Merit Badge Murder

by Leslie Langtry

  "Ah," she said with a smile. She really was enjoying herself. "I brought him in using a yacht. He was hidden in a special compartment his organization used to smuggle drugs in. We landed on the island of Catalina and took the ferry to the mainland. No one tried to stop us."

  She picked a long blonde hair off her gun and dropped it on the floor before continuing, "In fact, the only real problem was keeping them both here at the same time. But all I had to do was rent two different mansions in the area. I told them I owned the houses. They had no idea what was going on. Or maybe Carlos did when I shoved him from a hedge in front of your car."

  Lana narrowed her eyes. I was running out of time.

  "And Midori? How did you pull that off?" Of course! She dragged the dead Yakuza leader into the kitchen when I was looking out the window in the living room. She'd gotten to the body before me. Obviously she'd stashed it in the garage until it was time to dump her in my kitchen.

  She shrugged. Man, this chick could go from full-blown rage to calm in seconds. Not good. It meant she was mentally unstable, which only made our situation worse.

  "No idea. Midori wasn't mine. I was just as surprised to see her there as you were."

  What? Was she lying to me? Trying to get me to say…say what? I looked at Riley who looked equally confused. And then I remembered that Rex was listening in the hallway. They didn't know about Midori. They would want to know where the body was. I couldn't deal with that now.

  "So my big question is…" I took a deep breath, hoping that looked dramatic. "Why?"

  Lana scowled. Even with the bruised eyes, she still looked gorgeous. I hated her a little more for that, and this time I didn't even feel guilty.

  "Why? Why? For Mother Russia, of course! To strike a blow to the CIA! To America!"

  I was a little flattered that she considered nailing me to be a blow to the CIA, but I wasn't going to tell her that.

  "Really?" I asked.

  "Yes! Of course, really!" Lana was back to fuming now. "Why?"

  I shrugged. "Seems kind of simplistic—the whole Evil America thing."

  Lana sneered. "You Americans and your need for elaborate plots and intricate intrigues! You all sicken me! I know it won't mean much, killing one CIA operative. But since you were found out, you became famous. And now you lived off the grid. Taking someone like you out would make me a big hero back home!"

  "I'm really not that famous," I said. "And your whole plan was an elaborate plot with intricate intrigues, you hypocritical bimbo!"

  Lana started sputtering in Russian. Clearly, she hadn't thought about it. I might be in a bad situation, but at least I nailed her on that. Ha!

  "And I have the distinct feeling that you plan to kill two agents today." I shot a look at Riley. He sat there in stony silence. Mainly because he couldn't do much else.

  "Yes!" Lana's eyes grew wide, and she looked a little deranged. "Yes! I'll kill you and your handler! That was the plan!"

  My Girl Scouts looked horrified. They looked from Lana, to me, and then to Riley tied up on the stage. We'd been throwing the word kill around a lot. And some of us had guns. I watched as it slowly started to sink in what was really happening here.

  Then the screaming and crying started. Have you ever been in an elementary school gym? There's an echo you wouldn't believe. Screams bounced off all the walls and back into our ears in a deafening cacophony of horror.

  Lana brought her hands up to her ears. Clearly this caused her some discomfort. Good! She was only about six feet away. I tackled her before she could lower the gun. We crashed to the floor, wrestling for dominance. Now would've been a really good time for Rex to step in and take out Aleksei.

  Lana squeezed a shot off and the noise was unbearable. And the screaming got louder. She hadn't hit anyone, but the hissing and deflating red rubber ball in the corner probably wasn't going to make it.

  I pounded her wrist against the gym floor until I heard a satisfying snap. I love going for the wrist. Such a fragile part of the human body. So many tiny little bones to break. The gun went skittering away as Lana howled in pain. With her working hand, she reached for the Colt in my holster. I slapped her hand away and punched her hard in the face. As my hand came away, I noticed something blue on it. Makeup. The black eyes were fake! I was going to give her two real ones as soon as I could.

  Lana rolled on top, pushing me to the floor underneath her huge boobs. Well that wasn't great. Once again, she tried for my gun. She landed a punch on my chin with her good hand and it hurt. I reached up and grabbed her hair, pulling viciously. Weirdly, a hank of hair came off in my hands. Extensions. Was anything about this woman real?

  It wasn't too hard to keep a one-handed woman from my gun, but it meant I had trouble accessing it. Lana was like a stark, raving berserker. I guessed the broken wrist didn't hurt her due to her off the charts adrenaline levels. I reached up and grabbed the dangling wrist, squeezing and twisting it. Lana screamed, her eyes filled with pain and rage.

  I heard a scuffle nearby and risked a look in that direction. Rex had Aleksei in a choke hold that made him look totally cool and really hot all at the same time. Riley struggled against his bonds, looking a little less hot. I felt a little guilty about suspecting him.

  Lana punched me hard in the face, and I heard my nose snap. Blood started gushing and the girls' screams turned into EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWs. Which didn't make the echo situation any better.

  I brought my knee up behind her and hit her in the ass, propelling her over my head and onto the floor. I got to my feet, not wanting to waste any time. I pulled the Colt and held it on her. Lana lay there unconscious, and I wondered if she'd broken her neck when she hit the floor. Honestly, I wouldn't feel too bad if she had.

  Rex untied Riley and called the SWAT team in. Boots pounded down the hallway and a group of armed men in black surrounded the Girl Scouts and me. They had their guns trained on Lana as four of them jumped onto the stage to pin Aleksei down.

  Riley came over to me and looked down. "Sorry about that. I was completely taken in by her."

  "Boobs can blind a man…" I said, "but still, you should've caught that. Maybe it's time you retired."

  Riley shook his head and wandered out to the hallway with his cell phone. He'd be calling this in to his people—who used to be my people. I watched as Rex ordered the team to take the girls out to the parking lot. My troop looked up in awe as these big men in tactical gear gently calmed them down.

  "I wonder if I'll be able to cuff her with that broken wrist," Rex said.

  Lana's hand was bent back in a very unnatural position. It looked like it hurt.

  "I guess you won't be teaching knot-tying anytime soon, Lana," I said to her unconscious body. It really sucked that she didn't hear me. I thought it was a pretty good slam.

  One of the Katelynns looked at me. "I never liked that lady, Mrs. Wrath."

  There was some small satisfaction in that.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  It felt like I'd spent a month at the police station. There were so many questions to be answered. Riley tried to shield me as best as he could, but this was the police's jurisdiction. A couple of older dudes I didn't recognize showed up. They were wearing black suits and blue ties. I was pretty sure they were from the CIA. They didn't acknowledge me but spent a lot of time with Riley.

  I felt terrible. And stupid. Yes, I blamed Riley for leading Lana to me, but I should've figured it out before now. Worst of all, I'd endangered the lives of my Girl Scouts. Their parents would never let me lead them now. Maybe Kelly would let me watch meetings from a distance. That would be nice, and probably creepy when the girls spotted me lurking behind trees and rocks.

  I'd watched as a doctor set and bandaged Lana's wrist and my nose. Rex had called the doctor to the station. He didn't want an international terrorist in the local hospital. Rex avoided cuffing her on her broken wrist, instead cuffing her to him. I suppressed a flare of jealousy.

  Lana glared at me the whole ti
me. She was pretty pissed. Every time she looked at me, I gave her a thumbs up. Some Feds showed up to escort her away. I have no idea where they were taking her, but I do know that even she won't look good in prison orange.

  My troop surprised me. The police questioned them, and the kids did an amazing job. They'd stopped crying back at the school, and now each and every one of them was calmly giving their statement. Of course, no two girls told the same story. More than once I heard a girl mention rescue by a magical unicorn/Barbie/Princess Aurora. And a couple of the girls asked if they could get a puppy when this was over. To their credit, the police didn't even bat an eye at these requests. Sadly, no one brought them puppies.

  "Mrs. Wrath?" I looked down to see one of the Kaytlins patting me on the arm.

  I slipped out of my thoughts. "What is it, honey?" I said as gently as I could. These girls would need some serious counseling after all was said and done. I felt even worse. They'd been in a gun fight because of me. This was my fault, and no amount of s'mores was going to make it right. Better, maybe, but not right.

  "Thanks for the BEST DAY EVER!" Kaytlin shouted. I looked around at the other girls. They were all smiling and nodding. Well how about that? Maybe some of them would grow up to be spies. I'd have to check later to see if there's a merit badge for espionage.

  With all this testimony, it wasn't hard to piece together what happened. Turned out that Lana came up with using the girls at the last minute. When she couldn't find my Girl Scout call list, she went over to Kelly's to get it. Kelly was suspicious, so Lana pulled a gun on her and her husband and had Aleksei tie them up. That was this morning. Sigh. Once again, Kelly knows something before I do. I'd never hear the end of that. I was pretty sure that also meant no Tater Tot casseroles for a while. That was tragic.

  So, Lana had called all the parents and said they were going to do a service project to clean out the school before demolition. Because parents love nothing more than to have a babysitter offer to take their kids off their hands, and because they all had weird little crushes on Lana, they had no problem dropping them off. Lana had them meet in another parking lot under the guise of the school parking lot was a construction site and insurance wouldn't cover the girls if they got hurt running around.

  And why didn't the police intervene? That was Rex's first question. (Mine was Can I shoot Lana? But no one answered me.) They didn't react because by the time SWAT realized what was happening, Lana had marched right past their hiding spots. They saw the gun in her hand, and since she was surrounded by girls, they didn't take the shot. Rex wasn't too happy about that. Neither was I.

  I was exhausted. Beyond exhausted. But I stayed and answered questions and did my part. I had to do some serious explaining to a bunch of angry parents. And a couple of the dads were really upset that Lana was no longer part of the troop, in spite of the fact she'd almost killed their daughters. But they'd all get over it. At least I hoped they would.

  While I was waiting to be released, I called Kelly.

  "Your roommate pulled a gun on me," she said as soon as she answered.

  "Yeah. Sorry about that," I apologized.

  "You owe me big time, Merry," Kelly said.

  "Well, it's actually worse than that," I said. Then I explained how the troop got roped into our showdown.

  "But no one got hurt, and they're all okay," I added quickly.

  There was a long, martyrish sigh on the other end. I didn't really have any friends in town besides Kelly. I'd thought Lana was a friend, but look how that turned out. If I lost Kelly, I'd have to get a whole herd of cats just to stave off loneliness.

  "Just promise me no more roommates," Kelly finally said.

  "I was thinking about getting a cat…"

  "A cat is fine, as long as it can't operate a gun," Kelly insisted.

  I thought about that armed chicken. "Maybe I'll wait a little bit on that."

  I could almost hear her grinning. "Yeah. That's one relationship you should take slowly."

  I remembered what Rex had said about a date. Covering the phone, I whispered, "Rex asked me out!"

  "Really?" Kelly expressed some surprise.

  "Hey!" I protested. "It's not that weird!"

  She laughed. "When are you going on this date?"

  "Um. I don't really know. The last thing he said was that it was contingent on our surviving the showdown. And we did survive it."

  Doubt crept into my mind. It was possible Rex had second thoughts after this whole mess went down. After all, I was completely wrong about Riley and Lana. And my Girl Scout troop had been involved—which was also bad.

  "I'm sure he meant it." Kelly seemed to be her old self again. "Call me back when you get home, and I'll come over. I made Rice Krispies Treats."

  My stomach rumbled. When had I eaten last? "Sounds great, but I'm beat. How about tomorrow?" I was more tired than hungry. Kelly agreed before hanging up.

  I watched Rex and Riley as they worked. Riley's laid-back, surfer vibe was a stark contrast to Rex's dark, all-business manner. But maybe that was unfair. He was at work, after all. Both of them shot me a smile whenever they could. And it seemed like they were both a little interested in me. Right?

  A couple of SWAT guys approached Rex, and I studied him while they talked. There was no doubt that Rex was respected here. I'd never really worked in an office full of people, but it seemed like that was a good thing. When talking to the other officers, no matter where they were in the hierarchy, he seemed to have command over the conversation. It was pretty hot.

  Riley moved back and forth between the police chief and the old men who'd showed up earlier. They had to be administrative CIA. I was pretty sure they weren't happy with the way things went down. They had that constipated scowl that old men get. Riley didn't seem worried about it. He smiled and laughed easily, coaxing good moods out of everyone he talked to.

  These two were about as different as they could be. Which one was my type? Hmmmm… I'd never really thought about having a type before. Maybe that was a good thing. These two men were physically fit and had very nice bodies. But there was no resemblance after that. Rex had black hair cropped close to his head. His eyes were blue and intense. When he talked to you, you knew you had all of his attention, but it took a little while to get to that point with him.

  Riley's longer, thick, wavy blonde hair, smiling blue eyes, and easy smile made him irresistible from the moment he introduced himself. And he'd kissed me. He hadn't asked me out like Rex had, but he'd kissed me.

  I closed my eyes. There was no point thinking about this now. It was too early to tell if a relationship with either man was even remotely possible or if I was destined to be a neurotic, multi-cat owner instead. I was too tired to think about these kinds of things. I really wanted to go home and crawl into bed.

  "You can go now, Ms. Wrath." Rex spoke, and my eyes flew open. When did he sneak up on me? "If we need anything more, I'll call you." He winked. I guessed that the dinner date thingy was still on the table. Yay!

  "I'll take her home, Detective," Riley said as he extended his hand. Rex shook it. "And thanks again." Rex nodded, as another officer approached him with a large file.

  "And what are we using for a car?" I asked as we left the station. "Mine's in the garage, and yours is in my driveway." I kind of left out the part that I'd broken his car. I figured that was a discussion that could wait...at least until I was fully armed.

  "I had a new rental delivered while you were being questioned." He said as he opened the door to what looked just like the other black SUV.

  Riley didn't say a word all the way back to my house, and that seemed like a solid strategy, so I didn't either. He came in with me, and I went straight to the fridge to pour us each a glass of wine.

  "Again…" He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry about Lana. I had no idea."

  I swallowed the whole glassful like it was a shot and poured another. "Well," I said, "I guess I didn't see it either. So don't worry about it."

&nb
sp; My face hurt. I studied my reflection in the microwave door. I should put a mirror in here. Was that weird? Did people have mirrors in kitchens?

  There was a fist-shaped bruise on my chin, and my nose had started to swell to the size of a pumpkin. But that didn't hurt as much as the guilt I was feeling.

  "I'm sorry too," I said slowly, "for suspecting you, I mean."

  Riley frowned. "About that…really? You really thought I'd turned for the Russians?"

  "Um…no?" I gave him a weak smile, but I was sure it wouldn't help. Accusing a CIA agent of turning mole was about the worst insult there was. I couldn't take those words back, no matter how much I wanted to.

  I changed the subject. "What about Midori? Did the police ask about her?"

  Riley shook his head. "I think the good detective forgot about her, or he didn't hear Lana in the first place. We're okay for now."

  "So if Lana didn't bring her here, kill her, and plant her in my kitchen, who did?" It was the one loose end that still dangled.

  "I don't know. But the agency is concerned. You saw Smith and Johnson at the station?"

  My eyes bulged to a size almost on par with my nose. "THAT was Smith and Johnson?" Smith and Johnson were legends at the Agency. Legendary heroes of the Cold War, those guys practically invented the tradecraft we used to this day. They were superstars! No one I knew had ever met them. And here they were, in my hometown, because of me! Wow. I'd rated big enough to get Smith and Johnson!

  Oh no…I'd rated big enough to get Smith and Johnson. Now that I thought about it, I was pretty sure that wasn't a good thing. Obviously I was still under suspicion.

  "Yes," Riley said, reading my mind, "you are still being investigated." He frowned. "And they're wondering if maybe you did know about Lana."

  "WHAT??? I didn't know about Lana!" Shit. This was going to make me the laughingstock of the CIA.

  He nodded. "I know, I know. I'm trying to convince them that you had no idea. That you were completely fooled by her."