My Soul is in the Sky

by Summer Murong

  Surely Ponu agrees right away without even knowing my plan.

  Huo asks to join us when he hears the news. So I task him to get the best silk in large quantity. He goes to his aunt Empress Wei and gained the access to the royal warehouse.

  With the help of some really talented kite makers, we have made ourselves three huge kites. Papa has also made us the surfing boards and Jinu has made us harnesses and hooks. Both kites and surfing boards become water resistant after coated with Tong Oil, a material used on the boats and umbrellas for waterproofing.

  So every afternoon, both Huo and Ponu pick me up after school and then we ride to a lake outside Chang’an. I sleep in my carriage on the way there while two of them ride their horses and practice kitesurfing. I have never done kitesurfing before, but I have done water surfing when I was in San Diego. So picking up kitesurfing was relatively easier than either one of them.

  In sports, I never believe in lessons. The only thing I trust is practice, practice and more practice. Only natural instincts and muscle memories are necessary.

  Luckily both Huo and Ponu know about this since I do not know how to teach them. After the initial explanation of what kitesurfing is, they just go to the water and practice. No questions asked.

  I usually go surfing after my long nap, which by then it’s already night time. But I like it when it’s so quiet and so just-me. I surf for about an hour or so on the lake. And then I change into my running clothes and run back home with Huo and Ponu.

  Ponu had never known I can run like this. He was upset at first when he found out that Huo had known about my running before he did. He has been giving me cold shoulders while I have fawned all over him every chance I got. Huo has stayed silent until he could not stand it anymore. He scoffs out one word to Ponu “Childish”, which drives Ponu up the wall and makes me laugh. Ponu dares not saying anything back to his boss. But I need to butter my brother up. So I say to Huo. “So are you!”

  He turns to me with a disbelief on his face. “I am helping you, you fool!”

  “But he is my brother.” I respond to him with my chin up.

  “So what!” He continues. “He is still childish!”

  “Same goes to you!” I can barely hold my laughter.

  “Immature!”

  “You are too!”

  “Silly!”

  “You too!”

  …

  Ponu finally finds out we were just teasing when both of us burst into laughter.

  “You two are just mean!” Ponu complains.

  “Actually Shiaonu and I met before I knew your family. “ Huo explains to my brother. “She was running and I was on my way back to the Palace. “

  “He drew his sword at me.” I put my hand on my neck and then turn to Huo. “You were so mean. Why did you pull your sword out?”

  He chuckles. “You were like a ghost, jumping out of nowhere and running in the dark. What do you expect me to do?”

  “Tell me the truth, were you scared when you thought I was a ghost?” I ask him curiously.

  “Not really.” He denies. “I was planning to catch a female ghost and put her in an exhibition.”

  My eyes widened.

  “But later I realized…” He suppresses a laughter.

  “What did you realize?” I ask him foolishly.

  “I later realized you were just a total nutcase.” The roaring laughter came out of his chest.

  “I am a nutcase? Then how about you? Who said that his soul was somewhere else?”

  “I was just going along with you.” He laughs. “You were weird then and you are still weird now.”

  “Whatever!”

  We stop in front of my house and continue our discussion on surfing next day, the day of the Double Yang Festival.

  “Don’t you need to work tomorrow?” I ask Huo.

  “No, I was supposed to spend the day with Emperor Wu and General Wei. But I’d rather go kitesurfing.”

  “How about Ponu? Will he be on duty?”

  “No, I have switched his shift around.” Huo answers.

  “I’d rather go kitesurfing too.” Ponu agrees.

  “Then let’s go. I will bring some food and water, so we don’t need to come back to city to eat. We can spend all day there. It is getting colder every day. I don’t even know how long we can still do this.” I tell them.

  Huo agrees. “We need to find something else for fun soon.”

  “What kind of fun you are all talking about?” Zhao Yan’s voice cuts in. He is walking out of the house with Jinu.

  While they are exchanging greetings, Huo magically takes out a gown and covers me while I am sitting inside the carriage with the back curtain open.

  “So what are you planning to do tomorrow? Any special mountains or hills to go?” Zhao Yan asks us again. He is wearing his charming mask on. I turn my head away from him.

  “We are not going to any hills.” Ponu tells him. “We are going to surfing.”

  “Surfing?” Zhao Yan raises his eyebrow. “What is that?”

  “It is actually kitesurfing. “ Ponu explains to him. “It’s flying kite while surfing on the water.”

  Zhao Yan gives me a quick I-know-it-is-your-idea look. “I have just invited Jinu to go out tomorrow to celebrate Double Yang Festival. But your guys seem have better ideas.” He then turns to Jinu. “What do you think if we join them?”

  He invites himself shamelessly.

  Jinu smiles. “If they don’t mind us following them, I would love to find out what kitesurfing is as well.”

  Jinu has helped us build the kite and we could not turn him down.

  “Of course not.” Huo says to them. “It is a lot of fun and you two should try it too.”

  So they decide the time for next day. Huo and Ponu then says good bye to them since both of them need to go back to Wuku, the barracks.

  “Shiaonu,” Huo turns to me after he mounts on his horse. “Don’t stay up tonight. Get some sleep.”

  I pretend I did not hear him.

  “Can’t sleep at night?” Zhao Yan asks me innocently. I have been avoiding him since that night.

  “That’s none of your business.” I say to him as cold as I possibly can.

  “What was that about?” Jinu is surprised on what I have said to Zhao Yan. “How can you be so rude to him?”

  “If he doesn’t want to listen, he can leave.” I get off the carriage on my own while trying to hold on to the gown Huo threw to me.

  “What is it with you?” Jinu is absolutely shocked.

  I walk right into the gate without saying anything.

  I hear Zhao Yan’s laughter behind. “Pretty girls always have a temper.”

  Like usual, I did not sleep that night. First my body clock has been tuned to sleep in the afternoon till evening. Secondly, I was afraid Zhao Yan might turn to a vampire again. Luckily nothing happened. But I stayed up all night anyway to study and to paint.

  When Niang and Papa show up at the front gate, I realize it becomes a family event. It ends up with three horse carriages to go to the lakeside. Niang and Papa take our servants as well as lots of food along. Zhao Yan, looks fresh and in good mood, rides along with Jinu.

  Ponu and Huo are surprised to see such a large group coming. But I know Ponu is happy to see our parents there watching him.

  “Are you going to the water today?” Huo asks me.

  “I would love to. But…” I am hesitated since I do not know what my parents, especially my Papa will think of me in the water surfing, and Huo would not like to see me all wet in front of others.

  “Why not?” Zhao Yan comes by next to us.

  I stay quiet.

  “If you have fun surfing, then just go ahead do it. Why worry about anything else?” He continues.

  I glance over him. “I will.”

  “It is very windy today.” Ponu says to both Huo and me. “Be careful!”

  “Put a gown over you.” Huo says.

  “I will switch to a long sleeve,
but not a gown.” I whine. “The gown will wrap my body and I won’t be able to surf anymore.”

  But he still hands me a gown which is knee length.

  The only thing I can do is to tie a knot around my waist.

  We help each other tie ourselves to the kites and to the boards. Huo helps me launch first. It goes smoothly. I try to keep it steady first, but very soon the rush of having fun takes over.

  I can see Huo and Ponu are not far from me. I signal them to go further away from the beach.

  Kitesurfing is like running, a sport for loners. No matter how many friends you start with, you end up just by yourself. Everyone longs for the companionship and acceptance. But only when alone, the creativity and true genius can shine through.

  I have always preferred creativity and genius over popularity. When I lived in San Diego I was never a popular girl in school, but I don’t feel like standing out from rest of the world. Everyone has their own quirkiness. However the atmosphere in Han is quite different, the social expectancy on conformity is overwhelming. Diversity is treated as rebellious and turbulent. Obedient and loyalty are highly encouraged. The only reason I have been tolerated so far is that Huo has found a loop hole of the laws and has helped me get into Imperial University, where I have been specially treated since I am the only girl there.

  It is not like I have been welcomed with open arms there either. Although I don’t get the face-to-face confrontation any more, I have been receiving the silent treatment. It tells me every moment that I am just an intruder to the sacred place.

  When my counselor asked about my learning plan, I told him I would like to focus on I Ching, history, poems and music. The only book I have excluded from the Five Classics is the Book of Rites, which talks about nothing but social forms, such as rules on mourning rites and rules on sacrifices.

  When Huo found out about my learning plan, he thought I missed the most important book.

  “Why did you turn down the request from Emperor Wu to study the Art of Wars?” Instead of explaining to him, I asked him a question.

  “No war is the same. Reading that book only limits my thinking.” He said.

  “That’s exactly the same reason why I do not want to study the Book or Rites. I would not know how to walk after I finish it.”

  That made him chuckle. “Then why are you interested in learning history?”

  “That is different. I read history actively and critically. History is like solving puzzle to me.” I explained to him. “With records from different history books, or even within the same book, you can find lots of clues that can help you piece together a broken picture. Only then, historical figures come live again. I can better understand the challenges they were facing and appreciate genius solutions they came up with. It will not limit my thinking. In fact, it encourages me to find creative solutions to the problem in front of me.”

  That answer seemed satisfied him.

  The life at Imperial University is much lonelier than I thought, but I still enjoy it. It helps me to better structure my time. There are at least two types of knowledges I gain by studying there. First I learn the books written only three hundred years ago instead of twenty three hundred years ago. The similar social structure made it easier to get the original meaning vs. a huge gap of twenty three hundred years apart. The other gain is the better understanding on how history has deviated and evolved from its original contents.

  I still study under Dongfang Shuo, who not only helps me in understanding whatever I have missed in the classes, but also gives me much richer background information that reinforces my learning.

  As the most conservative group of people in Han, teachers and students of Imperial University have been distant but cordial towards me. I sometimes believe that my being there has already been a success to Han’s women.

  After about two hours of kitesurfing, I decide to go back to the beach. It’s getting too cold for me.

  “Shiaonu, look at me.” Ponu yells at me just when I get to my horse carriage.

  I turn back and see him jumps really high in the midair. I put my thumb and index finger next to my tongue and blow him loud whistles. We have been learning how to jump. The strong wind today has really helped us. Our kite is not as powerful as the inflated one seen at beaches in San Diego, but we made it bigger and the wind power is stronger. I estimate the height of Ponu’s jumping is about thirty feet high.

  “That’s terrific. Ponu, you are awesome!” I raise my voice so he can hear me.

  Far away, Huo makes a big jump too. While in the midair, he makes two turns. I blow him whistles too. Among three of us, Huo is a natural, Ponu works hard and I cheat with my previous experience.

  Zhao Yan comes by me and put a gown over me.

  “It’s very windy.” He says to me gently.

  “Thank you.”

  “Are you having fun?” He asks me.

  “Yes.” I lower my head and try to unhook myself from kite and board.

  “Baby, are you still mad at me?” He steps forward towards me and I step back.

  “I am not your baby.” I tell him calmly but clearly. “Please don’t call me that.”

  He ignores me by helping me get out of the harness.

  “Don’t be mad at me anymore.” He uses a low and intimate voice. “I know you have been avoiding me. And I understand. That’s why I have been leaving you alone. But it has been a month now. How long you are going to continue this way?”

  “How about forever?”

  “Come on, baby.” He bends down and releases the string of surfing board off my ankle. “You have not spent any time with me since spring. I miss you. ”

  I do miss the time we spent together. He was very tolerate to me. My voice becomes soft. “I am studying in Imperial University, which is not an easy place. I have to spend more times in learning.”

  “I know that.” He hands me a towel signaling me to dry my hair. “We can ride horses after school, just like before.”

  “I don’t have time.” I shake my head.

  I can feel him turning stiff. “But you have time for that young boy. You spent hours with him every day.”

  “So what? It’s not your business.”

  “If you think I will let you run free with him, even if he is part of the royal family…” He suddenly changes into that dangerous guy again.

  “Then what?” I am tired of his threatening, especially when I start to feel a headache. “You are going to rape me again?”

  He raises his head instantly and looks at me in shock. “Rape? What are you talking about? You think I will rape you?”

  “You almost did.” I brush his hands away from me and look into his eyes. “Don’t let me hate you. I would not want that. I am flattered by everything you have done for me. But there is never a possibility between us. I like you as a friend. But I will only love my husband, who just like I told you before, will be mine only.”

  “I have told you my situation.” He says. “I promise you I will only be with you from now on.”

  I shake my head. My headache is getting worse and I hate to have conversation like this with him. “No, Zhao Yan, only friendship, nothing more than that.”

  “Is it because of Huo Qubing?” His voice turns hard.

  “Definitely not.” I become impatient. “Please don’t think like that. He is just a friend. Almost the same-sex friend. ”

  “Same-sex friend? That sounds safe for you?” He sneers. “He has been with you every day for the past month.”

  I raise my eyebrows to him. “That… has to thank you.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Because I haven’t been able to sleep at home since last time you paid the night visit. He has been watching over me after school, so that I can get some sleep.”

  He would not believe that. “That is just an excuse.”

  I put my hand over my forehead. “I don’t want to argue with you. But I just told you all the truth. It’s up to you to believe me or not. I am having a h
eadache. I need to go back to my parents to drink some warm water.”

  Seeing me shivering in the cold wind, he sighs and grabs a dry towel from my horse carriage.

  “Shiaonu, don’t avoid me anymore.” He says to me softly while drying my long hair with the towel.

  I keep quiet. I do miss him. Other than that night, he has always been very nice to me. Deep inside, I have always known his feeling towards me and I have taken advantage of that consciously or subconsciously. If that night had never existed, I would despise myself for being a bitch to him. On the one hand I have been telling him no all the time but on the other hand I have being with him riding horses every day.

  I have to admit that my hostile and angry attitude towards him is simply because I am sure of his indulgence towards me.

  “Promise me that you won’t avoid me anymore.” He says.

  “If you promise me first that you will never force me again.”

  18 The Lake

  I was explaining to Jinu on how to handle the kite when I see Emperor Wu and General Wei coming towards us on their horses.

  “I hope we are not going to get into any trouble.” I tell Jinu while signaling him to the direction where they come.

  We both bow down when they come close.

  “Shiaonu.” General Wei says. “Was that you in the water just now?”

  “Yes. I was.” I murmur. “I hope I am not in any trouble.”

  Both him and Emperor Wu laugh. “No at all.” Emperor Wu says. “From the top of the hill, we saw a girl doing the jumping and flipping in the air. General Wei said it has to be you.”

  General Wei has met us running on the field. He even told Huo to make it a daily routing for their soldiers. “If Shiaonu can run like this every day, our soldiers should be able to do it too.”

  “So this is what Huo Qubing spent most of his time doing now a days.” Emperor Wu says. “No wonder I can hardly get hold of him. Shiaonu, what do you call it?”

  “Kitesurfing, Your Majesty.”

  He tells Jinu and me to stand up and then unmounts himself. I’ve never seen such a huge man unmount so swiftly. “Did you come up with the idea?”