Embittered Ruby

by Nicole O'Dell

  She shrugged. “I was tired. I wanted to sleep in.”

  Ben scrutinized Carmen’s face then shook his head. “I don’t think this has much, if anything, to do with sleep. I think there’s a deeper issue at hand.” He stood and paced to the window. “Until you prove me wrong, I’m going to have to assume you’re a boundary tester and someone who doesn’t appreciate authority and rules. It signals that there might be trouble as we try to break through the bondage you’ve been under.”

  Wow. Cue the Twilight Zone music. Ben read into things a little too deeply—maybe a lot too deeply. Carmen had made a mistake. She should have gone to prayer, and she wouldn’t skip it again. But all this talk of bondage was taking it too far. “I’m not going to be a troublemaker. I promise.”

  “Well, do you see that you’ve got some hurdles to jump to prove that now?” Ben lifted one shoulder. “This is really our one and only experience with you, the first time we’ve seen you faced with a choice…and it’s ending in negative consequences. That’s not good. But so be it.”

  Consequences? She was already grounded in a figurative sense. What was left to do to her? It wasn’t like he could take away her birthday. Carmen shrugged. “If it’s worth anything, I’m really sorry.”

  “That’s good to hear, and it’s always worth something.” Ben smiled.

  “Definitely.” Alicia rubbed Carmen’s shoulder. She flinched away, trying not to let it show.

  Ben cleared his throat. “Now, rather than getting your first taste of the activity center, you’ll be spending the day in the kitchen with Marilyn. She has plenty to keep you busy, and I expect you to stick it out until she releases you. Any questions?”

  Carmen shook her head. She’d been looking forward to free time. The girls had said there were movies, exercise equipment, games, and all sorts of fun things to do during free time. Guess that would have to wait until next time.

  “I assume we’ll see you in prayer tomorrow?”

  “I’ll be there. Am I excused?” Carmen stood.

  “Go straight on to the kitchen. Marilyn’s expecting you.”

  Carmen left the room and practically skipped to her destination. Did they think cooking was a punishment? Hah. Carmen rounded the corner and pushed on the swinging door. She stepped into the kitchen, where Marilyn stood beside a huge pile of potatoes, holding out a potato peeler.

  Uh-oh.

  “Let me guess. You want me to peel all of these?” Carmen surveyed the pile. There had to be one hundred potatoes.

  “Yeppers. Peel ‘em. Chunk ‘em. Boil ‘em. Mash ‘em.” Marilyn wiped her reddened hands on her apron.

  “I don’t see what this has to do with what I did. I mean, is it really that big of a deal?” Maybe she’d find a compassionate coconspirator in Marilyn. Maybe Marilyn didn’t buy into all the God and prayer stuff either.

  “Is what a big deal? Missing prayer time or breaking the rules on purpose? The way I see it, those are two separate things.”

  Huh? “What do you mean?”

  “Well, missing prayer time in itself isn’t a huge deal. God is with you everywhere. He knows your heart—which can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what’s in there.” Marilyn patted her ample chest.

  “Yeah. I agree. And He doesn’t care what time people pray, does He?”

  “No, of course not.”

  See. Carmen knew Marilyn would be on her side.

  “But God does care an awful lot about obedience and respect. He also loves when we’re disciplined enough to set aside time for Him. It’s like a friendship. If you don’t make time for your friends, the relationship kinda gets stale.”

  “But what if I don’t have a relationship with Him? I mean, isn’t it kind of pointless to pray if I don’t even know if He’s there?”

  “Pointless? No.” Marilyn shrugged. “I can’t explain it all to you with the Bible verses and fancy words like Ben and the others. But I can tell you what I know in my heart to be true because it’s been true for me since I was a little girl on my mama’s knee.” She pointed up. “He’s there. He hears. And He answers. Whether you believe in Him or not. You let Him, and He’ll prove Himself true to you, too.”

  Oh. She was a sneaky one, that Marilyn. Went around the back door with the same message as everyone else. Carmen hadn’t even seen it coming.

  “But whether you like it or not, rules are rules. Prayer time is a big one ‘round here. You pulled a silly stunt, girl. You need to learn to just go with the flow and not draw negative attention to yourself.”

  Carmen nodded. Enough lectures. She stepped up to the mound of potatoes. It would take all day to get them peeled.

  “Okay. ‘Nuff said. I’m sure you got an earful already. I’m going to read for a while. I’ll be back to check on you in a few hours.” Marilyn patted Carmen on the back. “You’ll be okay once you get your pride broken a bit.” She waddled away, turning sideways through the swinging door.

  “This is ridiculous,” Carmen muttered. “What do potatoes have to do with prayer time? And who are they to tell me when I have to pray anyway? And why am I talking to potatoes?”

  Chapter 25

  The van bounced down the mountain road as it spiraled away from the center on its way to church. Carmen felt nauseous for the first time since the baby.…She tried not to think about it. So painful to realize that she was a mother who would never hold her baby.

  “You should be glad you’re going to church here now.” Kira’s supercharged excitement bubbled over and interrupted Carmen’s thoughts. “As recently as a few months ago, there was no Sunday morning youth service, and we had to stay in the main auditorium with the adults. Now we have our own space, even our own worship team. It’s awesome. You’ll love it.”

  Just shoot me now. Carmen slid down the seat with her head resting on the headrest and closed her eyes. She pulled her denim-clad legs up to her chest and curled up to take a nap. With no special dress code for church, Carmen hadn’t been about to dress up like Leila had. A floral dress in November over a white turtleneck? Really? No thanks. Carmen would wear her favorite comfy jeans every chance she got. How strange that a few short weeks ago they hadn’t fit her because there’d been a baby growing inside her.

  “Hey. What’s wrong?” Tricia leaned over and nudged Carmen.

  “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just tired.” And bored. And angry. And lonely. Any other questions?

  “You sure do like your sleep.” Tricia laughed.

  Teenagers were supposed to sleep a lot. Guess Ben Bradley hadn’t gotten that memo. Carmen had read that it was perfectly normal for a teenager to require twelve hours of sleep. She should print that out for him.

  No, that would backfire. He’d tell her to go to bed earlier.

  Ben and Alicia had a son? Poor kid. Bet they drove him crazy with rules and constant church. He was probably a total nerd who got up with the sun, prayed for an hour, then did chores. Bet he wore overalls.

  The van loped over a set of speed bumps as they pulled into the church parking lot. The place was huge. Did that mean God approved of the people at this church more than others since they got to have a building like that? Whatever. Didn’t impress her. God must be more easily impressed than she was.

  Carmen walked between Tricia and Kira at the back of the pack as they sauntered through the parking lot. Where had Leila gone? Carmen searched the group. Oh, there she was. Trailing behind Ben and Alicia like a puppy dog lapping up any bit of attention they might throw her way. Except they didn’t seem to notice her. Leila often had that effect on people.

  The group passed through the side entrance into a small vestibule. Alicia gave a little wave then grabbed Ben’s hand, and they went down the hall to the right toward the sound of music.

  Donna stepped into the center of the Diamond Estates group. “You girls know the rules. No leaving the youth room without a chaperone. Stick together. Pay attention. Be respectful. Got it?”

  Most of the girls nodded.

 
; “I’ll be in the back of the room as usual, so don’t try anything funny.” She laughed and wagged her finger at them then looked straight at Carmen.

  I get it. I get it. One little mistake and now they’d be all over her for everything.

  The group began its migration down the hall like a herd of buffalo. Where were they going? Probably the youth service Kira had been prattling on about. Oh goody.

  As they approached a set of double doors, the floor vibrated with strains of bass and a heavy drumbeat. At least the music sounded like it might be cool. They called it “worship.” But what did that mean? Probably like the church back home. They had a segment of the service called “praise and worship” at Mom’s church. There was even a line item for that in the bulletin. How awkward. Was it really something to be scheduled, or should it be more organic, spontaneous? Not that she’d participate even then.

  Donna pushed open the doors and stood back to let the girls pass into the dimly lit room.

  There had to be close to two hundred teens in there, with more than ten percent coming straight from Diamond Estates, but it was too dark to make out faces any farther than two feet. The girls filed to some empty rows and filled three of them, but Carmen hung back in the aisle and watched the band for a moment. The music was as good as any rock concert she’d been to. She stepped over to an empty end seat beside Tricia.

  Who was the gorgeous guy behind the mic with that clear, almost sultry voice? His wavy brown hair fell in front of his eyes, but his eyes were closed, and he didn’t seem to notice. She’d always had such a thing for singers.

  Some of the girls, like Tricia and Kira, launched right into it. Hands waving in the air and the whole bit. Some of the others held back, more reserved. Goth girl sat down on her seat, leaned her head back on her chair, and closed her eyes. Was she napping? Was that okay to do? If so…

  But first things first. Carmen had to go to the bathroom… bad. “Hey, T, where’s the restroom?”

  Tricia’s eyes popped open, and she jerked her head toward the back right corner of the room. “Out those doors. But make sure you tell Donna where you’re going.”

  Why? There was no way Donna could see them in the dark. How long would it stay dim in there? Maybe Carmen could go explore a little. She chuckled as memories of her recent expedition and a secret passageway haunted her mind.

  Carmen stepped through the doors out into the empty lobby, which had been bustling with people when they’d entered the youth hall only a few minutes prior. Three teenagers—one girl, two boys—dressed like they’d just stepped out of a music video were practically running down the hall away from the worship service. Who were those kids, and where were they going? Carmen couldn’t help but follow them to some unknown place that had to be better than what was happening back in church.

  One of the boys grabbed the waistband of his sagging gray pants as he ducked through an open fire-exit door and then under a set of stairs that didn’t seem to get much use. The girl and other boy followed. Carmen stayed back, peeking around the corner to see what they were up to. She heard a lot of shuffling and then a zipper from something big like a backpack.

  A match struck.

  Within seconds the sweet smell of pot wafted from under the stairs and tickled Carmen’s nostrils. She’d never smoked marijuana, but if they offered it to her in that moment, she’d do it in a heartbeat. She needed something to get through another day at Diamond Estates.

  “Hey. We know you’re out there.” A male voice intruded her thoughts. “Join us.”

  Was he talking to her? Carmen stepped into the stairwell. “I…uh…I’d love to. But I can’t really.”

  “We know. You’re with Diamond Estates, right?” He was hidden in the shadows, but his voice sounded kind, almost sympathetic. “You’re a new kid.” Carmen nodded. Strange that they could see her, but she couldn’t see them. Would they tell someone she’d left the service? Unlikely. They didn’t seem like the type who would rat her out. Plus, they were out there smoking.

  “Have you drunk the Kool-Aid yet?”

  She snorted. “That’s what I’ve been saying about everyone there.”

  “Ah. Then you’re a smart one. My sister went there; she wasn’t so lucky.” His voice trailed off. “But that’s a story for another day.”

  Carmen didn’t know what to say. Awkward.

  “Hey, if that place ever gets old, here’s my number. We’ll help you out.” A wadded up piece of scrap paper landed at Carmen’s feet.

  She snatched it and shoved it deep into her pocket. “Thanks. I gotta get back before the lights come on.”

  So much for rule number twenty-two.

  The dining room bustled with activity. People Carmen had never seen before milled around and gabbed with the girls who were setting the tables for Sunday dinner.

  Gasp.

  There he was leaning against the window. The singer with the long hair from church. Did he plan the halo effect of the sunlight streaming through his hair, or was that an accident? He could be a model. A star.

  “That’s Ben and Alicia’s son, Justin,” Tricia whispered.

  “You scared me. Don’t do that.” Carmen fanned her face. “He’s their son. Him? That guy over there from church?” Tricia couldn’t be serious. It was impossible that Ben and Alicia had produced such a godlike specimen.

  “Don’t worry. Justin has that effect on everyone. He’s definitely a special dude. But he’s taken. More than taken actually.”

  “What do you mean? Is he married…or gay?” Carmen couldn’t take her eyes off his wide smile.

  “Ga—what? You’re crazy.” Tricia pointed across the room as a cute girl with long dark waves and dark eyes stepped up beside Justin. “That’s Olivia. She’s his girlfriend.”

  “The Olivia? The one you guys keep promising to tell me about but never do? We’re having that talk tonight.” Carmen needed to get that story for her mystery book. Speaking of that, who did she need to see to actually get her hands on an empty notebook?

  “Come on. I’ll introduce you.” Tricia clasped Carmen’s hand.

  Carmen pulled back. “No. It’s okay. There’s no need to bother them.” How embarrassing.

  Tricia tugged harder. “Come on. They won’t bite. I promise.” She marched Carmen over to the cluster of people where Justin held court.

  “Hey guys. Carmen is one of our new girls. She’s from New York.”

  No way was Carmen going to correct Tricia and admit she was from New Jersey, let alone Hackensack. New York wasn’t a lie because she hadn’t said it herself, right? Plus it was her dad’s address. She could have mail sent there if she wanted to.

  “This is Ginny Mansfield and her daughter Olivia.”

  Carmen shook their outstretched hands. Next she’d have to shake Justin’s. Would it be too obvious if she wiped hers on her jeans before touching him? Because she wouldn’t be wiping them on anything afterward. Ever.

  “This is Justin, Ben and Alicia’s son.”

  “Pleased to meet you.” Yep. That was the voice from the stage at church that morning.

  Carmen averted her eyes as the flush crept up her neck. At least he hadn’t reached for her clammy hand.

  “And this is Mark Stapleton. He and Ginny are the ones getting married here at Diamond Estates in a few weeks.”

  Mark pumped Carmen’s hand.

  “Congratulations.” Couldn’t she just go back to her seat? Meeting people was such an awkward experience. The moment of that first meeting was when people sized each other up. It was when first impressions were locked in and the bias toward a person became either positive or negative. How stressful to shake someone’s hand knowing that was happening at that very moment.

  “Where are Skye and Ju-Ju today? I didn’t see them at church.” Tricia’s eyebrows furrowed.

  “Skye had to work at the mall, and Ju-Ju’s home sick with the flu. I’m supposed to take her a doggie bag. And a Ding Dong.” Olivia laughed. “You know Ju-Ju. No surprise ther
e.”

  It couldn’t get any more embarrassing than just standing there while they all talked about stuff that had nothing to do with Carmen. “It was nice to meet you all.” Carmen slunk away to her table where Leila sat alone.

  “Hey. Where’ve you been all day?” Had she been sitting there when they stepped away for introductions? If so, why hadn’t she joined them?

  “Nowhere. Here. I don’t know.” Leila shrugged.

  She seemed fine, but did Leila feel left out? She never jumped in or made her opinion known about anything. She went with the flow, but only if someone singled her out and asked her to participate. Was that how she liked it? Or maybe she felt insecure. Carmen would have to find out sometime. With Leila, she couldn’t come right out and ask her something personal like that. At least not in that setting.

  How about something with less pressure? “What do you like to do with your free time?”

  Leila smiled. “My free time? I don’t know. I like to listen to music, and I babysit. Oh, I like gardening. It’s probably my favorite hobby.”

  “That’s cool. Like flowers and stuff?”

  “No, I mean vegetables, herbs, that sort of thing.”

  Carmen sat forward in her chair. “I’ve always wanted to do that. I want to be a chef, you know. Fresh ingredients are always the best. You’ll have to give me some tips.”

  “I’d love to. Maybe we can even plant some things in the spring.”

  The spring? They would still be at Diamond Estates then. Even long enough to plant something and wait for it to grow. Her baby would have been close to being born around that time. The enormity of her commitment to be at Diamond Estates hadn’t quite registered with Carmen until that very moment. Could she last that long?

  Chapter 26

  You getting up for prayer this time, sleepyhead?” Kira stood on Leila’s bed railing and peered over the edge at Carmen.