Secrets of a Sinner

by Yolonda Tonette Sanders

  Chapter 20

  The Waiting Game

  The short, auburn-haired nurse rested her chubby hand on Natalie’s shoulder as she lay curled up on the examination table. “Are you going to be all right?”

  With tears racing across her face onto the paper sheet, Natalie nodded her head yes, despite knowing it was a lie.

  “Is there anyone you would like me to call?”

  “No,” she forced out. “I’ll be fine. I just need to lie here for a minute, if that’s okay?”

  “It’s fine, honey. I need to go check on some other patients. I’ll be back shortly,” she assured her.

  Natalie let out a hearty cry as she cradled her stomach. Why did things have to come to this? Fear had urged her to call Aneetra and see if she would meet her here, but no one had answered the phone at her home. Natalie was so scared. She badly wanted to call Troy, however, she knew she couldn’t lean on him for support. For the last two weeks, he’d repeated his affirmation to take care of his responsibility, but his unaffectionate behavior and distant conversation overrode any pledge he’d made to her. As much as Natalie needed his comfort right now, she couldn’t call him. What happened in this room was only an answer to Troy’s coldhearted desires.

  Hours later, Natalie was in the comfort of her own apartment, but there was nothing comfortable about how she felt. Tears continued to spill from her eyes as she unsuccessfully tried to erase the memories of what had happened earlier from her mind. It was no use. Her womb was empty and the experience was now branded in her psyche. Her emotions spiraled down a pit of depression, bringing back over eighteen years of suppressed feelings. She had been scarred with deep emotional wounds that had never truly healed. Those scars affected every relationship in her life, including her friendship with Wendy. Perhaps if her heart had not been hardened, Natalie would’ve been able to connect to Wendy on more than a superficial level. She’d vowed never again to let anyone penetrate the partition around her heart and had done a good job of it...that is, until she’d met Troy.

  Why had she allowed herself to fall in love with that man? She should’ve just stuck with the plan to move back to New York. Children were never a part of that agenda. How could she have been foolish enough to think that she and Troy could live happily ever after? Because of her stupidity, she was now entangled in a web of pain that was so great, she wanted to die. Wounds from her past had been reopened and not even writing her feelings down could help this time. She was very tempted to swallow the entire pile of painkillers that lay on her desk to her right.

  Natalie knew she needed to return to her roots and uncover the missing piece to the puzzle of her life if she didn’t want to jeopardize her own sanity any longer. She’d make up something and call Alex on the way south. Somehow she had to find a way to move on, but she knew she couldn’t continue to bury her past after what had just happened. She had to find answers. Before she began her journey, there was just one more thing she needed to do.

  * * *

  After another long, hard day at work, Troy keyed in the security code to enter his apartment building. The cold March wind followed him into the building. As usual, he checked his mailbox and leafed through the mail on his way up.

  Spotting a handwritten envelope with no return address, he assumed it was junk mail and tossed it, along with the rest of the items, on the kitchen counter upon entering his apartment. His message light was blinking and he expected it to be Natalie. They hadn’t spoken in three days as she hadn’t yet returned any of the messages he’d left on her home, work and cell phones.

  “Hey, what’s up, playa? I haven’t heard from you in a while,” called out the voice of his best friend, Elvin Campbell. “Man, did you fall off the face of the earth? I might come that way next weekend with Nicole. Her friend is getting married in Cincinnati and she wants me to ride with her. You know I really ain’t tryin’ to hang out with a whole bunch of folks I don’t know. If you’re free, I’ll have her drop me off in Columbus and spend the weekend with you. Call and let me know your schedule. Okay? Talk to you later.”

  Though disappointed it hadn’t been Natalie, Troy was glad to hear from Elvin. The two of them had been best friends since third grade, and both had moved from Texas to attend college in Columbus. It had only been two years since Elvin and his family relocated to Chicago. Troy opted to shower before calling Elvin back, walking through his spacious living room—past the black leather furniture, chrome tables and thirty-six-inch flat-screen television to which his Xbox 360 was connected.

  As the warm water caressed his body he thought about Natalie and how she was really starting to annoy him. Why hadn’t she returned his calls? Yeah, there’d been tension between them lately, but he’d been trying to play it cool despite the fact that she was having this baby without his consent. He’d promised her that he’d take care of his obligations. Why wasn’t that good enough? Why had she thought he’d eventually marry her? Marriage was a commitment he would never be ready for.

  Troy had been the best man at Elvin’s wedding and remembered it as though it was yesterday. Standing at the altar in a rented tuxedo all he could think was Better you than me...wonder how long this will last. He had seen marriages fall apart many times before. Everything he’d said to Natalie about police officers and their less-than-successful marriages, he believed was true. He’d witnessed it firsthand through the lives of people on the force. However, his biggest fear was the possibility of continuing the pattern of failed or severely wounded marriages that plagued his family. With the exception of Elvin and Nicole, how could he be successful at something he’d never seen modeled positively?

  Truth be told, he was surprised his friend’s marriage had lasted as long as it had. He and Elvin had both had dysfunctional home environments growing up. Elvin’s father left the family when he was only three. His mother remarried twice to physically abusive men who were not fit to be husbands or fathers. Both sets of Troy’s grandparents had marriages rocked by adultery. One of his grandfathers even had four children by a mistress. Though Troy’s parents were still married, the marriage had been on and off for as long as Troy could remember—currently off, thanks to his father’s most recent affair. Between his mother and his father, Troy had a combination of eleven aunts and uncles—all of them had been divorced at least once.

  Perhaps if Troy wasn’t so frightened by marriage, Natalie would be the one. Not necessarily because of the baby; he didn’t believe that people had to get married just because they had a child together. He figured one error in judgment didn’t constitute another. Most people who married just because of a child didn’t make it—at least that’s how things had worked out for his sister. Troy was very fond of Natalie. He knew that she cared about him and his feelings for her were very intense, but was it love? If it was love, what did it mean?

  “Hey, man, what’s going on?” Elvin asked when Troy called him back.

  “Nothing much...”

  “You all right? You sound sad.”

  “Oh, I’m fine.” He hadn’t told Elvin much about Natalie and he especially didn’t want to mention what was going on now that she had a confirmed pregnancy. He needed time to get his own thoughts together before seeking the advice of anyone else. “I just got off work not too long ago, so I’m a little tired.”

  “Well, at least it’s Friday. You can relax now.”

  “Not yet...I have to go back in tomorrow.”

  “I guess somebody has to keep the citizens of Columbus safe, huh?”

  “Yeah, something like that. What’s been going on with you?”

  “The same ol’, same ol’—family, church, and work. Life is good, though. I can’t complain.”

  “How are Nikki and the boys?”

  “Everyone’s doing great. Nikki is still running her catering business from home, and both Joshua and Caleb are playing basketball right now in s
chool. Joshua’s a point guard, and Caleb plays center. They’re doing pretty good.”

  The news of the boys playing ball came as no surprise to Troy. It seemed like basketball had been implanted in both his and Elvin’s genes. “That’s great, man. Tell them both I expect front-row seats when they make it to the NBA.”

  “They got a long ways to go.” Elvin laughed. “Anyhow, so what’s up for next weekend? Are you gonna be free?”

  “Yeah, come on down. Are the boys coming, too?”

  “No, Nik’s mom is going to watch them.”

  “That may be a good idea. I would hate for them to see their daddy get whooped on in Madden,” Troy teased, referring to the popular football video game.

  “Whatever, man! I see you’re still talkin’ trash. We’ll see how things go when I get down there.”

  “It’ll be good to see you. I’m glad you’re coming.”

  “Yeah, me, too. Listen, man, I’m about to get off this phone. I know you probably want to get some rest before tomorrow. Plus, Nikki and the boys are waiting on me. We’re supposed to be going to the movies tonight. I’ll give you a call before next weekend.”

  “Okay. Tell everyone I said hello.”

  “I will. Talk to you later.”

  “Cool. Bye.” Troy noticed it was almost nine o’clock, and once again he became agitated that he hadn’t heard from Natalie. Was she trying to teach him a lesson by avoiding him? He’d catered to her much too often, being the first one to call whenever they’d gotten into it. Not anymore. He didn’t know what she was up to, but he wasn’t going to let her have the upper hand. He made a pact with himself not to call her the entire weekend. She was obviously being stubborn, and he could play that game, too. He’d wait until she called him. He’d played the waiting game with other women before and experience had taught him that they always called first.

  Troy got his mail off the counter and sat at the computer going through it, paying bills online. He finally got around to opening the unidentified envelope, expecting it to be a solicitation offer of some kind. It wasn’t.

  Dear Troy:

  I’m writing to say good-bye. There’s no need for us to pretend that this relationship is going to work out. We have extremely different ideas about the nature of our relationship and its future. I want one thing, you want another. There’s no middle ground. In any event, I want you to know that I enjoyed our time together. You came into my life at a very crucial moment, and being with you really helped me get past some things.

  I’m leaving town for a while. I’m at the end of my rope and need to get away. I honestly don’t know how long I’m going to be gone. I’ll be back in Columbus eventually. Getting away is the best thing for me right now.

  If by some small chance you’re wondering about the baby...relax, there is no longer a baby. I am no longer pregnant. You should be happy...that’s what you wanted, right? If you ever doubt anything about me, never doubt how much I loved you.

  Take care,

  Nat

  ...there is no longer a baby.... Troy eyed the statement. What did she mean? Had she gone through with getting an abortion after all? If so, she didn’t seem to be taking it well, and Troy couldn’t help but feel responsible. Forget about the promise not to call her this weekend. He was too worried to keep it.

  Chapter 21

  A Cry for Help

  Troy entered the apartment by using the spare key Natalie had given him. He stepped in cautiously, flipped on the light and eyed his surroundings. Noticing his habitual actions, Troy had to remind himself that this was not a crime scene. The soft, steady ticking of the wall clock cut through the mysterious silence in the air. Troy circled the living room with his eyes. The once cool, calm and collected police detective was now disturbed, distressed and disenchanted. He was looking for something—anything that would lead him to Natalie’s whereabouts.

  His feelings about her pregnancy had been pushed aside. Right now, he just wanted to know that she was okay. The words in her letter continued to trouble him. ...there is no longer a baby.... You should be happy...that’s what you wanted, right? True, he’d never wanted the baby, but what price would he pay in the long run for his freedom? He hadn’t thought she would take having an abortion this hard. He’d known women who’d done it and they seemed to talk like it was no big deal. Now he felt guilty for pressing the issue. How would he ever forgive himself if she did something to herself because of that?

  Not seeing anything significant in the living room, Troy went into Natalie’s bedroom and found it in disarray. Several items were thrown across her unmade bed and the floor, while dresser drawers stood open with clothes hanging out of them. Troy stooped slowly and picked up a short-sleeved designer shirt off the floor. He clutched it to his chest. “Where are you, baby?” he softly whispered aloud, wishing that Natalie would jump out of the closet or crawl from under the bed and say that the letter had been a ploy to get him over to her place. As much as Troy yearned to see Natalie, deep down he knew she was gone. From the condition of her room, it was evident that she had left in a hurry. But why?

  He wanted to use his connections as a police officer to launch a full missing-person investigation, but legally he couldn’t. Natalie had sent him a letter stating that she was leaving of her own free will, and there was no reason to suspect foul play. Confused and emotionally wounded, Troy began to pick up the rest of her clothing, folding it and putting things back in the drawers while racking his brain to find out where she had gone.

  He looked at the nightstand where the base of her cordless phone lay. The phone wasn’t there, so he pressed the page button on the base and followed the beeping sound into the spare bedroom. Picking the phone up off her desk, he flipped the caller ID, hoping to find a clue.

  Troy pressed Talk and hearing a stuttered dial tone confirmed for him that Natalie had at least one unheard message. He pressed the redial button to see who the last person was she had called.

  “Hello?” a man answered.

  “Hi...um, I’m Detective Troy Evans.” Identifying himself this way would give him more credence. “To whom am I speaking?”

  “Marcus Bennett. What can I do for you, Detective?” The man seemed a little skeptical, but Troy was even more determined to speak with him when he recalled that this man’s name had also been on Natalie’s caller ID.

  “Hi, Mr. Bennett. I’m investigating a possible missing person case—Natalie Coleman. Your number was the last one dialed from her phone and I also noticed several calls placed from your home to hers. What is the nature of your relationship with Ms. Coleman? Are the two of you involved somehow?” He hoped he didn’t sound like a jealous lover, but he was. The idea of this dude having phone conversations with his girl was disturbing.

  “Sir, I don’t even know her, but hold on, my wife does. They work together.”

  A sigh of relief...at least Natalie wasn’t cheating on him. Troy held the receiver while Mr. Bennett told his wife to “hurry and get the phone.”

  “Hello?”

  “Is this Mrs. Bennett?”

  “Yes, but please call me Aneetra.”

  “Okay, Aneetra, I’m Detective Troy Evans. Your husband said that you work with a lady named Natalie Coleman?”

  “Yes, I do. I’ve been trying to get a hold of her. Is everything okay?”

  “I don’t know, ma’am. That’s what I’m trying to find out. Your telephone number was the last she dialed.”

  “Really? When?”

  “I’m not sure when, ma’am. You sound surprised.”

  “I am. I haven’t spoken with Natalie all week. If she called my house, she definitely did not leave a message.”

  “You said you were trying to get hold of her, do you mind my asking why?”

  “I wasn’t at work on Wednesday and when I went in yesterday, my super
visor told me that Natalie had left her a message saying she had to leave town because of some family emergency. She wanted me to take over some of her projects. I wanted to make sure everything was okay. Something must be wrong if you’re calling.”

  “No, not necessarily. I’m just trying to find out where she could have gone.”

  “I don’t know, sir. She never mentioned anything about leaving to me. The only family I know she has is a grandmother in Mississippi. Maybe she went down there.”

  “That’s a possibility,” Troy stated, not truly considering the idea. Natalie had told him that she hadn’t been down there since she’d moved to Ohio. He didn’t think it would make sense for her to go now under the circumstances. “Do you know anyone else who may have been in contact with her?”

  “No, we don’t have any mutual friends. But I do know she has a boyfriend. He’s a police officer, too. I don’t know his last name, and I can’t seem to think of his first name offhand.”

  “Um...that’s okay, I’m sure I’ll come across him during my investigation...”

  “No, give me a second. It’ll come to me. His name is Travis...no, Trevor, or Trent—”

  “Ma’am, really...you don’t have to do this.”

  “Troy! That’s it. His name is Tr—wait a minute... What did you say your name was again?”

  Busted!

  “You’re him, aren’t you? You’re Natalie’s boyfriend?”

  “Well...um, yes, I am,” he confessed. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that when I first called. I’m just really worried about her. She wrote me a letter saying she was leaving town, and I don’t know where she’s gone. I’m trying to do everything I can to find her.”