The Wrong Shade of Lipstick

by B. M. Hardin

  "Go on, tell her Charlotte. Tell mama how you and Levi plotted to kill me because y'all are having an affair. Go ahead and tell her about his unborn child that you are carrying. That's right my sister is pregnant by my husband. Ain't that a bitch?" I said full of rage.

  Mama overlooked my potty mouth that time and instantly began to question Charlotte about the affair and the baby. She hadn't even known that she was pregnant. She hadn't paid attention. As big as the clothes were that Charlotte had been wearing lately, it was kind of hard to notice. Just so happened, that day at the store, she actually had on a shirt that fit.

  Charlotte was finally in tears. The way she cried pierced my soul. I almost felt sympathetic and sorry for her but I refused too. She had tried to kill me. She would get absolutely no sympathy from me, even when we had our day in court. That's right; I was pressing charges on her ass. When Levi entered the room Charlotte looked at him and then looked at me.

  "Ski, I am not sleeping with your husband," she said between cries and placed her head in her hands.

  That lying little bitch.

  Give it up already. She was caught. The secret was out. The cat was out of the bag. All I wanted now was the truth.

  "Skilar, what are you talking about? I'm not having an affair with your sister? Is she who you've been accusing me of cheating with all this time?" Levi butted in.

  Of course, he was on her side. Go figure.

  I rolled my eyes at him. But I wasn't prepared to back down. So I let it all out.

  "Levi, I would check your call logs and see that she would call you and you wouldn't even mention it. And let's not forget about the nights you worked late, coming home smelling like perfume and then immediately take a shower. Come on, dead giveaway. Even the way you make love to me is different. I liked the old way just fine. Never had I complained. For years you had done things the same way but all of a sudden they change. There has to be a reason. And let's not forget that anytime I can't find Charlotte, I can't find you. But as soon as you popped up on the grid so would she. Oh and since we’re being honest, let's talk about your little late night rendezvous at your office that night," I said.

  "What late night rendezvous Ski, please tell me?"

  Levi asked being a smart ass.

  “One night you told me you were working late and I saw you outside your office with her. She was wearing the black dress that I designed; the one that I ordered in a custom size for the both of us; the one with the silver eagle on the back of it; the one that only she and I have in a plus size. I saw you with my own eyes Levi. You hugged her and from a distance it looked as though you kissed her before parting ways. And then you didn't come home until maybe two hours later. Now how do you explain that huh?" I said feeling an overload of chest pain. My heart was racing and so were my tears. My eyes had gotten so heavy. I was struggling to keep them open.

  Levi looked at me confused at first and then he opened his mouth to speak.

  "Ski...that wasn't Charlotte that night...it was you."

  ***************

  *~Secrets are like the changing seasons; they stay hidden or disappear for a while; but they always find their way back around *~

  Anonymous

  Chapter Thirteen

  When I woke up, I was all alone. The room looked different. As if they had moved me while I was sleeping.

  I looked around the room and I noticed a sign by the door; 7th floor.

  Huh, I thought. The 7th floor was for the crazy people… and I wasn't crazy. I had good damn sense. I wasn't the one running around trying to kill people.

  Just as I reached for the phone beside the bed; the door opened. And in came my family…well whatever you wanted to call them.

  Mama being there was fine; but I wasn't sure as to why Charlotte or Levi was there. As far as I was concerned, I had nothing to say to them.

  They all seemed to be looking at me in a strange way. As if something was wrong with me but I seemed to be the only normal one in the entire room.

  Levi approached me and reached for my hand.

  At first, I snatched it away but what was the point. I guess I might as well hear him out.

  Thinking about it before I fell asleep he had said something…interesting. Levi had said that I was the one with him that night at the office.

  How in the hell was I the one with him when I was the one watching him and her from the car?

  What kind of fool did he take me for?

  I guess it truly was time to get to the bottom of this mess and Levi didn't waste any time getting to the point.

  "Ski, the doctor said the wounds were self inflicted. He is saying that you stabbed yourself. They have you on suicide watch," Levi said barely being able to hold himself together.

  What? What the hell was he talking about?

  I didn't stab myself. Why would I do that?

  The doctor had it all wrong. One of them tried to kill me!

  "That night I came home. I just wanted to talk. I was missing you like crazy. I had spent all day talking myself out of coming but finally I couldn't resist. I just wanted to see you. Hold you. Kiss you. I was determined to make you believe me when I said that I was nothing but faithful to you. But when I came into the kitchen you were already lying on the floor, covered in blood. There was so much blood. The kitchen was a mess and I thought someone had broken in and tried to kill you. I ran to you and noticed that you had been stabbed in your chest and up near your shoulder, right above your heart. I called 911 and held you in my arms until help arrived. I felt so guilty. I never should've left you in that house alone. I swore on my life that I was going to find the bastard that did this to you and kill them myself. But then the doctor told me that you did this to yourself. Why Ski, why?" Levi begged me, chocking up along the way.

  I snatched my hand away from him.

  He had truly gone insane. I hadn't stabbed myself.

  Either he or Charlotte had done this to me.

  "Ski, it was you that was at the office that night, the night that you were referring to. That was you baby. I was working late. You came in all dressed up in that very black dress, with the silver eagle on the back that you described. You were wearing those black spiked heels that I love for you to wear…remember? You said that work could wait and that you made dinner reservations for us and if we didn't hurry we were going to be late. You insisted that we spend some time together and you weren’t taking no for an answer. So, knowing how to pick and choose my battles, I got my stuff together and we walked out. You were in one of your flirtatious moods and before we parted ways, you hugged me and kissed me. You headed to your car, I headed to mine, and we drove straight to the restaurant. We stayed there, at the restaurant for about two hours. We had such a good time. Remember what the chef did with the fire? Why don't you remember? We made love that night in the garage, don't you remember?" Levi begged.

  I shook my head trying my best to remember all of the things that Levi had just said to me---but I couldn't.

  Levi was trying to make me out to be some lunatic. I know what I saw and it was Charlotte that night--- not me.

  "Charlotte and I have nothing going on. Whenever she calls me; it is concerning her issues. She calls me strictly as her brother-in-law. I didn't mention it because what she talked to me about was confidential and she begged me not to say anything. The only thing I have ever given her is advice. I have never cheated on you with her Ski," Levi said.

  I was so confused. I felt like I was going crazy. Levi was saying one thing but that isn't what it looked like. I know what I saw. And I just couldn't get past him saying that I stabbed myself.

  Why would I stab myself? What sense did that make?

  I saw Charlotte walk up behind Levi.

  She somewhat hid behind him but her stomach stuck out from the side. She spoke softly at first and first she cleared her throat.

  “Ski, I would never do that to you. I would never hurt you that way. Levi is like a brother to me. You are my sister. The truth is�
�� I'm pregnant by Pastor Baylock. There. I said it. He is the father of my child. After Zack left me, Pastor Baylock would call repeatedly to check up on me. At first, I never answered but one day, I finally picked up and something happened. Somehow things got out of hand and we started fooling around. I knew he had a wife the whole time; I just didn't want you to know that I knew---that day I talked to you about it. I had fallen in love with him and I didn't know what to do. I knew it was wrong and I just didn't know how to get out of it. He kept telling me that their marriage was over and that they were going to get a divorce but every Sunday, she was there by his side. That's why I kept it a secret and never brought him around. That's why I would call Levi to get his advice from a man's point of view on all the lies he would tell me. That's why I hadn't been around or even gone to the church since daddy's funeral. How could Pastor Baylock lead the church and step up as daddy’s successor, when his mistress was sitting in the congregation and having a baby? If daddy only knew the truth about the man that he had left in charge of his church and his people. Charles, Pastor Baylock, isn't worthy enough to wear the title. But hell, in today's time, only a hand full of them actually is. But since I have gotten pregnant, I cut him off completely. I met him one last time at a hotel a few weeks ago and that was only to tell him that whatever this was, was over. I was keeping my baby and I wanted him out of my life for good. I told him that he should go home and be with his wife and that he never had to worry about me interfering again. His wife would never know about the baby. So, I'm stuck raising this baby by myself. I even thought of giving it to you and Levi. Considering what happened with your baby and the fact that I am not ready to be a mother; especially if I have to do it on my own. Ski, you're my sister. And I love you. You have to believe me," Charlotte took a deep breath.

  She moved Levi out of the way and came closer to me. She reached down and hugged me. Her stomach touched me and I thought I felt a kick. I allowed her to embrace me as I tried to sort things out. My mind was all over the place. Was this some kind of a joke? If so, it was far from being funny.

  I didn't know whether to believe them or believe myself.

  Lord… help me. What was going on here?

  "I think I can clear up the missing pieces to this puzzle," Mama spoke up. I instantly became nervous because mama was known for keeping something on the hush.

  There was no telling what she knew.

  "You were about eight years old at the time. You and your sister, Ashley…were in the bath tub. You girls were only a year apart. But you were so much bigger than she was. You girls were so close in age that I thought I was killing two birds with one stone that day, by letting you girls bathe together. I truly thought it was a good idea. I was hoping it would save us some time since we were running behind for church. It was the first time I had ever done it; and my God it was the last. I was as big as a house pregnant with Charlotte at the time and to save my life, I just couldn't stop eating. I left you girls playing alone for only a few minutes. After all, you weren’t babies. You were my big girls. Ski, I could hear you humming and singing the whole time, so I didn't think anything was wrong. I remember it like yesterday. You were singing an old spiritual hymn like the ones we sing during baptism, Wade in the Water. You always sung in the bathtub; it never failed. Anyway, I took my time in the kitchen but if I had only made it back to the bathroom a minute or two sooner; she, your sister Ashley, would have made it. When I came back into the bathroom, Ashley was faced down in the water. You were sitting right beside her as if nothing was wrong. You were continuing to talk to her as if she was talking back to you. You would ask a question; and then answer yourself---as if you were her. You would change your voice and everything; scariest thing I had ever seen. I pulled Ashley out of the water and called for your father. We tried and tried to get her back breathing but nothing happen. Ashley was gone. We asked you what happen. At first, you answered for yourself and then you answered as Ashley. You said you were a pastor; like daddy, and Ashley was a sinner…so you baptized her. Ski, that's why he was always so uncomfortable around you; I don't think he ever truly got over it and in more ways than one; he felt somewhat responsible for what happened. You never truly explained the details but we only could assume that you used your weight to hold her head under water. There wasn’t much water splashed on the floor, so the assumption was that it was supposed to be a game maybe and that Ashley had voluntarily let you pretend to baptize her---not knowing that you were going to kill her.

  At such an early age the doctors said you showed the signs of schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder. There wasn't much knowledge of it back then, but something absolutely was wrong. For months you walked around talking, laughing and playing as if you were both; Ashley and yourself. We had taken you to so many doctors and gave you so much medicine that as the weeks and months went by, we finally accepted it. We saw that going along with the nonsense was the easier route and we loved you so we had to make some hard choices. I just couldn't live with you being locked away like some animal. You were our responsibility, no matter how sick they said you were. Then something amazing happened; when Charlotte was born. All of a sudden everything just stopped. No more talking to yourself or pretending to be both of you. It all just stopped. One day, I asked you where Ashley was and you asked me who was that… it was like you had completely forgotten about her. You never even mentioned her name again. All you wanted to do was love on Charlotte. I would ask you how many sisters you had and what their names were; you would only respond with Charlotte Leann Parks.

  So, daddy and I got rid of everything that reminded you of her; we hid every photo, changed her room to a den; everything. We vowed to never speak of her again and with the whole family and the church on board; it wasn't that hard to do. At times, I found myself almost forgetting about her. I even forgot her birthday a time or two. I just wanted you to be normal. Have a normal childhood and a normal life. The doctors said you may never remember her or what happened that day in the bathtub. After Charlotte, you never even showed signs of the schizophrenia or multiple personalities again. They said it was too early to tell because you were so young but that some people who are diagnosed with your same sickness, have a way of deleting things entirely from their memory. But also on the flip side, the sickness gave you the ability to make up your own memories and actually believe them. We could deal with the forgetting part of it. The doctor’s said that if you ever regain memory of it that it's usually the result of trauma or something drastic that happens to you that brings it all back. My guess is that the wedding incident, your father’s death and the miscarriage all played a part in triggering it again. That’s the only explanation for all of this. Just as Levi described, back then, you would see things that weren't there. Make up whole stories of what you and Ashley did that day… that never happened. You would see Ashley doing something she wasn’t suppose to and then come and tattle. I would have to play along and pretend to chastise her all though I knew that she was up in heaven looking down on us. I'm sorry I never said anything before I just wanted you to be normal; happy. I didn't want you to carry the guilt of killing your sister, so all of these years your daddy and I carried it for you," Mama, finished her statement and began to bawl; like I had never seen her before. Charlotte and Levi were also crying. I on the other hand; couldn't seem to shed a tear. I was at a loss for words.

  I looked at Charlotte who looked at me as if mama hadn't said all the things she had just said. She only looked at me with love; a tad bit of sympathy but mostly love.

  Our stares were suddenly broken as mama made a loud, -excruciating, noise that just wasn't quite right.

  Mama clutched her chest and Levi ran to her side.

  Oh, Mama.

  ***********

  ~ Complaining is something that is often done without realizing that things could be a lot worse. Learn to be thankful for what you have and appreciate where you are in life. You just don’t know how lucky you are.*~

  Anonymousr />
  Chapter Fourteen

  I squeezed Levi's hand with all of my might. He held onto it tightly. I felt like jumping in mama’s casket and going down into the ground with her.

  How can a woman with not one health issue, not even high blood pressure, suddenly die of a heart attack?

  It just didn't make sense. It just wasn't fair.

  It’s been said that the truth could kill you… in mama’s case; it actually had.

  Mama’s casket and arrangements were identical to the ones of daddy's; even a year ago. I tell you one thing; they sure had this death thing all planned out; matching caskets and everything. Charlotte and I didn't have many choices to make, which eliminated a lot of the stress as we grieved. We didn’t have much to do except choose the date and the time. Overall, the funeral had gone pretty much the exact way mama had wanted it to; according to the many instructions.

  And Charlotte and I had followed every one of them; all the way down to everyone wearing white---not black.

  The songs were all high in spirit and not long, sad hymns. Though no matter what they sung, the pain still felt the same. Mama’s casket continued to descend into the ground. My sobs grew louder as Levi's grip grew tighter. I could hear Charlotte wailing on the other side of me. I felt like I was losing the biggest and best part of me. Nothing could ever compare to mama. No one could ever fill her shoes or take her place. She was my mama and she always would be. I never even got the chance to say sorry.

  Mama's casket disappeared into the ground; out of sight. She was being buried at the right beside daddy. She was on his right side...and my sister, Ashley, was on his left; which was something I hadn't noticed before.

  From going through mama's stuff, I had discovered that my sister, Ashley, had been the girl from my dreams…and identical to my fake daughter…Madison…who unfortunately wasn’t my daughter at all.

  The part of having a baby girl and giving her up was true; but Zack never found her; though he had tried. He said that Nubian had told him right before she died…not right after the adoption. She hadn’t told him all the details; which was what he really wanted to talk to me about that day; the day mama told me to go and see him. Levi also explained that the day of daddy’s funeral the conversation had gone slightly different than I remembered it. Yes, Zack told me about knowing about the child I had given up; but it wasn’t to break the news of his daughter Madison being our long lost daughter. I guess seeing his daughter, reminded me of the daughter that I would have had. In reality, Zack’s daughter looked nothing like I had described her; she was actually mixed. Her mother was the white woman; the one that had answered the door at his house that day.