Who We Are (FireNine #2)

by Williams, S. Q.

  “Get the fuck out of my way,” Gage snapped, shoving past them.

  “Whoa! Gage! Chill, man!” Montana ran after him and grabbed his shoulder, but Gage yanked away.

  “I’m warning you, Montana. Not right now.”

  Montana held his hands in the air, his forehead creasing with confusion.

  “You can’t go out this late, Gage!” I yelled, rushing into the house.

  “Eliza, not now!” he growled as I rushed after him. I grabbed his arm, but he pulled away with flared nostrils. It was the drinks that were really making him this way. He was nowhere near sober, so this was the real him. His raw emotions were being put on display and he couldn’t control it. We should’ve waited.

  “Gage… Trust me, we wanted to tell you, but we knew you weren’t going to be able to handle it! Look at you! You’re doing a terrible job with the news already!”

  “That’s my fucking sister, Eliza! My fucking sister! I… shit! I don’t wanna lose her! I’ll find a way to keep her. Watch.” Gage grabbed the closet doorknob and yanked it open. Grabbing a jacket, he stormed for the balcony and gripped Kristina’s arm.

  “Ow, fuck, Dalton! Get off of me!”

  “No. We’re finding a way, Kris. I can’t fucking lose you, too. I just can’t, man.” He placed the jacket around her with tears building up in his eyes.

  “Dalton, you can’t take me out there. There’s nothing we can do,” she snapped at him.

  “I have money! There’s plenty of shit we can do! I’ll spend it all on you if we can find something to help.” He was zipping her jacket now. He grabbed her arm, but she yanked away.

  “Dalton—”

  “Kris, come on!”

  “No! Damn it, Dalton, stop! Just fucking stop!”

  “I can’t stop, Kris! You aren’t leaving me!” The tears were streaming down his cheeks, dripping on his light-grey T-shirt. He sniffled, swiping at his eyes. “Kris, come on. I can find a way. I’ll do whatever I can. You know I will. I always do.”

  “Yes, Dalton. Dalton.” She cupped his face. “Yes, I know you will. Okay? I know you would do anything for me. We all know it. And I love you for that, but there’s nothing you can do. I want this. All right? I want this. Just like Mom wanted it. There’s only so much we can do. I’m suffering, Dalton. I don’t want this pain anymore. This misery. It… hurts.”

  “God, Kris. No, man.” He rested his forehead on hers and choked a bit, both of their eyes flowing with tears. “No.” He gripped her in his arms and she wrapped hers around him. His face was buried in the crook of her neck and hers was resting on his chest.

  “Dalton, just let it go. Okay? You’re strong. Don’t make this worse than it needs to be. Just accept it. Okay? Just… don’t fight it.” She pulled back to look into his eyes. She forced a smile across her lips, and I bit my bottom lip, aiming to fight the tears that were building their way up. That was unfortunate because they fell anyway. Kelsey pulled me against her, sniffling as well.

  “Kris… you’re all I have, man. Do you not realize that?”

  “No. That’s where you’re wrong,” she whispered, kissing his cheek. “You have your band. They’re your family, too. They’ve been with you and they haven’t left your side once. I left twice. They haven’t. And I’m sure they never will. You have Eliza,” she whispered. “She’ll always be here for you, and you know it.” She kissed his other cheek and that’s what really broke him down. He was blinded by tears. He gave out and sank in the chair behind him. Roy and Montana stepped up, thinking he was going to fall. Kris sat beside him and looked at us.

  “You guys go ahead and go upstairs. We need some time alone.”

  “Sure,” Montana whispered before turning around. His sky-blue eyes met mine and he took me away from Kelsey. He placed a soft kiss on my forehead and then said, “It’s all good, Miss Eliza. He’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.” I glanced up and tears were forming at the rims of his eyes. He fought against them, though. He refused to let them fall as he helped me upstairs and into my room. He knew just as well as I did that this was wrong on so many levels but completely necessary. We couldn’t keep dragging it out. We should’ve told him earlier than now. “You want me to stay in here until he comes up?” Montana asked.

  “No. You can go. It’s okay.”

  “Sure?”

  “Yeah.” I forced a smile. “I’m just gonna take a shower.”

  “All right. You need anything, just let me know.”

  “I will.”

  Montana shut the door behind him and as he did, more tears escaped my swollen eyelids. This was hard, but I knew it was best for Gage. This was what he had to hear, even if it was killing him. Moments later, there was a light knock on the door. It creaked open and Roy stepped in with a faint smile on his lips.

  “Just wanted to say goodnight… and to make sure you were okay.”

  “Uh… yeah.” I swiped at my tears. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

  “Doesn’t look like it,” he said, laughing a little.

  “Well, of course I’m not, Sykes.” I tried laughing. It sounded hoarse and forced.

  “Yeah, well…” He sighed, taking a look around the room. “Things will get better.” He slid his fingertips into his front pockets. “You start working in August...” This was more of a statement than a question.

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  Roy was quiet for a moment, staring at me with dark eyes. “Whatever you do, don’t break the kid’s heart again. After Kris is gone, you’ll be all he has left. And if he loses you again… well, shit just won’t go well for him or the band. I’m not here to tell you that you have to be with him, but if you know you have other plans in life and you want to do it without him, settle it the right way. I’ve never seen him this weak. Not since Kristina left him the first time.”

  “I—I won’t leave him, Roy. I love him.”

  “I know you do. And he’s madly in love with you. But I know you’re a girl who’s about priorities.” Roy stopped talking and observed me, scanning up and down with his narrowed eyes. “Has Gage become a priority to you?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “You promise?”

  “I promise. I’ve made Gage my everything. I’m not losing him again. We’re going to work it out.”

  A smile weaved its way across Roy’s lips. “That’s what I wanted to hear.” He turned for the door and grabbed the knob. “I told you before that you remind me of Rose… She was close to me and she… hurt me. But I hurt her, too. I did things she couldn’t handle hearing or seeing. Things just didn’t work out between us, but I loved her more than anything in this fucking world… even when I knew I didn’t deserve her.” He said all this facing the door. “But I think you’re better than her. I think when you say something, you really mean it. When you want something, you stick with it. I like that about you. And I can respect that. Love is… it’s unreal. It’s amazing. You and Gage sort of made me believe in it again. I don’t want to see all you two have fought for spiral down the drain.”

  He glanced over his shoulder at me, smiling warmly.

  “I’m glad, Roy,” I whispered.

  Nodding, he grabbed the doorknob and stepped out. He shut it behind him gently and I sighed, standing from the bed and heading for the shower.

  After my twenty-minute shower of gloom, I wrapped a towel around me and stepped out. I wasn’t expecting to see Gage sitting on the edge of the bed as I entered the bedroom. His elbows were on his thighs, his head hanging down. As the door opened and the light shone on him, he looked up at me with bloodshot eyes.

  “Ellie.” With haste, he stood and met up to me. He grabbed me and pulled me into his arms, kissing me fervently. I moaned, hooking my arms around his neck as he carried me to the bed. As I landed on my back, his tongue plunged into my mouth, his hands gripping my waist. “Ellie, I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to talk to you that way. I was just… I was pissed. I knew it was coming, but I didn’t wanna hear it.”

  “I
know.” I cupped his face and as he blinked, his tears landed on my cheek. “I know. It’s okay, Gage.”

  He sniffled, staring into my eyes briefly. The next thing I knew, my towel and his clothes had vanished. He slid his arousal inside me, groaning as he locked his fingers with mine. I moaned breathily as he showered my lips and neck with sweet kisses.

  “It hurts, Ellie. So fucking much.”

  “I know,” I whispered. It was all I could manage. I’d never lost anyone, but I knew pain. Tears trickled down my cheeks as he plunged deeper. Gage was hurting, but he didn’t want to feel the hurt so he was letting it out as best as he could. He wasn’t hurting me, though. No. This was love. And it was incredible because for some reason I could feel everything he felt. His agony. His anger. His pain. It was all filling me up, and I wanted to make it better. I wanted him to know that whatever he felt, I was feeling. Whatever he had to go through, I was going through, too. He wasn’t alone with any of this. I wanted him to know that no matter what, I was here and I always would be. No matter what I had to go through, I would do it for him. For us. That’s what we were about now. Sacrifices. Consequences.

  He couldn’t do it all alone.

  Later on that night, Gage and I went downstairs to grab a few glasses of iced tea and a few sips of Jack Daniels. After we had our share of drinks, we headed back to the bedroom and stood out on the balcony. The balcony was huge and the view at night was nothing short of stunning. The water rippled with the wind and the moon hovered above, creating a soothing sparkle. There were a few fireflies floating around and crickets chirping between patches of grass, but other than that, it was serene. Peaceful. Gage gripped the rail of the balcony. He was quiet and he had his reasons to be. His sister’s death was on the way, and all over his face was a shadow of unbearable grief. Happiness wasn’t going to be on his side for a while. It wasn’t going to be on any of our sides.

  I didn’t want to say anything. I just wanted to be there for him, so I kept quiet and stood at his side, watching the water flow with the breeze. Reaching down, Gage grabbed my hand and I looked up at him as our fingers locked.

  He was already looking down at me, a soft smile on his beautiful lips. “It’ll be hard to make peace with Kris dying, Ellie.” He swallowed thickly, lowering his gaze. His face was pale beneath the moonlight, his hair hanging over his forehead. He looked worn, like he just wanted to give it all up and go whenever she did. “I never came to peace with Mom dying. I just try the hardest I can not to think about it.”

  I remained quiet. This was his time to speak. He was getting it all off his chest.

  “I remember this one time,” he said, laughing a little. His smile was nice to see. The way his eyes chinked and his cheeks sank in, he was adorable—almost boyish. Innocent. “This one time Kris found an empty glass beer bottle our dad dropped. It was lying on the curb and I dared Kris to pick it up and toss it.” He laughed a little again as a tear trailed down his cheek. His gaze was directly ahead, staring at the moon. “Well, she tossed it, but not far enough. It landed right beside me and all the glass shattered. Two pieces got caught in my leg, and I started crying like a little wimp and Kris rushed me to the house, begging me to be quiet. She pulled out the glass, wrapped my leg with a bandage, even gave me an Aladdin Band-Aid just for the hell of it, and then she told me if I bled out, she’d give me her blood in return. She told me she’d give me whatever I needed as long as I stopped crying—as long as I was okay.

  “Mom walked into the room after hearing me cry and the only thing she could do was laugh. She heard what Kris said. How she would give me whatever I needed as long as I was okay.” He choked a bit but was still smiling. “God, I love them so fucking much. I knew since I was a child that they were two people who would keep their word about anything. They cared for me a lot. But to know that they’ll both be gone—that they won’t see my babies whenever they’re born or even be able to attend my wedding one day… well, it just fucking sucks, Ellie. I swear I would do anything to keep Kris here. Anything. I don’t care what I have to go through. As long as she’s by my side for at least a few more years…” He swiped at his eyes. “A few more years, man. That’s all I need. I can deal with that. But a month… no.”

  I bit back on my tears as Gage’s thickened. He was trying to get rid of each and every one of them, but it wasn’t working out for him. He was really bawling. He was reminiscing about his family and how much he actually needed them to be there for him. I knew for a fact Gage would give up all he had for his sister, or even to get his mom back. As long as he had them, I was sure he didn’t care how his life turned out.

  “Gage,” I whispered, pulling his head down and hugging him. “Listen to me. Kristina loves you. She would do anything to be here for you. But they’ll always be here in spirit. Your mom, she’s probably here right now, holding you, and you don’t even know it. She’s probably crying just as much as you are. I’m sure giving her heart was her last resort, but this proves her love for you. You were her son. She loved you. And Kristina doesn’t want you to give it all up for her. She wants you to be happy… to carry on with your life.” I gently pushed him back by the shoulders and cupped his face in my hands. His eyes were closed, but his face was still tear-stained. “Gage, look at me… please.”

  His eyelids fluttered open and bloodshot, wet hazel irises met mine. “Come to peace with it,” I whispered. “For the next few days, have fun. It’s what Kristina wants. Be happy with her decision. I understand you want to mourn, but mourning isn’t what she wants from you right now. I know you’re hurt, but be strong. I’ll always be the shoulder you can cry on, but be strong for me right now. For her.”

  “I know, Ellie, but it’s fucking hard. She’s all the family I have left. My dad wasn’t and still isn’t shit. Kris is the only blood I have—”

  I stopped him with a sweet kiss and somehow his body sprang to life. He pulled me into him, gasping but not daring to stop. I craned my arms around his neck, reeling him in, wanting to provide some sort of comfort. We kissed like this for three minutes straight until he released me. I placed my lips on his cheek, his forehead, and his other cheek, and as I pulled back, he gave me a childlike smile, but there was still pain behind it.

  “It’s going to be hard, Eliza. Hard as hell. But I’ll try. For you and her.”

  I smiled, caressing his jaw with the pad of my thumb. “As long as you’re trying, it’s all that matters. You’re gonna be okay.”

  The following morning, I smelled cinnamon along with pancakes and syrup. I groaned a little, perking myself up against the headboard. Gage was still sleeping with his back facing me, snoring like a bear. I didn’t bother waking him. I checked my phone for the time—8:32 a.m. Kind of early to wake anyone up while we’re on vacation.

  I slid into some pajama shorts and a tank top, tied up my hair, and slipped my feet in my cozy pink slippers. Stumbling my way downstairs, I heard dishes rattling and something sizzling. I took the turn for the kitchen and found Kristina whipping up a ton of food. She saw me and gave a broad smile, winking. “Morning!” she chimed.

  She seemed to be in a much better mood than I expected, so I went along with it. “Morning!” I chimed back.

  She laughed at me. “Wanna help me whip up some pancakes? I’ve already got the French toast going. The boys will probably be up soon.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  I grabbed the bowl of pancake mix from the counter and stood over the stove. The frying pan was already hot and ready. Pouring some batter onto the pan and grabbing a spatula, Kristina stepped to my side to flip the French toast and then placed some sausage and bacon in the oven. “So I heard what you said to Dalton last night.”

  My head whipped as I looked at her with broad eyes. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. Just want to thank you. I think he feels as if he’ll be alone without me, but if he really thinks about it, I left him alone for a few years. Longer than I should have. He’ll survive, with or without me.” She shrugged.


  I turned as she stepped past me to rinse off her hands. “Yeah, but I think he sort of knew you were alive. That probably made a difference for him.”

  “Yeah, well… I don’t know. I don’t want him to hurt too much, you know? I mean, I hardly did anything for the kid growing up. I disappeared when he was—what?—fifteen? When he needed me most.”

  I nodded a little but kept quiet.

  “I just feel like I don’t deserve his tears.” She was messing with the French toast on the stove now, her gaze far from mine.

  “Kristina,” I whispered. “You have to forgive yourself. You can’t keep blaming yourself for the past. Gage forgives you, and you know it. Just stop.”

  “It’ll take time, Eliza. Maybe after this trip is over—I don’t know.”

  “My room is right around the fucking corner and this chitchat ain’t doing it for me,” Montana grumbled, stepping into the kitchen and rubbing his eyes.

  I snickered and Kristina glanced over her shoulder, laughing. “Don’t blame me. Eliza started talking first.”

  “What?!” I shrieked, laughing. “I did not!”

  “All I know is you two have some really annoying voices… especially in the morning.” Montana laughed as he reached in the fridge for the milk. He pulled off the cap and was about to bring it to his mouth, but I rushed forward and smacked him on his chest.

  “Montana! No! That is so gross. This isn’t the tour bus, okay? There are other people who have to drink the milk. We don’t want your spit in our glasses.”

  He was smiling at me with wide eyes. “I hate drinking out of cups, though.”

  I tilted my head a little. “Why?”

  “Don’t laugh, but there was this one time I threw all my mom’s glasses at some stray dogs, and she made me wash all the cups left in the house as punishment, even the clean ones. And I swore to myself I would never touch a cup again.” He laughed and started bringing the carton to his mouth again, but I grabbed his elbow.