Attraction Series Boxed Set: Books 1-3

by J B Heller

  I straightened in my chair, rested my thumb and forefinger against my chin as I looked off in the distance in mock contemplation.

  Ashlynn frowned, “What are you doing?”

  I shifted my eyes to her, “Shush woman, I’m trying to think of an amazing pick up line,” then I rolled my eyes before looking back into the distance. Then it came to me, the perfect line for Ashlynn.

  Swinging my body around to face her straight on, I hit her with my best smoulder, “You remind me of a best-seller list. And like a book, I could be on you for weeks.”

  Her emerald eyes widened then she busted out laughing. “That is gold!”

  “Thought you’d like that one.”

  “I do. Well played sir, well played.” She said with a huge grin.

  “There’s plenty more where that came from. Are you a Game of Thrones fan?” I asked.

  Her eyes widened, “What kind of question is that? Who doesn’t like it? There is something clearly wrong with those people.”

  “Okay, are you ready for this?” I asked with a raised brow. I waited for her to nod before I laid it on her. “Are you my dire wolf? Because I can definitely see myself taking over your body.”

  She doubled over with laughter, “Where do you come up with this stuff?”

  “If you liked that you’ll like this one too…Your name must be Winter, because I just know you’ll be coming soon.”

  She mock gasped, “You’re so dirty!” then continued laughing.

  I shrugged, I wasn’t going to deny the fact. I was a dirty bastard and I knew it. “Just part of my charm.”

  A very un-ladylike snort came from her and I busted out laughing, “Did you just snort?”

  Bright red blotches crept up her neck to her cheeks and down over her chest. She covered her face with both hands in mortification, “No! Maybe? Crap.”

  I reached over the small table, taking her wrists in my hands, I pulled her hands away from her face. “You’re shit funny, you know that. And so fucking adorable.”

  A shy smile lifted one side of her mouth, “You think so?”

  Nodding, I loosened my grip on her wrists and slid my hands down over and around to gently hold her hands in mine. “Yeah, Ash, I do.” I gave her hands a gentle squeeze then let them go. I wanted to kiss her so badly, she was beyond gorgeous, and she had no idea.

  I sat back in my chair and picked up my coffee, hoping having something in my hands would stop me from reaching for her again. “I’ve got another one for you, okay, ready, this is a good one.”

  She shuffled back in her chair, picking up her remaining scone and taking a bite before nodding for me to continue.

  “Baby, if you were words on a page, they’d call you fine print.” I said with a wink.

  Putting down her scone she quickly grabbed for a napkin and covered her mouth. Tears prickled at the edge of her eyes as she fought to hold back her laugh.

  I continued to fire off random corny pick-up lines, just to hear her laugh some more. “You’re so hot, even my zipper is falling for you.—I’m like a potato, you can do me any way you like.—Did you sit in sugar? Cause damn you’ve got a sweet arse.—Are you a trumpet player? Cause you’re making me horny.—Baby you can—”

  “Oh God, you have to stop! My belly hurts from laughing too much.” She announced, one hand on her stomach and one held up between us to silence me.

  “I like hearing you laugh,” I told her. I’d told her the other night, but I wanted her to know I really meant it.

  “Well, mission accomplished Axel. I don’t remember the last time I laughed like this.”

  The smile that took over my face hurt my cheeks, but I felt damn proud of myself. “I’ve never failed a mission yet.” And it was true.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  God he was sweet, and funny, and holy crap he was hot.

  I didn’t know why he wanted to spend time with me, I wasn’t funny or exciting. And I definitely wasn’t anything special to look at, I’m pretty average really. Yet here he was, going out of his way to make me laugh, to be here with me.

  I didn’t understand it, but I liked it.

  Being here with him was a huge step for me, but he made it seem easy. I felt comfortable with him, relaxed even. Which is something I haven’t allowed myself to be around a man in so long. It wasn’t a conscious decision, it just happened.

  “Where’d you go just now?” he asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

  I breathed in the fresh air surrounding us in the open café. “Just lost in thought.”

  He nodded, but didn’t comment on it.

  “Tell me more about you, Axel. I know you have two older brothers, you love your mother, you’re a pervy PI, and you like to console devastated wives. Did I remember everything correctly?” I asked with a grin.

  He chucked, “Yep, that about sums me up.”

  “What did you do before you became a PI? Or have you always been one?”

  Furrowing his brow he took a swig of his coffee, “I’m going to need something stronger than coffee for that conversation.”

  “Oh,” I breathed, I wasn’t sure what to say. Then I remembered his words about his past the other night, and realised I’d just asked the wrong question. Crap.

  “Don’t feel bad for asking me, Ash. I’m just sayin’ it’s a conversation for another time. A time where alcohol is readily available. I will tell you, just not today. We’re having a nice time, its beautiful out, and I recall you wanted to feed some ducks?” he said with a small grin.

  I relaxed, “Okay.”

  After I finished my amazing scone, and drank the last of my coffee, Axel led me down a set of stairs inside the building that led to a little tourist shop. While he purchased feed for the ducks, I browsed the shelves.

  I felt him approach, “Ready?”

  Nodding I took his outstretched hand and followed him outside to a large grassed area. We sat on the ground and he passed the little bag of feed to me, “You don’t want to feed them?” I asked.

  “I’m a man Ashlynn, feeding ducks doesn’t particularly excite me. But watching you feed them,” he shrugged one shoulder then bumped it with mine, “I might like that.” Then he slid his sunglasses down from atop his head and leaned back on his elbows to watch me.

  Thirty minutes later my little bag of feed was empty and the ducks had abandoned me for a little girl with a full baggy that she was shaking around and spilling everywhere. I watched her for a little while, I couldn’t help it. She was beautiful and carefree, I couldn’t take my eyes away from her.

  I felt Axel’s large calloused hand touch my arm, “You really like kids, huh?”

  Closing my eyes for a few seconds to make sure I had it together before I turned to face him, I decided on truth, it’s what he had given me from the beginning, so I would give it to him. “It’s human nature to want what we will never have.”

  His brows furrowed and he slid his glasses but up into his hair, his hand was still on my arm and I made no attempt to move it. “What do you mean by that, exactly? Because I think I know what you’re saying, but I don’t want to make assumptions.”

  I blinked back the tears that were threatening to make me lose my composure. “I can’t have children. I’d always known I wanted them, even as a child myself.” I smiled sadly, “But fate had other plans for me.”

  Axel’s hand slip up my arm until he was cupping my cheek, his thumb swiped away a stray tear that had escaped. “I’m sorry, baby.”

  “Me too.”

  We didn’t speak much after that. Axel helped me up to my feet, we put the empty feed bag in the bin at the edge of the parking lot and he led me around to the passenger side. “Thank you,” I said as he opened my door and helped me up into my seat.

  As he drove back into the city I watched the trees outside my window turn from lush rainforest to fragrant eucalyptus-filled bush land. I marvelled at how the landscape could change so drastically. Much like my life had five years ago. And I could feel it changin
g again. Axel had brought something new to my life, and I knew deep in my soul this change would be for the better.

  It was almost six o’clock when we pulled up in the library parking lot. I turned in my seat to face him when he turned off the ignition, but made no move to get out of the truck. His hands were wringing the steering wheel, and his body was tense. I reached for him, placing my hand on his thigh. “Are you okay?”

  He dropped his hand from the wheel, and took mine with one of his. A pained smile appeared momentarily, but it was gone just as quickly. With his free hand he scrubbed his face, then draped it over the wheel and spun his body to face me. He leaned back against his door, and propped one of his legs on the seat between us.

  “I don’t know why you can’t have children, and it’s killing me knowing that it’s something that you wanted, and now you can’t have it. I want you to have everything you’ve ever wanted, Ashlynn. And when I saw you watching that little girl this afternoon, I saw it, I saw the longing in your eyes.”

  I swallowed hard past the lump of emotion making its way up, desperate to be free. I couldn’t speak or I’d lose it. A lot more than my crushed dream of motherhood would come out, everything would come out, and I couldn’t do that. Not yet.

  “I saw the raw pain in your eyes, and I want to fix it. But this isn’t something I can fix, is it?” he asked softly.

  I shook my head, nothing could fix me. I was broken.

  “When I started perusing you, I knew there was something haunting you. I thought, I thought I could help you get past it. But I can’t fix this and I’m so very sorry.”

  I tried to smile. But it wasn’t going to happen, not tonight. We’d had an amazing day, and I’d ruined it.

  The tears I’d been fighting so hard to hold back pushed through and ran down my cheeks. “I’m too broken for anyone to fix.” I whispered.

  Axel’s head snapped up, “Don’t you dare say that. Don’t you ever give up on yourself, Ashlynn, do you hear me? Never give up. You are strong, you are beautiful and my god you are incredible in every way. I will do whatever it takes to help you heal, okay? You just have to let me in.”

  “But you have your own demons to fight, you can’t take mine on too. I won’t let you.” I sobbed and Axel pulled me into his arms.

  He cradled me against his chest, smoothing my hair away from my tear stained face he pressed small kisses to my temple, whispering reassuring words as I wept.

  I held onto him for dear life, and I knew in that moment, I could never let Axel go.

  I needed him in my life, in whatever capacity I could have him. Friend, lover, partner, I didn’t care, I just needed him.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Ashlynn was in so much more pain than I had realised. Her revelation about not being able to have children had rocked me. I wanted children, loads of them. But I wanted Ashlynn too.

  I was so fucked.

  After I’d calmed her down last night I’d helped her to her car and offered to follow her home, to make sure she got there safely. She’d surprised me by accepting my offer, thereby allowing me to know her address. She trusted me.

  I’d followed her home, and waited for her to open her front door and close it behind her before pulling away from her drive.

  I texted her when I got home, to check up on her and she’d said she was soaking in the tub with lavender oil to help her relax. Like the total bastard my cock was behaving like around her, I’d gotten an instant erection at the very thought of her soapy and wet in the bath tub.

  Refusing to have a pull when she was in such emotional turmoil, and if I was being completely honest with myself, so was I, I had an ice cold shower.

  If I kept pursuing her with the intent of having a relationship with her, I’d have to let go of the hope of having children of my own someday. Just because I was a dude didn’t mean I didn’t think about that kind of thing. Especially the last few years while watching my two best friends start families of their own.

  Without a doubt I knew I wanted to be with Ashlynn. And I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about having a little green eyed, redhead daughter of our own at some point. Knowing that could never happen, made me feel sick.

  I’d thought about telling her last night that I, too, had wanted children, but something in my gut told me to keep my mouth shut. That if I told her the truth, she’d try to friend zone me for sure. She was the kind of woman that would sacrifice her own happiness for someone else’s.

  And while I wasn’t sure how she felt about moving things forward into relationship territory with me, at all, if ever, I didn’t want to ruin the possibility. I knew she liked my company, she’d agreed to spend time with me twice and I knew she’d enjoyed her time with me. But whether she saw me as a friend she liked spending time with or a potential boyfriend? I had no idea.

  I felt like banging my head against the wall. I didn’t know what to do, or where to go from here. I’d gotten up earlier than normal this morning, since sleep wasn’t really workin’ for me anyway, and hit the gym, and I hit it hard.

  By the time I got to work I’d pounded out most, but not all of my frustration on the gym’s boxing bag.

  “S’up, Fuckface?” Kai’s usual morning greeting made me smile most days, but not today.

  I flipped him off as I made my way to my desk and collapsed into my chair.

  Kai was watching me with a raised brow, “Wanna talk about it, Princess?”

  “Nope.”

  He wasn’t deterred by my curtness, “Let me rephrase, talk Princess.” He demanded while spinning his chair around to face me.

  He wasn’t going to drop it, I knew better than to hope he would. “Wait till Gabe gets here. I’m not getting into this more than I have to.”

  As the words left my mouth, Gabe walked in the door to the office, “Not getting into what more than you have to?” he asked.

  Hunching forward in my chair, I wrapped my hands around my head, pressing my thumbs into my aching temples. “Ashlynn can’t have kids. She wants them, and can’t have them. I want them, one day, but I want her, too. So what the fuck am I supposed to do?”

  Gabe and Kai remained silent. When I glanced between the two of them their concern was evident. But they didn’t have the answers I needed.

  “Really? You two are wells of useless knowledge, but when it comes to something I actually need your opinions on, you got nothin’.”

  With a shake of my head I stood to go make myself more coffee. I hadn’t had nearly enough to deal with the day, and my current predicament. As I was passing Gabe he reached out and grabbed my bicep. “I’m sorry, mate. I don’t know what to say. It’s not an issue I’ve ever had to face, so no, I don’t have any advice for you on this one.”

  I shook him off, “Yeah, whatever man.” I knew my situation wasn’t his fault, I knew it wasn’t Ashlynn’s fault, but damn it, I was angry at both of them. I was angry at everyone and everything.

  Rage, anger, and frustration poured through my veins and I smashed my fist into the kitchen wall. I didn’t feel any better when I pulled my fist out, and went to do it again, but Kai caught my wrist before I made contact with the wall a second time.

  “Stop! Demolishing the office isn’t going to fix this Axel.”

  I tilted my head, “Then what is Kai? Cause I can’t think of a single fucking thing to make this better.” I seethed.

  “Talk to her, why can’t she have kids? Maybe it’s something that surgery can fix? And if that isn’t an option, there’s fostering, adoption, surrogates. But you won’t know what the options are until you talk to her and find out exactly what the problem is.”

  I hadn’t thought of a single one of those options when I’d been ripping myself apart last night or this morning.

  Kai read my expression and answered my unspoken thought, “You’re too close to the situation.”

  Nodding I agreed with him. I had to take a step back and look at this the same way I would a difficult case, I had to analyse every
angle, every possibility.

  That moment solidified my resolve, I wasn’t going to walk away from Ashlynn. Not for this. Not for anything. As long as I had her by my side, we could find a way forward.

  Kai embraced me in a man hug and tapped me on the back with his fist, “You’ll figure it out man, just don’t let it fester. Get that shit out in the open or it’ll eat you alive.” He gave me a slight nod as he stepped away and left me alone in the kitchen.

  Looking at the hole I’d created in the wall, I heard Gabe clear his throat behind me, “You’re going to fix that, and then you’re going to see your woman and get this shit sorted. I don’t want you back here making more holes in my walls until it’s done. Got it?”

  Half hour later I was leaving the hardware store with the supplies I needed to fix the mangled plaster wall. It didn’t take me long to patch it, but I’d have to wait for it to dry properly before I could paint it.

  I flicked Ash a text to see when she took a lunch break, and she’d replied instantly.

  Dropping by the deli down the road, I picked up a few sandwiches and a couple of bottles of iced tea, arriving at the library just as Ash was supposed to start her lunch hour. “Wanna eat outside?” I asked by way of greeting as I strode towards the front desk she was sitting behind, and her eyes grew wide.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, breathless.

  Grinning at her, I held up the paper bag from the deli, “Bringing you lunch. What’s it look like?”

  She shook her head and her red hair, in waves today, drifted around her shoulders. “I didn’t realise that’s why you were asking when I stopped for lunch. You didn’t reply when I told you.”

  I shrugged, “Wanted to surprise you I guess.” I gestured to the automatic doors with my chin, “Come on, let’s eat in the garden.” I’d spied a couple of park benches in the gardens surrounding the library on my way in.

  Smiling back up at me she slowly stood then looked over her shoulder at a girl I hadn’t noticed before, but was now staring at me with her jaw agape. “I’m taking my lunch now, I’ll be back in an hour, Sammy.”