The Mermaid & The Crocodile (The Kill List Series Book One)

by Edee M. Fallon

  “So this is it? You’re really going to go through with it?”

  “It’s what I was born to do, you know that. It’s what he wanted.”

  “What about what you want, Little Bird?”

  “Since when did that matter?”

  “It’s always mattered,” he replied.

  “Yeah, well, that time has passed.”

  He sighed on his end of the line. And this was why I avoided conversations with anyone that knew my father. It was the same tune skipping on a broken record. Hugo must have sensed my irritation and switched the topic.

  “Is there any model you have in mind?”

  “A truck or SUV. Nothing flashy. Just give me a number and I’ll send you the money.”

  “I’m not worried about that. I know you’re good for it.”

  “There’s one more thing I need to ask you for.”

  “Okay. What is it?”

  “I need some sedatives. Strong ones. Liquid form. Also, you know where I might be able to get some cyanide?”

  “Jesus Christ, Berty. Really?”

  “I just want to be prepared and there’s no other way for me to take them all down at once. If you don’t want to help me I—”

  “I’ll get it all. I’ll leave it in the car when I drop it off. Just be careful with it. Be careful with yourself. Are you really sure about this?”

  “I am. I have to do it. You know why.”

  “Okay.”

  “Thanks, Hugo. I appreciate all that you’ve done for us. For me.”

  “De nada, Little Bird. I just wish I could have done more.”

  “You’ve done plenty.”

  “I’ll let you know when everything is in place.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Oh and Berty …”

  “Yeah?”

  “Happy birthday.”

  Hugo’s call came a few days later letting me know the vehicle was in place. Eddie was still in Biloxi, which left me free to take care of business. I tried, and failed, to convince myself that this wasn’t necessary or that this was the right thing to do. Lord knows that Tony and his minions were guilty as sin, but I was still torn between Eddie’s innocence and guilt. Either way, I mentally prepared for the next and final step. I just needed to figure out how I was going to get to Tony and his crew. No matter how hard I thought about it, I could not devise a plan that Eddie wouldn’t find suspicious and would also keep him safe.

  I walked the few blocks to the drop location and my mouth fell open when I found the vehicle that I had requested. “Hugo, you ostentatious bastard,” I whispered to myself as I stared at the black and chrome Range Rover with a little red bow on the hood. I ripped it off then checked over my shoulder to make sure no one was paying attention to my temper tantrum. I found the door unlocked and the key under the seat. No one boosted a vehicle in this town without Hugo’s permission. And, if they did, they never did it again. Sometimes the threat of violence was worse than the actual occurrence.

  Searching under the rear seats, I found the stash Hugo had left for me. Once I checked to make sure it contained what I needed, I called Hugo as soon as I started the car.

  “Do you like it?” he asked as I was pulling away from the curb.

  “I said nothing too flashy,” I admonished, hating that I sounded ungrateful.

  “Consider it a belated birthday present.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

  “You know I can’t accept that. How much do I owe you?”

  “You can accept it and you will. I don’t want to hear another word about it. You won’t win this argument, Little Bird, ” he said, this time without any humor.

  Sheesh. “Fine. Thank you. I mean that.”

  “It’s the least I can do and you’re welcome,” he said with all seriousness. “Did you find the package I left for you?”

  “Yes, I did.”

  “You know you don’t have to do this, right? It’s not too late to change your mind.”

  “Have you been talking to Jenks?” I asked, annoyed at both of them suddenly.

  “Yeah, we just went for a mani/pedi yesterday,” he deadpanned.

  I couldn’t control my laughter.

  “You know we aren’t the best of friends, Berty. We’re on opposite sides of the blue line.”

  “So were you and my father,” I reminded him.

  “Your father straddled the line. There’s a difference.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

  “Just take care of yourself, Little Bird, and call me if you need anything. Please.”

  “Will do,” I said and hung up.

  I merged onto I-95 and headed towards the bay. It was time to pack up my old life and start to plan for the next chapter. My final days in South Florida were coming to a head. It was very bittersweet.

  I loaded up the boxes as quick as possible. I’d not had a chance to rifle through all the contents yet and I was unsure if I ever would. I had never been the sentimental type, for obvious reasons. Nothing beautiful ever lasts. Detachment was a means of survival for a person like me. All my memories were laced with sorrow. But memory is a fickle fiend, showing you all at once what you do and do not want to remember. It can be your best friend or your worst enemy; the only thing you can cling to or the one thing you can never get away from.

  As I lifted the last box, the bottom gave out. The sound of breaking glass broke my heart a little. Although I might not care much for the contents, I cared enough to not want to destroy them. Carefully, I knelt down on the cold cement floor to retrieve the scattered contents of the box. On the ground among the wreckage was the one item I had ever allowed myself to covet. It was the one thing of my mother’s that I always wanted and that I could never have.

  The years were not kind to the thin paperback in my hands. The cover was beyond faded and the pages were tattered from a couple lifetimes of use. Still, it was the most precious possession I owned. It was a story I knew by heart. With shaking hands, I dared to open the cover. A slip of paper drifted out and to the ground. I knew what it was without having to look. It was the last words I would ever receive from my father.

  I’m so sorry for ever denying you the one thing you always wanted. Are you the mermaid or the crocodile? When you figure out the answer, you will know which path to take. I’d have loved you no matter your choice. But make it your choice for once.

  Time escaped me as I sat and pondered my father’s note. His last words were meant to set me free—to offer me a choice—but instead I felt even more locked into the mission. Guilt is a motherfucker. After picking up the pieces of my broken heart from the cold floor of the climate controlled storage unit that once held the physical inventory of my old life, I closed the door on it all. Roberta was gone forever. Little Bird was all that remained.

  When I opened my eyes the next day, Eddie was lying next to me. He was awake, but barely. He looked beyond exhausted. He looked lost.

  “When did you get back?” I asked in my morning voice.

  “Late last night,” he said as he brushed a lock of hair from off my face.

  “Why didn’t you wake me up?” I asked as I turned into him. He smelled of day old sweat, but I didn’t mind. He was home and in one piece, I couldn’t ask for anything more in that moment.

  “You looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb you,” he said as he ran his fingers through my hair. I purred like a kitten and snuggled closer, savoring the closeness I would soon have to relinquish.

  “Have you been watching me sleep all night?” I asked around a yawn I could not contain.

  “No … Maybe … Yes,” he said with a weak smile.

  “That’s kind of creepy. You know that, right?”

  “I missed you, Roberta.”

  “I … missed you too,” I said as I kissed his chest.

  “What’s happening here? With us?”

  “Is that what you’ve been thinking about all night? Why? We’re fine.” I pulled away to look him in the eye, unsure as to
why he felt the need to ask. I could sense a storm brewing. Not between us, but somewhere just beyond the horizon, and no it was definitely not the tempest I was conjuring.

  “Let’s leave,” he said suddenly.

  “Where do you want to go?”

  “I mean it. Let’s go and never look back.”

  I laughed at the absurdity of his statement, even though I often had the same thought myself. He rolled on top of me and held my wrists above my head.

  “I’m serious,” he continued, eyes piercing me to my blackened core.

  “You’re crazy is what you are,” I said as I contemplated following through with his demand, even though I knew it was madness. It did not matter how fast or far we ran. Tony would find us. “What about your family? Work?”

  “We’ll start over. I don’t care. I’ve got enough money to take care of us until we settle down somewhere far from here.”

  “What’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?” I asked as I searched his face. Something had changed, but I wasn’t sure just yet what it was. The possibilities terrified me.

  “Roberta, there is so much I’m not telling you. So much that I can’t tell you. If I stay here, I’ll become someone I don’t want to be. It’s already starting and I don’t know how to stop it.”

  “No one is stopping you from being who you want to be,” I said with as much conviction as I could marshal. Practice what you preach had never been more apt. If I had taken my own advice, I would have left this man behind already. Now, I was in too deep and Eddie was drowning in my reality.

  “You wouldn’t understand,” he said sounding irritated.

  “Then make me understand.”

  We had this fight before and I suspected we would have it again if something didn’t give soon.

  “Your parents aren’t around to try and force your squareness into the round hole, or whatever the hell the saying is,” he said in reply. Eddie had no idea how wrong he was. Even from the grave, my father still had the power to dictate my every move. Anger at Eddie and my father flared up inside me, but there was only one of them alive and near to feel my wrath.

  “What did you just say? As if it is some kind of blessing that my parents are dead? At least you have one left who actually wants to be a part of your life,” I said as I pushed him off me.

  “Baby, I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right.”

  “I think you should leave.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying I want you out of my house.”

  “I can’t leave without you.”

  His words tore open my heart, but this was his last hope of escape. As much as I wanted to leave with him, I knew I couldn’t. Not without bearing the guilt of breaking a promise I had made to my father a lifetime ago. How would I live with myself knowing that Tony was alive and possibly ruining the lives of other people like me? I could not bear it. I just couldn’t.

  “You have to,” I said as I got off the bed and began pacing the room.

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s the only way to keep you safe!” I yelled as I turned to face him, anguish and violence running amuck in my brain. It was a lethal combination.

  “I don’t understand. Talk to me. Tell Me. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out together.”

  “If only it were that simple. Eddie, I know what you are. I know who you are … who your father is. I can’t be a part of that life. I refuse.” He didn’t seem shocked by my admission, but relieved.

  “So come with me,” he said pleadingly.

  “And what? Live our lives on the run? What kind of life is that? He’ll come for you and you know it.” Tony would come for us. There was no way he would allow Eddie to leave or live in peace, especially if he was with me. I could imagine him sitting on his throne, plotting my demise and eventually discovering my real identity. Eddie and I could never have a real future without admitting to my past. If he knew—once he knew—the truth, he would leave me for good, with or without my life. Of that I was certain. It was going to be hard enough to let him go, I did not want him to hate me too.

  “I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not him and I refuse to become him. You’re right. It’s no kind of life and you deserve so much more than that. Roberta, baby, I’m so sorry.”

  He walked towards me then and tried to recapture me within his grasp, but it was too late. I had already made up my mind. I knew that Eddie needed to go if he was going to survive me. If I could convince him to leave me and leave this town, then he wouldn’t have to watch as I killed the one person he had left in the world. For a moment, I contemplated telling him the truth. If he was this afraid of becoming his father, maybe we could do this together. Logic won out, though. I knew no matter how much he thought he hated his father, he loved him more. It was time to let Eddie go, no matter how much it would hurt me.

  Wrapping my arms around my waist, I shut my eyes and dropped my chin to my chest in a lame attempt to keep myself together. This was for the best. Eddie could escape this nightmare and not end up as collateral damage. I just had to figure out how to get him to leave without me. I could spare him the fate that had been handed down to both of us before we had ever been born.

  “You need to go,” I said.

  “Please. You’re all that I have that isn’t tainted. You’re all that I want. I lo—”

  “Stop! Don’t say it. Go. I don’t ever want to see you again.”

  “Please, Roberta. Don’t do this,” he pleaded.

  I almost caved. I had to let him go to save him, even if it meant losing the only bit of happiness that I’d ever made for myself.

  “Please. I need you to leave now,” I whispered through my tears. I watched as Eddie wiped away his own with the heels of his palms. It was gut wrenchingly painful to witness. If he didn’t leave immediately, I was going to beg him to stay and never leave me. Leave this town, yes, but not my side. I closed my eyes for a moment and when I opened them again, he was gone. My chest felt hollow because he had taken my heart with him. I crawled back into bed and let the flood of tears wash me away to a faraway place where I was untouchable. I fell into a dreamless slumber.

  When I finally awoke, I knew without looking that my eyes were red and swollen. Out of habit, I checked my phone. Eddie had left several voicemails, but only one text. And, since I had recently become a masochist, I read it instead of deleting it.

  I can’t leave things how we did. I have to see you one more time before I go. Please.

  And because I hated myself, I replied.

  Okay.

  The turmoil of the day left me feeling shaken and on edge. Needing a little security, I grabbed a hunting knife and took it with me into the shower as I waited for Eddie’s reply. Stepping into the steaming water, I set the blade on the shelf of the shower and closed my eyes. I poured the shampoo in my hands and lathered, rinsed then conditioned my hair. I shaved my legs and scrubbed myself down, trying to waste time while I waited to hear from Eddie. I made the water even hotter and turned my back to it while resting my hands against the far wall, eyes still closed. The scalding water beat against my skin and the tension in between my shoulders started to loosen. It had been a hard and confusing day with Eddie. My mind was overrun by my conflicting emotions. I let out a deep breath when suddenly someone’s hands were upon me, one over my mouth and the other snaked tightly around my waist. I tried to scream and kick but I couldn’t break free fast enough. My elbow connected with ribs and I turned around, knife already in hand and nicked Eddie’s throat.

  “Do it,” he said, unblinking. “Do it, Roberta. Put me out of my misery.”

  I shook my head violently back and forth, but did not remove the knife from his throat. He stepped into me and placed his hand on my cheek, the tip of the blade sinking further into his skin. Blood trickled down his neck, but he wasn’t fazed. Even through the steam, I could feel his warm breath on my face. My panic was still raging through my body, but his words kept me from unleashing
the power he didn’t know I had locked up inside me. I was breathing hard and shaking as his hand slid from my face down to grasp my throat possessively, placing his other hand at my waist. My shaking ceased since I was now frozen in shock. The hand that was on my waist was now sliding down my belly towards the juncture of my thighs. I could feel his hardness against my stomach as he leaned into me, trapping me between him and the tiled wall. Desire and hatred warred within my body, leaving me aching for more and dreading what came next. I squeezed my eyes shut as his fingers slipped inside me.

  “Oh god,” I whispered as my body buzzed and my knees buckled. I knew I couldn’t let him do this. “Eddie, please.” I was begging him to stop, but the desire in my voice confused my plea. He thought I wanted more when I was really begging for mercy.

  He took the knife from my hand and placed it on the tiled shelf. Sliding his hand between me and the wall, he pulled me tight to his body.

  “I know, mi amor, I know. Let me love you tonight. Please. I am starving for your touch. I’ve waited so long to taste you,” he said before biting then licking my earlobe. It sent a shot of pleasure as hot and bold as lightning straight to my core where his fingers were stroking me.

  “Eddie, no.” He pushed all of his weight against me then. He bent his knees and began sliding himself back and forth between my slickness. I cried out as my body betrayed me.

  “Please, baby. Do you know how much I want you? To be inside you? To claim you as mine? Because that's what you are. You. Are. Mine. I can’t leave here without you … without knowing what it’s like to love you and be loved by you,” he said as he positioned himself, the tip of him now piercing me. His breathing became loud and heavy as I tried to stifle my moans. It felt wrong to feel so good.

  “Eddie, stop. I can’t … I can’t do this,” I said as tears streamed down my cheeks. My body ached for more, but my head and heart could not handle it. I would never survive him if I allowed this to happen, unsure if I would even want to.