To Have & to Hold

by Mackenzie Lucas

Cate froze, paralyzed. She tracked the door’s movement. Her heart beat fast, filling her ears with its loud drum.

  What would she find?

  Fear skittered on uneven feet across her lungs, making it hard to breathe.

  Her husband pushed himself easily from the bed to stand opposite the door.

  Instant lust for the man she’d always loved crashed through her body. Hair wet from a shower, he wore faded jeans and nothing else. A smattering of dark hair disappeared below the open button of his jeans. His feet were bare. He pulled a white t-shirt over his head, stretching it taut across his broad shoulders, muscled chest, and ripped abdomen.

  Hotter than ever.

  The man who had turned her world upside down now stood before her. Sexy. Hot. Delicious. Whole.

  A man, not a beast.

  Hope whispered through her. She took a step into the room. He’d done it. He’d learned to control the monster. A cautious joy made her heart feel weightless as it took flight. Her vision blurred. Tears of happiness spilled over. Her husband was back.

  “Grayson.”

  He drove his fingers through his dark hair, pushing it off his face. “What the hell took you so long?” he said, the growl rumbling deep in his chest. His nostrils flared as he raised his head to inhale her scent. He cocked his head. Went still. “You have the smell of James on your lips. He dared to kiss you?” The strangled sound that escaped his mouth rose to an indignant bellow. “I’ll kill the bastard. No one kisses my wife!”

  His moss-green eyes blazed intently. The pupils blanched then elongated to slits. The green color drained to amber, but only in one eye. The other stayed vibrant green. And, what a moment before had been hard, ripped muscle and taut human skin covered in white cotton, now became scales of amber, amethyst, sage, cobalt, and sienna. A snout elongated. Wings sprouted and filled the high-ceilinged space of the attic. The powerful tail with a razor-sharp protruding exoskeleton whipped forward, just missing her. She knew the brunt of that tail. It had been the source of her cuts and bruising and the broken arm. She smelled the brimstone a moment before the blast of fire exploded on the fire-resistant floor at her feet. The click of jagged talons against the floor reminded her of the scarring that graced her back.

  Nothing had changed.

  Shimmering. Beautiful. Spectacular. Awesome. Hideous in its splendor. The monster grew in the space of the attic apartment. Deadly and wholly uncontrollable.

  Why had she ever hoped and believed he could learn to control the monster within? Even after a year, he couldn’t contain the beast. Grayson Cooper had transformed into his darker alter ego, a dragon. Not a flea-bitten shag rug. But a full-fledged fire-breathing dragon.

  Patron saint, shit. Michael was wrong. Cate knew a lost cause when she saw it.

  She spun on her heel and ran for her life.

  Chapter Two

  The moment Grayson Cooper let his anger take over, he knew he’d made a fatal error. For one God damned interminable year he’d worked to keep the simmering emotion and the beast that came with it leashed the best he could. But one look at Cate and the whiff of Michael James’s stink all over her had blown his best laid plans to hell. Didn’t she know the bastard had tried to kill him and leave him for dead on a sinking boat in the Celtic Sea? And Michael had embezzled millions from them. God damn it. Grayson wasn’t the bad guy here. James was a bigger monster than Grayson. He’d just gotten better at hiding it.

  Grayson had changed. He’d trained the monster inside him so it wouldn’t rage out of control, so it wouldn’t hurt Cate. Or so he’d thought until he’d gone off half-cocked at the first hint of trouble. He’d let the dragon erupt, intent on fighting that bastard James for the right to reclaim his own wife.

  No wonder she’d run. She’d thought the dragon would hurt her again as it had in the past. He’d done nothing to prove to Cate that her experience with the rampant dragon over a year ago would be any different today.

  God damn his bloody temper.

  He’d show her. She couldn’t run away from him, not now, not when he’d fought so hard this past year for them, for her.

  Grayson bowed his head. Unlocked the hoard inside his chest and pulled on the reservoir of strength deep within. His breathing calmed. Healing energy flowed around and through him. His body became his own again. He yanked on another pair of denims and raced after her.

  By the time he pounded down the stairs, Cate was throwing a duffle in the back of her car. She slammed the boot shut. When she turned to see him standing at the foot of the porch stairs, she stilled.

  He hated the wary look in her eyes. He didn’t want her to fear him. He only wanted her to love him. To understand him. To accept him. Dragon and all.

  “Cate, please don’t go.” His voice sound rusty to his own ears. “I promise you, I’ve changed. I love you. The dragon doesn’t control me. I control it.”

  Her wary gaze turned hard. Her beautiful gray eyes glittered silver. “And that’s why you shifted a few minutes ago? Because you have so much mastery over that infernal beast? No, Grayson. I think not. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m done.”

  “No. Don’t give up on us, please.” He moved toward her, one cautious step after another. He kept his movements slow, non-threatening, like he was gentling a skittish mare. “Baby, you know how good it can be between us. How good it’s always been.”

  She bared her teeth, ready to lay into him verbally. She looked fierce. Sexy. Even angry, she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. Shoulder-length copper hair fell in layers. He loved her eyes. Her curvy build. Long legs. Lush hips. Full breasts.

  Grayson, better than any man, understood Cate’s appeal. She was irresistible.

  However, he also knew the inner strength and beauty at her core. The devotion and loyalty. Sheer determination and grit drove her. She possessed the ability to hold it all together when everything else around her seemed to be falling to pieces. And that kind of strength, more than anything, made him long for her. Cate was his equal in every way--passion, ferocity, and power. He needed her fighting at his side. With him. Not against him. God it had been too long. She embodied a fresh pool of clear water for his parched soul.

  The whipping wind snatched away her brittle laugh. The mirthless sound died quickly on her lips. “Pardon me if I’ve forgotten any of the good times. I’ve given you four years of my life, Grayson. And what have I gotten in return? Hell. A pure living hell. No, thanks. There’s not enough magic in the world to change my mind today. So don’t even try.”

  That’s exactly what he’d hoped to do. Change her mind. No tricks. No magic. No manipulation. He wanted to convince her to stay with him by using his finesse as a man, not a mage or a dragon. Not that anyone could accuse him of possessing dragon finesse. Hell, he was a God damned rookie. He had a lot to learn. His mouth twitched. And his social skills as a man were rusty. But he knew Cate, so he’d go with his instincts.

  She moved to open her car door.

  He stepped between her and escape.

  She didn’t back down, didn’t flinch. For that, at least, he was thankful. Cate had never backed down. Despite everything she’d been through, she wasn’t timid. She’d always been a fighter.

  Some would see her steadfast devotion to him over the past four years as a weakness.

  They were fools.

  He marveled at her, the fiercest warrior he’d ever known. She’d battled for both her own life and that of her soul mate. He couldn’t let her give up now. Not when they were so close to winning this war.

  “Cate, you love me. You can’t leave.” He brushed a strand of her silky hair from her cheek, tucking it behind her ear. Her skin felt so soft. She smelled of lilacs and vanilla. He breathed in and drew her scent deep within to tuck it into his hoard to savor and cherish forever.

  “Yes, call me a fool. Despite everything you’ve done to me, I do love you. I must be a blasted idiot.”

  “No, you’re not.” He skimmed his fingers down her arm to c
aress her cold fingers. He lifted her hand to his bare chest, laid it over the strong steady beat of his heart. “I won’t hurt you again, Cate. Ever. I give you my word.”

  He covered her hand with his. He could feel the beat of his own heart through her skin.

  She closed her eyes. Her body shuddered under his touch. Her full, dusky mouth pinched at the corners instead of growing soft like he’d hoped. She held herself stiff, tense. Her eyes were squeezed tight.

  He had to convince her to stay with him.

  He stepped close and before she could respond or push him away, he pressed his mouth against hers in a tender kiss. She sighed and opened for him instantly. The soft, silky heat of her mouth nearly undid him. A hunger so elemental and fierce gripped him hard and threatened to consume him whole. Cate was his woman. His wife. Nothing else had ever seemed so right or so integral to his survival as this connection.

  Grayson deepened the kiss and wound his hand into her hair, pulling her close to him. Their bodies blazed where they touched. Her supple breasts brushed his bare chest. Her nipples hardened through the cotton fabric of her t-shirt. She wiggled closer, then her hands caressed his chest and circled his neck to draw him near.

  The scent of her arousal snaked around him. A deep moan escaped his throat. All the blood left his head and rushed south. He’d always wanted this woman. Nothing had changed during his year of seclusion. He wanted her now more than ever.

  Grayson slipped his hand beneath her shirt, spanned her taut abdomen and moved up. He wanted her fast and furious. Here and now. No holds barred. Hot. Honest. No complicating words. They’d work out everything else later.

  He set out to show Cate how much he loved her.

  Grayson flicked open the front closure of her lacey bra and cupped her naked breast. Cate groaned, her head fell back. He lifted her shirt and teased her rosy nipple with his mouth. Hot and wet. He sucked gently and rasped his teeth against her heated flesh. Then, he kissed her other breast.

  Cate gasped and sagged back against the car for support. “More. Need more,” she begged, her husky voice guttural and sexy as hell. She unbuttoned his denims, freeing his erection. Her actions feverish and desperate, she took him in hand. He thought he’d lose his mind. Right there and then.

  He untied her yoga pants and pushed them down her hips. His fingers found her heated center, slick and hot. He caressed her. Cate’s breathing hitched. Her body tightened with an altogether different tension than he’d experienced a few moments earlier. Her physical sensitivity to his touch aroused him, pushed him over the edge. She was wound so tight she was about to explode in his hands. He lifted her, her back still against the car. She wound her legs around his hips and he drove into her in one smooth thrust. She cried out and gripped his shoulders, her nails biting into his skin.

  “God, Cate. You feel so good.” He stroked her deep, his hips moving slowly at first. Each thrust fed something deep in his soul. Something starved and so needy it scared the hell out of him. He picked up his pace, driving hard. Power swirled around them, entwining itself around their hearts, binding their souls in a timeless reunion. Magic tingled on his skin. The stormy clouds thundered above them. A lightning bolt split the sky. Rain spilled from the heavens in a sudden torrential downpour.

  Cate’s eyes remained closed, her head lifted to the open sky. Rain slicked her hair, her breasts. “So good.” She moaned. She never looked more beautiful to him than she did in this moment. Aroused. Passionate. Wild. And wholly his.

  He kissed her again, taking her one step closer to the point of no return. He licked a trail down her neck. Thrust hard, flicked his fingers between them over her clitoris, and bit down on the side of her neck below her ear, sucking gently.

  A strand of elemental power shifted again. She shattered under him. Her orgasm drew him even deeper, if that was possible. He thrust again and then teetered on the edge, ready to tumble into the precipice. The beast stirred to life, trying to break free. He felt his teeth, still latched gently onto her neck, begin to elongate. No! The monster would not steal this from him. He clamped down hard on the dragon, forcing it to obey.

  Grayson focused on the calm at his core and pulled on his strength.

  He thrust deep one more time. And took flight, as only a man could.

  He cried out. Primal. Fierce. A war cry of triumph.

  The monster had not won. Rain beat down on him and he didn’t care. Only his success mattered. And this woman beneath him. He smoothed her neck with a laving kiss, tasting a tinge of her blood on his taste buds. He’d marked her. She wouldn’t thank him for it. But, whether she’d admit it or not, she’d already been marked, heart and soul, the day they’d exchanged marriage vows. To have and to hold from this day forward, until death do us part. Marriage vows with a dragon mage were binding until death.

  Something Cate had learned the hard way a year ago.

  Now, his momentary loss of control had marked her for the whole world to see--she belonged to him.

  #

  God she was pathetic.

  Cate had shouted almost as loud as Grayson when she’d climaxed. The sensual assault on her body and emotions had been powerful, riveting, and all-consuming. She’d been undone the moment his warm lips had brushed hers. Her body had cried out for his touch, inside and out. And she’d succumbed to her ferocious attraction to him and joined in the passion with everything she possessed, body and soul. She couldn’t regret it. Not for a moment. She loved him. Nothing had changed. Which meant she had to leave England. Today. She didn’t trust herself to not give in to him again and again. And what kind of weak creature would that make her? There were days like today when she hated herself for ever marrying Grayson Cooper. He’d ruined her forever. Taken something precious and broken it with his lies and deceit and she could never trust him again even though she loved him beyond logic. And that’s why she had to leave. She couldn’t be reasonable where Grayson was concerned. She’d sacrifice her well-being and very safety for him each and every time.

  A love like that is worth fighting for. The thought whispered through her brain unbidden. No. She wouldn’t do it. She’d done enough and kept her end of the bargain. Grayson, hadn’t kept his word. And she couldn’t live with that knowledge. She feared she might die at the hands of the dragon he couldn’t control.

  No. She’d take the memory of their last joining with her to remember in the endless, lonely years that stretched ahead of her. But she couldn’t let her husband stop her. She had to leave. She couldn’t trust him. Not a year ago, not today. Her heart ached, raw from their recent love-making and the battery of emotions she’d absorbed from Grayson during their frenzied passion.

  Her breathing evened. She opened her eyes. Grayson had withdrawn from her. He buttoned his jeans and hunched against the Audi, his arm braced against the roof. He didn’t pin her in, but rather protected her from the frigid wind that nipped at her bare, wet skin.

  The rain stopped as quickly as it began. Weak sun tried to break through patches of heavy gray clouds, but gave up its feeble attempt.

  Grayson stared at her. She etched every line of his dark brooding countenance into her memory. She wanted to remember him like this forever. Smoldering, hot, sexy. It’s all she’d be able to take with her. He shoved the wet chestnut-colored hair off his forehead, exposing the widow’s peak she loved so much. His hair hung almost to shoulder length in an appealing blunt cut he’d groomed himself over the past year. His green eyes, lighter toward the pupil than at the iris, seemed to glow with a devilish light. A neat soul patch bordered his full bottom lip and led to a goatee that covered the tip of his strong jaw. Dangerous and sexy as hell, the look suited him.

  Grayson tilted her face up, staring deep into her eyes. He brushed his lips across hers. “I love you, Cate.”

  Cate could swear he’d reached inside her and touched her soul. Her heart broke in two.

  Apparently the time for the gilded words that would snare her and keep her bound to him had arrived a
t last. No, she couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t be swayed this time. There was nothing he could say that would keep her here.

  He must have read her mutinous expression because his next words were pleading. “Please, Cate. Stay with me. We’re good together.”

  She laughed without humor. “Sex was never the problem between us.”

  One corner of his mouth lifted. “But?”

  “But I can’t stay. I won’t do it. You’ve lied to me one too many times. Yes, I love you. I’m afraid I will always love you.” She paused, clasped her bra, tugged her shirt down, yanked the soft cotton of her now muddy yoga pants back into place and tied the drawstring. Her breath shuddered out raggedly before she could continue, her heart squeezing painfully in her chest. “I’m leaving. Don’t follow me. I need distance and time to figure out what I want. I’ve been so consumed with us, with this, whatever it is that we’ve been doing for the last four years that I’ve lost myself.”

  “Cate, you’re killing me.” His husky, vulnerable tone chipped away at her effort to harden her heart. “Please?”

  “No. Not this time. I’m going home.”

  “Your home is here with me.”

  “Not anymore.” She straightened her clothes. “Good bye, Grayson.”

  She tipped up on her toes and kissed him one last time, secreting away the feel of his lips against hers. Then she tugged at the handle of the car door, forcing him to step away to let her pass.

  The desperation in his eyes almost made her back down, give in to him, and tell him she’d stay beside him no matter what. Even though she knew he was a monster.

  She sucked in a deep, calming breath.

  No. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t stay.

  She slipped inside her car, ignoring pain in her chest so sharp that it threatened to rip her apart. But before she could slam the door closed, he stepped close.

  His voice was soft yet deadly. “You are mine, Cate.” He scraped his fingernail gently along the spot on her neck where he’d given her a love bite during their passionate lovemaking.