Fluidity (Hearts Not Parts Collection Book 2)

by E. M. Leya

"No, he had his palms on my chest, trying to push me off."

  Ax stared at him, not sure what to believe.

  "Honest. Les is devastated you're gone. He won't even talk to me. He just goes to his room and slams the door closed when he gets home. He's not even eating. I tried to tell him I'm sorry, but he didn't even respond. I fucked up everything."

  Ax stared across the street, not wanting to look at Jeff, but finally turned his gaze to him. "Why did you do it? You knew we were together. You're seeing someone. I thought it was serious."

  Jeff sat down with a heavy sigh. "I was, and it was good, but then Shane said he was moving. I was hurt, but I also thought, just maybe, I'd finally have a chance with Les. I didn't know how serious it was with you guys. He'd said you were taking things slowly and hadn't had sex yet. I know it makes me a jerk, but I thought he'd choose me over you. He's been mine in every way except physically for the last few years, I hoped if we added the physical part everything would work out."

  Ax laughed. "You didn't know it was serious between us? We were sharing a bed."

  "But you haven't had sex."

  "You do remember I was injured?" Ax threw up his hands. "You can't be this stupid, Jeff."

  "Okay, so maybe I'm not. I'm just an asshole who thought he'd drop you for me." Jeff sighed. "I'm sorry. Don't let my stupidity fuck everything up for you guys. I didn't know what else to do. Les won't talk to me, so coming to see you was all I could think to do. I know you're pissed, but be pissed at me, not him."

  Ax stared at Jeff, trying to figure out the truth. He wanted to believe that Les would never cheat, and that everything Jeff was saying was true, but he'd seen it. It looked like Les had wanted the kiss, at least until he walked in and caught them. Still, no matter what it looked like, it wasn't like Les to hit on anyone, male or female. He was shy and reserved. Even as close as he was to Jeff, Ax didn't see Les hitting on him. Jeff would have had to make the first move.

  "Les hasn't been himself since you left. He goes to work, comes home and crawls into bed. I can't get him to eat or anything. Please, believe me when I tell you this was all me. You know Les, he wouldn't hurt you this way. Call him."

  Ax sighed. "I'll think about it."

  "Shit, don't just think about it. I'm going to move out once I can afford it. I'll be out of the way. In the meantime, I won't even look at him. I swear I'll respect you guys and whatever is going on between you."

  "Shouldn't you have done that before?" Ax sat down and opened his lunch. He was done with this conversation. There was plenty he wanted to say to Jeff, but it would be pointless. It was clear he was feeling guilty for whatever happened. If what he said was true, Les wasn't talking to him, and that would be hard on both of them. It was no secret how good of friends they were. Ax pushed back a wave of guilt. This wasn't his fault. Jeff deserved to feel guilty if he really had pushed Les into kissing him.

  "Listen, I can't take it back, but I'll keep my distance now. Les made it clear he didn't feel that way about me. I won't push again. I promise. Just give him a call. Don't let my fuck up ruin this for the two of you. He was happy for the first time in years and I fucked that all up. That's why I came here. I had to try and do something to fix things." Jeff shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'll let you eat, but just know I'm sorry." He turned and walked away.

  Ax watched him as he headed out into the parking lot. Jeff was the last person he'd expected to see, but if he was telling the truth, Ax was glad he'd stopped by. Still, he couldn't do anything until work was done, even if he wanted to.

  As he took a bite of his sandwich, he pulled out his cell phone. Les hadn't called today. It was the longest he'd gone without trying. Another wave of guilt hit Ax for not answering the calls over the last few days. The guilt pissed him off. He didn't have anything to be sorry for. This was on Les and Jeff. Still, he could have let Les try to explain instead of being a hot-head and ignoring him.

  He quickly scrolled to Les's number and sent a quick text asking if they could talk tonight. When he didn't get a response back for several minutes, his heart sank. Had he waited too long to get hold of Les? Had he given up on them?

  He should have called him sooner. It was hurt and anger that kept him from calling, but now, not getting a response, he was seriously worried that things might be over between them. He'd needed time, but he never thought that they might really be over and not talk again.

  There was nothing he could do right now. He needed to get back to work. With a sigh, he tossed his lunch in the trash and headed back into the shop. There were several cars waiting for work, and if he was lucky, he could get them finished before they closed. At least keeping busy would keep his mind off Les and everything Jeff said.

  As he leaned over the car he'd been working on, he again wondered if Jeff was telling the truth. He wanted to believe him, but he couldn't be sure after what he'd seen. Was Les forcing Jeff to say these things just to get him back, and if so, why wasn't he answering Ax's message? It was only thirty minutes, but he'd expected a quick response after the calls Les had left over the last few days.

  Refusing to think about it any longer, Ax got to work on the car. He refused to stress over something he had no control over. If Les wanted to talk, he would call. If not, then Ax was no worse off than he'd been when he'd come to work in the morning.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Les pinched the bridge of his nose as he waited for his mom to finish up with her doctor. With everything else going on in his life, the last thing he needed was this. He'd been at work when his father called asking if he could pick up his mom from the neighbor's. Once Les had gotten there, he'd found his mom had taken the car, trying to go shopping. She'd made it several houses down the road before she crashed the family car into a street light pole. Luckily, it was the neighbor who found her. He'd managed to get the now dented car back to the house and call Les's dad.

  Les found her sipping tea with the neighbor's wife as if nothing had happened. When he'd mentioned wrecking the car, she'd stared at him as if she had no clue what he was talking about. All he could do was thank the neighbors for not calling the police and for helping keep her safe.

  With a small bump on the head, Les figured it couldn't hurt to get her to the doctor to make sure everything was okay. From the damage on the front end of the car, his mom was lucky all she had were a few bumps and bruises. The car ran, but it was hardly going to be legal to drive it on the road until they got the front end repaired.

  "Les, when did you get here?" His mother frowned as she walked down the hallway to the waiting room. "No one told me you were coming over today."

  "I've been here the whole time, Mom." Les stood and took her arm as he exchanged glances with the doctor a few steps behind her. At least she still remembered his name. They warned him it wouldn't be long before she forgot everyone she knew.

  "Is your father here?" His mom looked around the waiting room as if she expected to find him.

  "No, he'll meet us at home later." Les took the paperwork the doctor handed him. "Everything okay?"

  The doctor nodded. "She might have a headache for a day or two, but I don't think there is anything to worry about. I'm a little concerned at how fast her condition is worsening. I'm changing some of her medication. I'll call it into the pharmacy now so you can pick it up on the way home."

  Les nodded. "So, this is how she is going to be now?"

  The doctor gave him a weak smile. "There will be good and bad days at first. Today is a bad one. Tomorrow, she could wake up and everything will be normal. It could be weeks before she has another bad day, but they will happen more and more. I didn't expect to see her like this so soon. I wish I could tell you what to expect, but I can't know."

  Les watched as his mother moved to a chair and sat down. "She was fine just a few days ago."

  "I know. I'm sorry. I know how hard this must be. I've got some information on support groups for families if you would like it."

  Les shook his head. "No, I'm oka
y. It's just a shock seeing it happen so fast. I'll talk to my dad and we'll figure something out."

  "Look over the information I gave him already. There are a lot of resources for you to use. And as always, call me if anything changes."

  Les prayed he wouldn't have to do that, but as he watched his mother stare off into space, he guessed he would be seeing a lot more of the doctor than he hoped. Life was changing, and not for the better. He couldn't bitch. He'd be there for his parents if they needed him, and right now, with his dad in chemo and his mom losing her mind, they needed him. "Thanks. I'm sure we will see you soon." He shook the doctor's hand before turning to his mom. "Are you ready to go home?"

  She smiled up at him. "Les, when did you get here?"

  He took her hand. "I've been here, Mom. Let's go home. I'm sure you're tired." He tried to ignore the bruise on her forehead, but it was a constant reminder that she'd wrecked the car and how much worse she could have been injured.

  "Is your father here?"

  "No, he'll meet us at home." He tugged her hand gently to get her to stand. "Once we are home, I'll fix you some lunch and you can relax."

  "You're such a good son." She linked her fingers with him as she stood. "Where's my purse?"

  "It's at home."

  "You sure? I never leave without it."

  "I promise. It was on the couch when I picked you up to come see the doctor. I grabbed your wallet out of it before we left." He held up her wallet for her to see.

  By the time they got home, Les wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or scream. He never imagined it would be so hard to have his mother confused like she was, but he was having to repeat himself constantly, reminding her why they were out, why they were in his car, why his father wasn't with them. He finally just smiled and told her he'd explain everything once they got home.

  As they walked into the house, he glanced at the damaged car again. She was damn lucky it wasn't worse, and even luckier the only damage was to her car and she wouldn't have to pay to replace the street light she'd hit.

  He got her inside and settled on the couch with a cup of tea. She stared at the TV, but Les wondered if she was really watching or if she was off in her own world.

  Tired and stressed, he grabbed a drink for himself and took a seat at the kitchen table as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. His heart nearly stopped beating as he saw the name on the message he'd missed.

  Ax finally responded.

  He stared at the message for a few minutes, unsure what it meant. It was basic. He wanted to talk. Did that mean he wanted to arrange a time to come get his things and end things, or did he want to talk and finally let Les explain what happened?

  It pissed him off that Ax thought he would cheat on him. It hurt that he didn't trust him, but then again, he did walk in and find Jeff kissing him. He just wished that they could have talked it over before Ax stormed out and left him.

  It had been days since it happened and Les had tried to call him several times over the first few days, but Ax never responded. He'd been sure it was over, but now, with one simple text, he found himself hoping they could work it out.

  He'd kick Jeff out if he had to. It was his fault all this happened. Jeff might be his best friend, but he'd pushed things too far this time. Forgiveness wasn't going to be easy.

  The last thing he ever imagined Jeff doing was hitting on him. Not once did he feel like Jeff was attracted to him. They'd always just been friends. Knowing Jeff wanted more changed everything between them. It shouldn't, but it did. Every time he looked at Jeff now, he was worried that he'd try something again. He tried to make it clear he didn't want more or have any feelings for him other than friendship, but in the end, he just stayed clear of Jeff, hoping that by not dealing with him things would blow over. He'd have to talk about it sooner or later, but losing Ax hurt too much to deal with Jeff now.

  He took a deep breath as he returned the text.

  At my parents' house. Won't be home till later. Want to talk. I'm so sorry. I don't want this to end.

  He hit send and tried not to think about how the talk would go. He had so little relationship experience, everything was new to him. He wasn't sure how to handle this. All he could do was be honest with Ax and tell him how he felt. He'd let him walk away if he wanted to, but it would kill Les if that was the choice he made.

  Two hours later, Les was starting to worry Ax had changed his mind about talking. He hadn't sent another text and the longer Les sat waiting, the more his mind went to places he didn't want to think about.

  When his father walked through the door, it was a relief. He needed the distraction. "Hey, Dad." He frowned at the dark circles under his father's eyes. The chemo was really starting to take a toll on him.

  With a weak smile, his dad sat down at the kitchen table. "She okay?" He nodded toward the living room where his mom still sat.

  "Yeah, she's got a bruise on her forehead from hitting the steering wheel, but other than that, she's fine. The doctor is a little surprised at how fast she's declining, but said there is nothing physically wrong with her from the accident."

  "Thank you for handling this today." His dad sighed. "I should have hidden the keys, but I didn't even think about it. She was fine when Bruce picked me up this morning. They'd just started the treatment when I got the call she'd wrecked the car."

  "I was glad to help." Les glanced out the window. "I'll see about getting estimates on the car tomorrow for you."

  "Actually, I was thinking of just getting rid of it. It's not like I can drive much longer. Most days I'm too sick to go out, and your mom, well she won't be driving. I can arrange rides to get to the hospital and go to the store."

  Les swallowed hard, trying to deal with how fast both his parents were getting sicker. "I can move back home for a while. Help you take care of things until you're feeling stronger." He made the offer without even thinking about it. "I'm not sure we should be leaving Mom alone much."

  "No, after today, I think you're right. It's too risky. I just hate to see you give up your life to take care of us." His dad ran his fingers through his thinning gray hair.

  Les didn't want to give it up either. The last place he wanted to be was stuck with his mom and dad again, but there wasn't another option. It was his duty as their son to make sure they were safe and taken care of if they couldn't do it themselves. "It's okay. I don't mind."

  "You don't need to stay here. At least not until I get worse. The only time I'm not with your mom is when I'm getting treatment."

  "And that's the time that is hardest for me to be here. I can't afford to miss much work." Les looked at his dad, wondering if he would ever get better, or if this was just the beginning of the end. His stomach twisted at the thought of losing his parents.

  "I can have one of the ladies from church sit with her when we can't be here." His dad let out a long breath. "I'll go talk to your mom, then I guess I should get dinner started."

  "You need to rest. I'll run to the apartment and grab some clothes for tomorrow. I can pick up some Chinese on the way back. You can relax. I know you're not very hungry after treatment and just want to sleep. I'll stay here tonight and we can figure out what we are going to do later."

  His father nodded. "Thanks, Les. I know this isn't easy for you."

  "It's not easy for any of us, but it's what we have to deal with. No point in dwelling on it."

  Les stood. "Go relax. I'll be back in an hour and we can eat. Mom hasn't moved since we got home, but I think she'll be happy to see you. She kept asking for you this afternoon."

  "At least she remembers me." His dad smiled. "I'm really sorry you have to see us this way, Les."

  "I'm okay, Dad. We'll get through this."

  His dad stood and sighed. "I know you will, Les. It's your mother and me I'm not so sure about."

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Les pulled his work clothes out of his bag and hung them in the closet in his old bedroom. It hadn't changed much over the years. There were st
ill pictures from high school on the walls and his old soccer trophies from when he was younger still decorated one shelf. It was all stuff he should pack up, but he'd never taken the time. It wasn't stuff he needed, but at the same time, he hated to just throw it away.

  He glanced at his phone, trying not to count the hours that had passed since he sent the text to Ax. Had he changed his mind about talking? A quick glance at his watch made his fear even worse as he realized Ax would have gotten off work over an hour ago.

  With a frustrated sigh, he fell back on his bed. He missed Ax. It wasn't just the frustration over the misunderstanding about the kiss, but he missed having him around. For the first time in his life, he had someone to hold, to sleep next to, to talk to about everything and anything, and that person suddenly being gone was painful.

  There was so much he wanted to tell him. So many times, he wanted to feel Ax's arms around him and hear him whisper that things were going to be okay. With all the shit going on with his parents, Les needed that assurance, needed someone to say it was all right and everything was going to work out somehow.

  He fought the urge to text again. If Ax wanted to talk, he would call.

  Les stared up at the ceiling, going over the day. It was hard to see his mother so confused. Even tonight as they ate dinner, she was in her own world, confused and always asking where they were. His dad seemed to take the changes in stride, but Les couldn't handle it as well. He wanted to rush her back to the doctor and demand they fix her. The thought that she might suddenly forget him and everything they'd done together in the past was hard to deal with. Each time she looked at him, he wondered if she even knew he was her son.

  As for his father, the cancer treatments were hitting him hard. He'd lost a ton of weight and after sitting with him a few hours, Les could see how weak he really was. They wouldn't know if the treatments were working for a while yet, but Les didn't expect the news to be good. The doctors warned them the cancer was in advanced stages and not to get their hopes up.