First Love

by G. L. Snodgrass

Now it was my turn to shrug my shoulders. “It comes down to trust, I guess. My mom says I’ve got Daddy issues. But in all honesty. I just didn’t see the point. Investing a bunch of emotion and time in someone who wasn’t going to stick around.”

  He pulled back and winced. “Hey, you know, not all guys are like that? Right?”

  “Sure, I know. But I saw my mom. I saw my friend’s mom. She’d get a boyfriend. Fall head over heels and then it’d go wrong and she’d spend the next six months in a well of despair. It just didn’t seem worth it.”

  “Wow, you're awful jaded for someone so young.”

  “I don’t think so, just realistic.”

  He shook his head and turned to stare out at the ocean.

  We sat there quietly for a moment. Each thinking about what the other had said. At last, he chuckled to himself.

  “Okay, enough with the deep philosophy stuff. Now for the important things. What’s your favorite book? I bet you’ve got a dozen or so favorites.”

  My insides relaxed as I laughed. It was sweet of him to pull us away from a discussion that threatened to ruin this beautiful night. Besides. I had determined that I didn’t want to know anything more about Mary Williams, may she rot. No, the less I heard about her, the better my life would be.

  “Anne of Green Gables,” I told him as I shifted to share the view of the beach and ocean beyond.

  We fell into a comfortable discussion of books and then shifted to movies. I was not surprised that he had a varied interest. More masculine, more action focused. But he could admit to liking some of the more fluffy type stuff.

  I found myself smiling all the time. He was easy to talk to. Not judgmental. And he listened. Actually letting me finish what I was saying before jumping in with his opinion.

  The night wind shifted. Without really thinking about it I sort of scooted over next to him and shivered. He put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. I immediately forgot what we were talking about as I soaked up his warmth.

  I could stay there forever. I didn’t want to go home. I had no desire to do anything but remain in that very spot for the rest of my life. Closing my eyes, I basked in the feeling. As my insides settled into a comfortable peace.

  We sat there, In our own little world, for a long time. The both of us staring out at the blackness beyond.

  At some point, I realized the sky was starting to lighten. That stars were beginning to disappear to the east. I turned to look behind me, but the city was still blanketed with twinkling stars.

  I turned back around and focused on the horizon. Time seemed to drag. To come to a halt almost. It took forever for the sky to turn lighter gray and then purple.

  There was a point directly in front of us that seemed lighter, redder, I knew this would be where the sun rose. That on this day, that spot would give birth to a firey wonder.

  Eric squeezed my shoulder and we waited.

  At last, the golden spikes of light shot into a few fluffy clouds above. Then the first yellow rim of the sun broke the surface of the sea.

  I held my breath. It was so beautiful. So perfect. Having Eric there to share it made it beyond special. I knew at that moment that I would remember this moment on my last day on this earth. That nothing in this world would ever top this. Of course, that’s easy to say when you’re seventeen.

  The sharp yellow orb slowly rose. So slowly, yet I was afraid it would be over too soon. I wanted it to last. To hang there between earth and heaven. To keep this moment suspended forever.

  At last, the stars left us, the sky turned blue, and the sun became a full circle. I sighed and relaxed into Eric.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. “That was beautiful.”

  “I agree, pretty cool,” he said.

  We continued to sit, neither of us ready to break and move on. Afraid we’d never recapture this moment. I realized suddenly that every moment was like this. Here, now, then gone. All of them important.

  Sighing to myself, I pushed myself up away from Eric and smiled sadly. “That’s the end of the ball, time for Cinderella to go home.”

  His lips formed a straight line as he nodded. I think he wanted to say something, but he chose not to. Instead, he stood and held out a hand to help me up.

  We turned our backs on the warm sun, on the beautiful beach and I felt, on something potentially special. With a deep regret, we began to walk back to the subway station.

  I wanted to pull him to a halt. I wanted to go back to our bench and recapture that moment.

  A thousand wants flashed through my mind, but I knew they weren’t real. I couldn’t let them be real. This had been one night. One chance to teach our mothers a lesson. To spread our wings and cut my apron ties.

  That was all it had been I reminded myself. All it would ever be. Special, but nothing more.

  Chapter Six

  Eric

  Things had changed. I don’t know when. I don’t know how. But things between us were different. I kept sneaking looks over at Cassy trying to figure out if she felt it also.

  This night had been pretty great. I’d never let my mom know that. She already thought she knew everything. But she’d been right. Who would have guessed?

  I sat down next to Cassy on the subway and wondered what she was thinking. I could have asked her I guess, but something held me back.

  This was all simply to teach her mom. I wasn’t even supposed to have tagged along I reminded myself.

  The train swayed as it went around a curve. I felt Cassy’s shoulder bump into me and then stay there as she leaned into me.

  Her eyes were closed as she relaxed. It had been a long night. I liked the fact that she felt comfortable enough with me that she could relax around me. I had a feeling that she didn’t allow herself that freedom very often.

  I suppressed a chuckle. Who could have imaged ten hours earlier? This shy girl leaning her head on my shoulder as we rode the subway home.

  We were way past first date territory.

  I thought about what would happen when she got there. My stomach turned over with unease as I thought about her facing her mother’s wrath alone. It didn’t seem fair. I’d gone along with her plans. The least I could do was share the pain.

  Come on Eric, I told myself. Let’s be honest. You just want to extend the evening. You don’t want it to end.

  Tough, I reminded myself. Cassy doesn’t date. Remember. She’s told you enough. Besides. You don’t commit. Remember? And who knew if she would even want to.

  I hated having regrets. But I was pretty sure I was going to have quite a few about tonight. It would end and that would be it. All over. To never be repeated.

  Besides. Her mom would probably set the cops on me if I ever showed up on their doorstep.

  Sighing to myself, I allowed my eyes to close and to just absorb the feeling of rightness that flowed from having this girl next to me.

  .o0o.

  Cassy

  Eric was quiet I thought, as we turned onto my street. I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking.

  My apartment building was right there. Only a few seconds away. My heart hurt realizing everything was going to end. A dozen different stories flashed into my mind. Reasons couples overcame their obstacles.

  But we really didn’t have any obstacles because we weren’t a couple. Just two people forced onto blind date by our mothers.

  At last, we arrived. There was no more time. This was it. My heart raced as I thought about not seeing him again. I wondered how I would feel ten years from now when I ran into him at some party or some store.

  Would he remember me? I knew that I would remember him. The boy who showed me the greatest first and last date ever.

  Sighing, I removed his jacket and gave it back. “Thank you,” I said as I looked at the sidewalk.

  “Sure, no problem,” he said. “It wasn’t that cold.”

  I laughed. “No, not just for the jacket. For everything. I really had fun tonight. Thank you for making it special.�
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  He blushed a little. Wow, who knew boys became even cuter when they blushed. My heart skipped as I looked up into his deep blue eyes. My eyes drifted to those wide shoulders. I had so enjoyed resting my head on them. They were firm but accepting.

  “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” he asked. “With your mom. I could go up with you.”

  I smiled my appreciation but shook my head. “No, it’d ruin the whole effect. I’ve got to do this alone if I’m ever going to get her to stay out of my business.”

  He nodded as a sad expression reached his eyes.

  I felt an awkwardness come over me. What now?

  He smiled and said, “If you’re going to do this then there are a couple of more things we need to do.”

  “What?” I asked in confusion.

  “This,” he said as he gently reached to remove the barrettes from my hair. He ran his fingers through it to fluff it out and over my shoulders. My eyes instinctively closed as I swayed and almost collapsed into him. The pure ecstasy of having him run his fingers through my hair was almost overwhelming.

  “And this,” he said as his fingers dropped to my sweater to unbutton the top button. My heart stopped beating and my lungs refused to work as his fingers slid along my skin. A tingle traveled to my soul and set me on fire.

  He slowly misbuttoned it then smiled at his handiwork.

  “And this,” he said as he brought both of his hands to the side of my head then slowly lowered his mouth to mine.

  My God. The world stopped and became his lips on mine. I melted into him and a soft moan from deep in my throat bubbled out before I could stop myself.

  His lips caressed mine, growing more insistent. More demanding. I felt myself melt into him as my arms slipped around his back. Pulling him closer. He couldn’t get close enough.

  He continued to kiss me. His tongue darting into taste and gently caress. I became lost to all except Eric.

  We tasted and caressed and suddenly I knew why girls dated. I understood my mom. It was as if a door of new awareness opened for me.

  At last, he pulled back. I felt myself drift after his lips. Attracted like a magnet to solid iron.

  Swallowing I slowly opened my eyes and tried to bring myself back to reality. It was as if I had forgotten everything I had ever known.

  He smiled as he stared at my lips. “Yes, that should do it.” He stepped back and examined me from head to toe then back up. I saw a twinkle in his eye as he began to smirk.

  “You look like you’ve had a pretty intense night. Your mom will be so pissed off.”

  That was it I realized. The kiss, it was his way of making my mom upset. The smeared lipstick. That was all it was. Jesus Cassy. Get real. A guy like Eric doesn’t fall for a girl like you.

  Taking a deep breath, I smiled and told him thank you then ran up the stoop before he could see me cry. No way was I letting him see that. He didn’t deserve it. He’d wasted an entire evening for me. He didn’t owe me anything.

  I slipped inside without turning and looking. I couldn’t have taken it if he’d already turned and left.

  As I made my way upstairs, I pulled myself together. Get ready girl. This had to be the best performance of my life or the entire evening would be for naught.

  Who says ‘for naught’? It was as if I had fallen into a Romance novel.

  Shaking my head, I regained my composure and set my shoulders. As I set the key into the door, my mom pulled it open before I could turn it. She must have been waiting on the other side.

  “Cassy. You’re all right.” She whispered as she pulled me into the apartment and into her arms.

  She hugged me for a second. I didn’t hug her back. The performance didn’t call for it. Besides, if I hugged her back, I’d start crying and never stop.

  She let me go and stepped back to look at me. Her eyes grew to the size of silver dollars when she saw my appearance.

  “Why didn’t you come home, what happened,” she demanded.

  I remembered the line Eric had told me at the restaurant. The line that would lead her to think I’d spent the night sleeping with a dozen sailors.

  Suddenly it all seemed so silly. So useless. So unimportant.

  “Nothing happened, mom, I promise. I’m okay. Everything is great,” I said as I tried to place a smile on my face.

  She cocked her head as if she didn’t believe me. I couldn’t blame her. I didn’t sound very convincing.

  “What did you do all night,” she asked.

  “Not much, just created memories,” I said as I turned towards my bedroom. My bed was calling me. Aloneness and solitude beckoned.

  “Cassy, you can’t walk away. We need to talk,” she said from behind me.

  “Not now mom, later. I promise,” I said as I gently closed my door.

  Chapter Seven

  Cassy

  A day and a half had passed and I still felt like a punching bag at Gold’s gym. My world felt as if it had been broken into a thousand pieces and not put back exactly right.

  Sure, it was only a simple blind date. Come on Cassy, I told myself you are way overreacting. All I could think about was Eric. The way his jacket smelled. The feel of his arm around me as I rested my head on his shoulder. Those blue eyes of his and the way he laughed when he smiled.

  The fact that I would never see him again tore at my soul. I wondered a thousand different scenarios to run into him again and kept coming up with squat.

  I couldn’t transfer to his school. Not with only a couple of months left. Maybe I could visit the Bella Donna where he worked. But he was back in the kitchen. He’d never even know I was there.

  Hell, I didn’t even know his address so I couldn’t walk up and down his street hoping to run into him.

  Nothing would work. I would just have to accept it. Even then. Just because you ran into him didn’t mean that would make the world right again. Don’t forget. He had been forced onto that date. He’d only kissed you because he thought you wanted to upset your mom.

  My stomach had turned into a stone. My eyes were permanently red and my heart was shattered like a dropped crystal beaker.

  Boy, I had it bad. One date and I was a walking basket case. See, this is the reason I didn’t date.

  I was hanging out in the living room in my PJ’s. I’d been wearing them for two days. I didn’t seem to have the energy to change.

  Mom glanced over at me and shook her head. We’d hashed everything out yesterday after I woke up.

  I’d told her the whole story. The blue’s bar, the bookstore. Going out to Coney Island. Even the plan to make her so upset that she didn’t delve into my love life.

  She was quiet, letting me get it all out then cocked her head and smiled.

  I had so not been expecting that.

  “So, you had a good time?” she asked.

  It was at that exact moment that I began to cry into my hands. That body racking ugly cry. She didn’t have a solution, I realized. There was no solution.

  Now, I was all cried out. I’d hit bottom. There was nowhere to go but up. I’d bounce back from this. Learn from it and move on.

  The ringing of my mom’s phone registered in some far distant part of my mind, but I ignored it as I focused on the stupid show on TV. Something about meerkats.

  “Here, it’s for you,” mom said as she walked toward me holding her hand over her phone.

  My brow narrowed in confusion. Who would call me on my mom’s phone? I checked mine real quick. Yep fully charged.

  “Who is it?” I asked

  She hesitated a moment then said, “Eric,”

  My heart leapt into my throat. “What, did you call his mother? If you did, I will never speak to you again.”

  She shook her head as she smiled, “No, I didn’t call anyone. I swear. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

  Yeah, right. My mind scrambled to rearrange reality. Eric! Why was he calling me? What did he want?

  He’s only checking up on you. He wants to mak
e sure that my mom didn’t kill me. That had to be it, I thought as my shaking hands took the phone from my mom.

  I quickly held my hand over the speaker as I tried to gather my senses. Once I had gained some kind of control, I shot my mother a look that would have scared a Marine.

  She smiled and chuckled to herself as she backed out of the room and back to the kitchen.

  Once I was sure she was out of hearing range, I slowly brought her phone to my ear.

  “Eric?” I asked. Still unable to believe it was really him. Maybe my mom was playing a trick on me. It would be like her to try to get me back for putting through ten hours of torture.

  “Hi Cassy,” that deep velvety voice said. “I hope, it’s okay I called you on your mom’s phone. I never got your number.”

  Yeah, right, we’d never actually exchanged numbers. Because there was never going to be any, follow-up. Remember. Of course, I didn’t say that.

  Instead I said, “No that’s okay,” My voice didn’t tremble. Well not much. “What’s up,” I added as if we’d run into each other in the hall.

  He hesitated for a moment. “Well, … um … I know there is supposed to be some kind of rule about guys not calling for three days after the first date,” he said. “But, seeing how we’ve already had four dates …”

  “Five,” I said as my heart began to pound in my chest. My hand had suddenly become wet with sweat. Why was he calling?

  “Okay, five. Well, the thing was. I was wondering …”

  “Yes?” I asked. If he didn’t tell me soon, I was going to come apart into a million pieces. Smithereens I think they call it.

  “I was wondering … I had such a good time the other night. I thought you might want to do it again. Maybe this Friday.”

  “What?” I said. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. There was no way that Eric Johnson was asking me out. Or had his mom put him up to it.

  “I was wondering if …”

  “No, I heard you,” I said. “Is your mom threatening to go vegan again?” I asked.

  He laughed and I could feel the tension go out of him all the way from his house.

  “No, nothing like that. I just want to take you out again. I can’t guarantee it will be as adventurous or as long as our first date. But, I’ll try to make it as special.”