The Wrong Shade of Lipstick

by B. M. Hardin

  "If it ever happens again, with anyone, so help me God, I will kill you," Levi looked at me sternly, threatening. Although I knew he couldn't have meant killing me literally, his point was well taken.

  And since then, things between us had been well---perfect.

  Seeing that Levi didn't come to my rescue to help with the bags, after dropping them all on the sofa, I noticed candles; lots of them. The flames from the candles danced dramatically along the clean, off white walls. I smiled as I tried to figure out what he was up to. I followed the candle light down the hall and into our bedroom. I saw what looked to be a tent; homemade of course, but nevertheless it was supposed to be a tent. Our fireplace was going although it was summer but I noticed that he had turned the air down and it was quite chilly.

  He had covered the windows with thick, black drapes and cut out paper yellow stars and had taped them along the walls and the ceiling. Beside the sleeping bags, I noticed a bottle of champagne, wine glasses and the ingredients to make "smores". Levi grinned as he saw the expression on my face, which was a mixture of awe and gratitude.

  The things he did never seemed to amaze me. He always had something up his sleeve, which was why I loved him so much. Levi was the most thoughtful and honest man I had ever known. I would be a fool to let him out of my grasp. He grabbed a stick and stuck a fluffy cloud like marshmallow at the end of it as he sat on the bear skin rug, in front of the fire. He waited for me to join him.

  Like a little kid I ran to him and plopped down beside of him.

  Oh, how I loved this man. I was so lucky or some would call it blessed to have him in my life. And I would do anything to keep him in it and I do mean anything

  ~***~

  I was awakened by my ringing phone and shockingly, I wasn't upset. The phone had interrupted yet another one of my strange dreams.

  They were happening more frequently these days, which made it somewhat hard for me to sleep.

  My grandmother used to say that strange dreams were a sign of pregnancy. I was fine with that as long as it could wait another month. I was only a month out from my wedding day and I wanted everything to be perfect.

  But as we all know, asking for perfection was like begging for snow in May.

  "Hey, mama, what's----"

  Her crying was enough to answer my question.

  My first thought unfortunately was who would walk me down the aisle now?

  ~***~

  The funeral didn't seem real. I couldn't stand to look at daddy lying in the cream colored casket, surrounded by lilies. Though daddy hadn't been the easiest man to get along with, I had always known that he had our best interest at heart. And though we hadn't been the closest, he was still a good man. I reminisced of times with daddy when Charlotte and I were younger; especially, during the holidays. Though he was a preacher of the Gospel and supported the true meaning of Christmas, he still allowed us to have Christmas just like everyone else.

  He was always so happy that time of year. He would sing Christmas songs and he took pride in wrapping presents. He always joked with mama that he had done it better; which of course he did not.

  After mama had told me his secret, I had finally got up the nerve to ask him why he had been so distant from me all of those years. He apologized and said it wasn't intentional and promised to give me as much love as he could with the time he had left. And he had. He had kept his word.

  He made it his business to call me a few times a week, just to tell me that he loved me. He even bothered to tell me how proud he was of me and how much I reminded him of mama.

  Just as things were getting good, he was gone.

  The tears flowed steadily down my face and Levi squeezed my hand. Through my tears, I noticed the typo on the obituary stating that daddy had three grandkids instead of two. Though a lot of people didn't know this but before mama, my daddy had another daughter. Although she was my older sister, it was hard to refer to her as such.

  For starters, she lived in Japan. My daddy had met her mother while he was in the service. I actually think that they were a couple. He had been stationed there for quite some time. But when it was time to go, daddy came back to the states leaving her and his baby girl behind. Secondly, she, my sister, absolutely hated daddy. She had always made it clear. I'm assuming that it was because he wasn't around. But of course it was kind of hard to be. Daddy had a family and a church here and my sister, Emmy, definitely didn't put forth an effort. I had only seen her twice in my whole life---in person. We were in our teenage years.

  She was only three years older than I was. She came to visit twice during two summers for a weekend each and let's just say...she wasn't a joy to be around. And we will leave it at that. She barely said a word.

  Today, we rarely heard from her. We only knew about her kids because of social media. She never called. And though mama had reached out to her to tell her about daddy, she hadn't bothered to show up for daddy's funeral. I hadn't even bothered to include her in my wedding. It was a sad, sad situation. We all really needed to do better before it was too late. Those were my thoughts as I sat there looking at daddy who would never get the chance to reconcile with her. I cried a little harder as I thought more and more of the dysfunction. I looked to my left at mama who wasn't crying at all. Instead she was smiling as if she was finally glad to see him resting and at peace. I reached for her hand. She grabbed it and Charlotte's hand, which she was sitting on her other side. Charlotte of course was taking it the hardest. It had all taken her by surprise and of course she had been such a daddy's girl. Mama and I found it hard to comfort her. She had gone into shut down mode, similar to what had happened after her wedding disaster with Zack. Speaking of the devil, Zack had been very persistent with speaking to me lately. The entire time that I had been home, he had come past mamas every single day. He made it as though he had come to pay his respects and mingle with family and friends but every chance he got he approached me demanding that we talk. Levi was on us like white on rice and we just couldn’t find the time or the chance to. Somehow, Zack had managed to talk someone out of my phone number and had even been bold enough to call.

  "Ski, we really need to talk," he said.

  "I can't," I whispered, checking to see if Levi was paying me any attention.

  We were back at mamas’ after the funeral.

  Though Zack was there as well, he had decided that calling me on the phone was better than face to face interaction, especially since Levi was around. I followed mama into the kitchen.

  "Mama, you okay?" I asked her as she took a seat by the window. She smiled at me, reminding me of my grandmother, who had passed away when I was a teenager.

  "Mama is fine. Just a little tired. How are you is the question?" She asked and waited almost impatiently for me to answer. How was I? I was unsure.

  "I'll be fine ma," I assured her and for some reason my sister Emmy crossed my mind.

  "Ma, you know they made a mistake on the obituary. They put that daddy had three grandkids. Emmy only has two sons right? Or did she have another one?" I questioned her.

  "No she didn't have another baby. And they didn't make a mistake. Your dad does have three grand children," Mama answered as a matter-of -fact.

  She eyed me; waiting for me to ask her more. Suddenly, a look of relief spread across her face. Curiously I looked behind me and that's when I saw him… Zack.

  The truth always has a way of coming out doesn't it? But the catch is what do you do once it’s all out in the open? So, here's the truth, which I had to explain to my mama and Zack for the first time.

  I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was away in Fresno at college. I was three months along when I found out and the only person that knew back home was Nubian, my decease child hood best friend. I wasn't brave enough to get an abortion, and of course it was against my belief, so I decided that adoption was the only other option I had.

  I had my whole life ahead of me. I was young and I refused to come back home pregnant and a failure.<
br />
  It just wasn't an option.

  So, I carried the baby; staying far away from North Carolina. I remembered mama and daddy getting upset because I didn't want to come home that Christmas but I couldn't because they didn't know my secret. So, I lied and told them that I had gotten a part time job and wanted to pick up the extra hours. They bought my excuse.

  My excuse bought me time.

  That March, when it was time to have the baby, I remembered lying in labor for two whole days--- all alone. No one to help me through it. No one to hold my hand.

  No one at all.

  Nubian had done the research on the adoption agency and as soon as my precious little girl came out, they were there to take her out of my arms.

  I cried for days, knowing that I had made the best decision, yet she was still my daughter. My own flesh and blood, who despite what some might say, I loved her with all of my heart. I remembered a year later going back to the adoption agency to look for her but they said she had been adopted out only weeks after I had given her up. Since I had given up all of my rights they wouldn't tell me anything and suggested I see a lawyer if I wanted to pursue any further actions, but I didn't. I simply forced myself to forget about her.

  Until now.

  "I ran into Nubian at a store and asked about you," Zack explained.

  "She looked at me as if she had seen a ghost. All of a sudden she started to babble and eventually told me all about your secret pregnancy and the adoption; that had only happened the day before. I was so mad at you. I hated you for years for keeping it from me. Anyway, the next day my father, the lawyer of course, and I was on a plane to Fresno, California. After being told my rights to her and taking a blood test, I found out that she was mine and I was allowed to bring her home. Nubian vowed to keep our secret and she even stepped up to help me with her whenever my mother couldn’t. I couldn't believe that you had done something like that. To this day, my parents are disgusted by you; especially my mother…which is why mama hadn't bothered to speak to you at your father's retirement service or at the wedding; in case you didn't notice. She hadn't known that you were Charlotte's sister, but she definitely recognized you and asked me about you the day after. You knew that I would have been there for you. You knew I would have helped you. Why would you do it?" Zack asked; but I was too emotional to answer.

  After all this time, my own daughter had been right in front of my face. Looking at her play with the other kids, she looked a lot like me when I was her age, something I had never paid attention to before. It explained why I thought she could have passed for Charlotte's daughter.

  I was at a loss of words. Mama stated that Zack had told her his secret only a few days after his and Charlotte's wedding fiasco. He stated that he wanted to be the one to tell me, which is why she continued to encourage me to speak to him. She had also been the one to give him my phone number. My daddy also knew. This family seemed to be full of secrets, with mama being the ring leader.

  But I had to break the cycle.

  Starting with Levi, who had cautiously just entered the kitchen.

  **********

  ~*The truth will set you free and when it does be prepared to fly. Staying grounded will only keep you down. Let loose. Let go...And fly*~

  Anonymous

  Chapter Six

  Finally it was here!

  My wedding day…and so far so good.

  Everything and everybody was on time. Everything was perfect…well almost perfect.

  Zack wouldn't allow me to put our daughter, Madison, in the wedding at the last minute, not to mention that he wouldn't tell her the truth about who I was.

  He said it would be on his time and in his way. I put up one hell of an argument but he could have cared less.

  So, for now I had to play by his rules. But I was all over her like hen that sat on top of her eggs. She knew me as Auntie Ski, so she allowed me to love on her and kiss her. It seemed as though she actually liked all the extra attention. I had to coach myself not to become emotional every time I got near her but it was impossible. It was a miracle.

  My little miracle.

  Luckily, Levi was a lot more accepting and understanding of the situation when I told him the news…well, when Zack told him the news.

  Levi had entered the kitchen the night of daddy's funeral with a look on his face that said either somebody better start talking or somebody's ass was getting whooped.

  Zack offered to fill Levi in.

  After all, I was in shock. Speechless.

  Luckily, Levi had known about the adoption. I happened to mention it once when we were only friends. Though he didn't know the details or that it was Zack's baby.

  All and all, he said he could deal with it by my side and he and Zack agreed to let everything go since we were all going to be a part of each other’s lives.

  So, here we were, roughly a month later about to say I do. I blushed at the never ending compliments from my wedding party. I eyed myself in the mirror to confirm their praises.

  They were all true. I looked absolutely amazing.

  The thirty pounds I had lost really showed in my body shaping, hip hugging wedding gown.

  Dear Stress…thank you.

  Words couldn’t express the happiness that I felt as my sister placed the veil on my head and mama pulled it down over my face. Thoughts of daddy crowded my mind as I thought of mama taking his place to walk me down the aisle. I smiled at the thought of him looking down from heaven at me on my special day. Even though his passing away wasn't necessarily a good thing, it had brought about many great things. Emmy, our sister, who had to be present for the reading of daddy’s will, she vowed to be around more. Daddy had a million dollar life insurance policy and had left us all, including Emmy, a good bit of money. She was in shock after feeling like daddy could have cared less about her for all of those years. She said she would make it her business to be a part of this family and she had stuck to her word. Emmy, her husband and her kids were all present for my special day. I couldn't have been any more happy than I already was.

  Everyone was in the church and I waited on the organ to sound for me and mama to make our grand entrance.

  The organ began to play and soon after the church doors opened. Mama put her arm into position and I place my hand snuggly into place. I held my bouquet of orchards and orange and fuchsia flowers tightly with my other hand. I waited for them to cue the music so we could start walking, but something else happened. Someone started singing. What a minute... I knew that voice. But why hadn’t I known it could sing?

  I glanced at the altar to see that Levi and Charlotte were both holding microphones and singing a duet.

  It wasn’t a song that I had ever heard before, so my guess was that Charlotte had written it. She had always been a talented song writer and singer. So, she didn’t surprise me.

  But Levi; I had never even known that he could sing.

  And boy did Levi sound good!

  Mama took the first step and I followed. I was crying uncontrollably, keeping my eyes on Levi the whole time as he sung his heart out. At that moment I knew I was making the right decision and that I, Skilar Marie Parks-Lopez was the luckiest woman in the world.

  ~***~

  Arriving home from our honeymoon in the Bahamas, I flopped down on the bed. It felt so good to be home, although I wouldn’t get too much rest, since I had to start packing. Levi had surprised me with a new house on our wedding day…in North Carolina.

  Though, I had never ever imagined moving back, once I found out about Madison, my daughter with Zack, I had to make some hard decisions.

  Luckily, Levi knew a few people, that knew a few other people, and he had gotten a top position at a company in Cary, North Carolina; only miles from Madison and mama. That was close enough for me.

  As for me, I had applied online to a couple of jobs while on my honeymoon, and already had three interviews lined up. So, everything seemed to be going smoothly.

  Zack had agreed that
we would finally have the talk with Madison once I was there and I was a nervous wreck. What if she never forgave me? What if she didn’t want me to be her mama?

  The whole situation made me uncomfortable and nervous but it had to be done.

  “A penny for your thoughts?” Levi asked me, bringing me back to reality.

  I smiled at my husband.

  The love I had for him was stronger than ever and nothing would ever change that; no matter what. Zack had called a few times while we were on our honeymoon.

  It took a while for me to take his calls but one day, while Levi was napping and I was out exploring, I did.

  Zack went on and on about how we were supposed to be the ones that had gotten married and that we were supposed to be a family. Though I had enjoyed what we shared and what we had in the past, he just wasn’t Levi. Levi had my heart and sooner or later Zack would have to accept that. Understanding how weird it would be, I almost wished he had married my sister Charlotte.

  But I decided that that would have been a bit much for everybody, especially with the news of Madison.

  Charlotte still didn’t know that I was her mother. I wanted to be the one to tell her. I just hadn’t found the right time. We were just getting back in a good space and lord knows I didn’t want to hurt her…again. I knew the news would be devastating but I had to do things the right way…for once.

  With Charlotte on my mind and with Levi heading out to make a few runs, I decided to call Charlotte.

  “Hey, sister how are you?”

  “I’m fine sister. How was your honeymoon?” Charlotte asked, actually sounding excited to hear about my trip.

  I filled her in on my honeymoon from heaven. I told her all about our trip and the things we saw and did. With so much enthusiasm in her voice I almost hated to change the mood and the subject but I figured the sooner the better.

  “Charlotte, I have to tell you something,” I said during her laughter, which immediately came to an end.

  “What is it Ski? Are you pregnant?”

  I wish. Maybe soon I thought.