beer out of the cooler. It’s not that we were making fun of him; it was just funny how he was really thinking about her. I never thought I’d see the day he allowed a girl to get under his skin. But I knew Montana. He wasn’t a quitter. He was going to keep trying until he got her somehow.

  Deed and Megan had actually met a year and a half ago and were still going strong, which was shocking but cute. They had plans of moving in with one another and of course playing tons of videogames. I was glad Deed was finally happy with someone. Kristina and I actually got to talk to him alone when everyone went in to play beer pong at the table.

  “So you really like that girl?” Kristina asked, sipping her beer and pointing toward the house.

  Deed shrugged. “I do.”

  “I like her a lot. I think she’s really sweet. And I can tell she really cares about you,” I told him.

  “Yeah. I don’t want to say she’s perfect because there’s no such thing, but she’s close. Really, really close. She’s good to me… something I’ve never experienced with a girl… well, besides you saving me,” he said, grinning at me.

  I laughed as he ran his palms along his jeans. “So, has Bentley tried getting in contact with you?”

  “He’s tried, yeah. He wants to talk things over, but… I don’t know. I don’t think I can let him into my life again. He taught me a lot and led me into this career, yeah, but like you said, everyone comes into our lives for a reason, good or bad. His reason was to show me my talent and how to become stronger as a person. He wasn’t fair at all, and I actually talked to my mom about him and what he did. She said she knew since day one that Bentley had been hitting me and tossing me around… but she never bothered to help.” Deed swallowed thickly, resting his inked elbows on his thighs and shaking his head. “I used to think my mom loved me, you know? I used to think she would never let anything happen to me, but since she knew the whole time I was getting hurt and abused by him, it proves she didn’t give a shit about me. Sucks to say, but I’m done with them. She’ll always be my mom, but it doesn’t mean I have to deal with her.”

  I swallowed. It was crazy how much Deed and I had in common. Terrible mothers and abusive stepfathers. Crazy.

  “True,” Kristina said, nodding. “You can always walk away. There’s no need to look back when your future is so much brighter.” She gripped his shoulder and he looked up at her beneath his eyelashes. He then forced a small smile across his lips before sighing, sitting upright, and then standing.

  “Well, I think I’m gonna take Megan to bed. She can get a little crazy when she’s drunk.”

  “No fucking way! Not fair! I made that!” Megan yelled. We all turned to look back and she was pointing at a cup and scowling at Montana. Montana was laughing his ass off. He had a bad habit of laughing at the wrong time.

  “See what I mean?” Deed said, chuckling. “She can get real competitive. I’ll catch you guys in the morning.”

  “Goodnight, Deed,” Kristina and I said at the same time.

  As Deed walked off, we sighed and looked at one another. “I love those damn boys,” she said, tucking a thin lock of her hair behind her ear.

  “Me, too. They’re just like family. All of them.”

  “Yep. I know what you mean.” Kristina pressed her lips and swallowed a lump in her throat. She stared at me for a moment and I tilted my head, confused. “I think we should tell him tonight, Eliza.”

  I shook my head swiftly. “Kristina, I don’t think tonight is best. He’s having too much fun. I don’t want to ruin it.”

  “I know. I know. I feel the same way, but… I’m not well. I went to the hospital two nights ago and they said my lungs are… rotting. That it may be less than three months now. When they gave me a timeframe, that was over six months ago. I’m transitioning to stage four now and since I’ve given up on chemo… well, they say there’s nothing they can do.”

  My eyes expanded. I rushed to her side and pulled her in. “Are you serious?” I whispered.

  “As a heart attack, sweetie.”

  “Oh, God… no.”

  “Eliza, it’s all right. We’ll talk to Dalton together. We’ll tell him.”

  “Tell me what?” Gage’s deep voice asked behind us.

  We both gasped and looked over our shoulders.
Gage was standing at the door with a beer in hand, smiling faintly. I hopped to my feet as Kristina blew out a breath. “Uh…”

  “Dalton, come sit.” Kristina insisted, pointing at the seat across from us. She seemed to be collected… more than I was.

  “Okay.” Gage laughed. I was certain he wasn’t going to be laughing after he heard the bad news.

  He sat down and Kristina sat forward, glancing at me. We were all quiet for a moment. I was wondering what the hell to say to him. I didn’t want to kill the smile taking over his face. He deserved to hold on to it. It was nice to see.

  “Look, I’ll cut to the chase, okay?” Kristina started. “You know I’m… dying, Dalton. That I’m getting sicker each day.”

  His smile fell and his face stiffened automatically. “Yeah.” He swallowed. “I know.”

  “Well, Eliza and I have been sitting on the thought of telling you that I might not have a few years anymore. I don’t even have the three months I thought I had. I have a month… tops.”

  “To live?” he asked, pushing out of his chair.

  “Yes. To live.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve been keeping this from me? Why?!” he roared.

  “Because we knew you wouldn’t take the news lightly, Gage. This is serious. This is her life,” I said, standing.

  “Yeah, it’s her life and I have every right to know everything happening to her. I deserve to know all that shit!”

  “Okay, Dalton, but getting upset isn’t going to make things better.”

  “Yeah, and me looking forward to seeing your face again but instead finding your dead body on the floor when I get home will?” he snapped. “Kris… fuck, man! I can’t fucking lose you, too! You should’ve told me this shit before!”

  Gage stepped around us and rushed for the door. Montana and Roy were already standing there with confused masks.

  “What the hell is going on?” Roy asked, looking from Gage to us.