My Soul is in the Sky

by Summer Murong

  “Don’t worry.” He smiles at me “Emperor Wu has expected some resistance. That’s why I am here to escort you.”

  I did not ask him whether he is escorting me under the order of Emperor Wu or he is doing it on his own. He helps me get of the horse carriage. With my floor length formal dress with two huge long sleeves, I can only take the horse carriage.

  Huo leads the way to Shiqu Pavilion, where the Imperial University is. The long walk gives me the opportunity to look at the most amazing palace in the world.

  Weiyang Palace, the largest palace ever built on earth, is about seven times the size of the Forbidden City in Beijing, or eleven times the size of the Vatican City. With over forty buildings, or halls, it occupies about 1,200 acres of land.

  “It should be called Weiyang City. “ I say to Huo who slows down to accommodate my minced steps due to my clogs and narrow hem of my dress. “I thought Weiyang Palace means one palace and one building.”

  He laughs. “Weiyang Palace is just a name. It divides into three sections: south section, middle section and north section. South section is centered around Front Hall, where Emperor Wu meets with his officials every day. All the administration offices, like treasure departments, are all in the south section.”

  “The Imperial University, Central Library and Central Archiving take up the middle section. You will spend most of your time there.” He continues.

  “Are there more officials in the middle section?” I ask him.

  “There will be some administrative officials. But mostly there are scholars, historians and students from Imperial University. Without special order, they are not allowed to go to the south or north section. But Emperor Wu likes to ask for their opinions when he needs advice.”

  It’s just perfect for me: the place for research.

  “How about north section?”

  “It’s also called back palace as well.” Huo says. “That’s where Empress and other royal family live. No man is allowed to go there unless he has been special ordered and escorted.”

  “Just like you are escorting me to the middle section?” I laugh.

  “Yes, just like that.” He laughs too.

  “Where do you stay in the palace?” I ask him.

  “I have a room in the back palace.” He says. “Since last war, I now spend most of my time in Wuku.” Wuku is the name for the barrack as well as the weapon station.

  “Where is it?”

  “It’s between Weiyang Palace and Changle Palace.” He says casually.

  “Is Weiyang the safest place in Han?” I ask.

  “Of course. Imperial guards are everywhere.” He frowns on my question.

  “That’s good to know.”

  The counselor is waiting for us at the entrance of Shiqu Pavilion. A short middle aged guy with beard, he welcomes me to meet with other students.

  “There are total fifty formal students.” He explains to me while we walks towards the class room. “But we do have a lot of students who just sit in for lectures. There are more people like that when we have important visiting scholars.”

  “May I know what I will learn here?” I ask.

  “Of course.” He says. “We focus on the Five Classics here.”

  “Nothing else? “ I am a little disappointed since the Five Classics are teachings around Confucianism.

  “No, they are all we teach here.” He answers.

  “What about Daoism or Legalism? “ I ask.

  “We will touch upon them, but they are not part of our curriculum. “ He says sternly.

  “And why is that?”

  “Emperor Wu has made the decision that Confucianism is the only official doctrine.” He does not want to discuss it further.

  I feel the elbow nudge from Huo and I nod my head. He does not want me to poke on this topic either.

  The classroom is an open hall lined up with straw mats and long and low tables. On the top of each tables, there are brush pens, ink stone, ink stick, water jar and a wood rack to hang brush pens. A lot of students are inside already. When the three of us get in, they all stop what they are doing and stare at us.

  The counselor leads me to sit behind a table at the far back corner.

  I bow down to the counselor and thank him for walking me into my spot.

  “You will just sit here with everybody else for the first few days to get used to the learning. Then we can talk about how to come up with your own learning plan.” The counselor says. “Everyone is unique, so we’d like to establish individual learning plan for every student. But most importantly, you are responsible for your own learning.”

  “That suits me perfectly.” This works better for me since I always learn the subject better when I am interested in it.

  Counselor then nods and walks away.

  With all the curious eyes, I put down my silk pillow I have been carrying all these time and sit comfortably on it. I am still not used to sitting on my heels all the time.

  “I should be fine now.” I raise my head and smile to Huo.

  He nods “I will meet you this afternoon when your class is over.” Then he walks away.

  All teachers in Imperial University are called Boshi, Doctors. They are the most knowledgeable scholars in the country. Dongfang Shuo is one of them and I have already been very impressed by him. From what the counselor have just told me, they only focus on Confucianism rather than any other area.

  I knew it would be an uncomfortable situation studying in Imperial University, especially after Emperor Wu made his speech about how a woman should support her husband instead of working in a court. I have never thought of working for him or finding a post in his government, neither have I thought of supporting a husband. So my agenda is to come here to learn and to observe. Other than that, I will stay low and stay as invisible as I can.

  But Emperor Wu’s speech did not come out of nowhere. His speech actually resonates with the historical view of Confucianism, which has been described as the gender discriminating teaching. However when I read the Analects of Confucius, a book recorded by his disciples on his teaching and his saying, I found he had very little to say about women. Actually the only time he ever mentioned about gender is to complain that men were never fond of virtual as much as they were fond of beautiful woman.

  However, in the history of China, women have been treated as inferior class. They have to obey their fathers, their husbands and later their sons. Many restrictions have been forced upon them. It is always interesting to see how things have evolved and then distorted from their original state.

  But other students do not think the same way. My existence has challenged them.

  “Would you tell us what is Ying and what is Yang?” A student comes to me and asks me a question without any greeting.

  “I don’t know.” I answer him with a stare.

  “Then do you know the difference of a woman’s place and a man’s place?” He continues while others watching me closely.

  I smile. “Where you stand is a man’s place and where I sit is a woman’s place.”

  “Your place should be in your home instead of here.” He scorns at me.

  “Really? Would you please show me on which book of the Five Classics you quoted that from?” I use my most humble voice.

  He gives a scoff and then turns away.

  “There are Three Rules we all should follow. An official should obey his majesty. A Son should obey his Father and a wife should obey her husband.” Someone pitch in. “Who should you obey?”

  “Could you please tell me who invented the Three Rules?” I ask.

  “It’s from Mr. Dong Zhongshu.” He answers.

  “I don’t know who Dong Zhongshu is. If it’s not from the Five Classics, I am not interested in discussing it, especially I am not interested in discussing some distorted Confucianism. “

  My words cause a huge commotion in the room. Everyone looks at me as if I am a monster. I lower my head and let them rumble.

  Actually I do know
who Dong Zhongshu is. He is a famous scholar who has convinced Emperor Wu to promote Confucianism as the doctrine and ethical guiding principles in Han Dynasty. He has also established the hierarchical social structure by integrating the Ying and Yang and the Five phases on the top of philosophical framework of Confucianism. The philosophy and social structure he promoted have been greatly welcomed by Emperors for the next two thousand years. His ideas legitimatize the reign of monarch by claiming the Emperors are actually the son of the heavenly god. Thus Emperors are ruling the empire for the heavenly god.

  To me, Dong Zhongshu should be called Imperial Confucianist since he has distorted Confucianism to satisfy the need of imperial rulings. He has also suggested the banning of any other philosophies other than his distorted version of Confucianism.

  “Mr. Dong Zhongshu is the greatest scholar in Han Dynasty. He is the expert in Confucianism.” Another voice.

  I shake my head. “If I remember correctly. The so-called Three Rules actually came from Legalism. The original statement is like this: an official should serve his Emperor, a son should serve his father and a wife should serve her husband. In another words, not only it’s not original Confucianism teaching, it’s also a distortion of Legalism.”

  “Then what do you think of Confucius most famous quote: ‘Only women and petty men are difficult to deal with. They complain at arm’s length or discourteous when close’? “ One more guy jumps in.

  I laugh. “This one indeed is quoted from Analects. But unfortunately it is misquoted as well. If you read carefully, it should not be read as women, instead it actually means your people. You can find similar reference in the chapter where Confucius asked his disciple Zigong who was better: him and the other disciple Yanhui.”

  “But a girl sitting with a lot of guys in the same hall does not match with Li, the social form being advocated by Confucian himself.”

  “What is Li?” I ask. “It is the traditional norm. If we all bind by it completely, we are still the savages in the cave and Confucian himself would not have been born since he is a product of a non-Li marriage, an abnormal marriage.”

  That silences the voice in the hall. Everybody knew Confucian’s dad at the age of seventy two years old, with one wife and one concubine, married Confucian’s mother, who is only eighteen. According to Li, a guy should only get married between age sixteen to age sixty four. Everybody knew about this, but nobody will discuss it openly out of the respect to him.

  “How can somebody being so vulgar be allowed to the most prestigious school to study!” someone made the comment and I see a lot of heads nodding.

  “Speak the truth, do not yield to anger.” I say to him. “I am here to learn the truth since I believe truth set us all free. I don’t mean to offend anybody. On the contrary I am very grateful that I have the opportunity to learn with the brightest people in Han. I might not be in your preferred gender, but none of us are identical. If you are willing to get to know me, you might find out other than the obvious difference, we might have a lot in common. If you do not wish to know me, please just ignore me and I will stay out of your way as well.”

  I bow down to everyone deeply.

  By now it is getting quiet. I really have to thank my tutor Dongfang Shuo. All his teaching has been paid off handsomely.

  I have not gotten any more trouble from students. The first day ends when Huo shows up outside the classroom.

  I try my best hiding my yawning in front of him. I cover myself with my big sleeves.

  “You are going to tip over.” He warns me. “Why do you cover your face?”

  So I lowered my big sleeves and immediately a yawn comes up.

  “You look very tired.” He says. “You need to go home and get a good sleep.”

  Home is where I am unable to sleep. But I cannot tell him that. We have finally mended our friendship, I don’t want to risk it again with the episode with Zhao Yan.

  “Do you know where I can find a place to park my horse carriage and take a nap?” I ask him. “I don’t think I can stay awake any longer.”

  “You cannot wait to go home sleep?” He asks.

  “No, I am unable to sleep at home.” I tell him. “I have been having nightmares sleeping at home.”

  He looks at my droopy eyes and sighs. “You just get in your horse carriage and I will take you to a place to nap.”

  My horse carriage is a new one Jinu bought and customized for me to travel to school every day. It’s surrounded with linens and covered with thick carpet. There are lots of built-in cabinets for storage as well. To me, it’s like a recreation vehicle towed by a horse.

  “Please don’t just leave me alone.” I beg him. “If you need to go make sure to wake me up.”

  He sighs again. “Don’t worry. I will not leave you alone.”

  As soon as I get into my carriage, I fall in to sleep right away.

  When I wake up, it is already night time. I can see the stars in the sky.

  “Why didn’t you wake me up?” I ask Huo who is sitting outside on the ground.

  “I tried but you were in deep sleep.” He jumps up and asks me. “Do you feel better?”

  “Much better.” I say to him hoping my hair is not that messy. “I need to go home now. My family must have been worried about me.”

  “I’ve already sent your coachman home to tell them you would be in General Wei’s house.”

  “Oh…thank you.”

  Neither one of us know what else to say next. For the month I have stayed in his mom’s house, we have spent a lot of time together, but rarely alone, either we are with his mom or in front of servants.

  “I remember you saying that you have not run for a while now.” He finally says.

  It takes me a while to realized I did tell him that when we were sledding with Princess Dangli. “Yes, I haven’t found any place to run.”

  “Do you still want to do that?” He asks.

  “Sure I do. But I don’t know where I can find a place to run.”

  “I know a place and it will be perfect for us to run every day. “ He says.

  “For us?” I ask.

  “If you don’t mind I join you.”

  “You won’t mind I dress in my running clothes?” I still remember what he said to Princess Dangli about my running clothes.

  He turns his head away from me with a low voice. “It should be fine at night and I can always bring a gown to cover you if somebody shows up.”

  In my head, I have this image of him running with a large gown in his hand.

  “All right then, we can go running.” I tell him. “But first, do you want something to eat? I have Dian Xin and tea inside my carriage. “

  He nods and we sit in the carriage eating the bakery food Niang put in for me this morning.

  “I like your lamb stew best.” He says to me while eating an egg custard.

  “have I cooked that for you?” I do not remember.

  “Yes, every time when I got your food, I have to eat it right away, otherwise somebody will take it away from me.”

  “Really?” I laugh. “You don’t think that is kind of a harassment?”

  “Harassment? Why is that?” He looks puzzled.

  “Never mind.” I do not want to continue. I have learned not to think for him. He does not lie or deceive anybody. His best camouflage is his always ice-cold face. You can never detect any internal emotions from him, so you never know what he thinks. He is like a volcano under the ice, calm and cold outside, rolling and boiling inside, with occasional splash that burns whoever is next to him.

  “Will you send food to me when you send food to Ponu?” He asks.

  “So you do like my cooking.” I say it with almost certainty.

  “Of course. Best food I’ve ever had.”

  “Why didn’t you say something to me? “ I ask him. “I did not know if you like them or not.”

  “Oh, should I?” He asks. “I never thought of that.”

  “Then what made you decide to ma
ke a hairpin for me?”

  He turns away from my gaze. “Ponu told me your hairpin ceremony was coming, so I thought I would make you one.”

  I smile since I find it is fun to force him into a corner and watch his embarrassment.

  “What made you so afraid of sleeping at night?” He is trying to get his ground back.

  I sigh. “I probably have got myself into big trouble which I have not yet figured out how to deal with.”

  “Tell me what happened and I will take care of it for you.” He says.

  “Not this time.” I shake my head. “The problem is with me. I need to sort things out first before I know what to do.”

  “Life is always simple but we insisted on making it complicated.” He quotes Confucius.

  “Ugh… If life is simple, then we are either facing the great danger, or we are just ignorant.”

  “Who said that?” He asks.

  I give him a smile without answering it. Can I say it was from my mom?

  “Is there anything I can do to help you at the meantime?” He asks.

  “I think so. I need some good sleep to get my brain going. Can we make a deal: I will cook your dinner every day if you will guard me when I take a nap after school? As a bonus, we can go run together.”

  17 Kitesurfing

  Since Ponu told me how people fly a kite in Double Yang Festival, I have been thinking about kitesurfing.

  According to I Ching number nine is Yang. The ninth day of the ninth month of the year is a festival celebrated as Double Yang Festival, a national holiday in Han. I was reminded of kitesurfing when Ponu asked me to fly a kite with him that day.

  It was recorded in history that at the time of Emperor Gaozu, the great grandfather of Emperor Wu, General Han Xin flew a kite to measure the distance to a city he planned to attack. He has also used kites to fly soldiers with bows and arrows to attack his enemies from midair. I am not sure how successful the man-lifting kite was, but at least it has been done by somebody seventy years prior to my time in Han.

  “Kite flying is boring.” I tell Ponu. “That’s for kids. Let’s do something more fun.”