First Love

by G. L. Snodgrass

  “There is something,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “Something I’ve never done.”

  “What’s that,” I asked.

  She hesitated a moment as if she were embarrassed and didn’t want to tell me.

  Taking a deep breath, she said, “See a sunrise,”

  Now it was my turn to look confused. She saw my frown and smiled.

  “You can’t see one in the city. The buildings get in the way.”

  True, but … “Haven’t you seen one when you left the city?”

  She swallowed hard. “I’ve never been out of the city.”

  “What, never. Not even for field trips and stuff.”

  “No, never.” She looked down at the ground for a moment as if it was the dumbest thing in the world.

  Okay, I could see it. There wasn’t much need to be outside of the city. I could see how a person could never see the sunrise. My mom and dad had taken me camping every summer. Up by West Point. I’d spent a winter vacation at my Grandparents in Pennsylvania when my dad first got sick.

  I studied her for a moment and realized just how sheltered her life had been.

  “Okay then, we better get started. It will take time to get there,” I said as I gently turned her around.

  “Where?” she asked as her eyes grew big with worry.

  “Coney Island,” I answered as if it were obvious.

  .o0o.

  Cassy

  “Coney Island!” I said. Was this guy crazy? “I’m not going all the way out to Coney Island.”

  “Why not?” he asked as if I’d refused to take a sip of water.

  “Because,” I answered with what I was sure was a perfectly legitimate argument.

  He chuckled as he slowly steered me towards 6th avenue. Why was I letting him do this?

  “We can’t go to Coney Island Eric, Not at two o’clock in the morning.”

  “Yes we can, I know for a fact the B line runs this late. It’ll drop us right at Stillwell, just a block or two from the beach.”

  He was serious. He was proposing we grab a subway train and head out to Coney Island. My mom would freak. Hell, my dead great grandmother three generations removed would freak.

  “If you want to see a sunrise. A real sunrise. It’s the closest place. We could go out to Long Island I guess. But Coney Island will be just a good.”

  He was serious. Who was this boy?

  “Do you do this kind of thing a lot?” I asked. “Take girls on long train rides in the middle of the night.”

  He laughed. “Most of the girls I’ve dated aren’t interested in watching the sun come up.”

  For some reason, my mind wandered to what they were thinking about at two in the morning. I bet for sure they weren’t thinking of the sun. Not with a boy like Eric next to them.

  “Listen, Cassy. It will be perfectly fine. We catch the B line. Sit on the boardwalk and watch the sun rise over the Atlantic. Then catch it back and get you home to one freaked out mom.”

  “My mom would never allow it,” I said as I scrambled to come up with arguments.

  “Your mom will never know. Not unless you tell her. Besides. I thought the idea was to make her think you’ve had a night of debauchery. You going to Coney Island in the middle of the night is going to be the least of her worries.”

  He was serious. My mind wrestled with all of the badness of this idea, but another part of me wanted to. To see a real sunrise. I knew that deep down what I really wanted was to just spend more time with Eric.

  When had the evening changed? When had it become so much more than pissing my mom off?

  I looked at him to make sure he wasn’t teasing. He really was proposing that we go all the way out to Coney Island just to see the sun come up.

  “Okay, if you’re sure. I’m in,” It surprised me how much I did not regret my words. In fact, I felt as if I’d been set free from a cage. My heart grew and my back got a little straighter.

  He smiled that heart-stopping smile of his. I really was getting attached to that smile and the way it made my stomach flutter.

  Taking my hand, he led me towards the subway. We were a good hundred feet down the road before I realized we were holding hands. A warm glow traveled up my arm from where my hand rested in his. A surge of ownership and pride flashed through me. Sure, it wasn’t like some romantic hand-holding. The kind that couples do because they can’t imagine walking somewhere without holding hands. This was more one person leading another and making sure they didn’t get separated hand holding.

  It wasn’t everything. But I’d take it. All night long, I’d take it.

  I quickly looked around to see if anyone saw that Eric Johnson was holding my hand.

  That distinct subway smell hit me as we started down the stairs. That combination of too many bodies in too small space. Stale air that never saw the night and a hint of old paint. At least I hoped it was old paint.

  Eric fished a pass from his wallet, swiped it through the reader then stepped aside for me to go through the turnstile.

  He caught my look of curiosity.

  “Sometimes I can’t sleep. I like to ride the subway. It relaxes me.”

  “Your mom is all right with that?” I asked.

  “She works nights. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” he said as he followed me through the gate.

  Who was this guy I wondered for the hundredth time? I could imagine him traveling around New York late at night. Alone. It gave him a touch of mystery that I must admit I found very attractive. But then everything about this guy was gut-wrenching attractive.

  The platform was a lot emptier than I was used to seeing. People returning home after the swing shift. Couples headed home after a night out on the town. A drunk guy who was talking way too loudly to his friend.

  I stood close to Eric while we waited for the train. We weren’t holding hands any longer and I missed it. But at least we were next to each other.

  Wow, here I was getting ready to go to Coney Island at two in the morning and all I could think about was the way his hand had felt. Rough and strong.

  The rush of cool air announced the approaching train. The doors slid open and Eric guided me inside then indicated a couple of open seats.

  A young couple followed us onto the car. He was dressed in a custom suit. Which could have meant anything from banker to used car salesman but probably meant Wall Street. She was in a little black dress and heels that had to be uncomfortable as all get out. But they were cute so I guess that made up for it.

  Everything about her said style, confidence. This was a woman who knew what she wanted and knew how to get it.

  She saw me looking at her shoes and smiled back at me. I think I made her night.

  Eric waited until I had sat down then sat down next to me. His shoulder brushed mine as his knee brushed against my leg.

  Okay, I could get used to this. A warmth spread out from him that seemed to engulf me. Yes, a subway ride was a great idea. I’m glad I thought of it.

  The car started out with about a dozen people. Just like the platform, people headed home after their dates. I wondered what they would think if they knew we were only halfway through ours.

  The thought made me feel grown up for some reason. At least until I caught the young lady in the black dress looking at Eric. It was one of those predatory looks a falcon gives its next meal.

  I mean, come one, her date was sitting right there next to her and she was checking out my date.

  A sudden urge to scratch her eyes out passed through me before I could stop it. Without thinking, I slid my arm through Eric’s. He looked down at me and smile as he patted my hand.

  She saw my action and a small smile creased those perfect lips of hers. She nodded slightly, one hunter acknowledging another. As if I had bagged a prize.

  Thank God she would never know how far that was from the truth. Eric was not the kind of guy who got involved with mousy shut-ins like me. Of that, I was sure.

  Chapter F
ive

  Eric

  I couldn’t believe she had agreed to come to Coney Island. She really was stretching her wings. A feeling of pride in her made me want to smile every time I looked at her.

  We sat on the subway. I kept my head on a swivel. Watching for trouble without making a big deal about it. I’d already categorized every passenger. I measured and cataloged every person who stepped through the door.

  Things could go wrong real fast at this time of night. It was best to be prepared.

  Cassy sat next to me, her arm wrapped through mine as if she were holding on to something she didn’t want to lose.

  A guy could get used to this. She was so different than most of the girl’s I knew. First off she had a brain. She was interested in more stuff than this week’s gossip and what color clothes went with what day of the week.

  I think what I really found interesting was that she had absolutely no idea how pretty she was. She didn’t spend the evening catching glances of herself in the shop window.

  Even now, sitting on the subway train. I could tell she wasn’t looking in the darkened windows, worried if a strand of hair was out of place or if her eyeshadow was smudged.

  Definitely low maintenance.

  A brief regret passed through me. It was a shame that I’d swore off females and permanent attachments. After Miss Mary Williams, I had learned my lesson.

  Unfortunately, Cassy was the type of girl who deserved commitment. This was not the type of woman you played along then juggled with an assortment of others. This was a one man, one woman type of girl.

  Sighing to myself, I accepted the reality of the situation. Determined to give her a sunrise and then get her home safe to her momma.

  For the remainder of the ride, we sat there in comfortable silence. Each lost in our own thoughts. I kept an eye on our fellow passengers. Cassy bit her lip as she texted her mom once again.

  At least she didn’t call her. I could tell it was eating her up inside. This whole rebellion thing was tougher than she thought.

  The night air hit us like a pie in the face when we stepped out of the Stillwell Station. It tasted of salt with a touch of freshness you never got in the city.

  Cassy shivered. I did what any guy would do and draped my jacket around her shoulders before she could object. She gave me a strange look. As if trying to understand something. Then seemed to accept the offer and pulled it close.

  We took a short cut through an alley and stepped out onto the boardwalk.

  There it was. The inky black Atlantic beyond the pale beach. The long line of silver surf dancing in the moonlight. Distant lights hovered on the horizon from the ships coming in and out of the New York harbor.

  Even I had to admit it was pretty cool. Cassy froze in place and took it all in. She gave out a heavy sigh then hugged my arm and smiled up at me.

  We stood at the rail and looked out over the scene. Street lights stretched along the boardwalk like a string of glistening pearls. I quickly checked out our surroundings. Nothing to worry about I decided. No drunks or druggies going to hassle us. The sky was clear, with enough stars to fill a bucket. There were a few other couples walking hand in hand along the boardwalk. Soaking up the romantic night.

  Relaxing, I smiled and said, “We’ve got a little over an hour. Do you want to take a walk?”

  She smiled and nodded her head. A brief flash of something crossed behind her eyes but I couldn’t tell if she was worried, upset about something, or happy but afraid to show it.

  I really had a hard time reading this girl. Or maybe it was just more important for some reason. Strange. I didn’t normally have a hard time figuring out what girls were thinking. But then, in all honesty, I didn’t spend a lot of time worrying about it.

  We turned and began walking along the boardwalk. The distant rumble of the surf intermingled with the occasional passing car and the roar of jets overhead to make this very much a New York moment.

  We walked in silence for a minute, then without thinking, I took her hand in mine. I don’t know why it just seemed to be the thing to do. It felt warm, small, tender as if something to be treasured.

  My heart jumped and I had to fight a smile. Cool, way cool.

  .o0o.

  Cassy

  Okay, things were changing. Fast.

  First, he brings me to one of the most romantic spots on the earth. Gives me his jacket to wear, then takes my hand as we walk along the Coney Island boardwalk.

  My insides were in full on fluttery mode. This was so perfect and I was going to get to see my first sunrise.

  For some reason, though, it didn’t seem as important as before. My focus had shifted to the boy next to me. Learning everything about him had become the most important thing in my night.

  As we walked, I dipped my head into the collar of his coat to pick up his warm scent of soft leather and sandalwood. A girl could become lost in that aroma for hours.

  My stomach turned over for the hundredth time in the last hour as he squeezed my hand and guided me to a bench.

  “This will be a good spot,” he said as we sat down.

  I couldn’t believe it. I was sitting on a bench overlooking the Atlantic Ocean waiting for the sun to rise. And doing it next to a boy like Eric.

  Definitely, a bucket list item crossed off.

  We sat there quietly for several minutes as I tried desperately to figure out what to say. It was the Italian restaurant all over again.

  Not for the first time, I cursed my inexperience at dating. I should have a dozen things to say in my back pocket for a moment like this. So, me being me of course, blurted it out.

  “Could this sort of be considered our fourth date.”

  His eyebrows narrowed in confusion.

  “You know, the restaurant, the blues bar, the bookstore and now the beach.”

  He laughed, “Don’t forget the pizza.”

  “Okay, fifth date.”

  He paused for a moment. “Why?” he asked.

  “I thought if it was our fourth date, then it would be okay to tell each other the secrets we kept hidden.”

  He laughed. “I should have known,”

  Now it was my turn to be confused. “What?” I asked. Was it really that funny?

  He saw my confusion and said, “You know, the fourth date usually means sex. If it hasn’t already happened by this point of course.”

  “What? No! That’s not what I meant,” I exclaimed, mortified at what he must think. My mind reeled in embarrassment then immediately jumped to pictures of Eric and me.

  My cheeks burst into flame as I turned hot pink. Thank god it was too dark for him to see. This is what happens when a girl like me goes out with a guy like Eric. We spend the night putting our foot in our mouths.

  “I’m just teasing Cassy,” he said. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to hold you to it. But yeah, we can consider this our fourth date if you want.”

  Why wouldn’t he hold me to it? Didn’t he want to have sex with me? I thought that was all boys ever thought about. What? I wasn’t good enough?

  My mind threatened to tumble out of control. Thankfully he interrupted my sojourn into fantasy and self-doubt.

  “So, what secrets did you want to tell me,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. I swear the guy could read me like a book. I’m sure every thought I had flashed across my face letting him know exactly what I was thinking. Why couldn’t I get those thoughts out of my head?

  Swallowing hard I shook my head. “No. I didn’t mean me,” I said. “I don’t have any secrets. I meant you. You could tell me stuff.”

  He laughed and smiled. I hadn’t pissed him off. That was good. My insides turned over. It was like walking on ice talking to this guy. Either the ice was going to split, or I was going to slip and fall on my butt. Either way. It wasn’t pretty.

  “Okay, fourth date. What do you want to know?”

  I held my breath as I thought about what I wanted to ask. It came down to one question that had been bugg
ing me all night because I didn’t understand.

  “What was your ex-girlfriend like?” I asked.

  “Which one?” he replied with a smirk.

  “The last one, and why’d you break up with her.”

  He smiled sadly and shook his head. “I didn’t break up with her, she broke up with me. There’s a significant difference.”

  I sighed. It was like pulling teeth. I folded my arms and raised an eyebrow. Determined to not say any more until he answered.

  His shoulders slumped in defeat, then he said. “Mary was pretty, very pretty. Smart. Popular. And the center of her universe.”

  Okay, I could understand that. It would take that kind of girl to grab Eric’s interest. Maybe not the center of her universe part. But still, that didn’t tell me very much. I continued to wait.

  “The thing that bugs me. Really pissed me off. Is that she was planning the breakup for a while and I had no clue. I thought everything was great. Hot and wonderful.”

  He paused for a moment as his mind traveled back to remember some hot and wonderful moment. A pang of pain stabbed at me. Maybe this hadn’t been such a smart question.

  “I found out later,” he continued. “That she’d stayed with me until she had this other guy hooked. I’m pretty sure she didn’t cheat on me. So there’s that. But, I hate the idea that our last month together I was thinking we were going somewhere and all the time she knew it wasn’t going to last. Do you know what I mean?”

  Nodding my head in understanding, I tried to grasp what this girl was thinking. How could she have been unsatisfied with Eric? He was pure, perfect boyfriend material. Tall, handsome, hardworking, smart. And kind. What more could a girl ask for? Plus those shoulders. Have I mentioned those shoulders?

  I swear I will never understand some girls.

  “What about you,” Eric asked. “Why don’t you date? I know some of the guys at your school. They are not idiots so I’m sure you’ve been asked out.”

  I smiled at the compliment. Such a sweet, simple thing to say but it made my heart soar.

  I thought about his question. Really thought about it.