Regret (Lady of Toryn Trilogy)

by Charity Santiago

  “You jinxed me,” she said with a grimace, and slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. “I think I’ll be okay. When we flew here from the southern part of the island I was pretty proud of myself for not barfing even once.”

  “The gods be praised,” Aik said wryly.

  One side of her mouth curved slightly. Why was everyone in FLD so sarcastic? She remembered that month they’d traveled together, and the hilarity that often had her in stitches even during dangerous and deadly situations. This time around hadn’t been nearly as much fun. The players were the same, but she was different.

  “What’s that?” Aik asked when she pulled the book out of her knapsack.

  “It’s a book on Toryn customs from the gong library. I’m trying to figure out if I can designate a non-Toryn, or even a half-Toryn, to take over for me if something should happen to me. I don’t want to kick the bucket and leave Toryn in a big mess like the one it’s in now.”

  “I found something about that during our research in Cosmea,” Aik said.

  Ashlyn’s head shot up. “Really? About successors to the throne?”

  “Yes.” The wolf yawned, his pink tongue lolling. “It wasn’t of any use to us at the time, but I do remember clearly what it said. Non-Toryns can only lay claim to the throne if they married into the bloodline.”

  Ashlyn wrinkled her nose. “So if I wanted Skye to be my successor, I’d have to marry him? I can’t think of anything less appealing.”

  “I’ll be sure to tell him you said that.”

  “I’m sure he’d agree with me! What about half-Toryns? Don’t say anything, but I was considering naming Restlyn as my successor. I mean, she’s doing such a great job as interim Lady right now.”

  Aik’s ears twitched as he laid his head on his paws. “There was nothing about half-Toryns in the book. I’d definitely have remembered that.”

  She frowned, and looked down at the book in her hands. “Well, maybe there’s something in here. Not like I have anything else to do right now, anyway.”

  Chapter 9

  My Sweet Girl

  “I don’t get it.”

  Aik stirred on the mattress, blinking his yellow eyes sleepily. “Pardon?”

  Ashlyn scratched her head, realizing too late that her ponytail probably looked like it had barely survived a tornado with all the head-scratching she’d been doing over the past several hours. Oh well, it wasn’t like Aik cared how her hair looked anyway.

  “I have read this book cover to cover,” she said, “and it has no mention of half-Toryns whatsoever, which is annoying. But it does say the same thing you mentioned earlier- that a non-Toryn can ascend only if they’re married to the reigning Lord at the time of the Lord’s death.”

  “Lord or Lady,” the wolf replied diplomatically.

  Ashlyn grinned. “Well, yeah. But see, here’s the thing. Up until about twenty-five ago, there were laws specifically saying that only men could lead Toryn. There was no such thing as Lady of the Pagoda. And actually, there hasn’t even been one yet. I’ll be the first.”

  “Toryn is progressing, much like the rest of the world,” said Aik. “Does that seem unusual?”

  “It does, because my grandfather, at the recommendation of my father, is the one who changed the law,” Ashlyn said. “It happened just before my father ascended the pagoda. Actually, they changed two laws together. The first law my father threw out was the one saying that Toryn lords could only marry fellow Toryns. He made it so that Toryn lords can marry outside of Toryn blood- Landians, Northerners, anyone they want. The second law he changed was the one about women being able to take over leadership.” She shrugged, flipping through the pages of the book. “I guess it wouldn’t seem so weird, except that as far as I can tell, my dad hasn’t lobbied to change any other laws since he accepted Lordship of Toryn. Isn’t that…weird? Why those two laws? Why did he do it right after he ascended the pagoda? It’s like he was planning something that never came to be.”

  “Perhaps he did it for you?” Aik suggested. “You are his firstborn, and you’re clearly female.”

  Her mouth dropped open in mock horror. “Seriously? I’m gonna be nineteen in a few weeks, not twenty-five. I wasn’t anywhere close to being born when he did this. Actually, I don’t think he was even married to my mom then. I wonder…” She paused, the idea occurring to her for the very first time. “Do you think my dad had a secret love? A non-Toryn?”

  “You can ask him yourself,” Aaron said, appearing in the doorway. He braced one elbow high up on the doorjamb, leaning against it casually. “We’re about to land at North Camp.”

  “You think he’s awake? And talking?” Ashlyn put the book down and set about finger-combing her hair into a less rumpled ponytail.

  “No idea, kid, but he’ll be glad to see ya if he is, I know that.”

  Her heart warmed at Aaron’s comment, but she covered her rush of emotion by scoffing. “Right. I’m sure he’ll have all sorts of lectures for me on how I’m a disgrace to the Li bloodline, shirking my responsibility for three years to run around and fight monsters-”

  “Ya came through when it really mattered,” Aaron interrupted. “Don’t forget it.”

  “Thanks.”

  She remained seated as the airship began its descent. Aik got up off his mattress and padded out of the room, but Ashlyn was clinging to the rails of the bunk beside her, trying valiantly not to throw up.

  She tried to focus on something else.

  It didn’t appear that she was going to have any luck choosing Skye as her successor, but Restlyn was still a possibility, considering her half-Toryn heritage. Or Ashlyn could follow in her father’s footsteps and change the laws herself…but that meant more research. She leaned her forehead against the cool steel of the bunk and closed her eyes tiredly. Would this be her life now? Books and laws and politics? How had her father managed for so long?

  The airship’s engines cut off, but Ashlyn stayed where she was. She blew out a breath, feeling it stir the shorter strands of hair hanging in her face. Before she ascended the pagoda, she would have to get a haircut- a real haircut, not another hack job from Skye. It was a good thing she hadn’t been overly attached to her long hair to begin with.

  She remembered that morning at Restlyn’s house in Storim, when Vargo had met her by the stable and told her, “I liked you better with your hair down.”

  At the time she’d thought he was just trying to get into her pants- and actually, maybe he had been. But her feelings towards him had completely changed since that day. Before she’d gotten to know him, Vargo had seemed like a womanizing creep, the kind of smarmy jerk that she wanted to avoid. Now she knew better. His honesty and candid behavior was a welcome contrast to Drake’s annoying volatility. There was something to be said for a man who made up his mind and stood by his decision, even if that man was an irritatingly lewd Spartan who had risked his life to save hers.

  Ashlyn pulled the resist stane necklace over her head and climbed slowly to her feet, shoving the necklace into her pocket. She didn’t want to wear it right now.

  She was kind of wondering if this was something that girls normally talked to their dads about. She’d never been particularly close to her father, and now certainly wasn’t the time to talk about romance anyway, but maybe now that Lord Li was safe, they could start over again. Maybe now they could build the relationship she’d always wanted- the kind of relationship where she could get his opinion on matters of the heart.

  Aaron was waiting for her by the ramp. “There ya are,” he said, and held up a heavy coat for her to slip her arms into. Ashlyn accepted it gratefully, feeling sheepish for not having considered the weather in North Camp before leaving Toryn.

  “He’s at the inn,” Aaron said, nodding towards the exit hatch.

  She frowned. “You’re not coming with us?”

  “Hell, no. I got things to do, kid. Jackson told me at the beginnin’ that I’d be pickin’ up the rest of the Spartans once you g
ot Kou’s army under control, and I gotta move Vargo to Cosmea for healin’ after that.”

  “Oh.” She supposed that made sense, but she didn’t like the idea of being stuck in North Camp for so long- or the idea of more Spartans in Toryn. She’d come to terms with Ellis, Trace and Vargo, but she certainly hadn’t made peace with the remaining seven Spartans, and didn’t much like Jackson making these kinds of decisions without her. “You know what? Tell Jackson that we’ve got it under control. You can pick Vargo up and meet me here either tomorrow afternoon or the following morning. We’ll move my father and Vargo to Cosmea together.”

  Aaron raised his eyebrows. “I ain’t so sure-”

  “I am sure. The Free Lands Democracy has no jurisdiction in Toryn. I have gladly accepted Jackson’s help- and your help- and I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful for the assistance we’ve gotten from Ellis, Trace and Vargo. But I don’t know the other Spartans, and I don’t want them in Toryn without me there to keep an eye on them. Bring Trace and Ellis with you when you pick up Vargo. I’ll leave them in Cosmea with Aik to protect my dad.”

  Aaron shrugged. “It’s your funeral.”

  “Thanks a lot.” She wasn’t too worried about the fallout. Three years ago, Jackson had been even-tempered and diplomatic, and he probably hadn’t changed much. He should at least understand why she didn’t feel comfortable letting more Spartans into Toryn without being there herself. “Tell Jackson he can talk to me if he has an issue.”

  She turned towards the hatch, then paused and turned back. “Aaron, thanks for getting me here so fast. I really appreciate it.”

  He nodded, looking none too pleased, but saying nothing. Ashlyn ducked through the hatch and made her way down the ramp, grimacing at the snowflakes hitting her face. She’d never liked cold weather, and she especially disliked North Camp. It was a relief to know that she’d only be spending a day or two here.

  She stepped off the ramp and trudged through the snow. She should have brought snow boots. Why had she decided to bring her dad here, of all places? Because everyone else hates this place as much as you do, she told herself gloomily. It was the best option you could think of on short notice.

  That didn’t mean she had to be happy about it.

  The inn door was cracked open, and she stepped through, immediately grateful for the wave of warmth that hit her inside the lodge. As she shook the snow off her shoulders, she looked around and suddenly remembered that the only thing she’d ever really liked about North Camp was the homey, rustic feeling of the inn. A fire crackled in the stone fireplace in the corner, and tourists lounged in couches, sipping hot cocoa and trying to warm their hands on steaming mugs.

  It really was the perfect hiding place.

  Aik caught her eye from the corner, and inclined his head towards the hallway. Ashlyn hurried towards him, shrugging off her jacket, harness and knapsack and hanging them on the antler coat hanger on the wall outside the corridor before following Aik to the door at the end of the hallway.

  Ashlyn opened it hesitantly and looked inside. Sara was standing next to the bed, writing something on her clipboard. She looked up as Ashlyn entered, and smiled. “He’s been asking for you,” she said.

  Biting her lip, Ashlyn moved to the foot of the bed and stared down at her dad. The outline of his body was so tiny and frail beneath the covers, and the shadows beneath his eyes were more prominent than before. His long, dark hair was splayed around him on the pillow, and Ashlyn noticed for the first time that ribbons of silver were snaking through the strands. Lord Li had always been so ageless and powerful, commanding respect by his presence alone. Now he just looked like someone’s very sad, very sick grandpa.

  “Has he been asleep for very long?” she asked Sara.

  The older woman shook her head. “No. But he did ask me to wake him up when you arrived. He knew you’d be coming. Actually, I think he thought you were already here, but for some reason didn’t want to see him.” She stuck her pen behind her ear. “I’ll give the two of you some time alone.”

  “Wait. Is he going to be okay?”

  Sara nodded. “He lost a lot of blood, but he should make a full recovery. This-” she indicated the clear bag of liquid hanging from a hook on the wall, which was connected to a tube that ran underneath the covers- “is helping with rehydrating. I need to get some sleep, but if you’ll come get me when the bag is empty, I’ll switch it out for a new one.”

  “Of course,” Ashlyn said, realizing that the other woman probably hadn’t slept since Lord Li was brought onto the airship. “Thank you so much, Sara. I can’t…I really just can’t thank you enough.”

  “I’m happy to help.” Sara smiled, and her eyes were tired behind her thick glasses.

  Ashlyn glanced at Aik. “I’ll stay with him for now,” she said. “Can I come get you when I need a break?”

  The wolf nodded, and followed Sara from the room. The door shut quietly behind them.

  Ashlyn took a deep breath and looked back at her dad, reluctant to wake him. As she stood there, though, he stirred, his eyelashes fluttering before he opened his eyes. Ashlyn said nothing, watching him as he gained his bearings. He stared at the ceiling for a handful of heartbeats before his gaze flicked down, focusing on her.

  There was a pause as they regarded each other silently.

  At last he smiled, his eyes crinkling with laughter as he fumbled to get his arms out from underneath the covers and reached for her. “My sweet girl,” he said softly in Toryn.

  That was enough to trigger the waterworks. “Hi Dad,” she said tearfully, and went to him, wrapping her arms around his neck like she used to when she was a little girl. It should have been awkward, trying to hug him when he was lying in bed, connected to tubes and needles, but somehow she managed. Ashlyn squeezed her eyes shut, wanting to remember this moment, wanting to make it last forever.

  “I thought you were dead,” he said at length, and she laughed through her tears. Typical Li- no subtlety whatsoever.

  “I thought you were crazy,” she countered, straightening up and wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt.

  His eyes were dark and warm, a rich ebony that reminded her of home. “We were both mistaken, then.”

  She smiled. “I guess so.”

  His hand grasped for hers on top of the covers, and she threaded her fingers through his. It was the first time in over a decade that she’d held her father’s hand, and it felt strangely wonderful.

  “Where were you?” he asked. His voice was soft, but steady.

  “For the last three years?” She shook her head, trying to think of where to begin. “I’ve been all over. Landi, Storim, the grasslands- I even stopped by this inn once, a few years ago. For the last seven months I’ve been in Endro.”

  “The…” He took a breath. “The dead city. That explains…why I could not find you. Kou- Devlyn- said he had seen you killed in the Heavenly City. He said…a wolf attacked you…and you fell to your death.”

  “He’s a liar,” Ashlyn said fiercely. “I haven’t been to the Heavenly City since…well, since Jenn. And the only wolf I’ve seen in years is my friend Aik. You know they’re nearly extinct.”

  “Shift…some of the more powerful shift stanes can transform their users into wolves,” Lord Li said, pausing every couple of words to take a breath. “It is difficult because the magic is so unpredictable. But it is possible.”

  Ashlyn paused, remembering the dogs who had attacked her in Landi. At the time she’d thought they looked more like wolves than dogs, but had dismissed the idea for its absurdity. Perhaps it hadn’t been such a stretch after all. “Is that why you believed Kou? You thought I’d been killed by a shift monster?”

  “No.” Her father grimaced at the memory. “I did not believe him until a peddler came to Toryn with your bo shuriken.”

  Some of what Kou had told her was true, then.

  “Do you know where that shuriken is now?” she asked.

  “Kou has it.”


  Ashlyn shook her head, staring down at their linked hands. “I’m so sorry, Dad. I know I shouldn’t have run away. I know I should have stayed and trained for Ladyship. If I hadn’t been such a selfish jerk, none of this would have happened.”

  “Kou did this, Ashlyn. Not you.”

  “Yeah, but he wouldn’t have been able to if I’d been there.”

  “Perhaps,” her dad said simply.

  Ashlyn brushed a lock of hair off his forehead affectionately. “Sara says you’re gonna be okay,” she said, changing the subject. “All you need is time to recover.”

  “And no one else draining my blood,” he answered.

  “That, too.” She pursed her lips in thought. “How did Kou even figure that out? That he could inject the blood and use shift? It seems so random. Not to mention dangerous.”

  “I am afraid that was my idea,” Lord Li said ruefully. His voice grew weaker as he continued to speak. “He came to me with his vision, and after I found your shuriken, I trusted him. I asked him to help me test the magic. We injected him with my blood. But there was a difference. He could not control himself in animal form, and he became addicted to the magic much more quickly than I did.”

  She wondered if she ought to stop her dad .from using his strength to keep talking, but her curiosity won out. “Why did you let him keep doing it?”

  “I did not. I told him we had to stop, and destroy the magic, but he would not listen. It was then that he took me captive.” Lord Li stared out the window moodily, and Ashlyn followed his gaze, noting that it was early evening and the sky was darkening outside. She caught a glimpse of the moon before it disappeared behind the clouds again.

  “Dad,” she said. “Can I ask you something?”

  He blinked tiredly and met her eyes. “Yes.”

  “I’m…I’m really scared about becoming Lady of Toryn. I know I should feel ready, but…I don’t.”

  His gaze softened as he looked at her, and he slowly raised one thin hand to cup her face gently. Ashlyn put her hand over his, holding his palm against her cheek.