The Wrong Shade of Lipstick

by B. M. Hardin

“No, at least not that I know of. I wanted to tell you about Madison.”

  “Oh, you mean about your daughter? I already know.” Charlotte said.

  What?

  How did she know?

  I made it clear to Zack and mama that I wanted to be the one to tell her. And why hadn’t Charlotte mentioned it before? I guess with her already knowing I should have felt better but for some reason I didn’t.

  “Who told you? I wanted to be the one tell you,” I pouted although I should have been relieved, especially since she didn’t sound down or bothered about the whole thing.

  “Levi told me,” she said bluntly.

  Huh? When had she talked to Levi and why hadn’t he mentioned that he had spoken to Charlotte?

  “Levi? Why would Levi tell you?” I questioned her curiously.

  “He told me a while ago Ski. And it’s okay. Anyway…guess what?” I answered what, although I was still pondering why Levi would have told Charlotte such big news behind my back.

  For whatever reason, I didn’t like it.

  I listened to Charlotte talk about her new man. I was surprised that she had mentioned this one…which had to be a good thing. I was just glad to see that she was dating again. She was young and had her whole life ahead of her. I was happy to see her moving on and getting over Zack, who she claimed to be no longer in love with and said him walking away was the best thing that ever happened to her.

  After we hung up it was only minutes later that Levi walked in, carrying boxes. I eyed him suspiciously. Though I trusted him completely, I still wanted an explanation.

  “Levi, why did you tell Charlotte?”

  I questioned him.

  “Huh?”

  “Huh my ass. Why did you tell her that my daughter news? And when did you even talk to her?”

  Levi paused for a second; as though he was thinking of a lie. Or maybe he was simply thinking of a right way to say it. Either way I wanted an answer and I wanted it now!

  “Well, I kind of mentioned it when we were working on your wedding song surprise,” he said, ashamed.

  I believed him but what I couldn’t understand was why he or Charlotte had never mentioned the fact that she knew.

  I decided that maybe I was overreacting and putting too much thought into it. I guess the main point of the matter was that she knew and she was okay with it.

  I guess that was all that matter.

  ~***~

  The movers placed the last of the boxes in the hallway and closed the door behind them. I absolutely loved my new house! Levi had done an amazing job with picking out the perfect home for us…with the help of Zack.

  I was surprised when Levi told me that he had reached out to Zack to find me the perfect home. Of course since Zack was the best in real estate, he had all the answers and it resulted in the perfect home for Levi and I.

  Zack actually had mentioned the fact of Levi reaching out to him when I called him in Bahamas. In some way I guessed it made his dick grow and extra inch or two to feel like Levi needed his assistance.

  I, for one, was stunned by it as well but that just goes to show that I was dealing with a real man who was secure enough with himself to consult the best in the business, with all of the pettiness behind him; a man who didn’t mind putting his pride aside to make things happen.

  That’s what I’m talking about!

  After all, we were all going to be a part of each other’s lives forever so we might as well get used to working together for Madison’s sake.

  After Levi and I had broken in every room in the house, well almost every room, he suggested that we showered and head out to dinner. He asked if it would be okay with me if mama joined us. I nodded and smiled at his suggestion. He was always so thoughtful. When we arrived at mamas she came straight out of the house without even a honk of the horn. I assumed she had been watching from the window and was just ready to eat, so I didn’t think much of it. She seemed to be doing just fine on her own and since she wasn't all that old, I assumed that sooner or later she would get remarried.

  Whatever made her happy; I was fine with that.

  Heading downtown Raleigh, I thought of my teenage years. I thought of my times with Nubian; sneaking in and out of clubs. Drinking and partying as if we didn’t have a care in the world. And at that time we didn’t.

  Pulling up in front of a white building with a red ribbon, I smiled at Levi, who smiled back. He was up to something and from the look on mama face, she had known too.

  I immediately noticed Charlotte, Zack and Madison and a few other family members and friends standing in front of the building, bundled up in their coats, smiling from ear to ear. Getting out of the car I noticed that the building said "Madison’s." And I looked at Levi confused.

  “Well, I know that you had always said you wanted your own boutique. I thought since we were starting fresh in a new place, you could start fresh too. But this time doing something you loved. So, I got you your own store. Your mama and sister helped me with it. Even the name; which is why we had to tell Charlotte about Madison, I just couldn't spoil the surprise when you asked me about telling her the other week. But it’s all yours. I even took the liberty of getting someone to design your sketches so every one of your pieces in your store is unique and your very own designs. I love you baby,” Levi smiled, and kissed the tears that wear drying on my face as a result of the crisp November air.

  I was at a loss for words.

  I mentally thanked the man above for sending me someone so amazing. I didn't know what I had done to deserve someone like him but I would do everything in my power to keep him. If this man ever left me, I would die. Literally.

  ************

  ~* What's yours will always be yours. Storms may come. Rain may wash some things away. But what is meant to be will always be. Whether it’s now or later. ~*

  Anonymous

  Chapter Seven

  What can I say... life was good!

  I never expected my life to turn out this way but I was so glad that it had I had a husband, a daughter, my own store, and I found out the day before Thanksgiving that… I was pregnant!

  I couldn't believe it! I was finally going to have another baby and this time I was going to be the best mother I could possibly be.

  Zack recently broke the big news to our daughter.

  She still often made the mistake of calling me Auntie Ski, but she was getting was use to the situation and better at calling me mama.

  After all, something like this would take time.

  The downside to it all was that I was seeing Zack more often than not and more often then I wanted to. It was kind of hard to deny whatever feelings I did still have for him while he was all in my personal space. It just pissed me off.

  And Zack just didn't seem to care half a pig’s ass about my marriage or the fact that I was pregnant. He had even had the nerve to ask if it was his but this time everything was right and the timing was on point. I had only been screwing my husband.

  Zack took the time to make unnecessary visits to my store to express his feelings for me. He stated that he was going to let me be happy but that he knew that one day I would again be his. He sounded almost too sure of himself; in a way, he scared me just a little…but he was wrong.

  I wasn't going anywhere and neither was Levi.

  "You're only about six weeks but everything looks just fine," the doctor said.

  I believed Levi was even more excited about the pregnancy than I was. Hell, after all he had been trying to get me pregnant for years and finally…it happened!

  Of course he wanted a boy; and I was okay with that.

  I already had a little princess so he could have his prince. I had started to dream about a son. In my dreams I could even see his little face as he ran behind Levi; that was when I wasn't having the other dreams. I guess the saying of having strange dreams because you were pregnant, was right. I still didn't recognize the girl from my dream and it always started and ended the same way. But othe
r than that, pregnancy was all good.

  Charlotte and I had decided to spend the day together; just the two of us. Since Charlotte hadn't worked because Zack had taken care of her, she had come along to help me run the store. Meanwhile, business at the store was booming, so I was able to hire employees. Charlotte was now the store manager so she could have an income coming in; though she didn't need it because daddy had left her a quarter of a million dollars. And she didn't have a thing to do with it. Charlotte had decided to stay with mama at least for a little while. But from the looks of it mama was doing better than ever. Traveling and experiencing life like never before.

  "When will mama be back from her cruise?" I asked Charlotte as we took our seat at the restaurant.

  She shrugged her shoulders and ordered a drink. I was jealous since my pregnant ass had to order water.

  I watched her sip her cocktail like a lady.

  Either it was just me or Charlotte seemed to be acting strange lately; but in sort of a good way. I guessed it had something to do with her new mystery man in her life that none of us had met yet; not even mama this time.

  Charlotte appeared to be on her grown and sexy.

  She had changed the way she dressed. It was very conservative; with just a splash of sexy. Reality was; she somewhat dressed like me. She also had changed her hair. She had chopped it all off into a short Bob and had even gone from being more of the natural beauty to wearing makeup. I was in awe with the fact that she could pull off such a bright red lipstick.

  Even I wasn't bold enough to do that. I usually stuck with a dark lip or neutral colors like a plum or a soft pink. Charlotte looked amazing… I was impressed.

  Yep, nothing but a good ole' piece of penis could be responsible for her transformation.

  "So, when are we going to meet the man responsible for all this?" I smirked, eyeing her up and down.

  Charlotte smiled; but didn't answer my question.

  "You are really keeping this one hidden huh?" I continued; probing.

  "You will; when I'm sure of where we are going. I just don't want to get my hopes up," Charlotte answered.

  I could absolutely understand that...I guess.

  We ordered our food and talked about everything except men for the rest of the evening.

  ~***~

  Morning sickness was no joke!

  I frowned as I dragged myself out of bed and headed to the bathroom. I had been sick for the last week and I was tired of it. I could barely keep down my food from the constant vomiting and I could only hope that I would feel better, since Christmas was only a few days away.

  And as God was my witness… I was going to eat something; everything; damn it!

  Getting up from off of my knees, I flushed the toilet.

  I decided that I might as well take a shower since I was already in the bathroom, so I cut on the shower and stepped in.

  The hot, steamy water relaxed my muscles instantly.

  I leaned my head back and allowed the water to hit my throat. My throat was so sore from the constant vomiting sessions. I tried my best not to complain because having this baby meant the world to me; but I wasn’t feeling this thing called pregnancy…not one bit.

  I reached for the bar of soap and allowed my mind to wonder. Again, I envisioned a little boy trailing behind Levi. They were singing and laughing. I smiled at the image in my head and began proceeded to bathe myself. Never did I imagine that my life would be so good.

  I had been through so much bad in my lifetime that to be where I was at this point in my life was like a dream come true.

  My downfall had always been that funny little thing that we called love. It seemed like for a while me and love just couldn’t seem to get along. More times than not I seemed to be looking for love in all the wrong places. Like most women, I always wanted to be loved. I craved it; I desired it. And I would do anything to get it; have it.

  Maybe it was the lack of my father’s love; but whatever the reason was, I would do almost anything just to hear the words I love you.

  But my need to be loved always did me more harm than good. I had been with quite a few men while I was back in California.

  A few of the relationships were too horrible to forget.

  My sophomore year in college, I’d dated a man named Nathan. And I do mean man. He was in his mid thirties at the time. I felt that if I dated older men that I would have a better chance at something real. I hoped that they would be mature and I wouldn't have to deal with all of the games and baby mama issues, but boy was I wrong.

  I remembered lying beside him in his bed. His phone was ringing nonstop and he made no attempt to answer it, so I did.

  "Hello?" I answered in my sleep voice.

  "Hello? Who the hell is this?" she asked. If I wasn’t woke before…I sure as hell woke me up.

  "The question...is who is this…I'm Nate's girlfriend," I said boldly, proudly.

  "Oh, really…that's funny… because I thought I was.

  Tell me something, how many kids do you have by him? Because I have two… and I'm in labor with his third; so tell his ass I said to get to the hospital now!" She screamed and hung up in my ear.

  Wasting no time, I hit Nathan in the back of his head with his own phone. He jumped up as though he had missed the Rapture or something.

  "Some woman just called your phone and said she was in labor… with your child... is it true?" I asked him furious. Between a bunch of his rambling and him getting dressed and rushing out of the door, my guess was that it was.

  A few days later he called to explain the situation and like the sucker that I was; I listened. He stated that she was already pregnant before we met and so on and so forth.

  It was funny; because before then he had never even mentioned that he had kids; not even once.

  And for some strange reason or another; I took his word for it after a while and allowed him back into my life. It wasn't until the same woman popped up pregnant…again, that I had had enough.

  But that was my past.

  My present and future was brighter than ever.

  For the first time in my life, I wasn’t sad. For the first time, I was lucky enough to have a man that loved me and only me; a man that cared about me and showed it every chance that he could. A man that came home to me every night and I didn’t have to stay up waiting by the phone. It was so many of us, women, that were settling and putting up with the unnecessary; just to remain a small fish in one man’s big pond.

  I was so grateful that I was no longer in that category.

  That alone was more than enough to be thankful for.

  With my thoughts coming to an end, I reached for the bar of soap again, but something caught my eye.

  I stared down at the once white rag…that was suddenly a stained red.

  ~***~

  "Merry Christmas," everyone chimed at the same time, as Levi and I entered mama’s house.

  Mama had a house full of family and friends. There was people, food and gifts all over the place.

  Everyone seemed to be smiling and enjoying themselves. Levi and I headed toward the kitchen. Once I was seated at the table he headed back out to the car to retrieve the presents.

  "Hey baby. How are you feeling?" Mama asked. I forced a smile but didn't answer.

  Mama looked good for a woman that was celebrating her first Christmas without her husband. She was smiling the brightest of smiles and as always, she was very well dressed. I guess she meant what she said about having time to prepare and move on from daddy’s death; and she was moving on swiftly.

  "Mama, that's entirely too much food. And I'm not all that hungry." I said objecting to the plate that she reached out for me to grab.

  "Says the pregnant woman," Mama laughed.

  She stopped abruptly when she noticed that I wasn’t laughing with her.

  "Ski?"

  "I lost the baby mama, the other day… I had a miscarriage," I started to weep, which made me upset.

  I told myself that
I wasn't going to do this today; not on Christmas. I had spent the last few days crying and I was tired of it. But, I just couldn't seem to stop.

  Any time I even heard the word baby my tears assumed that the word was a green light to start their never ending flow. I wasn't even planning to mention the miscarriage to anyone until after the holidays but so much for that.

  Mama placed the plate on the counter and moved closer to me. She reached out her arms and it was almost as if I jumped inside of them. She hugged me tightly and began to whisper encouraging words in my ear. Through my teary eyes, I caught sight of Levi as he entered the kitchen; with the bags full of presents. He could tell right away that I had told mama our secret mishap and he dropped his head. Levi and I hadn't talked much about the miscarriage.

  He had tried to be strong for me, but he was just as crushed by it as I was. He hadn’t showed much emotion in front of me but I had woken up out of my sleep several times from his sobbing; although I laid with my back toward him and pretended as though I was still asleep.

  In reality, it wasn't the end of the world.

  We could always try again.

  It was just the fact that we had been trying for so long and both wanted it so badly.

  Even before Levi proposed, we both had come to an agreement of having a baby. I wasn’t on any birth control and Levi refused to play the pull out game, so we had always expected that it would happen sooner or later.

  It just happened to happen way later than we thought it would and just like that; it had been taken away from us.

  My phone began to ring and subconsciously, mama pulled away and headed toward Levi to give him some of the same comfort I had just received.

  "Hello?"

  "Come and get her," Zack said in my ear.

  He had brought Madison by mama's to spend the rest of Christmas with us and to open her gifts. It felt amazing for me to go out and shop for presents for my daughter.

  The feeling was indescribable and at the moment I wasn’t in the proper head space to relive the memories.

  I was just too emotional. I mouthed the word Madison to Levi, and headed out the back door to avoid the living room full of guest.