“Shiaonu.” His voice is full of desire and his body is so hard. “I cannot wait any longer. I want you.”
With so many new territories to cover, two of the newest explorers get no sleep that night.
25 The Other Woman
“I cannot think of anything else all day.” He tells me. “You make me forget everything.”
Since the trip to hot spring, we have resumed meeting each other every day. The only change has been that I cannot get any sleep any more. He is a man with strong desire that I often wonder where that uptight guy I first met went.
I worry about being pregnant. Although we are schedule to get married in September, I do not want to get married while I am pregnant.
After hearing Huo’s muttering and seeing my burning face, Mrs. Chen, Huo’s mother, finally understands what Huo is asking. She laughs so hard that I feel like rather dying there. Huo pulls me into his arms and frowns on his mom’s hysterical laughter.
She gives me a fragrance sachet with musk and other herbs inside. She tells me to hang the bag on my belt for the period that I need to avoid pregnancy. I am not sure about how effective it is. But with this little bag and the calculation on my ovulation dates, I have been successful in preventing conception.
“Just get pregnant and have my kid.” Huo says to me.
“I am still too young to have kid.” Getting pregnant at age seventeen is common in Han, but to me, it is like getting knocked up in high school.
When March comes, Huo, has been dispatched by Emperor Wu to lead ten thousands cavalry to fight Xiongnu. As General Piaoji, he becomes the chief commander of the war. Within six days, his troops have conquered five kingdoms west of Han. His victory has secured the establishment of Silk Road, the first and only trading route that connects Asia with Europe for over thousands years.
When he comes back in Chang’an, Emperor Wu awards him with twenty two hundred more household under his principality.
After losing control of five kingdoms in western region, Xiongnu quickly revenges back with attacking of two major bordering cities.
Huo is dispatched again in summer. While General Gongsun Ao, along with General Li Guang, father of Li Gan, attacking Xiongnu from one side, Huo takes his troops for a long journey into the heart of Xiongnu territory. Two troops are expected to meet at Black River to surround Xiongnu’s troops. But General Gongsun Ao and General Li Guang get lost in desert. With no sight of them, Huo has to change the strategy to ambushing Xiongnu troops from behind all by himself. It is the biggest victory so far in the history of war with Xiongnu.
When the news of another victory comes back to Chang’an, the whole city falls into the madness of celebration. My family has been bombarded with greetings and congratulations. With my engagement with Huo and Ponu’s promotion as a commander, Papa decides to offer free food and wines for three days to anyone who drops by.
I stay inside my courtyard away from all the noisy and curious crowds. I have known all these would happen, but when it really happens, I still feel the ups and downs inside.
In the evening, I take the food I have prepared and go to see General Wei. After Huo went to battle, I have not seen General Wei. I don’t want to bother him while the war is going on. Now the victory is here, I feel the urge to see him, to let him calm me down.
“Something bothers you?” He asks me after he starts eating the food I have brought. As always, General Wei sees my restlessness and my nervousness.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I tell him. “My heart has been racing since he left.”
He chuckles. “You must have been missing him too much. He is fine. I just got the message that he will be back soon after he go to see his father.”
I know he had met his father when he left for war.
“I do not understand why suddenly his father comes to the picture.” I complain. “All these years, he has not even paid any attention to Huo Qubing. He has been a total stranger in his life. Why is it now that he comes out and declares his fatherhood? The other thing I don’t understand is why Huo Qubing even visits him.”
General Wei stays quiet for a while. “Shiaonu, there are people like that. They avoid their responsibilities. When the benefits come, they have no shame grabbing them. Huo’s father is one of them. He has no shame in anything he has done. When I met him before, he was a good looking fellow. But what he has done to my sister and my nephew is something I will never forgive him. ”
“Apparently Huo did forgive him.” I mumble.
“His father can be very deceiving.” General Wei says. “He can act like he is the most righteous person in the world. Only when you know him better, you can see what a real scumbag he is.”
Huo’s father disgusts me. Having seduced and impregnate a servant maid in the household where he worked, he shameless ditched her and their son. Now his son is growing up and is successful, he jumps out and claims to be the father with no shame.
“He is not doing very well.” General Wei continues. “Huo Qubing has given him money to buy houses, properties and servants.”
I sigh. “I do not have problem helping his father financially. I just suspect the whole thing.” I say to General Wei. “Don’t you think it is too coincidental? Huo did not even know where his father was. And then all of a sudden, out of blue, somebody brought his father in front of him.”
General Wei thinks about what I said for a while. “It is very suspicious.” He agrees. “But what can he possibly do other than get some financial benefit from a son he has never cared for.”
I don’t want to tell General Wei what I have known all along. Huo’s father is going to ask him to take his other son, Huo Guang, back to Chang’an. With Huo’s help, Huo Guang will become the court official, eventually, he will become Emperor Wu’s favorite one. By the time Emperor Wu passes away, Huo Guang will become one of the four regents. He will be so powerful later that he will remove and install new Emperor at his will. His wife, in order to let her daughter become the Empress, will murder the prior Empress. The family will become so domineering that people would write songs mocking their arrogance. I was taught by my own grandpa about one of the songs.
Huo Guang, a savvy and ruthless politician, is another figure in history I despise. But he is going to be important for Wei family. He will be the one who later install the only survivor of Wei family to be the Emperor before he dies.
“Not just financially.” I can only tell General Wei vaguely about Huo Guang. Then I add. “Huo Qubing, just like his mother, is easy to be ripped off.”
General Wei bursts into laughter. “Shiaonu,” He says. “He is a general now. You cannot let others hear what you have just said. I know you love him and want to protect him. But you have to know, no man wants to feel like being protected by a woman.”
“I won’t say that to anybody else. You are the only one I can talk like this.” I tell him in blush. “But I still have a hunch that something bad is going to happen.”
“Why don’t you try I Ching divination?” He suggests. “It might help you ease your mind. Or just wait for him come home. I am sure as soon as you see him, all your worries will be out of window.”
I receive a message next day from Huo to buy a small house. I know it must be for his half-brother Huo Guang. Huo never owns a place of his own. He lives mostly in General Wei’s house, the Weiyang Palace or the barracks. So he needs a place for his brother. He knows that none of the members of Wei family will take Huo Guang into their household. Just like General Wei, their opinion on Huo’s father is very low.
I do not like Huo Guang from what I have known in history, but I still find a small and comfortable house for him.
Huo marches into Chang’an triumphantly with his troops. People in Chang’an pour out along the street welcoming them. In distance, I watch him riding on his horse with beaming smiles. I notice the changes in him right away. He is more confident and more assure. Unlike his usual intense focus to his destination, he looks around, waving
and smiling.
I hide behind a column when his eyes come to my direction. Unlike what General Wei has predicted that I would be worry free as soon as I see him, the feeling of uneasiness has intensified. Not only he looks different, he feels far and remote to me, almost like a stranger.
I suppress my anxiety and watch him passing by.
When Ponu grabs me and gives me a big hug, I start crying. Who would ever thought the young boy searching earthworms with me all over the hills would become a general. He has just been awarded as the Marquis of “Following Piaoji”.
“Ponu.” I cry. “You are back.”
He gives me a tight hug. “I am back. Shiaonu.” He says. “Don’t cry. I am here now.”
Since Ponu got married, we have not been very close. I tried to avoid his wife, who I really have nothing in common with. Even when she tried to be close, I stayed away. She might think me aloof. But I have been spoiled by my two brothers and parents, I get used to being in my own world.
I try to smile to Ponu, but my tears keep falling. The feeling of uncertainty is getting stronger and stronger.
Huo sends Huo Guang to me that afternoon.
Huo Guang is only fifteen years old, short, but quite handsome and very charming. I understand right away why Huo likes this little brother. He is polite and sweet. When he looks at you with his innocent and beautiful almond shaped eyes, you just can’t say no to him.
“I hope you will like this little house.” I lead him and his horse carriage to the house I have bought for him.
He looks very satisfied. “This is more than I have ever wanted.” He says to me. “I have never lived in such a beautiful house.”
I chuckle at his comment. “Everything is ready inside, including servants and maids. By now, the dinner should be ready for you as well.”
He beams out a bright smile. “That is wonderful. I am really hungry.”
“Why don’t you go inside, have a shower and get some dinner?” I tell him. “I will let you settle down and come back to see you in couple of days. If you need anything, you can just tell one of the servants and he will come to get me.”
He nods.
To my surprise, instead of going to the gate, he goes back to one of the horse carriages.
“Sao Sao.” He calls and opens the curtain of the horse carriage. “Everything is ready, let me help you go inside and rest.”
Sao Sao means sister in law in Chinese. I am surprised to see a very beautiful young woman coming out of the horse carriage. She looks a couple of years older than me, but her astonishing good looks strike me in awe.
“This is the one who helped us finding the house.” Huo Guang introduces me to her while holding her carefully on the elbow. Then he turns to me. “This is my Sao Sao. She is pregnant.”
I nods and bows to her. “Congratulations and nice to meet you.”
She bows back to me. “Thank you for setting up everything. It’s very kind of you.”
I smile. “Go take some rest, I am sure you are tired.”
“Yes, I am.” She says gently. “This kid makes me tired all the time.”
I bow to them again and walk back to my own horse carriage.
Huo comes to see me next evening. I know he must have been busy after he comes back. So I just stay home waiting for him until he is available.
“Are you all right?” I ask him when just two of us.
“I am tired.” He says. “I have not had a chance to sleep yet.”
“You do look very tired.” I tell him. “Don’t worry about me. Go get some sleep. Don’t come to me until you are rested and have time. I am always here.”
He gives me a strange look. “Shiaonu, please always be here with me.”
I smile. “Of course I will. We are engaged. I am waiting to be your wife. Where else can I go?”
He makes a light sigh.
“Have you been to the place I have bought for Huo Guang?” I ask him. “He likes it very much.”
He becomes tense. “No, I have not been there. I don’t have time. He can take care of himself.”
His hasty response surprises me a little.
“In that case, I should check on him more often then.” I say to him. “He is only fifteen. Although there are enough servants and maids, you are still responsible for him.”
He nods rigidly.
“There is a pregnant young woman lives with Huo Guang. He calls her Sao Sao. Who is she?” I ask.
He stands up immediately as if he just got bitten by something. “I need to go.” He says. “I remember I need to take care of something right away.”
Before I can say anything, he walks out on me.
My heart sinks.
Subconsciously, I already knew who she was when I saw her. I just have been denying it hoping Huo would explain to me and would even laugh at me. But he did not. He did not want to talk with me about her even after I began the conversation.
I prepare myself all night and decide to visit Huo Guang the next day. If Huo is not going to tell me who she is, then I will find out myself.
After the school, I tell my coachman to go to Huo Guang’s place.
There is nobody in the front gate, so I take the steps and walk in. But I stop right away at the door.
Huo is holding her left arm, just like the other day how Huo Guang was holding her walking. They walk slowly and carefully. I can only see their back since they are walking to the rooms. She puts most of her weight leaning towards him.
“I hope it is going to be a boy, just like you.” She says in a very chirpy tone.
“I’d rather it is a girl.” He says. “As beautiful as you.”
I close my eyes. Here is the answer I have been looking for, loud and clear.
Unable to watch them hand in hand any more, or listen to their sweet talks about their baby, I turn, take the stairs down and walk back to my carriage. I don’t feel hurt, I don’t feel sad, in fact, I don’t feel anything. All my senses have lost their ability to function. There is just a big numb.
“Miss Zhao?” A guy on the horse calls me.
I raise my head and it is Li Gan, General Li Guang’s son.
“It’s really you.” He smiles and mounts off his horse smoothly. “How come you are here?”
I force out a smile. “I am here to see somebody. But I don’t need to do that anymore.”
He looks surprised. “I live right there.” He points to a door down the street. “That house has just been sold. I don’t even know who lives there now.”
“I probably got the wrong house then.” I do not want to continue our conversation. “I don’t want to stop you from going home. I will see you later.”
“Miss Zhao.” He calls me again when I get into my carriage. “May I have the honor to treat you in a restaurant? I know a very quiet and elegant place. You look like you could use a drink.”
I touch my face. “Do I look that awful?”
“You just look really pale.” He says to me with a very concerned tone. “As if you have just seen a ghost.”
Yes, a ghost indeed, a ghost who has haunted me for quite some time. And it just became real.
“Why do you invite me?” I ask him. I don’t know Li Gan well. I have only met him a couple of times since the kitesurfing.
“Ponu is a good friend of mine.” He smiles and explains. “And I have shared the food you have prepared for him so many times.”
I pretend I am thinking. In reality, my brain is a total scramble. I do not want to go home, or staying alone by myself, so his invitation for a drink sounds very attractive.
“Let’s go then.” I say to him. “I cannot wait to get some good wine.”
Li Gan takes me to a restaurant with a nice lotus pond outside. Not in the mood for any conversation, I just pour wines into my cup one after another.
“You will get drunk very soon.” Li Gan looks at me astonished.
“The only reason to drink…” I tell him. “… is to get drunk. Otherwise why drink at all.”
He laughs gently. “Do you drink often?”
I shake my head. “I have never drunk before. But I find I am a natural drinker. In fact, everyone should drink, otherwise they don’t know what they have been missing.”
I then start telling him I am going to make all kinds of booze since I have just discovered a whole new beautiful world.
“Drinks should be colorful with all sorts of exotic names. I think I will enjoy it with fruit juice.” I then ask him. “What kind of wine do you like?”
“I like Baijiu.” He says. “Just clear without any color.”
I start laughing. Somebody else has told me the same. So I start telling Li Gan how I have accidentally created Baijiu. His face looks quite colorful after that.
“You know I have never told anybody about this. My father did not want others to know. He worries about my safety. But who cares if I am safe or not? ” I continue. “Baijiu is nothing. When my mind comes back to me, I will create the best hard liquor ever. Everybody will be so addicted to it.”
“Why do you want to make them addicted to drink?”
“So no nonsense will come to mind. They will not have time to think, they will not have time to dream, and they will not have time to hope.” I continue telling him of my latest discovery. “When there is no hope, there is no disappointment. When there is no trust, there is no betrayal. When there is no beginning, there is no ending.”
“You are drunk.” Li Gan says.
“Can a drunk say something this deep and philosophical?” I refute his statement. “You are wrong. I am not drunk. I was drunk, but now I am more awake than ever.”
He sighs and watches me in a pitiful way.
“Don’t pity me.” I give him a big smile. “You should be happy for me. “I have just been enlightened.”
26 Leaving
I don’t remember how I get home. But the hangover is terrible next morning. As soon as I get up, I tell Niang that I need to go back to village for a couple of days. She knows I manage the money for the family. So she thinks I will go to pay the people there.
My Soul is in the Sky Page 26