Bad Intentions

by Stayton, Nacole

  “Of course you would have.” I roll my eyes. “Tell me who you liked most when you were little.” I veer to the left and head toward the on ramp.

  “Honestly, with Taylor always around, I cared more about monster trucks than princesses.”

  “Has he always been bisexual?” I ask curiously, throwing us off topic.

  “He hasn’t always admitted it, but I’m his sister—I knew something was different when we got to high school. I caught a boy sneaking out of his room once, and that sort of sealed the deal, but he didn’t come out for a while. I think he felt alone for a long time. It really hurt my feelings that he didn’t feel like he could confide in me.”

  “I’m sure he thought he could lean on you. It was probably just really hard for him to admit it to himself at first. You’re a good sister and a good friend. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” I smile, thankful that we’d met. She really has been not only an awesome roommate but also a wonderful friend. It’s funny, because I would have never pictured us buddying up—not that I have much experience in the friend department.

  We blare the radio for hours. It seems to make our trip a little less boring and surely adds to our amusement. Off and on one of us will spark up a conversation leading to another subject that turns into a deep conversation. Like the time she lost her virginity. She said that it was so awful, and the dude kept going after he got off in the condom. She’d finally asked him if he was done, and he said, “Yeah. A long time ago.” I feel a smidge better about my epic virginity fail after hearing that one.

  The sad thing is, I never even asked if Mark was still a virgin. I assumed he was, since we dated all through high school, but the Mark he’d become wasn’t nearly as dorky as the one I’d left. It leads me to believe that he had a least a little more experience than I did, which is embarrassing because he got off faster than a kid at prom night.

  “What are you going to do about Ryle when we get back?” Zoe asks the ultimate question.

  “I don’t know if I should go to him and try to straighten this all out, or if I should let him come to me. I’m confused and embarrassed. Kaiser probably hates me for running out on him when he needed me at the gym.”

  I turn to see Zoe peering at me with a bleak expression on her face. “Screw what Kaiser thinks of you. Screw what anyone things. You had something to deal with, and if people don’t understand that then—.”

  “Fuck ‘em,” I finish her sentence.

  “Atta girl.”

  I press on the accelerator when we pass the exit before ours. With two miles left in our road trip, I know they’re going to be the most agonizing yet. Jitters swallow my body and hold it captive. My brain becomes mush, and I start to ramble. “We’re almost there. Are you sure we can’t turn around and go back to apply for jobs as a mermaid? They were so pretty and got to swim all day. It sounds fantastic. I know we’d get hired. We’re both cute. They’d be stupid not to hire us on the spot.”

  “Adaley, I’m going to need you to chill the heck out. We’re just getting back to campus. You don’t have to rush over to him. Let’s just get back, go up to our dorm and chill. Okay? Calm down.”

  She’s right.

  I take a deep breath and turn onto Braxton Drive. It’s amazing how much three days away feels like. The trees are no longer adorned with fiery orange and red leaves. They’re now bare and lonely with nothing but twigs remaining on the bigger branches. Fall must’ve waived goodbye to Biloxi while we were gone. It’s bittersweet pulling into my lonesome parking space and looking around at a campus where I know I belong, yet had abandoned.

  The sound of Zoe’s door swinging open draws my attention, and I follow her out of the car. A gust of chilly air hits me in the face and blows pieces of my hair out of the loose bun on top of my head. Pushing hair out of my face, I am irritated at how I can’t keep my mind off of Ryle. On autopilot, I grab my duffle out of the backseat and walk toward the dorm. I remember when Ryle said he was turned off by me because I’d been throwing myself out there. Maybe this was a perfect time not to chase him again, and instead, allow him time to come to me. After all, he was the one who pushed me away. I don’t know why I feel like this is all my fault. He’s to blame too.

  When I swing open our door, the stale smell of mildewed towels hits me in the face. “Gross,” I whisper as I trudge deeper into our space and plop down on my twin bed. My decision is made not to contact him. If he wants me, he’s going to have to grovel for forgiveness. I close my eyes and allow sleep to carry me away.

  There’s a loud thud at Ryle’s front door, and he is startled awake. Wiping the drool that had seeped out of his mouth and puddled around his chin, he slides a pair of basketball shorts on and saunters toward the door. His sleepy brain tries to remember if he should be expecting company. In case his visitor happens to be the one girl he’s desperate to see, he makes bigger strides and swings open the door.

  Half expecting to see Adaley, his eyes widen at the sight of the last person he thought would be pounding on his door. Zoe’s standing in front of him, bundled up in a puffy jacket, the faux fur of her hood whipping in the breeze.

  “She’s done with me, isn’t she? That’s why she sent you. To do her dirty work.” A faint smile touched with sadness twists his face.

  Zoe huffs, shakes her head, and marches past him. “It’s cold out there. Shut the door,” she demands. “And stop with that crazy talk. You both are truly mastering the art of sulking.”

  Like a dog, Ryle’s eyes perk up. This is great news. Not that Adaley has been upset, but it’s a good indicator that she still cares for him. “How is she?”

  “Why don’t you man up and ask her yourself?” she counters, making him feel like he’s an inch tall.

  “I didn’t know you guys were back. I didn’t even know if she was ever coming back,” he says, as he sinks down on the couch, grabs a pillow, and clutches it to his chest. “I’m such an idiot.”

  “I’ll second that.”

  Ouch. Is she always this blunt?

  “Listen, if you came here to make me feel guilty, mission accomplished. I already feel like shit, so if that’s all you have to say, you know where the door is.” Leaning forward, Ryle puts his elbows on his knees, laces his fingers together and rests his forehead on them.

  “I didn’t come here to be a bitch. Sorry. I’m just confused. Where did this all come from?”

  Like she didn’t tell her best friend every intimate detail of their fight. “Don’t play coy, Zoe. It’s not a good look.”

  “I’m only going to say this once, so you might want to pull your head out of your ass and listen up. Adaley adores you. Hell, I think she loves you. She was so hurt when she came here and found no one other than her arch nemesis with nothing on but your T-shirt. And then, you accuse her of something as asinine as doing drugs. She has a back problem, you dipshit. It’s a serious one that inhibits her from doing anything remotely athletic anymore. Can you imagine being so young and having to take prescription drugs just to get out of bed? I sure can’t. She’s strong, and I admire her for everything she’s done. Including leaving home and the only place she’s ever known, to start fresh.”

  Ryle admires her too. More than he’s ever let on.

  “I know I screwed up. I should have listened to her. I was so heated though, Zoe. I couldn’t see straight. It was all red. You’ve got to believe me—I would never lay a hand on Naomi or any other female while Adaley and I were together.”

  Zoe carries herself with a commanding confidence as she walks over to the door and turns around slightly to face him. “She’s at our dorm taking a nap, and I honestly don’t think that she’s going to come here barging in anytime soon. You might want to try and fix this on your end before too much time passes and you don’t have the guts anymore to own up to your mistakes.”

  Shifting on the couch, Ryle turns to face her once more. “Why are you trying to help me? I barely know you, and you hate me.”

  “Because she’s my frie
nd, and after what she’s gone through, she deserves to be happy. She deserves more than what you’ve done.” Zoe spins on her heels and opens the door, leaving Ryle alone with his thoughts.

  How in the world am I going to fix this and make it right?

  I wake up from one hell of a nap. Let’s just say, I think I’ve slept for twenty-four hours straight. It’s done me good, because as I stretch my arms over top my head and open my eyes, I see things with a new clarity that I didn’t before. My limbs ache from the drive to and from West Virginia, and I didn’t fill my script before I left home. I guess now’s as good as time as any to try to push through the pain.

  I tilt my head to the side and glance at Zoe’s bed. It’s empty which is odd, because her attitude in the morning mimics Satan. I’ve learned to avoid contact with her prior to ten o’clock. I climb out of bed and head for the bathroom. I scrub like I’ve never scrubbed before, and wash away any trace of lost virginity.

  After brushing my teeth, I throw on a sports bra, a tank top and a pair of sweatpants. Could I look any more homely? Oh, well. I’m comfortable, and I have nowhere important to be. I grab my laptop and pull it onto my folded legs. Logging into my school account, I groan out loud at the sight of my Black Board, which is full of the video lectures I missed, and the corresponding assignments. With nothing on my agenda for the day, I prepare to dive head first into schoolwork, when I am startled by my door swinging open.

  Zoe barges through the door with a bag in hand and a cup of coffee in the other. She stands at my bedside and shouts off instructions like a prison guard. “No, no, girlfriend. Come on, get up!” She slides the computer off my lap and places a bag in front of me. “Open it and change.”

  I’m curious as I peek into the bag and pull out an outfit that consists of denim jeans, a maroon hoodie, and a North Face beanie. “Umm. Thank you? What is this for? Are we going skiing or something? In West Virginia, we have these awesome slopes made out of fake snow. Do you guys have that here?”

  “Mute yourself lady.” She holds up a hand, a bright smile plastered on her freckled face. “Please just get changed and hurry. We’re in a bit of a time crunch. We didn’t know when you’d wake up from your sleep-induced coma.”

  We?

  I don’t dare ask who we are. My stomach immediately starts to cramp as anxiety washes over me. “I don’t know what you’re planning, but it’s freaking me out.”

  “Stop thinking for once. Just get dressed, and you’ll see soon enough what is going on.”

  I do as instructed and layer clothes on. I’m not sure why she’s dressing me like we’re going to take a tour of the North Pole, but I keep those thoughts to myself and pull the beanie on my head. “Okay. So now what?” Zoe ignores my question and tosses toiletry items back in my bag, along with fresh panties and a few pairs of socks.

  “All right. Now this is the strange part.” My eyes widen as she pulls out a black silky tie from her back pocket. “I’m going to blindfold you, but don’t get any kinky ideas. I know you’re fresh on the mend from that popped cherry.”

  “Your grossness never ceases to amaze me.”

  “Good.” She smiles and waves me toward her.

  I lift up my hair and allow her to tie the material in the back. This is insane.

  “Is she ready?” I hear a male voice say.

  “Tank? Is that you? What’s going on? This is nuts.” No one answers me. “Am I talking to myself?” A soft hand covers mine and leads me out of our dorm, and then outside the building. I’m thankful for the beanie as a cool breeze hits me in the face. “Burr.” I shiver. “Mother nature’s drunk.”

  I hear Zoe’s infectious laugh in the distance.

  “I’m going to guide you into my car okay?” Tank asks. I nod, unable to see.

  As the car door shuts, I still am no closer to getting answers. I hear a second door shut and I ask, “Tank, where are we going?” For the second time in the last five minutes, I feel like I’m talking to myself. “Okay you’re starting to creep me out. Should I be worried?”

  “Why, do you not feel safe with me?” Ryle’s voice cuts through the small space between us, and I’m momentarily in shock. It takes a couple minutes to regain my composure. I reach behind my head to untie the knot.

  “Don’t. Please. I want this to be a surprise.” The sultry sound of his gravelly voice begs my cooperation.

  I don’t know whether to rip this thing off and jump out of the moving car or sit still and let him drive us to never-ever-land. “Can you just explain what is going on? I don’t understand. Why did Zoe bring me these clothes, and why am I blindfolded?”

  “Would you have willingly come with me if I’d asked you to?”

  Is this a trick question? Hell no! You shattered my heart. “No,” I simply reply. To rehash things will do nothing but cause me more heartache.

  “Exactly,” he says, making a point. “I enlisted Zoe and Tank’s help, and before you get all upset thinking that your friends betrayed you, just hear me out.”

  I shudder at the thought of hearing what is about to come out of his lips—lips I’ve kissed until my very own were raw. Lips that I’ve wanted to dance over my body. Lips that I’ve wanted… Mark. Mark. Mark. The image of him above me panting, stirs the guilt around in my gut like a cauldron of poison.

  “Ryle, I have something to tell you.”

  “Don’t,” he utters breathlessly. “We have nothing but time to talk and trust me, I have a lot to say too, but I’d rather just enjoy the ride—and your presence—right now.”

  We ride in silence for the rest of our trip. I’d like to say it’s comfortable, but it’s not. I feel extremely awkward, and I can’t help but fidget in my seat. I can’t even look out the window to pass the time. Ryle notices and takes pity on me by saying, “We’re almost there.”

  “There as in our mystery destination?” I probe for answers.

  “Yes. Just a couple more miles.”

  This is honestly one of the most upsetting situations that I’ve ever been in. Not only do I feel betrayed by my friends, but I also feel stuck. I can’t even leave if I want to because I don’t know where in the hell we’re going to end up.

  I feel the car come to a halt, and my heart pounds fervently in my chest. This is it. The big reveal. “Are we there?”

  Ryle’s warm hand cups mine and he squeezes. It seems so natural and I would normally accept it for what it is—a comforting gesture—but right now his touch seems foreign.

  “Yes. I’m going to come around and get you, okay? Don’t speak. Not yet.”

  In a matter of seconds I feel a rush of fresh, cold air hit me. “Give me your hand,” he instructs. I don’t move. “Come on. Stop being stubborn. I have something for you to see.”

  Reluctantly, I offer my hand, and he clasps it in his. For a second, I close my eyes behind the cloth of the necktie and allow my mind to take me to a place where only he and I exist, and where nothing that occurred in the past three days matters.

  “Trust me. I won’t let you fall,” he says, as I step out of the car and almost lose my footing on the uneven ground. He steadies me in his arms, and in one swift motion, he tugs on the tie and allows it to fall away.

  My eyes meet his for the first time in days, and I feel as if I’m staring into the depths of his soul. There is so much emotion in his expression. So many questions we need to answer. There are things that I need to confess but right now, I can’t ignore the connection I feel in his arms.

  I forget about everything but him.

  “This way,” he instructs, as he leads me around the front of the car.

  There is a cabin in front of us. It’s small—built to sleep maybe four people— but it’s breathtaking. There’s a large porch on the front and nothing but green, lush wilderness behind it.

  “Thomas built this place for Meredith as an anniversary gift. Her line of work can wear anyone down fast, and he built it as a place for them to come and relax. It’s a place of seclusion from the crazy
world we live in. There’s no cable or Internet, but it has the necessities.”

  “I can’t… This place is gorgeous. Ryle, this is very sweet, but—.” His index finger presses against my lips and stops me from talking. “But nothing. Let’s just go in. I have some stuff planned, including dinner. Just relax and don’t fight it. Us. I know we need to deal with some stuff, and I promise you we will. Okay?”

  I nod and follow his lead as he walks toward the cabin with my bag in tow. As soon as he opens the door, my eyes take in more beauty. “This place is amazing. Thomas must really love Meredith.”

  Ryle sighs as he says, “Yeah. He does.”

  My heart swells with emotion, and my eyes begin to fill to the brink of spilling over with tears. Ryle steps in front of me and drops the bags to the floor. “I don’t ever want to be the reason you cry again.”

  I don’t know how to respond. I lean forward into his embrace and allow him to wrap his arms around me. Deciphering this moment is impossible. I don’t want to send him mixed signals, but I can’t make myself pull away from him, either.

  “I’m going to start dinner. How do you like your steak?”

  “Like jerky,” I respond. A trace of a smile tugs at his mouth. I’ve missed that smile.

  He turns toward the kitchen, and I set off to explore the living room. It’s simple, but very elegant in its own way. There are not a lot of pictures or décor like the Benson’s main residence. There are a few rustic pieces here and there mixed with different shades of light blue in the furniture. Thomas nailed it on the relaxing tones. I feather my hands over the throw pillows on the loveseat, and then sink down into the softness, letting the cushions comfort me. Leaning my head back, I stare up at the wooden planked ceiling.

  “A penny for your thoughts?” I hear Ryle’s voice near my side. Turning my head, I see he’s holding out a wine glass for me. I’ve never had wine. It always seems so sophisticated. I guess that’s why the Bensons have some here in their secret getaway.