Bad Intentions

by Stayton, Nacole

  “Thank you.” I take the chilled glass from his and sip the wine. It’s surprisingly good and sweet. “A penny for yours?”

  “I’m sorry for everything.” Ryle breaks the dam and sinks to his knees in front of me. “I screwed up by pushing you away and not giving you a chance to explain. Also for not telling you the moment Naomi came over. I can’t imagine how it felt to see her open the door.”

  “It was like a punch in the face.”

  Ryle reaches up and rakes his hand through his silky hair.

  “I’m glad that buzz cut was only temporary.” I try to lighten our situation.

  He grins at me boyishly, but dives right back in. “I just want you to know how I feel about you. I haven’t been the best at expressing myself, and that’s on me. But Adaley, you have to know how much you mean to me. How much you light up my life. I…” he mutters. “I’m falling in love with you. Every day, little by little, I lose a piece of myself to you. When you were gone, I did something.” He pauses to gauge my reaction.

  Oh, no. Please don’t say you screwed someone. Please. I know it’s not fair, but it will only crush me more.

  “I drank. A lot. Tank actually had to stop me from raiding my parent’s liquor cabinet for the second day in a row.”

  “The same Tank that busted your lip?” I reach forward and trace the outline of his cut with my finger.

  He briefly tenses under my touch and then presses his cheek into my palm. “I know I was an asshole about the whole prescription thing. It just scared me. You don’t know how it feels to wake up every day and know that your mom… she…the drugs…they took her from me.”

  “Ryle.” I cup his face with one hand and sit my drink on the end table with the other. “I had a really long car ride back home, and it gave me time to stop and reflect on things. Everything. At first I was irate and cursed your name for a hundred miles, but then I thought about how I never confided in you about the medicine. It’s a part of my life that I try not to think about, so willingly talking about it and opening up is hard. I should have told you, and I’m sorry that I didn’t. And I believe you about the Naomi stuff. I don’t think, well…now— because trust me I thought you had cheated—but I don’t believe that now. It’s funny because we ask God to change situations for us, not realizing that he put us in these situations to change us. You changed me, Ryle. You made me bold and fearless. You made me realize that love isn’t supposed to be easy. If it was, no one would be single. It’s supposed to be worth it.”

  “Am I worth it?” His voice is a low tremble, barely audible.

  “Love’s a feeling. Not a decision. You’ve been worth it since the very beginning.”

  His strong hand takes my face and holds it gently. I’m already lost in his eyes when he leans forward and claims my mouth. I inhale sharply at the contact of his lips on mine. I’ve dreamt of this euphoric feeling for days. His kiss is surprisingly gentle—nothing like the brashness that Mark and I shared.

  My lips feel neglected as Ryle pulls away to nibble on my earlobe. His touch ignites my body.

  I have to tell him before this goes any farther. It’s only fair. Then, he can make the decision on what lines we cross tonight. “Ryle, I had sex.” I blurt out the words, knowing that the more I stew over the idea of telling him, the more my backbone will shrink.

  His eyes question before his mouth moves. “What?”

  I stiffen momentarily and then respond in a rush of words. “I had sex with Mark. I was…he was… we were drunk and one thing led to another, and I was so upset. I just wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me, and I made a huge mistake. I’m so sorry.” Tears fall down my face in streams. Sniffling, I try to keep my composure and fail miserably. I collapse on the floor in front of him. “Please forgive me. I’m so sorry. I swear it. That gift was meant for you. The entire time, I knew I was making a mistake and even slept on the floor. I was so ashamed of myself I couldn’t stomach sleeping in the same bed with him.”

  He brings my hand up to his mouth and presses a kiss to my palm before replying. “I’m not going to lie and say that it doesn’t pain me to know you gave yourself to someone else.” He clears his throat. “That you willingly went to bed with another man. But, it doesn’t make me care about you any less. We can’t stay broken forever. I won’t make it through another day without you. We can’t sort this out together unless we forgive one another for our mistakes.”

  “I’m madly in love with you Ryle Allen Benson. I can’t change the past or what happened, and for that I’m sorry, but since the first day that I met you, I knew my heart was a goner. One simple look from you made me weak in the knees, and I won’t allow either of our pasts to tarnish what we have. Please say you’ll forgive me. I promise to make it up to you every day for forever.”

  “Stop talking. Please. Let me show you what your first time should have been like.”

  Grabbing a blanket from behind Adaley, Ryle lays it on the floor and gently eases her onto it. His hand moves slowly over her body, caressing, taking its time with every stroke of his palm. “Did he slowly undress you?” he says as he unbuttons her jeans with expert fingers. He leans forward and kisses the soft skin that was hidden under the button. Adaley raises her body, silently giving him permission to pull her pants down. One leg at a time he does, leaning forward to slowly and tantalizingly drag his lips up each bare thigh. “Did he kiss every part of your naked body?”

  As the words leave his lips, he desperately fights the urge to rip off those pretty, teal panties and slide into her wet opening. He knows that this is about her though. He needs to make her forget all about him. The sweet memory of this moment, done right, will be burned into her brain for years to come.

  Ryle’s hands explore the soft lines of her waist before slowly raising the hem of her shirt over her head. The sight in front of him is breathtaking, and he fights his natural instincts to be inside her as quickly as possible. As he leans forward and claims her mouth again, he covertly readjusts himself in his pants. Ryle is rock hard and slightly uncomfortable, but he is determined to give her pleasure before taking it himself.

  His lips trace a sensuous path around the lace on her bra before he reaches to fondle her, one soft globe at a time. Her nipple becomes marble hard under his touch and he groans out loud, unable to keep his desire in check.

  “Please take me, Ryle. I need you. I love you.”

  “Shh,” he whispers. “I’m going to kiss you now—but not on your mouth. Did he do that? Did he make love to you with his tongue?” Not once has she responded to his questions which is good, because Ryle knew he wouldn’t know how to stay calm should she have answered him with a yes.

  Her back arches as Ryle kisses her most secret place, first over her panties and then again when he pulls the material to the side. She tastes like sweet honey, and it drives him wild.

  His dick twitches in his pants, and Ryle knows he won’t be able to hold off much longer. Raising his body, he hurriedly unzips his pants and slides them off with one quick swoosh. “I love you Adaley. Honest to God, I do. Let me show you how good we can be together.”

  Adaley gasps in anticipation as Ryle lays his body over hers and positions himself at her opening. His body imprisons hers as he rocks into her, over and over, and he pushes them both over the edge of ecstasy.

  My lungs feel like they’re on fire from bellowing out in pleasure. I can’t recall ever feeling this way, and certainly not after Mark. Wait, I don’t even remember who Mark is. I smile to myself. All I can think about is this gorgeous, breathtaking man beside me. Our bodies, now moist from sweat, are sprawled out on the floor. Our hands are laced together. Something about how Ryle holds me, soothes me. I don’t ever want to let go of him.

  “That was—.”

  “The best sex you ever had?” He leans up on his elbow and faces me while letting out a deep, sultry laugh.

  “I am utterly and senselessly infatuated with you. Does that answer your question?” I t
enderly stroke his forearm with my hand. Before he can respond, my stomach growls loudly. “Oh my gosh! That’s so embarrassing.” I chuckle.

  “You seemed to have worked up an appetite. Come help me make dinner.”

  As Ryle moves to stand up, I quickly cover my mouth to mute the girly sounds of appreciation that threaten to escape as I stare at his naked, round butt cheeks. I lean forward to grab my shirt just as he turns around and grabs my arm.

  “Tisk-tisk. No clothes tonight. I don’t want anything between us anymore.”

  We move around the kitchen like we know every step to our own personal, synchronized dance. It makes me wonder if things can truly be this good, or if at any given moment one of us is going to become self-conscious and bring up the past.

  I’m surprised at how comfortable we feel around the other. We cook, eat dinner and gorge on dessert, which consists of melted white chocolate on strawberries. I don’t know if he thought he was going to get lucky tonight, but he was sure to stock up on enough chocolate to feed a small village. It is an aphrodisiac though. Maybe he was smart to think ahead.

  After dinner, we wash the dishes together and put them away. Ryle then leads me to a dimly lit bedroom, claiming that I’m too beautiful to be sprawled across the floor. Later, we fall asleep in each other’s arms. It’s the most peaceful slumber I’ve ever had, and when I awake, there is a permanent smile on my face.

  “And why are you so happy this morning?” He nudges my arm with his.

  “Because I’m lying next to my other half.” I watch as Ryle closes his eyes and inhales deeply, letting my words resonate within him.

  “My heart was black before you came into my life. It was tainted by a past that taught me far too much about life in a short period of time, but you changed it back to a vibrant red.” He grabs my hand and places it over his chest. “This beats for you, and you only. No more secrets, no more pain.”

  I scoot closer to him and lay my head on his chest. With each breath that he takes, I let more of the hurt go. “No more secrets, no more pain.” I repeat, knowing that I have only the best intentions of following through.

  Ryle knows that Adaley unlocked his heart and threw away the key, and he knows that he is hers now and forever. Whatever mistakes that had been made—by both parties— were now in the past, and that’s where they belong. He spends the rest of the morning sharing stories with her about their childhoods, then showering, and making sweet love again and again. But, as much as Ryle enjoys the solitude of the cabin, thoughts of going back to school, and to reality, invade his mind.

  “Let’s go before the storm comes,” Ryle says as he rushes Adaley out the door of the cabin. Unable to keep his hands off her even when in a hurry, he slides his palm around her waist.

  “This weather is insane. It was cold yesterday, and now the sky looks like it’s about to puke rain.”

  “That’s Mississippi for you, baby. It’s one hell of a confused bitch.”

  Adaley takes one last look at the cabin before she climbs into the passenger seat of his car.

  “We can come back any time you want. This place holds memories for us now, too,” Ryle says as he puts the key into the ignition and pulls onto the road. He has to admit that he’s eager to get home and see what the future holds for them.

  This time, their drive isn’t full of anguish and what if’s. It’s full of laughter and stolen kisses as the pavement under them narrows to one lane. Ryle slows the car down to a complete stop and places it in park on a narrow embankment just large enough for the vehicle.

  “What are we doing?”

  “I want to dance with you,” he says bluntly, like dancing in the rain is the most normal thing in the world. “It’s romantic, come on,” he pouts while offering her his hand.

  “It’s raining. You’re crazy.” Adaley shakes her head and opens her car door when she realizes he’s not relenting. “It’s freezing!”

  Ryle grabs her hand and leads her to a tall pine. Ducking under the branches, he whispers, “I’ll keep you warm.” He pulls her close, his other hand cupping the back of her neck.

  Adaley raises her eyes to find Ryle watching her intently. “You’re sweeter than any Prince Charming I’ve ever met.”

  There’s a trace of laughter in his voice as he says, “That’s because I’m your one and only.” Pulling her close, he plants a kiss on the tip of her nose.

  There’s no music and no dance floor— only two souls that have been mended and fused together under a sky full of clouds. Rain beats down against the pine spurs as the couple beneath them sway back and forth. Ryle places tiny kisses along her jawline, and whispers how beautiful she is against the crook of her neck. Last night, he’d learned that drives her wild. He’ll be doing that often. Lost in his love for her, the pair dance and sway for what seems like eternity.

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  A car comes out of nowhere, tires squealing and skidding against the pavement as the driver lays on the horn.

  Adaley jumps into Ryle’s side. “Okay I’ve had enough. It’s too wet, and someone might hit us.” She begs him to go back to the car.

  “No one’s going to hit us. I got you. But I agree—let’s go, before it gets worse out here.” A thunderous rumble in the distance makes Ryle jump as he slams the door shut and buckles his seatbelt. “That was too close for comfort. I don’t want to lose you when I just got you back.”

  The sound of another car skidding around the curve of the wet road pulls Ryle’s attention away from Adaley. He glances out the driver’s side window just in time to see the bright lights of another vehicle careening toward them. As if the world around them has slowed to a sluggish pace, his flight or fight instincts kick in. Ryle moves to cover Adaley’s body with his own, and gets a glimpse of the driver, her face frozen in place behind her white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel. A monstrous bang rings in his ears and his seat belt digs into his flesh as metal collides with metal.

  “I love you,” he calls to Adaley, before agonizing pain takes his consciousness.

  In the blink of eye—a life much too young—is stolen much too early.

  Fate is a fucking bitch.

  I now know it with certainty.

  I stand side-by-side with Mr. and Mrs. Benson, Zoe, Tank and Naomi in a crowded gymnasium at the University. Ryle might not have realized how loved he truly was, but the outpouring of support to his family, and to me, is a testament to how much he touched this community.

  I’m numb from the inside out, as I stand motionless in a sea of people. I’ve been this way from the moment I woke up in the hospital. The doctors told me that a guardian angel had to have been looking over me, because I’d escaped utterly unscathed other than a broken arm, rib and a few cuts here and there. They were amazed that my condition wasn’t worse.

  I remember the stale taste of blood in my mouth, and the mud that stained my fingernails from being ejected from the car. The pain never dulls. It lingers on like a bad joke, although this isn’t some prank, or even a nightmare that I’m ever going to wake from.

  This is my life.

  This is my hell.

  He’s gone, and he’s never coming back.

  A lone tear falls from my eye and slowly slides down my cheek. He said he never wanted to be the reason I cried again. But yet, here I am weeping for the love of my life.

  I feel the faint squeeze of my hand and for a moment, I imagine that it’s Ryle’s hand holding mine. Squeezing strength into my pores.

  “Adaley,” Richie whispers my name. “They’re calling for you.”

  I nod, squeeze his little hand, and then walk toward the podium in the center of the room. I mutter a prayer under my breath before I walk onto the small stage.

  Lord, please give me strength to get through this. Please, I beg you. Allow me to bid him the best farewell that I can.

  “Hello, everyone.” I fight the sob in my chest from escaping. “I’m Adaley Knight and I’m… I was Ryle Benson’s girlfriend. His parents, Mr
. and Mrs. Benson and myself truly appreciate you for coming here today to say goodbye to someone who we all loved very dearly. I cannot,” I pause and bring my fist to my lips in attempts to pull myself together. “I cannot begin to tell you how strong and merciful Ryle was during his time here. Not only did he graciously donate to Braxton, but he was also a permanent fixture at the center downtown. The things that he did to better the lives of those children will never, ever be forgotten. Neither will his memory. I stand here today not only to cherish the life of my friend, our friend, but to also show these kids,” I wave my hand around the gymnasium full of children from the center. “That dreams come true. That if you work hard, and aspire to reach the clouds, you just might. Ryle Benson,” I fight back another sob. “Received notice that he was going to be drafted. He was so close to reaching his dream. Please if there is one thing that we all can take from his death, it’s that dreams are obtainable. I know, because he was mine.”

  The memory of his touch brands my heart with remorse. It’s the remembrance of his courage to get through such adversity that pushes me to finish. “What feels like the end of our journey is often the beginning, and due to the many contributions of our community and on behalf of Braxton University, I’m proud to dedicate the baseball field in his honor. The Ryle A. Benson Memorial Field will long live for decades, just like our love for our lost friend.”

  The end for now…

  I know you’re either cursing my name right now or have already chucked your eReader/book at a wall. Rest assured that I understand the devastating loss that you’re experiencing. I too experienced the same heart stopping ending that you just did. I’m hoping to redeem myself with an explanation as to why I did what I did.

  There are four things that we’re guaranteed to feel in our lifetime: love, joy, agony and tragedy. I think that they all go hand in hand. I’m an avid believer in Happily Ever After’s and I’ve cursed a few authors myself for killing major characters (this hint is for you Molly McAdams) but guess what? Those same stories that made me weep while hot tears and snot mixed and ran down my face are some of my all-time favorite books.