by Lara Swann
I don’t feel the baby. I mean, I’ve never felt the baby before either. My son hasn’t started moving yet. But I still don’t feel the baby. And I know I’m starting to panic, I’m hyperventilating myself, and I just want something to do, some way to make it better.
“It’s going to be okay.” I say to the beautiful woman next to me who can’t hear a word, and probably to myself too. “You’re going to be okay.”
Please be okay. Please let my little boy be okay. Please, god…
Someone is touching my shoulder, other people are gathered around asking questions, saying things. I don’t hear any of them. The white noise in my head is too loud, drowning everything else out. I shake the hand off me, too focused on Ava for anything else, and stay there talking to her until the ambulance crew finally arrive.
Only then do I back away, letting them do what they need to. I tell them everything I know, which feels so stupidly little, and I want to ask them what’s going on, but I don’t want to distract them. Ava needs them more than me right now.
Still, when they lift her onto a stretcher and start to leave, I rush out with them.
Someone calls out behind me, but I don’t hear it.
I’m leaving the meeting - the whole deal - to Katy to deal with, after everything that just happened. Everything I just did. If I could think about anything other than Ava, I’d probably feel bad, but I don’t. None of that seems to matter at all.
“I’m coming with you.” I tell them, as we all bundle into the elevator. “I need to be with her.”
One of them glances at me, but they’re too busy talking to each other and taking measurements and repeating readings, and I don’t interrupt again.
When we get down to the ambulance and I make to enter after her, I finally get a real look.
“Who are you?”
“I’m the baby’s father.” I breathe, and it hurts me even to say it. “Please…”
I see a brief expression of sympathy - and somehow, that only makes it all worse - and then the man nods.
“Sit there and don’t get in the way.”
I nod, and all I can do is stare at Ava as we race away and the two paramedics in the back of the ambulance murmur things I can barely hear to each other.
I don’t remember any of the ride, or exactly how we get to the hospital, until we’re suddenly there and Ava is being taken away by an emergency team.
Someone else approaches me and cling onto that. “What’s happening? What’s wrong?”
“Can you come with me and answer a few questions, please?”
“What about—”
“They’re going to do all they can for her now. We’ll know more in a little bit, and someone will be out to talk to you then. Until that, the best thing you can do is give us all the information you can.”
I’m still staring at where Ava disappeared, but I follow the woman numbly anyway. I don’t even notice the forms I fill out, searching blindly for the insurance information I carry on me and being thankful once again that I insisted I put Ava on my health insurance.
All I can think about is Ava - unconscious and pale and her heart rate going out of control. I just want to know what’s wrong. I just want to know she’s going to be okay.
When I’m finally done, the woman leads me over to a waiting room and says someone will come and find me with information when they can.
Then I just have to sit there.
Waiting.
Thinking about Ava and my baby.
Praying, even though I’ve never done that before in my life.
I have no idea how long passes before someone comes by - and I look up with hope and fear…only to see Katy there.
She comes to sit next to me, her face a pale expression of concern.
“What’s going on, Damien?” She asks quietly.
I swallow. “That’s my baby. I love her. I love them both.”
I meet her eyes and see a dozen emotions flick through them as she looks at me - all the fallout of those simple words - but right now, none of that matters and we both know it.
She grips my hand in hers, squeezing tightly and taking a deep breath.
“She’s going to be okay, Damien. They’re both going to be okay.”
She doesn’t let go and she sits there with me the whole time.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ava
I open my eyes blearily, every part of me feeling fuzzy and painful.
I don’t really hear the groan that leaves my lips, but the blurry figure in front of me reacts instantly.
“Ava? Ava, I’m here.”
I finally feel the hand in mine, but nothing seems quite right, and I’m confused.
What happened? What’s going on?
“It’s okay, you’re awake. You’re awake - everything is going to be okay. I promise.”
I’m awake? Was I asleep?
“What…”
I try to speak, but it comes out as a rasp more than anything, my mouth parched and dry.
“Here.”
A straw appears in front of me, and Damien guides it into my mouth, letting me drink until everything feels less scratchy.
I cough a little when he removes it and try again, finally able to focus on him.
“What happened?”
My surroundings slowly come to me and I freeze as I notice the hospital room.
“My baby...?!” I gasp immediately, staring at him as my hand goes straight to my stomach.
“He’s okay.” Damien says softly. “He’s fine. They told me that much, at least. You’re going to be okay, Ava. Thank god, you’re going to be okay.”
He strokes my hair back from my head and I blink unshod tears from the corners of my eyes. If anything had happened…
“What happened?” I ask again.
“You collapsed.” He says softly. “They brought you were and they had to do some procedure immediately - something about a clot - but you’re okay now. And our baby is fine.”
“Are you sure?” I ask weakly, suddenly feeling desperate.
“I’m sure. That’s what they told me.” He leans down, kissing me gently, and I can feel the stubble of his unshaven chin.
“How…how long have you been here?” I ask, taking in his haggard looking appearance.
There are dark bags under his eyes and everything about his usually handsome, sophisticated image looks…crumpled.
“Overnight.” He says softly, pulling the chair nearer to my bed. “I couldn’t leave you, Ava. I don’t ever want to leave you ever again.”
I get the feeling there’s something he’s not telling me, something behind that look in his eyes, but I feel so tired and I’m hurting and I’m not sure I understand any of this. I can’t even really remember…
“Why did I collapse?” I finally ask.
“Ah…something to do with a clot…I think they removed it…I’m sorry, baby, the doctor will be able to say more. I couldn’t—I didn’t—I didn’t hear much beyond you being okay, our baby being okay…”
I can hear the emotion in his voice, the way he chokes up, and I suddenly get swept by the same feeling, gripping his hand hard.
“We’re going to be okay?” I ask, feeling fragile and more unsure than I’ve ever felt in my life.
“We will.” He says, almost fiercely. “I promise.”
I don’t know how he can know that - how he can make that promise. Everything suddenly seems so vulnerable, the future we’d made so many assumptions about so risky and uncertain. But somehow, I believe him anyway. Something about Damien just makes me think he’s going to do whatever he says.
“I’ll see whether I can find a doctor.” He says, after a little while.
I can see the strain in him, and I nod, more grateful than I can say that he’s here with me.
I think I drift in and out a little as he disappears, and the next thing I know he’s standing there with another, more austere looking man, with glasses and graying hair.
“Ava?�
�� Damien asks, and I can hear the worry in his voice.
“I’m here.” I say, slightly drowsy.
Where else would I be?
I blink, trying to focus on the doctor as I ask the same question again.
“What happened?”
He stands beside my bed, checks the chart there, and then nods at me.
“You had a pulmonary embolism - it’s a blood clot that’s developed within your body and moved to your lungs, causing a blockage there. It made it hard to breathe, and your heart was working overtime to try and deal with the lack of blood flow. Blood clots aren’t uncommon in pregnant women, and the risk of pulmonary embolism is much higher, but it usually gets caught earlier. Typically, we’d treat it with blood thinners and monitor you for a while, but yours was acute enough that we had to operate to remove it.”
My head spins as I try to take it all in, but he’s still explaining.
“The surgery went well, but we’ll need to keep you in to recover for a while, until we’re sure everything is okay. We’ll also need to run a few tests to see if there are any other clots we need to worry about, and we’ll start you on regular injections to thin your blood. After that, it will just be monitoring you more closely for the duration of your pregnancy.”
“My baby?”
That’s the only thing I can think about right now. I think I understand what he’s saying about me, but he hasn’t said anything about my baby.
“We had to give you generalized anesthetic because we didn’t want to risk any harm to your baby, that’s why you’re probably still feeling a little out of it now, but your baby is fine. You have nothing to worry about there.”
I finally let out a deep sigh, something inside me relaxing. Damien had told me that, but until the doctor could confirm it…I’m not sure I could fully believe it.
I close my eyes in relief and when I open them again, the doctor is gone. I think I remember about half of what he said, but the one thing that sticks with me is the one important part: my baby is okay.
“Hey.” Damien’s voice beside me is gentle and a whole lot less haggard.
My eyes flick over to him, my head still not wanting to move much, and I give a small smile.
“My baby’s going to be okay.” I tell him, just so I can say it out loud.
“Yeah. He’ll be just fine.” He agrees, reaching out to squeeze my hand.
I sigh softly, the contact relaxing me.
“I’m glad you’re here.” I say softly.
“Me too.”
He strokes my hair back from my head again and I wince to think how dirty it must be right now. It shouldn’t matter, but it’s hard to be around Damien and not want to feel at least a little sexy. I don’t though. Right now, sexy is not at all where my mind is.
“You’re going to need to stay here for a while, Ava. They won’t say quite how long. I’ve called your parents, and Vicki - they’re flying in tomorrow.” He gives me a wry smile. “So is my sister. She insisted.”
I laugh slightly. “So everyone is going to be here?”
“Everyone.” He nods, and then the smile dies as he hesitates over something, coming closer to me and taking my hand again. “Ava…I need to tell you—”
The first thought that comes into my mind is my baby - that something happened that for some reason the doctor didn’t say and—
“—everyone knows, now. I…wasn’t exactly subtle when you collapsed at the office.”
I blink, the major panic I was on the edge of disappearing just like that.
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry.” He offers, looking at me with concern.
I try to remember what happened, and I’m not exactly sure…the meeting slowly comes back to me, all those high-powered people sitting in a room waiting for our demo, the presentation we’d been working on for so long. I was excited, I think, and scared, and my heart rate was going out of control…
“Did I at least give a good presentation?” I ask hopefully.
“Ah, well it was…memorable?”
I groan, closing my eyes and leaning back against the pillow.
“Are you okay?”
I think about it, trying to work out my answer to that question. I feel like I should have some gut-wrenching worry going through me right now - some questions and thoughts about the future and what the hell I’m supposed to do now, some panic that my life is ruined.
But…for a moment…for several moments, that keep coming back every so often…I thought something had happened to my baby.
My baby is fine.
Compared to that…does anything else really matter?
It doesn’t feel like anything else can possibly hurt me in the same way.
“Ava?”
“Yeah.” I say slowly. “Yeah, I think I’m okay.”
Then it occurs to me that I’m not the only one that might not be and my eyes open again to look at him.
“The deal?” I ask.
He just shrugs. “I don’t know. Katy’s dealing with all that. I think she wants me out of the way, if I’m honest, and I have no interest in being anywhere but right here with you, so…that works out fine. I don’t care what they think, Ava, really. I hope it works out, more for Katy’s sake than anyone, she’s worked so hard on this. But…we’ll be okay and Indivest will be okay too, whatever happens.”
I nod slowly. “Okay then.”
“I don’t know about…well, about Two-Bit, or anything like that.” He finally admits.
I just shake my head. “It’s okay. We’ll see.”
He leans in to kiss me and though I feel kind of disgusting and a mess and I’m still worried about these blood clots and my baby…for a brief moment, it distracts me.
And then, for much longer than a brief moment, too.
* * *
Over the next few days, everyone comes to visit me at the hospital.
I don’t know for sure, but I think Damien has arranged a hotel for everyone. Not that I’d know it, considering how often I wake up to see him at my bedside. I tell him he should go back, get more rest, but secretly I love it. There’s something comforting about him simply being there, especially after the whole week we could barely talk to each other.
Katy comes to see me too and though I think she and Damien still have a few things to work out, I’m excited to get to know her as Damien’s friend, instead of just the joint partner of the firm I’m working for. She’s obviously curious too, and we start the beginnings of tentative conversation.
By the end of the week, she also seems to have found a way to rescue Damien’s business deal.
I don’t know how exactly. I guess that in some ways Prestige were too far along now for them to really kick up a fuss about Damien dating and getting an employee pregnant, despite objecting to the apparent lack of ethics. It probably also helped that the moment they did object, Katy fired something back about Damien doing the right thing by me, settling down and raising and family - and how his new family had tamed the wild party nature they objected to before.
The moment she mentions that, Damien splutters - and I almost do the same.
That’s the second time someone has mentioned him doing the right thing.
“You told them we were going to get married?!” I ask, incredulous.
“Well you are, aren’t you?” Katy gives Damien a pointed look. “And besides, I’d say it’s true. You did tame all that wild partying.”
“Katy…” Damien looks at her in exasperation, but I can’t help smiling.
“Well.” I add. “I think that might be true, as well.”
He makes an irritated noise, but I think he’s secretly pleased - just like I am. He never wanted any of that stuff nearly as much as he wants this family with me and our baby.
And they get their deal. That’s the most important thing. For rescuing that and fixing his mess, I think Katy is allowed a few liberties. Besides, I’m too excited at the idea of having a friend who knows something about the babies and child
ren thing to mind anything else. That’s what I really want to start talking to her about.
Unfortunately, by the end of the week - and getting to the end of my patience with being stuck in hospital - it becomes apparent it hasn’t worked out so well for me.
I get an overly formal email from Tina that makes it obvious. She states that she and Two-Bit Designs understand I won’t be available for the last couple of weeks of finalizing and finishing off the project, that they hope I make a full recovery, and that I’ll be paid out until the end of my contract, in two weeks’ time.
That’s it. Nothing personal, no hint of understanding about the situation, wanting to talk further or…anything.
Nothing like the conversation we had earlier.
I sigh as I push the laptop away, but I’m not really surprised. I knew what would happen if they found out. Dating a client is bad enough, and probably grounds for dismissal if I were fully employed by them - so getting pregnant by one? I imagine that’s the epitome of unprofessional behavior.
Vicki is far more outraged than I am.
“That’s typical! Of course the already-rich, male CEO gets away with it and the poor girl he took advantage of doesn’t! No offense.” She adds the last with a look in Damien’s direction.
“Um, none taken?”
“Great.” She turns back to me. “This is awful, Ava, we need to do something about it. It’s not right. You did great work for that company and now they’re just going to go and—what—treat you like dirt? Scum. They’re total scum—”
“It’s okay, Vicki.” I say. “Really. It’s—”
“It’s not okay. I’m going to do something about it, Ava, I tell you. We need to find a lawyer and work out what your rights are. This is unfair dismissal and I won’t take it!”
“It’s not even dismissal.” I try to point out. “They don’t employee me. I don’t have any—”
She’s out the door before I can even finish the sentence and I sigh softly to myself, looking over at a slightly bewildered Damien.
“Is she—”
“She’ll be fine.” I say, shaking my head. “She just has to try and do something to feel better about a situation, that’s all.”