Liars and Losers Like Us

by Ami Allen-Vath

  “Three. Nothing obscene. Do you think that’s bad or good?”

  “No,” I ignore the little pit in my stomach that wishes he would’ve said zero. “As long as they’re not all regrets.”

  “That’s up for debate. Some other time though.” Our food arrives and Sean raises his orange juice. “Cheers?”

  “To no mistakes,” I say raising my glass, scanning my eyes across the pancakes and eggs on our plates just as we’d ordered.

  “And to staying in Belmont.” Our glasses clink.

  TWENTY-TWO

  Kallie’s eyes are blazing with excitement as we settle into our desks for Norderick’s class. “My parents never go out of town. Ever. They’re already gone and won’t be back until Sunday. You guys can sleep over and I’m calling in sick to work, too. We’re most definitely having a party.”

  My stomach high dives as I turn my smile to Sean.

  “Sweet. What should I bring?” Justin asks.

  “Beer. And maybe some snacks. But not messy ones.”

  “Wait. I can really come?”

  I’m not surprised. Kallie’s been extra sweet to everyone these past few weeks. Who knows, with all the extra socializing, she might actually have a chance at Prom Queen.

  “Yeah, why not?” Kallie shrugs.

  “Can I bring a date?” Justin asks.

  Sean leans in. “As long as it’s not your Prom Date.”

  Kallie turns to Justin. “I still cannot believe you’re going with her. You’ve officially hit rock bottom.”

  “She’s right,” I say. “I would’ve rather gone to ‘Prom: Parties of One’ than with Jane Hulmes.” I open my mouth to say something else, but catch a glimpse of the empty chair that Maisey always sat in. No one’s been in it since she’s been gone. I grab a lip balm from my bag, swiping it across my lips to stop them from saying anything else mean about Jane.

  “Whatever,” Justin says and leans back in his chair. “If you talk to her on the phone, she’s not that bad. Plus, she’s hot. My Prom pictures are gonna be fly as hell.”

  Kallie tells Justin to bring anyone but Jane. When the bell rings, Kallie says she’ll see us all tonight and sprints out the door to meet up with Todd.

  ****

  “It’s pretty crazy that she gets to have a party,” I say to Sean as I ring Kallie’s doorbell. “She’s been waiting since we were like thirteen for her parents to leave her alone. I’m serious. It’s the perfect party house. There are no neighbors close by, so it shouldn’t get busted. Knock on wood.” I knock on the door twice, then twist the handle, but it’s locked.

  “You’re right,” says Sean. “It’s great for a party. It’s also great for a horror movie where the dead guy rises out of the lake or the ax murderer comes creeping out of the woods.”

  “I know. Good thing you’re here. He can eat you first while I run.”

  Kallie swings the door open. “Breeeeeee!” She smiles and shakes me by the shoulders. “Finally. Get in here.” She locks the door behind us. “Take your shoes off and help me by making sure this door stays locked. This is definitely invite only. I can’t have a bunch of dirt rats coming in and trashing my house. But it shouldn’t get crazy, I only invited like fifteen people.”

  Brian Wang appears from around a corner, saluting us with a clear plastic cup of something.

  “Whaaaaaat’s up Prom Court bitches!” He disappears back into Kallie’s kitchen.

  “Brian’s here? Whoa.” Sean shakes his head.

  “I know,” says Kallie. “Brian never has time for our parties. Ever since he got a boyfriend, he got boring.”

  “Wonder if his college boyfriend will make a cameo?” I ask.

  “Doubt it,” says Sean. “This is a high school party.”

  “Everyone’s out back getting ready for beer pong, I think,” says Kallie.

  “Sounds fun,” I say, adjusting the extra weight in the bag slung over my shoulder. I can almost hear the faint sloshing of the bottle of wine I snatched from the fridge in our basement. My plan’s pretty tight: Don’t get trashed. Don’t shotgun beers after doing shots like I did with Kallie, Sam, and Kendall last summer. Keep it simple and chill. Be smart, be cool. Drink slow. Don’t puke.

  “You guys need to try the punch I made,” Kallie says. “My mom would be impressed. It’s clear, so no mess. Just in case anyone spills. You know my mom would shit.”

  “I better check it out before Bree does. You know, to make sure it’s not poison.”

  “Hey, I thought you didn’t drink?” I ask.

  “Well, I don’t usually drink but when I do, I drink … white punch. At slumber parties.”

  Kallie laughs and tells Sean to check it out and keep an eye on everyone out back while we rush upstairs to drop off our bags.

  TWENTY-THREE

  11:11. Make a wish. I glare at my cell phone for the umpteenth time. I wish Kyle would leave so I can get the hell out of this stinky closet. It’s been about fifteen minutes already. I’m in the lavender and moth-ball infused walk-in closet of the Vate guest room, scrunched up behind a wall of puffy coats with my backpack and phone. Kallie’s party was fun while it lasted.

  No one figured Kallie’s older brother would drive over to check up on her. Me and Kallie should know better. How did we not plan on this happening? Kyle only lives twenty minutes away and there’s no way her parents would’ve left town without some sort of backup. Her brother’s pretty cool, but not that cool.

  During our smoking phase he was the one who bought us the cigarettes, but when he turned twenty-one he made it clear that if Kal wanted to drink illegally, he wouldn’t be making any beer runs.

  I don’t even know where Sean is. Once the doorbell rang and Kallie peeked through the window, she mazed back through the house like a rabid rat. She ran to the back porch with the loudest whispered scream I’d ever heard.

  “Everyone get outta here! My brother’s here! GO GO GOOOOOO!” Then she rushed back to unlock the front door, whispering for me to run upstairs and hide.

  Buzzzz. My phone blinks with a text: KALLIE VATE.

  OMG Kyle is pissed & making sure everybody is gone! SORRY!!!! Where RU guys?

  I text back. I’m hiding in a closet!!!! WTF!? When is he leaving??!! My phone goes Shwoop after I hit Send.

  Buzzzz.

  As soon as he clears the house. At least he’s going back home! LOL U OK?

  Again: KALLIE VATE.

  AAAAHHHH He just dumped our white drink!! NO!!!! I’ll let U know when he leaves

  I text back: I’m ok! Oh no! I didn’t even get to try it. Waaaah!

  Shwoop.

  I hit the screen again to text Sean.

  Hey! Where R U?

  Shwoop.

  Buzzzz. SEAN MILLS.

  In Kals closet Can I come out yet?

  I type back: NO!!!! Her bro is still here!

  Shwoop.

  Buzzzz. SEAN again.

  Where RU?

  I text back: I’m upstairs too. In guest rm closet! HA! Great minds think alike

  Shwoop.

  Buzzzz. SEAN.

  Not alike enough. Ur so close but so far away. I’ll find you

  I text back: OMG PLZ DON’T GET CAUGHT!

  Shwoop.

  My heart picks up the pace and I fan myself with the neckline of my collar. After five minutes or so I hear loud footsteps and the closet door jerks open.

  “Anyone in here?” It’s Kyle’s voice. I stop breathing and moving. The door closes and the footsteps fade away. About two minutes later, the door swooshes open again and then a whisper.

  “Breeze?”

  “Sean?” I whisper back.

  “No, it’s Brian. I think you’re hot for a high schooler and came to play seven minutes in heaven.”

  I stifle a giggle.

  “I’m back here,” I whisper, “around the corner behind the coats.”

  “Scoot over smalls,” Sean whispers, his hand gliding down my bare arm. “Nice hiding spot.”

  �
�You were so close to getting caught. Kyle was here like two seconds ago.”

  “Yeah, I know. I heard him coming and literally dove under the bed. Dude, this closet smells like my grandma’s house—sad thing is, it’s also about the same size as her entire house.”

  “So, about that seven minutes in heaven?” I tap my wrist although I’m not wearing a watch and it’s pitch-black in here.

  Sean’s hand travels up my arm, over to my sides. His fingers graze my face and then his lips are on mine. The scent of him—sandalwood and faintly, Kallie’s punch, dizzies me. I kiss him back until my breathing starts to get maybe too loud for the closet. Exhaling, I lean away and reach into my bag for the wine.

  “Look what I got.” I hold up the bottle.

  “I can’t see. What is it?”

  “Wine. Want some?” I ask.

  “You brought wine?” His phone clicks and he holds the screen, shining a faint light onto the bottle. “Nice label. ‘Black Heart, Red Ruby Wine.’ Scandalous. I thought you didn’t drink.”

  “Touché. I don’t usually drink. But when I do, I drink wine. In closets.” I twist the cork but it doesn’t budge.

  “Hold up the light on your phone,” I tell Sean. He clicks the light on and I give the cork a twist and hard pull until it finally pops out with a plunk. I take a swig. It’s cool, then warm going down my throat into my stomach. “Whew. That’s kinda strong. But not terrible. Want some?”

  “Sure,” says Sean, putting his hand over mine, then taking the bottle. Are we going to play a drinking game?”

  “Well, since watching people play beer pong all night did get a little boring, I might be up for it.”

  “Mostly boring,” says Sean. “But how funny was it when Justin and Molly lost and had to jump in the lake?”

  “Almost as funny as watching Kallie going hard core PDA with Todd whenever Molly was within four feet. Even though Molly doesn’t seem to care anymore. I’m so glad Jane didn’t show up. That would’ve made for an even more awkward addition to the Todd love triangle. Or square or whatever shape it is these days.”

  Sean passes the bottle back and I swallow another sip of wine. “Tastes like bitter grapes and tree bark.” My lips pucker. “It’s not that bad, really.”

  “You’re not that bad.” Sean says and kisses me again.

  “You’re not either,” I murmur into his mouth.

  His lips slide over mine, then he runs his tongue over my lips. “Mm. This is the best seven minutes in heaven slash drinking game ever.”

  “Let’s play a real game,” I say, taking another sip. “Tell me something about you I don’t know. Like a secret, a weird hobby, or a funny story and I’ll do the same.”

  “I’m interested,” says Sean. “But where’s the game—the challenge?”

  “That’s all I got. You’re the football game guy. You make up the rules.”

  “No problem. I got this. So, you give me the number one, two, or three, and that’s how many points—how many drinks the story or secret is worth. If I tell you, you’ll take that many drinks. If I don’t, I have to drink and then it’s your turn.”

  “You’re on. But you’re going down Mills, you’re going down.” I stifle a giggle and a joke that’s more appropriate for me and Kallie. “Okay, I’ll go first.” I hand him the bottle. “How many?”

  “One.” Sean says.

  “One point, one drink? That’s all?” I ask.

  “Didn’t you say you got sick last time you drank? We can’t have you hurling in a closet. Who knows how long we’ll be stuck in here.”

  “Good call. I won’t have to drink anyway, a one pointer is easy. Let’s see. Oh yeah, I stole makeup from the grocery store when I was in sixth grade.” I hear Sean swallow a drink and he passes me the bottle.

  “Wow, you’re a wild one. Can’t believe I’m hanging out with a criminal.”

  I smack his knee next to my leg and then rest my hand on it. “Middle school was full of bad choices. But enough about me. Your turn. Two points. C’mon, ’fess up.”

  “Two? No problem.” Sean says. “I’ve liked you since the beginning of the semester. I’d watch you walk into class every day and hate that you’d sit behind me because I couldn’t see you unless I turned around to talk to Conner.”

  “Really?” My stomach flutters and I’m relieved he can’t see how huge my smile is. “That’s really cute. That was a good one.” It feels like my veins are getting tingly. I take two sips.

  “Two back at you, Hughes.”

  “Weeeeell, I have had a crush on you since the beginning of the semester. And the reason I sit behind you is so I can look at you without you watching me.” I take a deep breath and exhale the rest of my sentence in a rush. “Your ears drive me crazy. Drink up.” I pass him the bottle.

  “Hey, that was easy. You can’t steal my secrets.” I hear the wine slosh. “Tastes like victory.”

  “Hey, it’s not if you win or lose, it’s, it’s …” I giggle. “Sssshhhhh. Don’t make me laugh. Trust me, if Kyle finds me in the closet, with booze and a boy … ”

  “Yeah, we better keep it down. When’s he gonna leave?”

  Buzzzz. KALLIE VATE.

  I raise my phone so we can read Kallie’s text: OMG. I think he’s leaving soon. I’m getting WORLD’S LONGEST LECTURE are you still OK?

  I turn my phone so I can text her back: Yes Seans here so I’m cool Hopefully I wont hv to pee anytime soon

  Shwoop.

  “Three points,” I say. “I want a three point secret. Give me the goods or drink up.”

  “Okay, I guess halftime’s over, game on. Hmmmm.” Sean pauses. “I don’t know.”

  “You’re gonna have to drink, then.”

  “No, wait. I got one,” he says. He passes the bottle back and I rest it in my lap. “Last night I called my aunt’s house to talk to my dad. That’s it. Three drinks for you.”

  “God, really? Um, that’s heavy.” I take one sip. “I’m only taking one drink until you tell me what happened.”

  “I almost called you after but didn’t want to be a buzzkill.”

  “Sean, please. I want to know what’s going on with you, good or bad. I wish you would’ve called. What’d he say?”

  Sean takes the bottle, gulps, and hands it back. This time I don’t sip; I take two big gulps that swim hot fire down my throat.

  “He didn’t say much. He sounded high. Or maybe not, who knows? Either way, it was 6:30 p.m. and he said he was taking a nap. Who takes a nap at night? Said he hopes to have his car fixed in time for graduation. It was … I don’t know. I don’t know what I was expecting. I told him I had another call and then hung up.”

  “Oh you hung up, huh?” I hmph. “Not to change the subject but here’s a secret of mine. Probably a one point five pointer drink. I hate when you just hang up. You never say good-bye.”

  “To you?” Sean asks. “What? Really?”

  “Yeah, to me. I say bye or it’s time to get off the phone and you just hang up. Like click, no good-bye, no see ya later, no adios.”

  “Oh, weird. Sorry. I’ll work on that.”

  “Yeah, you should.” I hand him the bottle. “I’m really sorry about your dad. You really could’ve called me. That sucks.”

  “Oh well. Like my dad used to say, life sucks and then you die.”

  Maisey’s face flashes into my head. I blink a few times until she disappears, then say, “Or life sucks, so you die. Like Maisey Morgan.”

  “Geez Breeze, way to make a depressing conversation even more depressing. Let’s both take a drink for Maisey. I’d pour a little onto the carpet but Kallie’s mom would shit, right?”

  “She really would,” I say, muffling the laugh trying to escape my mouth. Lifting the bottle to my lips, I swallow the laugh and take another sip of wine. I snort and alcohol burns my nostrils. Once the laugh escapes, I can’t stop. I wipe my mouth on a cushy down coat then bury my face in Sean’s shirt. He’s laughing too.

  “Mmmm. You smell so
good.” Our laughter fades and I raise my chin until Sean’s nose brushes the side of my cheek. “I can’t get that stuff out of my head, you know.”

  “What stuff? My smell?”

  “No, the Maisey stuff.”

  “Why? That’s creepy, the ghost of Maisey Morgan.” He exhales a soft, but drawn-out sigh. “Suicide is such a …”

  “Cop out, a sin, a loser move?” I ask.

  “No,” Sean answers. “I was going to say something like an enigma. I don’t get it, I guess. It’s hard to understand. When it gets that bad, so bad you want to die, that’s your crunch time, that’s when you’re supposed to look that shit in the eye, and just take it. You wait it out or run. You wait because it’ll get better at some point, it always does. Or, you can run ahead and find ways to make it not so bad. But you don’t bail. Suicide’s not supposed to be an option.”

  “Yeah but listen, when shit gets bad, it’s probably easier to handle if you’re the hottest quarterback in Belmont. What happens when you’re Maisey Morgan and shit is bad? What if things at home are bad and then you go to school and it’s just as bad.”

  “I guess it’d be worse. A lot worse. I feel like an asshole about how bad we treated her. I know what you’re saying, Breeze.” He grabs my hand. “But hey, try not to let that stuff get you down. It’s not your fault. You barely knew her.”

  I take a deep breath and tell him I did kind of know her. And how she felt like she knew me. Like, enough to write me a letter. I tell him about elementary school, the bathroom, going to her house, meeting her parents and seeing her pictures and the urn. I don’t tell him everything the letter says, and I don’t tell him about Jane at the wake.

  “Now that’s heavy, I can’t believe you’ve been dealing with this.” Sean pulls me into a hug, his arms wrapping me tight. His words are muffled against my shoulder. “What are you going to do?”

  Sighing, I pull away. “I don’t know. I’ll figure it out. I just need to, I don’t know, get over it, I guess.” I shrug and let another sip of wine warm my throat.