My Heart Belongs in Castle Gate, Utah

by Dicken, Angie;

  “Where are the children?” Leanna asked

  “Their mother is not feeling well today. They begged to stay close by, and well”—Alex smirked—“their papa gives in too easily.”

  Leanna faintly smiled. “I see.”

  A silence fell between them. He should ask about Salt Lake City and her interview. But did he really want to know?

  The patter of horses dragging wheels along the dirt road and the chatter of men and women preparing for the day faded away. He held Leanna’s sparkling blue eyes in an entranced lock.

  What was she thinking?

  Her lips pursed. “Why did you lie to me?” She cocked her head to one side and put her hand on her hip.

  “Lie?”

  “Yes. You told me you were a gambler like Jack. Do you want me to detest you?”

  “I did no such thing. But I am not much different than him. I left Greece for money—a foolish endeavor.”

  “You left for your ill wife, though. The money was for her, wasn’t it?” Her words heightened with emotion, as if all her faith depended on the truth in her assumption.

  “How do you know this?” he grumbled.

  “That labor agent told me,” she said. “But why would you compare yourself to Jack?” Her voice was softer, fragile in a way. It seemed weighted with hurt.

  He’d failed one woman, he couldn’t fail Leanna, too. He was good at the success, the work, the providing—but matters of the heart? Not so much. He was misled by love and faith once before. The best way to avoid such pain was to end this now.

  “Did your interview go well?” he blurted.

  “Alex, are you listening to me?” She held her arms across her torso, and her glare turned to ice. “Why are you changing the subject?”

  “Because it is good for you to leave this place. My history should not concern you.” Alex stepped closer. “Leanna, you deserve better than anything Castle Gate can offer you.”

  Her eyes became large topaz gems. A small crinkle appeared between her eyebrows, and her lip trembled. “You know nothing of what I deserve. It is by God’s grace that I breathe another day and that I have found a second chance in Salt Lake.”

  “God’s grace?” He scoffed. “What of God? You are a strong woman, Leanna. Your unbelievable strength is what has gotten you this far.”

  Her mouth fell open. “What of God?” she shook her head. “Are you trying to cast a lie about yourself again? Everything you do and most everything you say have been blessings to me, Alex. I see His hand in my life more and more because of you.”

  “I think you see what you want to see,” he said, but his chest constricted with the temptation to wonder at her words.

  “Alex, you are wrong in that,” Leanna snapped. “You are less like Jack than you think. He was at least a man of faith.”

  Now she stung a place in his heart that he thought was numbed for good. Foolish prayer had led him away from Helena, hadn’t it? He had once thought God gave him the chance to save her. But he had either misunderstood Him and followed Anthis to Helena’s demise, or the words he had listened to were only in his head. “I took a gamble on a prayer, Leanna. And I lost. I may be nothing like Jack, but I compared myself to Jack to protect us.”

  “Protect us?” she whispered, her hand firmly pressed against her waist.

  “I have done my best to strengthen myself these past years. To provide for my family and only depend on myself. It is the least I can do after failing Helena.” He moved aside, leaning his hand on the wall with his back turned to Main Street. “Now I have found someone besides my family whom I want to care for—” His torso quivered at what he was about to admit. He shouldn’t say it. She hadn’t answered him about Salt Lake. That was a good place for her. He needed to encourage her to go, not beg her to stay because of something as foolish as his heart.

  “Mrs. McKee.” A shrill voice froze his nerves. “Is everything all right?”

  He dropped his arm. Mrs. Coffey stood close behind him, her puny face scrunched up beneath a plain brown hat. She seemed to ignore his presence, tunneling her attention to Leanna.

  “Why would you think otherwise, Mrs. Coffey?” Leanna asked.

  The woman’s mouth fell then snapped shut. “Aren’t you the children’s escort? There are no children about, and it seems like you might be late to school.”

  “You are right, Mrs. Coffey.” She buttoned the top button of her coat and stepped into the road. “I shall be late.” Leanna gave a curt nod to Mrs. Coffey and turned to Alex. “Mr. Pappas, we shall discuss these matters another time.” Her eyes shimmered with secrecy.

  His heart trembled in his chest. “Uh, yes, Mrs. McKee. Another time.”

  While she trekked up toward the school, he backed to the restaurant door.

  Mrs. Coffey’s face paled. “Good day, Mr. Pappas.” Her bottom lip twitched.

  “Good day.” He suppressed his smirk. Mrs. Coffey hurried away, clutching her coat as if she’d been compromised.

  The smell of Momma’s outdoor oven swirled around the building and filled his nostrils with an appropriate aroma for a morning such as this. Smoky and searing.

  Alex was about to kindle a fire that could offer warmth and love, or one that could burn whatever heart he had left.

  Leanna took long, determined strides toward the school—not because she might be late, but because she suspected she was being watched as she ascended the hill. Most likely, that busybody Mrs. Coffey was making sure everyone was getting where they needed to be. By the time Leanna reached the school gate, her jaw ached from gritting her teeth. She dared not look back. Mrs. Coffey’s interruption was rude and uncalled for—but Leanna could not expect anything less from the woman, could she?

  Earlier, while she waited for the children, Mrs. Coffey had stopped on her way to town, carrying on about the Greeks who’d supposedly disrupted her quiet evening with their obnoxious music and drunken hollers the other night.

  “I believe it was the same night you ate there.” Mrs. Coffey had shot a hot glare at the restaurant door, her lip pulled up in a sneer. “My husband told me he ran into you that night.”

  “Yes, I was invited by Mrs. Pappas to a fine celebration,” Leanna had said, determined to snuff out any lies this woman was trying to conjure up. “There was not one drunken holler or any loud music that I recall, Mrs. Coffey.”

  The woman narrowed her eyes and said, “Seems we have different opinions on many things, Mrs. McKee. Good day.”

  Why had the good Lord given her a spy as a neighbor, instead of a friend?

  She opened the gate to the school, glad that winter break would arrive soon. Icicles encapsulated the fingers of the lone tree in the schoolyard, as cold and rigid as the headmistress of the school.

  If there was one thing Leanna missed about Boston, it was friendship. When she first arrived at Castle Gate, she hadn’t expected to live here indefinitely, so she did not attempt to grow any roots in the way of friendship.

  But now? Without a husband to at least fill the void of silence at night, she craved conversation. Salt Lake City offered that. The Tiltons’ daughter was more than a potential employer, but a pleasant woman who seemed to anticipate their future friendship with great joy. The letter to her parents became ashes that very night she had returned from Salt Lake City. Her hope was vibrant at the thought of working for such a woman.

  Even Alex seemed to think that Salt Lake was best for her. Hadn’t he said that she deserved better than Castle Gate had to offer her?

  What did he know of what she deserved, though? By God’s grace alone she could hardly believe that, but the man seemed to know her better than she knew herself at times. They were alike in many ways, yet he complimented her at her worst and offered her hope in something she shouldn’t even consider.

  She breathed in deep, the smell of winter carrying on the icy air. It was a smoky and ironically warm smell, no match to the warmth she felt now, thinking about Alex.

  “Lord help me.” She wagged he
r head as she headed across the yard.

  He was curious, for sure. One moment, he seemed to try to aggravate her with sharp remarks, hidden truths. And then other times, he drew her in with his unwavering attention, affirming words—holding an impression of her that was much too lofty. What strength had she truly shown him, and what lie did he believe that she managed anything on her own?

  It was only by God’s hand. Nothing came to her by her own effort, no matter how she’d tried to be that guiding hand during her marriage. A terrible way to be, and now she suffered the shame of it.

  She pulled the door to the school. It was heavy, needing a quick jerk to release it from its stationary position. When she stepped into the hall, it creaked shut and then rested against the jamb with a thud. As she hurried up the stairs to her classroom, the gaggle of Greeks scurried down the hall ahead. A smile crept across her face.

  Before she’d roll her eyes and curse Jack for their predicament. How quickly her heart changed, though. The Pappas family had much to do with it. Alex’s kindness had much to do with it.

  When she reached the classroom, the boys were clambering into their desks. She hesitated and examined each of them. Something was different.

  Their clothes were bright and clean.

  “What happened to your clothes?” she asked an older boy, Petros.

  “Mrs. Pappas clean them. She scrub us, too.” He frowned, pressing down his somewhat groomed hair.

  “Did she?” Leanna grinned.

  “She say we are no good dirty,” he said.

  “She mean,” a younger boy said. “She like my yiayia.” He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.

  Leanna laughed out loud, and all the boys widened their dark eyes and stared.

  That woman had brightened life nearly as much as her eldest son had. She was a kindhearted soul. Life in Castle Gate was better because of the hospitality of such a person as Mrs. Pappas. If she stayed, what else could she expect here?

  A life of frustration, for sure. If these once-filthy boys became as endearing to her as the Pappas children, and if the owners of the town’s Greek restaurant became her adopted family, she’d grow weary in hiding a forbidden friendship with Alex. Friendship would only last so long, before she’d hope for more. Or perhaps, there was something more already.

  Ghata, ghata.” Teddy’s call carried down the path from Leanna’s house. When she approached the knoll, the little boy came into view, sitting on her front step. He wrestled with the Coffeys’ cat, trying to pin him on his lap.

  “Teddy, what are you doing here?” She strode across the yard to the porch.

  “The ghata ran away.” Teddy nodded at her neighbor’s house then shrugged his shoulders. “I come give it back, but he gone. I wait.” He gave a crooked smile, his light brown eyes flashing with amusement.

  She pulled him up by his good arm. The cat struggled and meowed while Teddy held it tight. “Does your mother know you are here?”

  The little boy peered up with apologetic eyes and shook his head.

  “We had better get you back. Leave the cat be, Teddy. He’ll be fine.”

  “No!” He put the cat to his shoulder, holding his arm over it.

  Leanna sighed. She pulled him by the arm and walked over to the Coffeys’ house. Surely they wouldn’t have a window open in the winter. Should she try to open one herself?

  Before she could muster up courage to investigate her options, a familiar clearing throat startled her.

  She spun around with a firm grip still on Teddy. Mr. Coffey stood before them, dusted with coal, shadowed with suspicion. His chin prodded forward and he grimaced. “What you doin’ round here, Mrs. McKee? You look mighty interested in that window.” He set cold eyes on Teddy. “You trying to steal somethin’ and got caught, little boy? I’m thinkin’ it may be my cat.” He reached over and snatched the cat from his arms. The cat screeched then settled against Coffey’s chest.

  Teddy whimpered.

  “Mr. Coffey, the boy was returning your cat. There’s no reason to assume anything. We were trying to find a way to keep it safe and sound.”

  “Don’t be too trusting, Mrs. McKee. D’you hear ’bout them Greeks carrying their weapons and shooting them off the train cars? They think they’re goin’ to make waves like Butch Cassidy did at the old coal company office.” He scowled at the little boy.

  “I daresay, the Greeks that I know care nothing for the outlaw’s notorious history with Castle Gate.” She rolled her eyes. “There is plenty of crime by American folk these days also, Mr. Coffey. Let’s not take our social qualms out on a child. He was returning your cat, that is all. Come Teddy.” She pushed him forward and followed him down the knoll.

  “He mean,” Teddy mumbled after they passed through the scrubby tree line.

  Leanna didn’t speak. She tried to tame the anger stirred by her neighbors twice today.

  When she and Teddy neared the restaurant, Leanna suggested, “Let’s go through the back.” No use feeding the Coffeys’ gossip by entering the restaurant from Main.

  Smoke rose from the outdoor oven. Her stomach grumbled at the smell of baked bread. Teddy opened the door and ran inside, leaving her at the doorway. She peered into the dim room.

  Mrs. Pappas spoke loud and frantic, shaking her hand at Teddy. The little boy carried on in Greek and pointed at Leanna.

  Mrs. Pappas went from a scowl as she’d reprimanded Teddy, to a look of surprise. “Meesus McKee! Come, come!”

  “I just wanted to be sure he is okay.” She smiled, trying to back away.

  “No, no. You come eat.” Mrs. Pappas grabbed her by the hands and smiled wide. “You save Teddy twice. You come.”

  “Save? I didn’t—” But before she could insist, she was dragged across the small kitchen and through the door to the dining area. Maria sat at the table in the corner, playing cards with her grandfather. The restaurant was empty. It was not near suppertime.

  “Meesus McKee.” Maria ran over, holding her hand of cards against her chest. “Why you here?”

  The ever-persistent Mrs. Pappas gently pushed Leanna toward a seat. “Your grandmother is determined to feed me.” She giggled at the woman. Maria slipped her hand in Leanna’s and they sat at the table together.

  “How is your mother?” Leanna tried to retrieve her hand. There was no use getting attached. But Maria squealed as if it were a game and relentlessly grabbed at her hand again.

  “She okay. Just tired. We miss school to be with her.”

  Her grandfather left the table, tipping his cap to Leanna before going into the kitchen. “Papou thinks you pretty.” Maria giggled into her cards.

  Leanna couldn’t refrain a smile. “Oh?”

  “And Thios Alex.” The girl now had her whole face leaning into the flayed cards, chuckling loudly.

  Leanna’s smile disappeared and her stomach jumped. “Did Alex say that?” She suddenly felt like a schoolgirl herself.

  Maria’s big brown eyes peered over the cards. She nodded. “Don’t tell him I said so, but Papa teases him about you.”

  The strum of the Greek instrument floated around them. She looked over at Mr. Pappas who played in the corner. He gave another nod.

  “Meesus McKee, will you dance now? Look, no one is watching.” Maria pointed at the empty room with her cards then set them on the table.

  The little girl took her hands and pulled her from the table. “Come, I show you first.”

  She found a clear area. Teddy sat on a tabletop, leaning his chin on his fist. His sister positioned herself beside Leanna, gripping her hand.

  “Watch, and you step with me.”

  With each movement of her feet, Maria’s curls bounced. Leanna pulled her skirt just at the ankle and tried to keep up. As the music sped up, they moved around the space faster. It wasn’t complicated, but she stumbled a few times. She laughed out loud at herself each time. By the end of the song, she was out of breath just as if she had waltzed the night away at a ball.

 
“Bravo!” The children clapped.

  “Who is the teacher now?” Alex asked from behind them. Leanna spun around. His broad shoulders nearly filled the kitchen doorway. Mr. Pappas set down his instrument, patted Alex’s arm, and said something in Greek. It was more serious than a greeting. Alex’s jaw flinched, and he gave a quick nod. “Good afternoon, Mrs. McKee.”

  “Maria is as persistent as her grandmother,” Leanna said, adjusting her bun. She wondered if everything was okay with his father.

  “You are a good dancer.” Alex smiled, seemingly unaffected by Stergios now. The children ran up to him.

  “I taught her, Thios.” Maria clung to his hand now, swinging his arm back and forth. All the while, Alex’s attention remained on Leanna.

  “You are a good teacher, Maria.” It was more comfortable to look at Maria than Alex. Leanna’s heartbeat at least slowed this way. When they had last spoken, Alex had been cut off by Mrs. Coffey, and Leanna had said they’d finish the discussion later. She was afraid of what he might say. Afraid and curious and expectant for the words to be what she assumed. Thank goodness Maria was here. Leanna was not ready to fortify her heart today. She was enjoying herself way too much.

  “Will you teach me your kind of dance, Meesus McKee?” Maria called out.

  “Perhaps,” she said.

  Mrs. Pappas pushed Alex out of the way, carrying a platter of food from the kitchen. She rushed everyone to sit and eat.

  Once again, the tiny woman served a delicious plate, better than any that Leanna could make for her table of one. And sharing a meal with Alex and the children only made her eat slower, procrastinating her lonely walk to her dreary house.

  Another reason to look forward to Salt Lake City. She would have a family under the same roof. Although, she’d yet to make a first impression of Dr. Scott.

  The thought of Salt Lake City was brief in the warm atmosphere of the Pappas family.

  Alex guided the conversation, and it was a gentle one, unlike their several heated conversations before. He spoke of Greece and the land they owned.