Forgiveness

by Grace R. Duncan

  Eric blinked again, looking confused. “But… why?”

  “I thought it was your age.”

  “My age?”

  With a nod Tanner frowned. “I thought it was because you guys were too young, that Kim wanted to experience more and wasn’t ready to be tied down.”

  “I don’t know about that. I think part of it was just that I wasn’t what she thought I was going to be.”

  “Oh, I know that’s the case. My dad’s talked to me quite a bit since about it, and I understand much more about what was going on. It was my mom, though, who really got through.” He laughed. “I thought I’d stepped into The Twilight Zone or something. She dropped the C-word.”

  Eric’s eyes widened. “Your mom cussed?”

  “Yeah. I thought my dad was going to blow a gasket or something. Right there, at the dinner table. She called Kim a cunt.”

  “Whoa.”

  “You can say that again.”

  “Whoa.”

  Tanner laughed, punching Eric in the arm. “Asshole. But yeah, so… they finally got me to understand part of the problem was that you two were chosen. And part was…. Kim didn’t love you. Not the way you needed her to, not the way the bond needed her to.”

  Eric frowned, dropping his gaze to the forest floor. “I didn’t know mates could break a bond like that. I thought… I thought she had to come back, you know? That if nothing else, the bond would make her want to.”

  “It doesn’t work that way.”

  “Obviously. She let someone else fuck her.” Eric winced at the bitterness in his voice but couldn’t pull it back.

  “Yeah, she did. And that’s on her. She had serious issues—probably still does. I don’t know. I have no idea where she is.”

  Eric nodded. “So… you didn’t claim Finley because of me?”

  “Yeah, well, at first. He kind of gave me the ass-kicking I needed. He left me.”

  Eric’s head snapped up. “He what?”

  “He took a train out to Oregon and told me in no uncertain terms that if I didn’t get my head out of my ass, he was going to find another mate.”

  “Holy shit.”

  “Yeah, you—never mind. Yeah, he did. And to make matters worse, he met someone out there. Another young, single gay guy.”

  “Oh hell.” Eric stared, then shook his head. “Finley doesn’t seem the type.”

  “Because he’s not. He’s an amazing man. He’s loyal and caring and was more devoted to me than he should have been, truth be told.” Tanner sighed. “He could have fucked the guy he met. He’d given me every indication that if I’d even hinted that I was coming to claim him, he’d have even met me halfway somewhere. But no, I was too stuck on the idea that he was too young to mate. I couldn’t even get through my head the idea that all the things I kept telling myself he needed to experience… he wanted to do with me.”

  “Did he fuck the guy?”

  Tanner smiled. “No. Not for lack of trying, but no. They kissed. That was it. He couldn’t do it in the end. And, truthfully? I deserved that.” He shrugged. “I called him, the morning after a full moon, not long after he’d gone out there. His new friend had answered his phone—apparently Finley had come back covered in mud and was showering. His friend—Jamie, by the way—told me Finley didn’t have a mate and that he was Finley’s boyfriend. I don’t know what sound I made, but apparently Finley’s wolf thought I was hurt and tried to run to me.”

  Eric blinked. “But… wasn’t he in Oregon?”

  “Yeah. His wolf tried to run to me in PA from Oregon.”

  “Whoa.”

  “No kidding, right? He got all the way into Idaho before I caught up to him. I flew out to Oregon the next morning and managed to run from his grandparents’ place. I never want to do that again.” Tanner shook his head, chuckling.

  “Geez.”

  “In the end I figured out that Finley would never do to me what Kim had done to you. In part because we were destined. Diana doesn’t fuck things up like that. She has a reason people are put together. Finley makes me a stronger person, gets me out of stuck thought processes… makes me a better alpha. If she gave you a destined mate, it’s for a reason—not the least of which might just be she wants to see you happy. Also… how did I not know you were bi?”

  Eric blushed, clearing his throat. He picked up a tiny stick and started playing with it. “A couple of reasons. Um… for one, my parents wouldn’t have accepted it. They, uh, well, you were the alpha’s son, so you were… if not okay, they couldn’t say anything about it, right?”

  Tanner nodded.

  “Right. But their own son, I knew without asking that they’d never accept me.”

  “And the other reason?” Tanner prompted.

  With a sigh Eric looked up at Tanner through his eyelashes. “I had a crush on you for the longest time.”

  Tanner stared, his mouth hanging open. “You did?” He blinked, still obviously in shock. “How did I not see that?”

  “I did my damnedest to make sure you didn’t. Even mating the alpha’s son—not saying we would have, mind you—but even if I had managed to mate the alpha’s son, it wouldn’t have been enough for my parents. And I knew you didn’t like me that way, so… I put it aside. And I did. I let that go a long time ago. But I thought if I’d told you I was bi, with my crush, things would have been awkward at best.”

  Tanner dropped his gaze. “I don’t know if it would have. I did always think you were cute but knew you to be straight so never let it go any further. The thing is, though… I have to admit I’m glad I didn’t know. I might have chosen you.” He gave a crooked smile. “Which would have been really awkward when I met Finley.”

  “No shit.”

  “Yeah, so… anyway. I finally claimed Finley. It was what I needed to understand what he was trying to tell me all that time. And I’m glad I did.”

  “He does seem like a great guy.” Eric paused, not sure what to do next, when something occurred to him. “What happened to the friend?”

  “Jamie? Oh, he’s my beta now.”

  Eric blinked. “He’s… I don’t think I can even figure that one out.”

  Tanner laughed. “It’s another story for another day.” He sobered. “You need to talk to him.” Eric didn’t even pretend not to know who Tanner was talking about. “His name is Ben, and he needs to understand what has happened to you. Be open and honest about your past. I made that mistake with Finley—I never told him my fears, just made excuses. Not talking really does not work. So… talk to him and tell him all about it. Just… let me make a suggestion. I won’t make it an order, but consider it carefully, okay?”

  Eric hesitated, sure he knew what Tanner was going to ask him to do, but nodded anyway. “Okay.”

  “Don’t outright reject him. You don’t have to accept him right away, but don’t outright reject him.”

  Eric blew out a breath, looking around at the forest. He had no doubt now this was why Diana sent him back. He didn’t know if he could give Ben what he needed, but at the same time, Eric didn’t think he could outright reject Ben either.

  Ben. His destined mate. His absolutely gorgeous destined mate. His gorgeous male destined mate.

  “I won’t. I… I don’t know if I can accept him—or, if I can, when—but I won’t reject him, either.”

  “Good boy.”

  Eric flipped him off, making Tanner laugh.

  “All right. Let’s go back. You owe your mate a conversation.”

  “Shit. I have a destined mate.” Eric looked at Tanner, eyes wide as it hit him again.

  Tanner grinned. “Yup. I think it’s also about time you met some of our other friends. Come on.”

  A moment later Tanner stood in front of him, covered in auburn fur and managing to look like he was raising an eyebrow even in wolf form. With an eye roll, Eric shifted and followed him.

  WHEN THEY got back to the house, Eric’s heart pounded. He wasn’t entirely sure he could do this, but he’d promised Tan
ner—his best friend, his alpha—that he’d at least talk to Ben. The memory of Kim breaking their bond poked him, but he could admit it wasn’t quite as sharp as it’d been when he left earlier. Was that because of Ben?

  The fear was still there, though. The idea of bonding like that to someone else, giving them the ability to hurt him so badly, made him more than a little scared. Terrified might be a better word. He didn’t think he could recover from that a second time.

  He shook the thoughts off as he shifted back to human form. That, at least, was getting easier the more he did it. He took the sweatpants Tanner handed him and pulled them on, glad his hands were working better. They were still clumsy; he was still dealing with some of that, more than forty-eight hours after becoming human again for the first time in so long.

  “Hmm. Actually, you might want to get dressed before you talk to him,” Tanner pointed out. “In more than sweatpants.”

  Eric blushed. “Uh, I kind of shredded the last set.”

  “Yeah, I saw the pile. I’ve still got plenty, so does Finley. I’ll get you something. Hang on.”

  He disappeared up the stairs and returned a few moments later with a green T-shirt, flannel button-down, fresh socks, and another pair of jeans. “We need to get you out shopping for clothes. If for no other reason than so you stop going commando.”

  Eric laughed. “Thanks. Yeah, I guess so.” He frowned. “I don’t have any money, though.”

  “Yeah, you do. We’ll talk about that later too. Now, you have a mate to talk to.”

  Eric ignored his pounding heart and concentrated on getting dressed again. Once he was more covered, he took a deep breath and went up the stairs. He stopped a few feet from the sofa his… mate… was sitting on.

  Eric took a long inhale, focusing on his mate’s scent this time. He had to use all his effort to keep from partially shifting, but he managed. Instead, he savored the smell—fresh pine mixed with something spicy.

  Ben must have heard, because he lifted his head, then stood and turned toward Eric.

  With a steadying breath, Eric gave a wobbly smile. “Uh, hi. I’m… I’m Eric, apparently your destined mate.” He swallowed, then had to clear his throat. “Um… I think we need to talk.”

  Ben’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and there was nothing but pure fear in his gorgeous light brown eyes. “O-okay.”

  Eric stepped forward, holding out a hand, but not touching. He shoved it in his pocket to resist temptation, not sure he was ready for that yet. “I’m not rejecting you.”

  The relief in Ben’s eyes would have been obvious to a blind man. “You’re… not?”

  Eric shook his head. “No, I’m not. I don’t know how things will go and… I don’t know when… or how long things might take, but I’m not going to reject you. You, uh, need to understand some things, though, okay?”

  Ben nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

  “Want to get some coffee and sit on the deck?” Eric asked.

  Ben swallowed again, then nodded one more time, a slight smile similar to Eric’s touching his lips. “I’d like that.”

  Eric’s smile steadied. “Okay.”

  “You guys go out. I’ll bring out the coffee,” Finley said, making shooing motions toward the dining room.

  Eric threw a grateful smile at Finley and held his hand toward the door. Ben stepped forward and Eric followed him. He opened the french door leading to the deck for Ben, who gave him another small smile. “Oh, and Ben?”

  Ben paused, raising an eyebrow.

  “It’s… really nice to meet you.”

  Ben’s smile was downright blinding. And made Eric feel like about a million bucks.

  Chapter 4

  HE’S NOT rejecting me. He’s not rejecting me. He’s not rejecting me!

  The words repeated in Ben’s head as he stepped onto the deck and walked with Eric to the round glass-topped patio table in the center. Ben managed to look around a little, and his breath caught. “It’s gorgeous out here,” he whispered, pointing at the waterfall at the end of the little valley the house sat in.

  “Yeah,” Eric agreed, and Ben turned to look at Eric, but Eric’s gaze wasn’t on the waterfall. It was on Ben.

  Ben blushed bright red. “Uh….”

  “Sorry,” Eric mumbled, his own cheeks coloring, and waved a hand at the table.

  Ben took a seat, ignoring Eric’s cheeks to give him a chance to recover a little. Happiness filled Ben when Eric sat next to him, rather than across from him. Ben felt calmer than he had since he’d stepped into Tanner and Finley’s house. He wondered if it was simply being close to his mate that did it. He cursed himself for not asking Papá more about destined mates.

  “So, uh—” Eric started, but paused when the door opened.

  Finley came out, holding two cups of coffee, and set them on the table. “If you guys need anything, let me know. I’ll be right inside—I promise not to eavesdrop.” He grinned when they both chuckled, then gave them a wave before disappearing back into the house.

  Eric blew out a breath. “Okay, so, uh… ten years ago, I had a chosen mate.”

  Ben winced before he could stop himself. His wolf growled inside him, but he managed to suppress that reaction. He swallowed instead and picked up his coffee, knowing his reaction was ridiculous. He hadn’t even been old enough to mate ten years ago.

  “I’m sorry. I never expected to even have a destined mate then.”

  Ben shook his head. “No, you do not need to apologize.” He set the cup down and frowned. “It’s certainly not fair of me to be upset by anything you did before you met me.” He shrugged a shoulder. “I had a girlfriend through most of high school and college.”

  If Ben hadn’t been watching Eric, he might have missed the tightening around Eric’s lips. Then he gave a crooked smile. “My wolf didn’t like hearing that.”

  Ben chuckled. “Yeah, I guess neither of them like hearing about our befores.”

  Eric’s smile widened. “Guess not. Look, she is long gone, and I have zero interest in her—even without you in the picture. She….” His smile faded and he swallowed. “She cheated on me. Broke our bond and let someone else claim her.”

  “Mierda!” Ben stared at Eric with wide eyes. “Esa cabrona!” Despite the fact that she was his mate’s former chosen mate, Ben found himself indignant on behalf of Eric.

  Eric’s lips twitched and he nodded. “I don’t know exactly what that means, but I can guess. And… yeah, that about sums it up. I… I didn’t take it well.”

  Ben blushed at the use of the Spanish. He still wasn’t sure what Eric—and the rest—thought of that, but he had a hard time not slipping into Spanish when he got emotional. It seemed Eric let it pass, so he focused on just moving on with the conversation. “I cannot imagine anyone would. I did not think mates ever separated.”

  “I don’t know about that. I’m sure it happens. I can’t be the only one it’s happened to.” Eric shrugged a shoulder. “I’d guess it’s pretty rare, though.”

  “Yeah,” Ben whispered, staring down into his cup. “I’m sorry. That had to be horrible.”

  “It was,” Eric said, nodding again. “I won’t lie about that. I shifted on the spot, like, uncontrollably shifted. My wolf took over. It took my alpha to get me back to human form, but I couldn’t stay human. I apologized to my best friend—Tanner—then went wolf.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “I stayed wolf for nine years. I just came back yesterday.”

  Ben blinked at him, trying to absorb what he was hearing. “You were a wolf for nine years?”

  Eric swallowed and looked up at him. “Yeah. I… I was prodded, I guess you could say, to come back. I think maybe because of you.”

  Ben wasn’t sure how to take that. “I did not really expect to find my destined mate. I’d hoped, you know. I guess like everyone does. But… I did not really expect to. And even being bi, I did not expect my mate to be male.” He shook his head. “My mamá is going to freak.”

  “
She’s not open about that?” Eric asked.

  Ben shook his head. “No. But that is, at least in part, because my mamá is human, was raised Catholic.”

  Eric winced. “Ouch.”

  “Yeah. She, uh, she thinks my wolf is a demon.”

  “Eww.” Eric wrinkled his nose. “That must have been a seriously shitty thing to live through.”

  Ben found himself laughing. “Yeah, well, that’s one way of putting it.”

  “You have a beautiful smile,” Eric blurted, then turned red.

  But it just made Ben feel good, and his smile spread even wider. “Thank you. I’m glad my mate thinks so.”

  “That’s still weird to hear… to think about. I have a destined mate.” Eric shook his head, then sighed. “I have to be honest, Ben. I don’t know what to do with it. The idea of a mate scares the ever-loving fuck out of me.”

  Ben’s smile faded, and he reached out but stopped just shy of touching. Eric looked at Ben’s hand, then took it with his own slightly shaky one. Despite the shake, a warmth, a sense of acceptance Ben had never felt before filled him.

  “Oh wow,” Eric murmured, and Ben looked up. “That… I’ve never felt anything like that before.”

  Ben raised his eyebrows. “No?”

  Eric shook his head. “No. Chosen… she never felt like that.”

  “Is it terrible of me if I am glad?”

  Yet again, Eric shook his head. “I don’t think so. I can actually kind of understand. Did your g-girlfriend feel like that?”

  “Oh hell no. But… I did not love her either. We were good friends. We had fun together and we did date, but I did not love her, not like I should have if I was going to mate her. I was sort of hoping to find my destined mate too, so it was another reason we did not mate.”

  “Is it terrible of me if I’m glad?” Eric asked.

  Ben laughed at the echo of his own words. “No, I do not think so.” He cleared his throat. “I cannot exactly understand. I have never been through what you’ve been through, but I can be patient, Eric. I have wanted my mate for so long, and I will wait. You are worth it.”