My Heart Belongs in Castle Gate, Utah

by Dicken, Angie;

  “Thousands of sheep grazed in our pastures, and our crops produced large yields. We were in need of nothing.” That was before the drought, he said. He even mentioned his wife, Helena, and her sickness consuming her just as the drought heightened. “A bad omen, Momma would say. She still curses the sun for stealing the rain and Helena’s health.” Alex rolled his eyes then continued on with talk about his journey to Athens.

  His descriptions of the classical architecture that Leanna had studied in school were interrupted by Maria asking about American dances. Pictures of the Parthenon and memories of debutante balls spun in Leanna’s mind.

  “More?” Mrs. Pappas scooted the platter of chicken and potatoes next to her.

  “No, thank you. It was wonderful.” She shook her head with a wide grin, wondering if Mrs. Pappas understood. The woman shrugged her shoulders and walked away, mumbling in Greek.

  Alex chuckled. “It’s okay. No Greek woman likes her food to be turned down, even if you’ve eaten all night.” He leaned back in his chair and patted his belly. “Momma!” When he got her attention, he winked and spoke in Greek with enthusiasm.

  “Efcharistó, Alex!” The lady blew her son a kiss and continued preparing the tables for supper. The miners would be there any minute.

  “I really must go.” Leanna cringed at the truth in the words, torn between enjoying the company and being caught in a roomful of gawking miners once again.

  As she scooted her chair back reluctantly, Alex leaned forward on the table and cocked a smile to one side. “Perhaps we can show Maria how to dance before you go?”

  Her heart skittered beneath her blouse. “Do you even know how?”

  He sat up straight. “Do I? You think your dance is so much more difficult than the Greek way? It is nothing.”

  He poked his finger at Maria’s arm, keeping his bright eyes on Leanna. “Shall we take this to the kitchen, Maria?”

  His niece clapped her hands together, jumping up and down. “Yes, yes! Let’s!”

  He held out his hand to Leanna.

  She should not let this go one minute further, yet Alex’s warm gaze, kind smile, and eager brow were difficult to resist. She may never take that hike to Castle Gate’s namesake, but she could show his niece how to dance. Dancing was another piece of her past that she missed.

  “This, this isn’t proper…is it?” she muttered.

  Alex raised his shoulders with a nonchalant shrug even though a slight grimace shadowed his face. He quickly looked back at his father. The man was sitting in the corner, cleaning his instrument and glaring at Alex.

  “Perhaps your father doesn’t think so,” Leanna whispered, but Alex just grabbed her hand, and Maria pulled them along.

  She followed closely behind him, wondering what her neighbors would think. She clung to his hand even more assuredly. Alex Pappas was no less than any of them. If anything, he was more—more passionate, determined, and kind than any person she’d ever met.

  The kitchen was empty. He turned around and slid his hand to the small of her back. Staring down at her, his curls fell across his forehead. Their eyes danced together before any footwork began.

  Was she the one person he mentioned this morning—who he’d found to care for in addition to his family? Could she allow herself to be lost in this moment, with the memories of her misery with Jack so close to sabotaging this feeling?

  Who was it that Alex stared at? A schoolteacher or a lonely widow in need of a friend? Was there a chance she meant even more to him than that? Because right now, Leanna wanted to be nowhere else but in the arms of this strong, handsome man. His shirt smelled fresh with soap, and his peppermint breath tickled her forehead. She inhaled deeply, trying to contain the conflicting emotions inside her.

  An inch closer and she’d sink into his chest. Her conscience screamed, Leave. She was in danger of turning her back on the chance to be free of her old self and start new in Salt Lake City.

  But Alex stroked her cheek, and she couldn’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else but Castle Gate.

  “Thios Alex,” Maria whined. They immediately stepped back, dropping each other’s hands, giving full attention to the little girl. She blushed and bit her lip. “Will you dance now?”

  “Maria!” Mrs. Pappas called from the dining room.

  She let out a big sigh and stomped her foot. “Don’t leave, Meesus McKee,” she pleaded.

  “We will have to demonstrate another time,” Leanna said. Yes, that was the best thing to do.

  “No!” Maria looked back and forth between them. Alex placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder.

  “Maria, I promise. We will show you how to dance soon enough.” He kissed her forehead. She slumped her shoulders on her way out.

  “You promise?” Leanna placed her hand on her hip.

  “Sure,” he said. “You said we would demonstrate later.”

  “But I may not even be here—”

  The light in his eyes dimmed, and the corners of his mouth turned down. “I see.”

  “My interview in Salt Lake City went well.”

  His disappointed look made her throat ache. “That is good. For you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets then kicked his boot on the floor like a schoolboy. “For me?” Alex walked across the room and pulled his coat of the hook. “It is a burden.” With an aggressive tug, he opened the door and left.

  Leanna froze for a moment, the air pouring in from outside just as cold as Alex’s abrupt absence. She hurried and gathered her coat and hat from the hooks on the wall.

  Dusk was almost consumed by the night sky. When she approached the road to look for Alex, he was gone.

  If he felt like Leanna had in his arms, then she understood his anger. She was angry, too.

  All her plans to leave waned in comparison to the security Alex offered her in a dance. Was Alex burdened for the same reasons as Leanna?

  She should not stay in Castle Gate long enough to find out.

  She could not.

  Alex hammered the nail through the wood crate, securing the western wall of their makeshift home. Several crates had come loose in the last snowstorm. While his hands worked, his mind was somewhere else entirely.

  How could he let Leanna go? After eight long years, he’d finally found that life was worth living more than to make a penny or keep this house secure for winter.

  Life was not all work; it was love, too. And as much as he resisted admitting it, his emotions could not be tamped down much longer. Love was boundless. Hadn’t Shakespeare alluded to something like that? His days of reading the poet were during his early English-speaking moments. But one thing was for sure, his heart awakened on the wrong side of the boundaries set in place. And no matter how much he tried, he could not find peace in the lines drawn by men. Not when Leanna stood so close to the edge. With the golden-haired schoolteacher about, Alex could not soothe his heart back to sleep.

  “It is early to bang on the wall, Alex,” his father said, fixing his suspenders and yawning.

  “Sorry, Papa. I needed to get it done before work today.” He looked up at the gray sky. “It looks like we might get snow again.”

  “The spring cannot come fast enough.” Stergios sat on a discarded mine crate and pulled out his knife and carving wood. “You remember Georgios from Kalavryta?”

  Alex continued, “I do. He was on his way to Athens when I left, eh?”

  “Neh. His daughter is only a few years younger than you. You may have gone to school together, I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders and whittled away, but Alex could only stare at him.

  “Papa, where is this going?”

  “He has a dowry, Alex. And you need a bride.”

  Alex tossed the hammer to a patch of dead grass. “I need nothing but some peace and quiet.”

  “Well, you will get none of that if you keep entertaining that Mrs. McKee.”

  “You are right. There are too many eyes about. But do you understand my predicament?” Alex wanted to continue
at this even pace of conversation. Too often their emotions got the best of them when they discussed his father’s expectations for him.

  Papa nodded, continuing his whittling. “I understand that she is a beautiful woman, and you have been single for too long. America has its lure. And even Georgios’s daughter is willing to come this way—”

  “You’ve spoken with Georgios?” Alex’s voice hitched. “When?”

  “We write letters. He shared the amount of his dowry with me in the last letter. It’s not bad,” he lifted his shoulders. “But I don’t care so much about that.” He stood up and placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “You are a good son, and you deserve a good Greek family.”

  “Deserve?” Frustration filled his chest. “Why do you push and push when I’ve done enough? I brought you out of poverty and into a prosperous life. If I deserve anything, it is to make my own decisions. Why should I worry about a dowry or a Greek woman I know nothing about?”

  Papa’s mustache twitched at one corner. He dropped his hand. “This is the way it is done.”

  “What about love, Papa? The way it is done isn’t always the only way.”

  “Love? Do you love the American woman?” Papa gaped.

  “I—I…” He clenched his teeth. No, he couldn’t say it. Even if his heart nearly burst at the thought, there was a dangerous power in words right now. And he knew that whatever he said would be used against him more than bring him the peace he longed for.

  “Alex, enough.” His father lifted his hand in finality. “There are few things that have better options than tradition. This is tradition. You are Greek, and you deserve a good Greek bride.”

  “We are American, too,” Alex muttered without looking at him.

  Papa sucked air through his teeth and glared. “Your blood is Greek. Do not cast off your obligations for an American woman. They are a different breed, nothing like a Greek woman who will care for you and feed you and pray for you.”

  “You are no better than the Americans who sneer at us,” Alex seethed without guarding his tongue. His father’s eyes flickered with hurt. He curled his lip and stepped back. “Papa, I didn’t mean to—”

  “You are a disappointment, Alex.” His bottom lip trembled. “You turn your back on heritage as if everything you’ve done with your own hands is most important.” He turned away. “If you forget that American teacher, then I will no longer speak of a match.” His slouched figure disappeared around the corner of the house.

  With great force, Alex kicked the mining crate and it split with a crack. He had done so much with his own hands. Everything up to this point had depended on it. Life was what he made it. If he hadn’t worked so hard, where would they be?

  They would be Greek and poor and no doubt starving.

  His heritage was one thing, but he had survived and brought them along with him.

  Wasn’t that enough for his father? He had been strong and determined and had accomplished much on his own.

  But it wasn’t enough, and it didn’t hold as much weight as he thought it should. Even Leanna couldn’t admit her strength was her own—she cast it off on God.

  If there was a God willing to help him, then wouldn’t He have done so long before now?

  Alex picked up the hammer and began to work. It was what he did best, but he wasn’t at his best now.

  He wasn’t so sure he’d ever measure up to his father’s expectations. Just like God hadn’t measured up to his.

  Jack haunted her thoughts all night long. The blasted stove-door hinge broke again, reminding her of another fight she’d had with her husband.

  Guilt crept around her heart, and she prayed forgiveness in and out of sleep. Her head began to ache at the midnight hour.

  She was beginning to forget his mannerisms. Her heart grew anxious. Why had her guilt not left her? What would it take to forgive herself for the wife that she had been to him?

  When light finally spilled about the edge of her curtains, she got up and dressed.

  There was one vow she must make to herself now.

  “Stay away from Alex,” she mumbled. How could she be trusted by another man? She’d proven her heart was nimble in its pursuit of forgiveness. Stubborn and tough. Alex Pappas and his family did not need anyone like her about. It would only be a matter of time before he would see her true self and the ugly mess of her unforgiving heart.

  Leanna began to boil water for tea. While she ate a meager breakfast of oatmeal and dried fruit, a tap at the door startled her.

  “Who is it?” she called as she gathered her dishes and placed them in her wash bin.

  “It’s Bethany Scott.”

  Her heart leaped. Perfect timing for her most recent vow. Leanna opened the door to find Mrs. Scott beaming with a pink nose and a delighted smile. “Good morning, Mrs. McKee.”

  “Good morning,” she greeted. “Please, come in out of the cold.”

  Bethany bustled past her, and Leanna closed the door against a harsh winter breeze.

  “What brings you to Castle Gate?” Leanna bit the inside of her cheek. Perhaps she knew the answer?

  Bethany fiddled with her gloves. “My husband has offered to help the town doctor this week due to the influenza outbreak, so we have stayed with my parents for a few days.” Her brow became worrisome beneath her wide hat. “My mother has done well not to argue with me in front of Tommy. The very reason that I keep him close by at all times.”

  Leanna gave her most apologetic look and offered her a seat at the table.

  Bethany sank into the chair with a resolute smile. “Tommy went back to the city with his father, and I will be on a train this morning.” The kettle began to whistle and Leanna quickly removed it from the heat. “I had to pay a visit to my newest friend before I left.” Her face brightened once again, and Leanna smiled also.

  “Well, you arrived just in time for some tea.”

  “How perfect,” Bethany said, unbuttoning her coat. Leanna hung it up on a hook. The soft fur was fine, a reminder of the luxury she’d once taken for granted.

  “Ever since your interview, I cannot help but think of you alone here, in this place.” Bethany examined the small room.

  Humility snagged on a pesky remnant of Leanna’s pride. She plopped one of the last tea bags from the Tiltons’ gift basket into a cup.

  “The remainder of interviews were a mere formality,” Bethany continued, her eyes flashing as she sat across from her. “My husband agrees that you are the best fit for the position.” She pulled in a breath and seemingly held it, raising her eyebrows in excitement.

  “I am?” Leanna held her breath also. The timing of this escape was too good to be true.

  “Yes!” Bethany clapped her hands together. “Nobody has the same qualifications as you do. We hope for you to move your belongings to our spare room and begin lessons next month.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Scott,” Leanna exclaimed, Bethany’s excitement a sure contagion. “Of course I’ll accept.”

  “Oh, good!” She patted the table. “It will be nice to have another female around the house. Men can be so boring at times.” She chuckled. “And please, call me Bethany.”

  Leanna nodded. Thank You, Lord, for this providence. She released a sigh, indulging in the relief of finally leaving all this behind.

  Unwelcome in this moment, Alex barreled to mind. A stab sliced through her heart. He’d said her leaving was a burden. And for that, she could not fully rejoice. He was a good man, and his family had been good to her. But her feelings for him were becoming dangerously inappropriate.

  She must tell him right away that she was leaving Castle Gate. Give him a chance to find her replacement and end whatever that dance had stirred in each of their hearts.

  December offered clear skies for his Sunday hikes. Alex passed the boardinghouse on his way to the Castle Gate formation. Several swarthy Greeks sat on the porch, smoking and jabbering.

  “Shouldn’t you be at church?” he called out to his friend Nick, who ra
ttled off a similar interrogation in jest.

  “Alex, you’ve been here long enough,” another friend called out. “It’s about time you go back to Greece and find yourself a bride. We have plenty of sisters to choose from!”

  “Perhaps your sisters should come to America.” Alex chuckled. The Pappas women were weary of limited gossip sessions between just the two of them.

  The sun shone bright, but the air was still bitingly cold. There was enough hardship to focus on the elements and ignore the war raging in his thoughts—between everyone else’s expectations and the selfish desire to follow his heart. Over and over, he recalled the afternoon in the kitchen—Leanna’s tight grip on his hand, the floral scent of her hair, and the threads of gold in her sapphire eyes.

  Even though he hated to hear it, it was good that she’d mentioned Salt Lake. Her chance to leave was probably the best way to end this torment.

  How could he expect her to stay in this town filled with men?

  He stomped harder as he trekked toward the looming rocks.

  Why did he allow his heart to depend on a woman again? After eight years of persevering, why did he invite weakness in so quickly? Perhaps he wasn’t as strong alone as he hoped to be.

  Hollering grew loud behind him. He peered over his shoulder. Leanna stormed toward him, taking wide strides along the dirt road while the men at the boardinghouse teased in Greek.

  When she approached him, she pulled her hand from her muff and dug it into her side. “My, this is quite a climb,” she spoke breathlessly, adjusting the high collar around her throat.

  “We are not beyond the town yet,” Alex challenged with a wag of his eyebrow. They should not go any farther—especially with everyone below still in an uproar of laughter and gossip. His father’s opinion came to mind. “Leanna, is there something—”

  “I’d prefer not to stand here with ill-mannered men gawking at me from behind.” She gestured to the path. “Shall we hike?”

  The sparkle in her blue eyes sent a current through him, enticing him to take the risk. He’d deal with his father later.

  The sparse ground cover crunched beneath his boots, and Leanna followed him. When they reached the snow-covered path that wrapped around the base of the rigid cliff, he paused.