Coming Home: (Contemporary Christian Romance Boxed Set): Three Stories of Love, Faith, Struggle & Hope

by Debra Ullrick

  “Where’s she going?” Miles walked up behind Chase.

  Chase wagged his head. “I don’t know. She said she needed some time to cool off and think.”

  “Is she okay?”

  “No, she’s not okay. She’s not dealing with any of this very well.” Chase sighed and stared down the driveway and watched the truck fade into the distance.

  “Yeah, I saw what happened back in the yard. I hate to say it, and I’m sorry it happened, but I wasn’t surprised. Aunt Edna tried to warn Maggie. She told her she needed to let Sami cool off before going after her, but Maggie wouldn’t listen.”

  “Is Maggie all right?” Chase asked, his focus still on the road even though the truck was long gone out of sight.

  “I think so.”

  Chase turned and looked at Miles. “What about you, Miles? How do you feel about Maggie coming back?”

  Miles sucked in a deep breath and then blew it out sharply. “I don’t know. I remember a time when Maggie was a good and loving mother. She was always smiling and singing around the house. I was thirteen when she left us, but I think she was already gone long before that. I remember a few weeks before she left, she stopped smiling. She was so sad; I even walked in on her a time or two and found her crying. I didn’t know what was going on. I guess I was still too young to realize something was wrong. Then, one morning I woke up and she was gone.”

  “That just doesn’t make any sense. How can a woman be a loving mother one day, and up and leave the next, with no explanation of any kind.”

  “I’ve asked myself the same question a million times. I guess there’s not a reasonable answer for this one.” Miles kicked at a rock buried in the ground. “I need to get back to work. If I’m working, I don’t have to deal with any of this.”

  Chase nodded. “I think I’m going to ride into town and see if I can spot her truck. She doesn’t need to be alone.”

  “I appreciate you looking after her. She’s lucky to have you, Chase. Go find her; she probably needs you about now.”

  Relief filled Chase when he spotted the truck parked in front of Maude’s diner. He parked his truck next to hers, got out, said another prayer, and entered the diner, searching every table with his gaze.

  It wasn’t a big place, and he found her with no problem. There she sat at the same table where they first met. Her shoulders were slumped, and her head lowered over the cup of coffee she held and was staring into.

  He strolled over to her table and touched her shoulder.

  She lowered her cup and gazed up at him with eyes filled with hurt and confusion.

  “Look,” he said. “I know you told me you needed some time alone, but I had to make sure you were okay. Can I sit with you? You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. We can just sit.”

  She sighed. “Go ahead.”

  “What can I get for you, sweetie?” Robin asked Chase as he pulled out a chair.

  “Just a cup of coffee, please.”

  “You got it. I’ll have it out for you in a jiffy.”

  Chase smiled up at Robin and nodded. “Thanks.”

  “Listen, Chase, I’m sorry for taking my anger out on you. I was just…”

  “Here you go, Hon.” Robin set a cup of coffee down in front of Chase. “Sami, can I get you a refill?”

  “No, thank you. I’m fine.”

  “Okay then, I’ll check on the two of you in a little bit.” Robin turned and walked away.

  Chase leaned in once Robin was out of earshot. “You don’t have to apologize. Today has been a difficult day, and I understand that. I want you to know I’m here for you whenever you need me.” Chase slid his hand across the table and laid it on top of hers.

  They sat like that for several minutes in silence until Sami looked up at him with sorrowful eyes. “Chase, I think we need to talk.” She pulled her hand away and placed it in her lap.

  Something in her tone made his chest tighten. Sadness and fear dropped into his stomach like a rock. “Okay.” He leaned back in his chair, propped his arms up on the table, and braced his heart for what was coming next.

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about us, and right now, I need all my focus on what I’m going to do about Maggie without any other distractions. Can you understand that?”

  “What are you saying, Sami?”

  “That for now, I can’t give you anything more than friendship. I don’t think I’m capable of anything else beyond that right now. This is eating me up, and I don’t want to take my anger out on you because I know I will. I already have.” She took a slow, deep breath and lowered her eyes to the table.

  He noticed her hands were shaking as she ran her finger around the rim of her cup. “Sami, you don’t have to carry all of this on your own. Let me help you.”

  “I’m sorry, but that’s the way it has to be for now. I need you to give me some space. This is my problem; I need to find a way to deal with it on my own.”

  “Are you sure that’s what you really want?”

  “Yes, I’m sure.”

  As Sami pushed the chair away from the table, Chase reached up and grabbed her hand. “I’ll give you what you want for now. I’ll give you some time, but I’m not giving up on you and me.” He rose to his feet still holding onto her hand. “I’m not going away, Sami, and I never will.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sami lay in bed and listened to the rain dancing on the roof. The rain was always a calming source for her, but not tonight. She couldn’t sleep knowing Maggie was just down the hall. But, what bothered her most was she couldn’t get the pain she’d seen in Chase’s eyes out of her mind. And, knowing she was the one who put it there cut deep into her heart.

  But she knew the best thing was for Chase to move on. She couldn’t love him the way he needed to be loved, the way he deserved to be loved. For a moment, she had thought she could. For a moment, she hoped that she could, but after today, she realized she was still too damaged to ever be able to give herself totally to anyone.

  Chase deserved to be loved by someone who could give him so much more than she was capable of giving.

  Then Maggie’s face flashed through her mind causing Sami to cover her head with her pillow. She never wanted to feel that burning anger again that bubbled up on the inside of her when she had put her hands on Maggie and knocked her to the ground. She’d lost complete control of her senses, and it scared her.

  She pressed her fingers to her temples trying to ease the pounding in her head due to the onset of a migraine.

  Who was she? What had she become? But even the pain in her head wasn’t anything compared to the pain that knifed through her heart at every thought, and they wouldn’t leave her alone no matter what she tried.

  “You look exhausted. I take it you didn’t get very much sleep last night,” Aunt Edna said when Sami slipped into the kitchen the next morning.

  “Not much.”

  “Are you okay?” her aunt asked as she wrapped an arm around Sami’s shoulder and gave her a squeeze.

  “No, but I will be.” She laid her head on her Aunt Edna’s shoulder for a brief moment of comfort, and then pulled away. “I think I’m just going to grab a cup of coffee and head on out to the barn. I’m not in the mood to face anyone this morning.”

  Compassion and understanding filled her aunt’s eyes. “Honey, I know this is playing havoc with your emotions, but don’t let this create a wedge between you and your father.”

  “Aunt Edna, how could he do this? He didn’t even ask us how we felt. How I felt. I don’t understand this. And, what he said to me yesterday…” Sami shook her father’s hurtful words out of her head. “I know I should have never put my hands on her, but I was so angry when she called me Samantha. She was the only person who ever called me that when I was a child, and then she just waltzes in here and thinks she can pick up where she left off.”

  Her aunt patted her arm. “I know you’re upset, Sami. Honestly, I don’t like it either. But, it’s not my choice
, and it’s not your choice either. I know you’re hurting, and I wish I could take the pain away, but I can’t. But, I do know William feels bad for what he said to you.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “I overheard him telling Maggie last night he needed to apologize to you.”

  A small amount of relief brushed over her, but only a very small amount as there was a gap the size of the Grand Canyon that she felt would never be filled after the night before. “I hate this, I feel like things will never be the same again, everything has fallen apart. It kills me to know Maggie Lawson is under this roof again, and there isn’t anything I can do about it. And to make matters worse, I’m not even sure if Chase will ever speak to me again.”

  “Chase?” Her aunt frowned. “What’s happened with Chase?”

  Sami swallowed the lump in her throat and looked up at her aunt. “It doesn’t matter. I think I’m going to run into town this morning. Do you need anything?”

  Her aunt’s eyes filled with compassion. “You can’t keep running from this, Sami. You know you’re going to have to face her sooner or later.”

  “I’d rather it be later.”

  Over the next several days, Sami avoided Maggie as much as possible, and Maggie didn’t try to make conversation either. It was as if they were invisible to one another, and that’s the way Sami wanted it. She did feel guilty, though, because she hadn’t as of yet, apologized to Maggie for knocking her down, but she would when the time was right.

  At lunchtime Wednesday afternoon, Sami had just sat down at the table when all the hands filed into the dining room. “I’m starving,” Clint said as he plopped down at the table.

  “Me, too,” Daniel agreed. “Miss Edna, everything looks great. If you’d have an old ranch hand like me, I’d marry you.”

  “Honey Lamb, you’d have to be thirty years younger to win my heart,” she teased and winked at Daniel.

  Chase sat down next to Sami and laid his hand on her arm. “You look tired. Are you feeling okay?”

  The dark circles Sami had seen under her eyes that morning were now apparently giving away her secret of sleepless nights.

  “Aunt Edna, where’s Pop?” Miles asked, pointing his fork at their father’s chair.

  “William’s taking Brent in to get his cast off today, and Maggie wanted to ride along,” Aunt Edna answered, glancing over at both Miles and Sami when she did.

  Sami felt her stomach knot. “I thought his appointment was tomorrow.”

  “The doctor’s office had a cancellation today. Doc knew how bad Brent wanted that cast off, so they called a couple of hours ago and asked if he could come in today.”

  “I thought I was going to be the one to take him. Why didn’t someone let me know?” Sami asked, pushing her half-empty plate away because she had just lost her appetite.

  “Don’t be mad, Sami.” Aunt Edna patted her arm. “Brent wanted Maggie to go with him. He knew you wouldn’t have wanted her to go with you.”

  “I see, so he chose Maggie over me?” The gulf grew wider.

  “It’s not like that, Sami.” Edna touched her hand. “He’s just a kid. He’s excited about Maggie being back, so he’s not thinking.”

  “Then why do I feel like the outsider? Dad knew this was important to me, and he didn’t care. I never thought Brent and my father would choose that woman over me.” At that moment the dining room door opened and her dad, Maggie and Brent stood in the doorway.

  Silence settled in the dining room like a thick fog. Her dad loudly cleared his throat. “You will no longer refer to Maggie as ‘that woman.’ She’s your mother, and you need to show her a little respect. And, to make things clear, no one is choosing Maggie over you.”

  “Oh really?” She locked eyes with her father. “Then explain to me why you haven’t spoken to me in days. Look, I’m sorry I put my hands on her, but I was just so angry, with her and with you. I know that doesn’t justify what I did. But, you invited her to come back here, and you didn’t even give the rest of us a choice or even for that matter give us any kind of warning.”

  “It wasn’t your choice.”

  Sami pushed her chair out from under the table. “Is that all you have to say? I know it wasn’t my choice, Dad, but you didn’t even consider how it might affect your own children. You’re not the only one who suffered when she left. You’re not the only one she hurt. Dad, you aren’t even considering our feelings in this.”

  She turned and faced Maggie. “How could you just leave? I needed you, and you weren’t there for me. Do you know what it’s like to be ten years old and have to raise your baby brother because your father isn’t capable of even getting out of bed because his wife tore his heart out of his chest and crushed it into the ground?”

  Maggie gasped as tears slipped from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.

  “That’s enough, Sami. Can’t you see what you’re doing? You are hurting your mother. Stop it right now! Regardless of what’s she’s done she is still your mother.” Her father wrapped his arms around Maggie and pulled her into his chest.

  “No, she’s not. My mother died when I was ten. It looks like you’ve made your choice. I guess the best thing I should do is find another place to live because I don’t think I can live under the same roof with her any longer.”

  “If that’s how you feel, then who’s stopping you? I’ll even help you pack.”

  “William!” Maggie gasped, and her hand flew to her mouth.

  “Dad!” Miles snapped, shoving his chair out from the table and jumping to his feet. “Sami’s not going anywhere.”

  Aunt Edna slapped the table. “William, you should be ashamed of yourself!” She reached for Sami’s arm. “Sami, he didn’t mean that.”

  “Oh, I think he did. I’ll be out by the end of the week.” Sami turned and ran out the back door.

  ♥♥♥♥

  Anger burned the back of Chase’s throat as he stood up abruptly. “With all due respect, Sir, you were out of line. Sami’s hurting, and you seem to be the only one who doesn’t see it. You can fire me if you like, but I said my peace. Now, if everyone will excuse me, I’m going to check on her to make sure she’s okay. I, for one, think she’s been hurt enough.”

  “William, that was just cruel!” Chase heard Miss Edna snap at William as he left the room.

  When Chase rounded the corner of the storage shed, he saw Sami sitting on a bale of hay. She had her knees drawn up and hugged to her chest.

  He walked over and sat down on the hay bale beside her. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, and she didn’t even look at him.

  “You know, you don’t have to be so tough all the time. Release some of that anger. Scream, cry, throw a fit, kick the shed, anything. You can even use me as a punching bag as long as you don’t sock me too hard.”

  A soft nervous giggle escaped her lips. “No. I learned the other day doing that only makes it worse. Besides, I’m fine, Chase, really. Don’t worry about me.”

  He leaned back against the shed and pulled her into his arms. At first, she resisted, but then she relaxed and laid her head on his chest.

  For the next several minutes, Chase just held Sami in his arms. “I wish I could do something to make the pain go away, Sami. What can I do? Tell me, and I’ll do it.”

  “There’s nothing anyone can do. I’ll just have to figure it out on my own.”

  The sound of someone clearing their throat caught their attention. They looked around to see William standing at the corner of the shed. “Chase, if you’ll excuse us, I need to speak to my daughter.”

  “Sir?” Chase stood to his feet and gave him a wary look. “She’s pretty upset and if you’ve come out here to—”

  “It’s okay, Chase.” William gave him a nod of assurance. “I came to apologize.”

  Chase looked down at Sami as she reached up and took his hand. “It’s all right.”

  He ran the back of his hand down th
e side of her face. “Okay. But if you need me, I won’t be too far away.”

  As he started past Sami’s dad, William put his hand on Chase’s shoulder and smiled at him. “Thanks for standing up for my daughter even if it was against me.”

  ♥♥♥♥

  Sami’s dad eased over and sat down on the hay next to her. “Sami, first of all I owe you an apology. I was out of line. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You’re my only daughter, and I love you. No matter how bullheaded I can be at times, never underestimate how much you mean to me. I haven’t given you the chance to say how you feel about all of this, now I am. Talk to me.”

  Sami eyed her dad wearily. “Why, Dad?” She shook her head, frustrated. “How could you let her back in after all she’s done?”

  “Because I love her, Sami. I’ve loved Maggie since I was fifteen years old.” He stood, slid his hands into his pockets, and stared out across their land. “We started this ranch together. We sank every penny we had into it. It’s still her home, and it always will be. I know it may sound foolish, but I’m happy to have her back in my life. I know you don’t understand this, but I hope one day you will.”

  Sami sat motionless. She just couldn’t wrap her brain around the fact that Maggie had ripped his heart right out of his chest, but yet he still loved her.

  “When I asked her to come back home, she didn’t know if it was a good idea or not at first. She didn’t want to upset you kids; but I was ready for her to come back. I needed her to come back home, and I was ready to start our lives over again.”

  “How do you know she won’t do it again? How can you trust her so easily?”

  “Because things are different now, I know some things that you don’t. She has something important to tell you when she thinks you’re ready to hear it. And, when she does, I want you to listen.”

  “Like what? What could she possibly say that could ever change my mind about how I feel about her? And, as for right now, I’m not ready to talk to her or listen to anything she has to say.”