“Mmm. Me, too.” Carmen slid her arms around his neck and clasped her elbows. She breathed in his scent, letting it intoxicate her senses.
“Sorry I couldn’t see you last night. My stupid cousin had to go and get married.” Nate scowled.
“I know. It’s fine.” Her voice sounded strange even to her own ears.
Nate reached behind his head and tugged her arms free then pulled back to peer into her eyes. “You okay?”
“Do you think we could go for a drive or go somewhere private?” They sure couldn’t talk in her basement bedroom and risk being interrupted. If Kim and Harper found out Nate was in the house, they wouldn’t give up until they found him. He had to quit being so nice to them so they’d leave him alone.
Kimberley occupied the theater room, watching a movie with Tiffany, and Dad was due home any minute and would enter through the garage, so that ruled out the kitchen. If they were going to talk, they had to get out of the house pronto.
“Mmm-hmm. I like the way you think.” Nate licked his lips.
Carmen giggled. “No. Not for that kind of privacy. I just…We need to talk.” She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans.
“Everything okay?” Nate’s eyebrows knitted together.
“Yeah, don’t worry. We just need some privacy where no one can interrupt us.”
Nate set his jaw with determination. He grabbed her hand and pulled Carmen through the house, out the front door, and into his Camaro parked right outside. He stared at the road and drove in complete silence until they were well away from the property. “Are you about to break up with me?” His eyes darted toward the passenger seat and then back to the traffic.
“Oh no!” Carmen clutched his hand with both of hers. “Nothing like that. In fact, the opposite is more like it.”
Obvious relief flooded his face. “I’m not sure what you mean. But I’m glad it’s not what I was afraid of.”
Nice development. Great to know he feared her dumping him. Maybe things would go better than she’d hoped when she dropped the bomb.
The Camaro sailed into an empty parking space at the nature preserve. “Want to walk?” Nate tipped his head toward the winding path.
Carmen nodded and pulled herself from the deep bucket seat. From all she’d seen and heard about being pregnant, in a few months climbing out of his car would be much more difficult. She glanced at the backseat. Was there room back there for an infant car seat?
Nate hurried toward the walking trail then slowed so Carmen could fall in with his steps. “Okay. You’re scaring me. What’s up?”
“I have to tell you something, but I’m afraid you’re going to get mad.” Carmen bit the inside of her lower lip until she tasted blood. How could she say this to him? “Just promise you’ll listen until I’m thr—”
He stopped dead on the trail and turned to face Carmen. “Did you cheat on me? Is that what this is about? Because if you did…I don’t even know what to say. That’s like the worst thing you could tell me. I can’t believe you’d—”
“I’m pregnant, Nate.”
Chapter 11
Carmen watched as Nate’s face turned white then sort of gray. His expression was blank—his eyes didn’t even twitch. Was he going to pass out? What would she do if he collapsed?
“Say something.” Please. Please.
“I. What? Us?” Nate blanched. “You can’t be serious. How?” He strode away from her toward the trees lining the path.
This was nowhere near the reaction she’d hoped for. Well, what had she expected really? Cartwheels and hugs? Carmen needed to give him time to adjust. He would come around. He’d have to. Right?
Carmen stayed in the center of the path where he’d left her. Walkers and runners stepped around her. Several shot her glares, but she stood rooted to her spot. Staring. Waiting.
Nate hunched over, his hands on his knees, shoulders shaking. Was he crying? Should she go to him?
A few moments later, he wiped his face with his sleeve, pulled his shoulders back, took a deep breath, and slowly turned, searching. His eyes found their target and rested on Carmen’s face.
She gasped. His face was drawn. His eyes scared. She’d put that pain on his face, the fear in his heart. It was her fault.
Nate stared at her for several long moments. Not blinking. She stared at his chest, looking for evidence of breathing.
What was he thinking? Did he hate her? Did he know what she’d done? Say something, Nate. Why didn’t he speak?
He shook his head like a duck shaking water off his back, and then he jogged to her side. “I’m so sorry about my reaction, Carmen. Really. I don’t know what came over me. Shock, I guess.” Nate grabbed her shoulders. “Don’t you worry about a thing. We’re in this together. We’ll get through it together. You and me.”
Ah. Together. The word she’d been waiting for.
“So, how soon can we take care of it? Does anyone else know? How much will it cost?” Nate’s eyes danced with hope. He’d taken charge.
“What are you talking about? You’re not suggesting an abortion, are you?” Horror filled her gut. Not at all the direction she’d wanted this conversation to go.
Nate reeled back. “Well, we can’t have a baby, Carmen. You know that.”
He looked so hopeful. His future rested in her hands, and he knew it. Maybe he was right. Maybe she should consider an abortion.…No! She needed to focus on the goal. “We are having a baby, so apparently we can.” Carmen crossed her arms and narrowed her gaze. “Abortion’s not an option, Nate.”
He stared at her for several long seconds then slowly nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Of course we can’t abort our baby.”
Our baby. Magical words, those. She took his hand and pulled him from the path. They sank onto the grass, flat on their backs, and stared into the sun.
Put the situation in his hands now. Let him rescue her. Carmen rolled to her side and rested her cheek on the crook of his arm. “So what do we do then?” This is when you ask me to marry you, Nate.
“I’m going to need a little time to process. I need to think this through. You’ve had a lot more time to sort this out than I have.”
“That’s totally fair.” Carmen shrugged and pulled herself up from the grass. “Why don’t you take me back to my dad’s and spend the afternoon figuring things out. We can talk tonight.”
Nate nodded.
Silence thundered in Carmen’s ears on the drive back to the house. What was Nate thinking at that moment? Was he scared? Sad? Mad? Happy? She stole sideways glances at him every few seconds, hoping for a clue, but his stoic face gave nothing away. He looked fragile. Carmen didn’t dare touch him lest he shatter into a million pieces.
Like his future.
No. She had to stop worrying. It would be fine. Great even. Eye on the prize—this was what she’d wanted. These first hours of realization and then acceptance would be the most difficult. Afterward things would get easier. At least she hoped they would. They had to.
When the car stopped in the driveway, Nate shifted it into Park. He kept his eyes forward.
Carmen climbed out and plodded toward the house, desperate to flop on her bed and cry or sleep for hours. Spent.
The window buzzed down. “Hey.”
Carmen turned back to the car.
Nate’s hand reached through the open window, his fingers waiting for her contact.
She raised hers to grip his. Electricity shot through her at the warm touch.
“Tell me, C. What do you want to see happen here?”
Carmen locked eyes with him and blinked twice. “I want us to be a family.” She shrugged.
Nate held her gaze then nodded.
“Carmen, Nate’s here for you.”
Carmen opened one eye to the darkened room. What time was it? She peered at the clock on the bedside table. Six o’clock. She’d slept for five hours? How could that be? She hadn’t napped like a baby in years. Maybe a decade. She
pulled herself from her bed, ran her fingers through her hair, hoping it wasn’t too much of a mess, then opened the door. “Send him down.”
She rushed into the bathroom and swished a mouthful of mouthwash. What would Nate tell her? Hopefully he’d reached some kind of decision. But was it the right one?
“Hey. You in here?” Nate poked his head in, his eyes smiling.
She’d take his expression as a good sign. “Over here. I took a nap—give me just a sec to pull myself together.”
“I remember Mom always felt exhausted when she was pregnant with Charlie. Do you think that’s what’s happening to you, too?”
“I hadn’t thought of it being pregnancy related. Maybe. I kind of thought I was just emotional and needed a break from it all. Probably a little bit of both.” So far, so good. He was thinking about pregnancy and smiling.
“Makes sense.” Nate nodded. “Hey, c’mere. Where’s my kiss?” He pulled her close.
Carmen sank into his embrace, and they fell back into the sofa, swallowed by the red cushions. If only they could stay tucked in the clouds forever. But they had to get up. She wanted to hear what he had to say…but then again, maybe she didn’t.
“Okay, Carmen, let’s talk.” Nate helped her sit up. He smiled and tugged on the dark braid hanging in front of her right shoulder. “Listen, I know this is all a big shock to us.”
Carmen nodded. Not really a shock, but okay—she’d go with it.
“It isn’t at all what we’d planned. But when two people love each other and have a relationship, this can happen sometimes—it’s part of the risk we took when we got physical with each other, you know?”
She nodded. The Birds and the Bees 101.
“So, the question now is what we do about it.” He turned her hand over and compared their palms as though he were a fortune-teller.
Quit stalling, Nate. What does the future say? It’s in your hands.
“We ruled out abortion earlier. So we have three options left as I see it.”
Carmen leaned forward. This is where her fate would be decided. “Number one?”
Nate stared at the floor. “We have the baby and give it up for adoption.”
Don’t think so. “Number two?”
“We have the baby and stay together—do our best to share in raising it. See what happens.”
Uh-huh. Closer. “Number three?”
Nate took a deep breath and raised his eyes to meet hers. “We get married.”
Way more like it. “Which of those sounds best to you?”
“Honestly, adoption would be awful. I can’t imagine having a baby and then giving it away. Then to spend the rest of our lives knowing it’s out there somewhere.” He shuddered.
“I agree. So we have one option off the table?”
“Yeah.” Nate shrugged. “For now, at least. I think number two would be okay. I mean, we’d both take care of the baby as much as possible. It just seems unlikely things would work out for us for very long.”
“So we’re left with…”
Nate cleared his throat and slipped from the couch to the floor on one knee and clasped her hand. “That leaves us here. Will you marry me, Carmen? I love you, and I love our baby. I want us to be together. A family.”
“Really?” Carmen fought against her grin. He couldn’t mean it. Her plan actually worked?
“Yes, really.” Nate’s smile faded. “It’s not going to be easy—a lot’s going to change. I can’t imagine my parents will help much. They’re going to be devastated.…In fact, this will probably mess up my dad’s senate race.”
“Does it have to though? I mean it’s not like we aren’t going to handle everything ourselves.”
“Face it, C. There are a lot of reasons—right or wrong—that our marriage and baby will be a problem for them.” Nate shrugged. “But I can’t live my life making decisions based on what’s best for my parents. You and our baby, that’s what’s most important now.”
Carmen tugged Nate from the floor to the couch beside her and nestled under the protective wing of his strong arm. “I love you, Nater.”
“I love you, too.” He rubbed her belly. “And I love this little guy. Or girl.”
And all felt right in the world.
Chapter 12
Hey, baby.” Diego sidled up to Carmen as she applied lip gloss at her locker. He leaned in close until his nicotine breath left fog on her mirror.
“Must you do that?” she hissed through her teeth with a fake smile planted on her face. People were surely watching the supposedly happy couple.
“Oh, believe me. I must.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
Just ignore the flirting. “Tell me something. How’d you get the reputation you have for being such a tough guy?”
“Oh, you kill a rival gang member or two, and people start to leave you alone.” He popped a toothpick between his teeth and watched for her reaction.
Carmen gasped. “Are you serious? Did you kill someone? Is that true?” What was she doing hanging around with a murderer?
Diego’s eyes twinkled. “I don’t know, is it?”
Why couldn’t he be straight with her? She’d have to find out his story as soon as possible. Or get out of there. Abandoning him by leaving was a much better idea. If she could get herself back home, enrolled in her old school, none of this would matter. She and Nate had better make some plans fast.
“I still don’t understand what you’re getting out of this weird relationship we have—if you’d even call it that. More like a one-sided arrangement. I hope you know, I’m not going to date you for real.” Was he really acting out of the kindness of his purportedly murderous heart? Or was he attracted to her? Hard to say which was less believable, or which was worse. Wonder what he’d do when he found out she was pregnant?
“Diego knows the score, baby. Trust me. He’s just worried about you.” He gave her a quizzical gaze then narrowed his eyes. “But you’d better start being a little nicer to me or people are going to wonder.” Diego flipped his toothpick end over end between his teeth, his Adam’s apple bouncing beneath his tattoo.
“I’ll try.” Carmen laughed. “But trust me. I doubt people are going to wonder why I’m being rude to you. You’re not so bad though.”
“Let’s leave the details alone, and be glad I can protect you, okay?” Diego slipped his arm across her shoulders and pulled Carmen close for a hug then slunk away in the other direction.
She was engaged. Nate would have a fit if he knew about Diego. What was she thinking letting some other guy touch her mere days after she’d gotten engaged—with or without a ring—though he promised one was coming. Would she dare wear it to school?
But Carmen had reason to be afraid. She stuck out in New Jersey and had already been under the scrutiny of some scary people. In a lot of ways she felt lucky to have Diego on her side. But on the other hand, what if he was just the flipside of the same coin and not really any safer than the others? Carmen had to hope he was being straight with her though. She had no other choice.
Nate wouldn’t understand that she felt she had no options. How could he? He existed in a different world than the one Carmen now inhabited—one she’d barely known existed a few short months ago. But it wouldn’t be long before he rescued her from this landfill she now called home.
Although, what if they couldn’t afford a place back home in Briarcliff? What if they wound up living in a dingier apartment than the one she had now? What if they had to drop out of school and get jobs? What if they couldn’t raise a baby right? She probably should have thought some of the challenges through before she followed through with The Plan. But it was too late now. She’d have to handle whatever came her way.
She didn’t have to face it alone though. Nate would take care of everything. He wouldn’t let anything bad happen to them.
“What are you doing hangin’ with homeboy? He’s trouble, you know?” Theresa stepped in line with Carmen on the way to Home Ec.
Kayla steppe
d up to the other side. “No, he isn’t. Diego’s a pussycat.”
“How can you say that?” Theresa shook her head, her black braids whipping her face. “He’s been busted for two murders.” She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Unbelievable you want to pretend stuff never happened.”
What stuff? Carmen looked back and forth between the girls. Say more.
“Busted, but not convicted. He said one was self-defense and the other was to defend his girlfriend. In my book, that makes him all right.” Kayla crossed her arms on her chest.
Could Carmen ask the girls questions? Or maybe they’d share more info if she didn’t interrupt.
“A gangbanger. A murderer. An addict.” Theresa scoffed. “Yeah, a real good guy.”
“He’s none of those things. How can you say that? There is no proof to any of it.”
“Yeah, if you don’t consider the murder weapon and bloody hands proof.”
Murder weapon? Blood? What had she gotten herself into?
Kayla shrugged a shoulder and tipped her head. “Besides. Find me one guy here who isn’t any of those things.”
“There are some. But you’re right—not many. Diego is special to me. I even hang with him sometimes, but I keep to myself so I can stay outta trouble.” Theresa nodded at Carmen. “Which is exactly what you need to be doing, girl.”
Kayla stepped between them. “Just don’t be Dissing Diego, T. He never hurt you. He wouldn’t hurt a fly if he didn’t have to.”
“Look, Kayla, just because you’ve been crushing on him since second grade don’t mean it’s fair not to tell homegirl here the truth. She has the right to know what’s she’s getting into.”
“I can take care of myself.” Carmen’s voice croaked. She cleared her throat. “Thanks though. I appreciate the concern.”
Kayla and Theresa locked eyes and burst into laughter. “If you think you can take care of yourself, girlfriend, you really do need Diego. You’re in over your head, sista. Consider yourself warned.”
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Waves crashed onto the deck. The boat rocked. Carmen gripped the sides, sure she’d get washed overboard with the next swell.
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