“And then some, cariño.”
“You’ll, uh, help me with it, right?”
“Of course,” Ben said immediately. “I am not an investment broker, but I can at least take care of it as far as taxes and the like are concerned.”
“Good. I sucked at numbers even back then. Of course… I never went to college. Everything I knew was what I learned in high school.” When Eric finished, his cheeks were red.
“Cariño, college is not for everyone. I did not want to go. But my mamá simply would not take any argument. She wanted me to be a doctor.” Ben shook his head, wrinkling his nose. “I talked her out of that. I do not like the sight of blood, but….”
“Yeah. Kim….” Eric sighed. “I think the fact that I didn’t want to go—because I enjoyed what I did—was the final straw for her.”
Ben blinked at him. “She left because you did not want to go to college?”
“That b—” Tanner cut himself off and growled. “She thought he was going to be a doctor—because Eric’s parents said he would be, without asking him, even. When she found out he wasn’t going to be swimming in money….” He scowled.
Eric squirmed. “Something like that. Anyway.”
“She really did not deserve you.” Ben shook his head.
Eric looked at Ben, and the expression on his face made Ben ache. And wish he knew where Kim was, just so he could go… he didn’t know what. He wasn’t a violent person. But to see his mate hurting so much because of her filled him with an anger he rarely felt. He took Eric’s hand and kissed it softly.
“So… where is the closest store for clothing?”
THERE WAS both a Walmart and a Target reasonably close to Tanner and Finley’s house. Ben thought a Target might be a little less overwhelming, since Target usually wasn’t as busy, so they went there. The drive itself didn’t seem to cause Eric too many problems, but they were inside the car, with muted sound, tinted windows, and nothing stronger in scent than an old air freshener.
When they got out of the car, though, Eric immediately covered his nose. “Oh my gods, how does anyone deal with this?”
Ben, who’d long since learned how to filter smells, had to force himself to unfilter them to understand what Eric was having trouble with. He was immediately hit with an overabundance of exhaust, restaurant odors, and even garbage. No wonder Eric was having such a hard time.
“Um… get back in the car a moment, cariño.”
Eric raised his eyebrows. “Why?”
“I’m going to see if I can find out how to help you. The car is not as bad.”
Eric didn’t ask anything further, simply slid back into the passenger seat and closed the door.
Ben pulled out his phone and hit Tanner’s contact.
“Ben? Is something wrong?”
“Aside from Eric nearly being knocked over by exhaust smell?”
“Eww,” Tanner replied. “Yeah. What can I do?”
“Do you have the phone number for… um… the former human. That’s a horrible way to say it, but—”
“Chad would just laugh at it. Don’t worry about it. Yeah, good idea. I’ll text it to you.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course. Good luck.”
A moment later Ben saved Chad’s number as a new contact, then dialed.
“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Ben Arellano. Eric’s mate? The new pack member?”
“Oh! Hi! How’s it going?”
“Um…. Eric is making his first trip away from the house.”
“Eww.”
Ben chuckled. “That’s what Tanner said. Is there any way I can help him? I do not… I have no idea how I learned how to filter.”
“Yeah, actually. It’s hard as an adult, no doubt. First, make sure he doesn’t breathe deeply. Seriously shallow breaths for a while. Then tell him to focus only on what he wants to smell. We can’t filter it completely, you know.”
“Right.”
“But if he picks one thing he either wants to smell or doesn’t mind smelling and focuses on that, it can help. Same with sound, though sometimes all you can do there is earplugs. Those foam ones work well.”
“Thank you very much. It’s… difficult to be so helpless.”
“I know what you mean!” Jaime said.
Ben chuckled. “Hello.”
“Hi.”
“So, yeah. Try that. I can come out in the next day or two and work with him, if you think it’ll help.”
“It might. I’ll say something to him. Thank you again, uh, Chad.” Ben cleared his throat.
“Uh, you okay?”
“Yes. Alpha said you’d laugh, but… I could not remember your name when I asked him for your number. I called you the ‘former human.’”
Ben was relieved when Chad actually did laugh. “Oh, I like that. Maybe I’ll have to adopt it as a nickname.”
“Gods, you’re bad enough to live with now,” Jamie said. “Maybe we should call you skunk instead.” He snickered.
“I think I’ll stick with pup, thanks.”
“Skunk?”
Jamie snickered again. “He couldn’t tell the difference between skunks and squirrels for a long time.”
Chad sighed. “It took time for me to trust my other instincts. So, uh, yeah. Kept thinking they were just big squirrels.”
Ben laughed. “I did that when I was young. My mamá used to have a fit when I came home with it in my hair.”
“Yes! And it does not like to come out of hair.”
Ben chuckled. “Yes. Well, thank you for the advice.”
“No worries. Good luck, Ben. It’ll get better, I promise. It’ll just take a while. If he has other things to focus on—like, something to occupy his mind instead of just filtering—and works on sticking with the things he wants to smell and hear, it can help. As for his vision… sunglasses are the only thing that can help that.”
“Thank you. I’ll tell him about you coming to help.”
“Good. Later.”
Ben opened Eric’s door and squatted next to it. “I called Chad.” When Eric raised an eyebrow, Ben said, “The former human.”
Eric laughed. “Right. I forgot a lot of their names.”
“Me too. He thought that was funny. Anyway, he gave me a few suggestions for you that might help.” Ben outlined what Chad had said, and Eric nodded as he finished.
“That might help. Thank you.”
“I am your mate. If I can help… I have to. I do not like seeing you go through so much of this.” Ben shrugged a shoulder.
Eric swallowed but nodded. “I can understand that. So….” He closed his eyes, took several shallow breaths in a row, then opened them again. “Well. It’s not quite as bad, but… I think I might take him up on the help.”
“Good. Now, let’s get you some underwear so I do not go so nuts when you’re around gay men.”
Eric laughed as he climbed out of the car. “Come on.”
Stepping into the store was its own challenge, but Eric seemed to be fighting hard to keep going. Ben leaned in and said softly, “Any time you want to go, tell me. We do not have to do much today.”
“I’m not sure I’m going to want to do this again anytime soon,” Eric muttered, then blew out a breath. “Let’s get a cart.”
As they stood in front of the underwear shelves, Ben kept an eye on Eric, looking for any signs they needed to end the trip. He seemed to be doing well enough for the moment, so Ben turned to the shelves. “What did you wear before?”
Eric wrinkled his nose. “Tighty-whities.”
Ben chuckled. “And I take it they do not appeal now? Perhaps boxers?”
Eric shook his head. “No. The thought of the tighty-whities that snug against my skin right now….” He shuddered. “And boxers always felt like I was just going commando, with everything just kind of flopping everywhere.”
Ben laughed. “Perhaps you could try boxer briefs, then. And we can go online and find you more appealing underwear.
”
Eric grinned at this. “And I can avoid people all at the same time.”
“Indeed,” Ben said, grinning. “What size?”
“Uh… well, before I was still, like, small. I don’t think that’s going to work now.”
After examining the back of the package, they bought two different sizes, just in case.
Trying jeans on turned out to be almost a nightmare. The rough denim seemed to make him more and more uncomfortable, no matter which ones they tried.
“I guess it’s just because Tanner’s and Finley’s jeans are worn?” Eric suggested.
Ben frowned. “That might be. We can wash them a few times. That might help.”
Eric nodded. “Yeah. Well, I can’t keep wearing their clothes, so….” He turned around, looking at his butt in the mirror. “What do you think? Not too tight?”
“They look very good on you,” Ben said, trying not to stare at Eric’s ass.
Eric looked at him, raising an eyebrow, but then sniffed, and based on the grin, Ben knew he’d failed—both with where he was looking and not getting aroused. “Yeah, I think these will do.”
Ben cleared his throat. “I’ll, uh, go… um… find socks.” And adjust myself.
Eric reached out and caught Ben’s wrist. “It does me good to know. You know… she didn’t even want me toward the end.”
Ben took a carefully filtered deep breath. “She was—is—the biggest fool on the planet for not recognizing what she had. If things were different, cariño, I would have bonded with you last night.”
Eric smiled. “Thanks. I… ugh. It sucks that I’m not ready for it, but it still helps to hear.”
Ben kissed his temple. “Stop worrying about that. Now… you should change before I go too crazy.”
Eric’s laughter followed Ben out of the dressing room.
They ended up only getting the one pair of jeans, a couple of T-shirts, a pair of sweats, and the underwear and socks. By the time they’d picked that stuff out, it was clear the store was getting to Eric. He pushed through long enough to try on and pick out a pair of sneakers. But by that time, he was clearly only holding on by sheer force of will.
That got infinitely worse when someone made a particularly loud and long announcement over the intercom. Even Ben winced over the volume. With a kiss to Eric’s temple, Ben gave him the keys and nearly pushed him toward the door. “I’ll pay for it and you can pay me when I come back out or something. Now, go, cariño. I will be out shortly.”
It was a testament to how bad it was that Eric didn’t even argue over the money. Instead, he took the keys and went out, barely not running.
Ben grabbed a simple pair of sunglasses to go with the clothes, then took a little bit of time to find Eric a sweatshirt for the colder evenings, which Ben had noticed the night before while they’d been out on the deck, and a jacket to go with it. He also stopped to pick up a package of earplugs as well.
When he made it out to the car, Eric was looking quite a bit less bothered. Ben pulled the sunglasses out of the bag and handed them over. “You look better. Do you feel better?”
Eric nodded. “Yeah. Just… too much, you know?”
“Yeah. Even I was getting a little nuts from the noise. Especially that announcement.” Ben made a face.
Eric gave a weak smile and put the sunglasses on. “Thank you for thinking of them.”
“I had no idea if that was a style you like or not. I figured right now, blocking the sun was the most important thing.”
“Yeah. I’m not really picky. I’m just glad to have them.” Eric took a breath and let it out, then shifted in the seat to face Ben more fully. “Thank you. I… I know you’re my mate and you’re happy to help, but still. You didn’t have to. You didn’t have to put up with all my crap. Thank you for helping, for understanding. Just… for being here.” He dropped his gaze briefly, then met Ben’s eyes again. “I think I’d have been a lot more nuts if you hadn’t been there, if I’d gone with Tanner and Finley. They’d have given me the same advice—about filters and stuff—but I wouldn’t have felt as good as I did. My wolf was calmer than he’s been in a long time. Because you were there.”
Ben took Eric’s hand for a moment and kissed it, thrilling in just what that showed. Warmth filled him when Eric didn’t let go right away. “You’re welcome. I wanted to do this. I would have helped even if you were not my mate. Being my mate just made it that much more important to me. I’m glad I could be that help for you.”
Eric nodded. “Uh, so… hey, could we get some food? I’m starving.”
Ben smiled, letting the conversation go. “Sure. Is there anything you’d like? Since you have not eaten it in nine years….”
Chapter 7
“TACO BELL,” Eric said, staring at the big pink and purple sign across the street.
“Um….”
Eric turned and blinked at Ben over his hesitation. “What’s wr—oh!” He dropped his face into his palm. “Wow, that was good, Eric. Let’s ask your Mexican mate to take you to the most fake Mexican restaurant on the planet.”
Ben threw his head back and laughed. “It’s okay, cariño. If that’s what you really want, I will take you. Just so you recognize it is not really Mexican food.”
Eric grinned. “Nah, I know that. And it’s okay. I’d be just as happy with, like, a Big Mac or something. I mean, none of it’s real food, anyway, you know.”
Ben nodded. “True.” He started the car and backed out. “Do you truly want McDonald’s?”
“Really, I’m fine with that. I don’t mind not having Taco Bell. Besides, as much as we’ll probably stick together, there will be times we’re apart. I can save my heretical eating for then.” Eric winked.
Ben laughed again. “Very well.”
Neither spoke as Ben navigated traffic through the parking lot and busy streets. As they approached the drive-through menu, though, he turned to Eric. “You should probably cover your nose.”
Eric raised his eyebrows. “You think so?”
Ben nodded. “Yeah. It’s going to be strong here. Trust me.”
Eric shrugged a shoulder but did as Ben suggested. The second the window was down, he was glad he had. The exhaust and overabundance of restaurant smells hit him hard, even with his hand over his face.
“Did you really want a Big Mac?”
Eric nodded. “Fries too.”
“Got it.” Ben turned to the menu board, and Eric did his best to simply ignore the smells and sounds around him, focusing instead on Ben’s scent and voice. Ben put in the order—for two of the same of everything—and Eric worked on filters again.
He supposed he should have more patience with himself, but it was really getting to him that the reminders of Ben as his mate still bothered him. The simple idea that Ben’s scent, voice, and touch were the only things that didn’t make him nuts shouldn’t get to him so. He wanted to forget all that, wanted to just be happy that Ben was there, that he had a destined mate at all. But the fear that it’d end just like it had with Kim still lurked inside him.
Shaking his head at himself, Eric pulled his wallet out and removed some of the money Tanner had given him that morning, a minuscule part of the balance he’d learned about.
When they got to the payment window, Eric handed the money to Ben, glad when he didn’t even say a word, simply passed it over to the clerk. She made the change, and they moved on.
Ben rolled his window up, and Eric breathed a sigh of relief. “How are you?”
“Annoyed,” Eric said, sighing. “I’m done with the lack of filters already.”
Ben chuckled. “I can imagine. I can only imagine, but I forced myself to unfilter earlier, so I have a small idea.” He shook his head. “I do not envy you, cariño.”
Eric smiled, leaned in, and kissed Ben on the cheek. He paused to take a deep inhale of Ben’s scent. “Gods, I could smell that all day,” he whispered.
Ben kissed his temple, and Eric sat back. “What do I smell like to you,
cariño?”
“Spice carried on a fresh breeze,” Eric said, then blushed.
Ben just grinned. “So you’re a poet.”
Eric’s color got worse. “Hardly. I don’t know where that came from.” He shrugged.
Ben kissed his cheek. “I like it, cariño.”
“What do I smell like to you?” Eric asked, tilting his head.
“Leather. Something sweet, and… home.”
That did all sorts of crazy—but good—things to Eric’s insides. “I’ve never been someone’s home before.” He dropped his gaze to his hand. “None of this feels even remotely familiar,” he confessed. “Before… I mean… I have to admit.” He looked up and met Ben’s gaze. Ben nodded and Eric sighed. “I did love her. I don’t… I don’t think it was what it should have been, not to be together like we were supposed to be.”
Ben didn’t speak for a long time. “My wolf might not understand. But I do. What happened before… you cannot help that. And I understand you cared for her. I hope, someday, you can love me.”
Eric swallowed. “I… I think I will. I don’t… fuck.” He took a deep breath. “I am frustrated with myself that I can’t just let go and let it happen, you know?”
Ben nodded. “I know, cariño.” He reached up and brushed a thumb over Eric’s cheek. “Give it time. I have only been here a day.”
Eric blew out a breath. “I know. This is only my third day back. I’ve never been the most patient person on the planet.” He chuckled. “Especially when it comes to my own shortcomings. I’m impatient with my impatience.”
Ben laughed as he pulled up to the second window. “That’s not so bad, really.”
Eric focused on covering his nose and working through the smells, putting his frustration with himself aside. He tried to concentrate on not smelling the wrong things and felt better when he could take his hand away from his nose and not be overwhelmed. He was going to have to thank Chad for that advice.
ERIC MANAGED to be mostly responsible for getting his clothes de-tagged and into the washer. Ben had offered to help, and Eric recognized he was being stubborn, but he needed to be able to do at least some of this himself. And he was sure the more he did, the better he’d be able to handle the fine motor control tasks he was still having trouble with.
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