Sleep Keeper

by Wilcox, April

  I could see the relief slip off of Leyland’s shoulders. He grabbed Orion in a bear hug.

  “Oh… okay,” Orion responded timidly and patted Leyland’s shoulder.

  “Oh man, I’m sorry for what I did. I wish I could explain it,” he tried to apologize.

  “Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have lost you in the first place,” Orion interrupted. “How did you escape Erebus?”

  “I don’t know. After your girl here took me down,” Leyland pointed in my direction.

  Orion smiled with pride and I bashfully grinned back.

  “I heard screaming but couldn’t get up. Erebus was furious… rambled something about your death. Then he disappeared… leaving me behind. Once he was gone, I felt like my old self again,” he explained.

  I turned to Orion, “Maybe if he thinks you’re dead, he will finally leave us alone,” I thrilled.

  “I wouldn’t count on that, my love. He’ll find out soon enough that I’m alive - especially when I hunt him down.” Orion held a malicious gaze that made me feel uneasy.

  “When we hunt him down,” Leyland corrected.

  Orion’s mouth slightly turned in delight. He had his fighting companion back by his side. I wish I could say I was surprised that Orion would not give up on his quest to destroy Erebus, but I knew it was right thing to do… even if my selfishness was over-clouding my righteousness. I wanted us to run away and hide, but I was also tired of the anxiety I endured every time I left Orion, wondering if it would be the last time I would see him. My heart ached just thinking about it.

  “Leyland, you’re welcome to stay with me, if you wish. I’m using a friend’s cabin,” he offered as he pointed to the cabin nearby.

  “That would be great,” Leyland said, and we made our way to the cabin.

  I contemplated telling Orion about Jeremy. I didn’t want him to worry about me the way I worried every second about him. Jeremy tried to hurt me once, although I doubted he was still a threat. On the other hand, should I really start keeping things from Orion?

  “Leyland, go ahead and make yourself at home. We’ll be there in a few minutes,” Orion insisted as he pointed to the cabin.

  He waited for Leyland to leave. “What’s wrong?” he probed.

  “Um, what do you mean?”

  He raised an eyebrow in a look that said ‘don’t play stupid with me’. “You have your little pout and are biting your lip, which usually means something is bothering you.”

  Either he was observant or I was a little too obvious. “It’s nothing really - Jeremy’s out of jail and came by today.”

  “What did he do? Did he hurt you?” he rushed.

  His concerned tone pleased me.

  “No, no, nothing like that. I made them leave soon after they arrived… My mom brought him,” I explained with a roll of my eyes.

  “Still… I don’t like it. He seems unstable,” he frowned.

  Definitely unstable. I was beginning to wonder if Erebus played a hand in Jeremy’s attack.

  “Don’t worry about me. I can handle him,” I said with a wink and planted a kiss on his lips. The distraction worked as planned and he dismissed the topic, for now.

  The following weeks flew by like a dream and before I knew it. With Erebus’ disappearance, the dream world was quickly revived. The smoke completely dissipated, leaving the fresh aroma I fell in love with. The ample life forces flowed through the forest once again. Orion returned to teaching and Leyland began work at the town’s store, but they never stopped searching for a way to find and destroying Erebus. So far, none of the plans conjured were ideal; each marked with unwarranted risk and potential failure.

  I tried to stay mad at Mom as long as possible but that soon failed. Thanksgiving came and I couldn’t let her to spend it alone. She invited me over for dinner, minus Jeremy of course, and I grudgingly accepted. Thankfully, I have not seen Jeremy since my surprise visit. I continued to drag myself through the tiring days like a drone and crawl in bed early each night, where my real life awaited.

  One cold night, I awoke from the sounds of the howling wind scraping tree branches across my window. I really needed to do something about that tree. I glanced at the clock, 2 A.M. I tried to fall back asleep, but my stomach growled painfully. I rolled over and tried to ignore its demands, but finally gave in and crawled out of bed. Exhaustion was my routine again, but this time it was mixed with a queasiness that I couldn’t seem to kick. I shuffled into the kitchen for a snack. Achiness throbbed throughout my breasts. I wondered if it was close to that time of the month, although this was much sorer than I had experienced with menstruation. I had been so preoccupied lately that I couldn’t remember when my last period was. Luckily I had gotten myself in the habit of circling it on my calendar after a scare last year.

  I hurried into the kitchen and peered down at my calendar. I was more than a week into December yet the calendar was still flipped to September with a circle around the 21st. I reached over, flipped the page to October, and found no marks. I flipped forward to November… nothing. I flipped back to September.

  I thought hard to remember my last period, but I couldn’t. Too much emotion and too little sleep over the last few months clouded my memory. I knew I had one in September, so I focused on October. It would have been due around October 19th. I looked at the blank calendar of October. My stomach sunk when I thought about that month… Mitchell died on October 4th and I spent the next few weeks in a fog. I shunned the memory away and moved on to November. I thought about the past month I spent with Orion… I still didn’t recall my cycle.

  Oh God… this is not good.

  I lifted my shirt and ran my hands across my belly. It did feel slightly firmer and my hips were pudgier, but I chalked that up to my increased appetite and lack of exercise since my depression stint two months back. Was it actually possible that I was three months pregnant and not realized it? I pictured one of those headline stories: ‘girl gives birth in a restaurant bathroom and didn’t know she was pregnant’.

  I quickly dressed and rushed to the twenty-four hour drugstore for a pregnancy test. When I arrived back home, I couldn’t tear open the box and pee on the stick fast enough. I set the soiled stick on the counter and paced anxiously around the room, staring at the clock. Two minutes ticked by, one-hundred-and-twenty slow and agonizing seconds. When the big hand finally reached the two-minute mark, I leaned over the counter and peered down. It took my brain several blinks to process the pink ‘pregnant’ word displayed on the reader.

  It had to be wrong. I grabbed the box and read the back, ‘Positive readings are 99% accurate’. My chest felt heavy and the room began to spin. I lower myself to the bathroom floor and tucked my knees against my chest.

  Please tell me this isn’t happening!

  Even after death, Mitchell was casting down punishment. I would forever be reminded of my betrayal as I stare each day into the eyes of his child - stuck in my own nightmare. I spent the next hour crying on the bathroom floor, until I rocked myself back to sleep.

  I opened my eyes to the cabin’s living room. Leyland was sprawled out on a chestnut recliner, reading a book. The rest of the tiny room was empty except for a striped brown couch pushed against the bare hunter green walls. I took a step; Leyland’s head snapped forward when the floorboard creaked.

  “Oh, hi Alexis. I didn’t hear you come in,” he said, as he relaxed back in his chair.

  I didn’t reply as I looked around the room.

  “Orion’s out back,” he answered.

  “Oh, okay, thanks.”

  I remained still. I was relieved that Orion wasn’t around. I wasn’t sure how to break the news to him. I probably shouldn’t put it off… this wasn’t the kind of secret one should hide. It was better to rip the Band-Aid off immediately and deal with the pain, than to let it sit and fester with the infectious puss of deception. I glanced up to find that Leyland has lowered his book into his lap and was staring at me.

  “Something the
matter?” he questioned.

  “Um, no, I’m fine,” I murmured in a shaky voice.

  He nodded and lifted up his book again.

  Orion would no doubt be devastated to know I was carrying another man’s child. I was sure he would break it off with me, but in this nightmare I called my life, I would have no choice but to continuously haunt him… showing up at his doorstep unwillingly every time I fell asleep… both of us stuck in a repetitious groundhog’s day… constantly reminded of Mitchell every day my stomach grew bigger… reminded of my betrayal that led to his death. I killed him! I killed my child’s father!

  My eyes welted with tears and my lip quivered as I tried so hard to keep it together. I took deep breaths of air to calm myself down.

  Don’t cry! Don’t cry!

  A flood of sorrow poured over my heart as I tried to think of the words that would crush Orion. My emotions were too strong to hold back as the tears flowed down my cheeks. Soft cries escaped my mouth and I closed my eyes in anguish.

  “Whoa,” Leyland jumped up and stood before me. “What’s wrong?”

  He placed his hands on my shoulders and dipped his head down to my level. His voice was marked with kindness and his touch was unexpectedly tender. With my arms wrapped around my stomach, I leaned in, falling into his chest, and sobbed. He put his arms around me.

  “It’s okay,” he whispered and lightly patted my back.

  His voice was soothing and the small circles he made across my shoulders reminded me of how Dad would comfort me when I was a child. My sobs slowed down to snivels and I calmed down. I dropped my arms from my stomach and draped wrapped them around his waist, resting my wet cheek against his chest. The sound of his lungs expanding and contracting with air against my ear, and with the rhythmic movements of his chest, made me think of the ocean. I closed my eyes and thought of the day I was on the boat with Orion. I wish I could go back to that moment, so carefree and naïve, instead of waiting for my world to crumble, again.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Leyland whispered.

  I looked up at him and he looked back down with benevolence.

  Maybe I should tell him and test his reaction?

  “What’s going on here?!” Orion snapped.

  I jumped at his tone and Leyland’s hands fell to his sides. He took a quick step back. “It’s not what you think,” he answered.

  “Oh, and what was I thinking Leyland,” he responded brusquely.

  “I… I don’t know…” Leyland stuttered.

  “How dare you touch her - again!” Orion yelled.

  “Wait a minute! Are you seriously accusing us of something inappropriate?” I exasperated.

  “No, not you, HIM!” Orion scowled.

  “Same thing!” I shouted back.

  “Orion, if you knew me at all, you would never have said that,” Leyland replied with a sullen face.

  “Well, I guess I don’t really know you then, do I?” Orion hollered back.

  “Oh, will you stop it Orion, before you say something you’ll regret! Leyland was consoling me!” I explained.

  “Consoling you? For what?” he interrogated.

  I paused, unsure how to respond.

  “Well?” he said impatiently with raised brows.

  I didn’t care much for his condescending tone, although given my situation I decided to let it go. I glanced over at Leyland who seemed equally as eager for my answer. I looked back at Orion.

  “Because… I’m… pregnant,” I murmured.

  Leyland shifted uneasily and quietly moved toward the door.

  “What?” Orion said, but I could tell from his eyes that he had heard me.

  “I think I’m pregnant,” I repeated as I stared at the floor.

  “Pregnant? I didn’t know that was even possible,” he gasped.

  “Of course it’s possible, I am a woman.”

  “No, I mean, I didn’t know I could get you pregnant since you are, you know, from another world,” he clarified in astonishment.

  “Oh God…” I muttered.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Mitchell…” I mumbled.

  “Huh?”

  “It’s Mitchell’s,” I said quietly.

  On that note, the front door closed. Orion’s face flushed and his mouth hung open.

  After a long awkward pause, “Are you… sure?” he asked.

  “Well… no, I guess not,” I stammered.

  I hadn’t thought that it could be Orion’s. Was that even possible? But my body was never there.

  “So you could be carrying my child,” he said with a spark in his eyes.

  He swiftly walked over and placed his palm on my belly. I was surprised by his abruptness and moved my hands to my stomach in defense. He chucked and I quickly relaxed, slightly abashed by my reaction.

  “Orion, there’s a HUGE chance it isn’t yours,” I whispered shamefully. I wanted to lay all the cards on the table and get it over with.

  “No,” he shook his head. “I can feel the life inside of you. Look,” he said and rubbed my stomach.

  “I know, I’m already starting to show,” I muttered and pushed his hand away.

  “Exactly, you are already starting to show here, in this world.”

  He had a point. Prior changes in my world didn’t show up in this world, although being pregnant is much different than a scratch or bruise. But maybe my physical appearance here is merely subjective to my subconscious.

  “That doesn’t mean it’s yours,” I rebutted.

  “I don’t care.”

  “You don’t care, what?” I asked.

  “I don’t care if it isn’t mine,” he clarified.

  “Really?” I gasped. I couldn’t tell if he was serious or not.

  “Why do you sound so surprised? I love you, Alexis. Did you think I would abandon you?”

  “Well…”

  He shook his head. “You really need to learn to trust me more.”

  “It’s not about trust…”

  “I love you no matter what happens. And, you have a new life growing inside of you. That makes me love you even more. Nothing else matters,” he said avidly.

  “But, I’m not sure what’s going to happen. What if…”

  “Shhh, don’t. Just let fate take us where it will and we’ll deal with whatever happens as it comes.”

  “Wow… I’m speechless. I must be dreaming. You truly are amazing.” I admired him more each day.

  “I know,” he chortled and gave a wink.

  The next day I called the doctor’s office. Since it had been several months since my last period, they were able to squeeze me in that day and confirmed my diagnosis with an ultrasound, twelve weeks pregnant. It was amazing to hear the baby’s racing heartbeat and to see it moving inside of me, like an actual mini person bouncing around. I was surprised to discover that my baby was already two inches long and most of the systems were in place. The more I thought that it could be Orion’s, the more excited about being pregnant I became. Yesterday’s curse was now today’s blessing. On the way home from the doctor’s appointment, I made a detour to the bookstore and bought several books about pregnancy.

  Now that I knew I was pregnant, I felt ignorant for not noticing it sooner. I have been out of touch with reality way too much lately. Mom was coming over soon for dinner soon and I wasn’t sure if I should tell her or not. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with whatever level of reaction she would give – pity or excitement… both sound equally unpleasant. But the longer I waited, the more hurt she would be that I kept it from her.

  Knock, knock, knock.

  I walked over to the peak-hole; speaking of Mom… I swung open the door and was greeted with a smile.

  “Hi sweetie,” Mom beamed.

  I wondered if I would be this excited to see my child.

  “Hi Mom,” I said flatly.

  I wondered if he or she would be this unenthusiastic to see me.

  Mom came inside carrying a bag of hot food and
set it on the breakfast bar. The aroma sent my stomach growling.

  “Yum, what’s in there?” I asked.

  “Enchiladas.”

  “They smell delicious,” I leaned over the container and took a deep breath, letting the sweet scent fill my nostrils.

  My mouth watered in accord. Unfortunately, this also sent a quick wave of nausea rolling up my chest and my mouth filled with vomit. I gagged and clenched my jaw to keep it from spewing all over the food. I turned and fell into the sink, releasing the puke over the dirty dishes.

  Great…

  “Oh my! Are you okay?” Mom gasped.

  I rinsed my mouth with water then quickly sprayed down the dishes.

  “I’m… fine…” I stuttered and refused to face her.

  “Are you sick again?” She took several steps closer.

  I sighed and turned around. It only took a moment after I locked my eyes on hers that she figured it out… mother’s intuition, or maybe it was written all over my guilt-ridden face.

  “You’re not…” she began, and then looked down at my stomach.

  I put my hands on my belly and looked up at her in contrite.

  “Are you pregnant?” she gulped.

  “Twelve weeks. I just found out today,” I answered sheepishly.

  “Oh Alexis,” she gasped. Her eyes filled with tears and she jumped forward to embrace me.

  I wasn’t quite sure if she was happy or mortified. I left my arms hanging momentarily then raised one hand and swiftly patted her shoulder. “Um, okay Mom.”

  She pulled away and smiled with streams of tears smeared across her cheeks. “I don’t know what to say. This is a miracle!”

  So… happy it is.

  “Now Mitchell can live on and will be with you, always,” she exclaimed.

  A sharp pain shot through my chest. “Mom, please don’t,” I rolled my eyes.

  “Alexis, it’s okay to be happy for once,” she charged.

  “It’s not that,” I countered.

  She cut me off and put her hand on my stomach. Was this going to become a habit of everyone? I brushed it off and took a step back.

  “Mom, you can’t feel anything yet.”

  “Oh Alexis, stop being so melodramatic,” she huffed and walked back toward the food, giving me space.