Nothing to Lose [Blackhawk Brothers] (BookStrand Publishing Romance)

by Lavada Dee

  “I wanted…” She closed her eyes for a second. Her next words were going to change both of their lives forever. If only she could postpone it until the last possible minute, but from the look of Cooper’s face, it was going to be now. Taking a breath, she started over. “I wanted to wait until we were ready to go back to the office. I wanted to have as much time as possible with you without this hanging over our heads.”

  His frown had her struggling for words. She was a hundred percent positive he’d never strike her. She had no fear, but she didn’t want to leave with anger between them. By the looks of it, that wasn’t going to happen. She caught her lower lip in her teeth, a habit she hadn’t used in the last week or so. “I called the bus station, and there’s a bus leaving today at five for Ogden.”

  Like slow motion, she watched as Cooper put his cup down on the table and ran a hand across his face. Her voice sounded stronger than she thought it would. “I’m packed and have my things ready by the back door.”

  He still didn’t say anything. She waited. The seconds sounded loud as they clicked away on the old wall clock. Her next words sounded harsh, and that wasn’t what she intended. “I’m going to be on that bus. If you can’t take me, let me know because I’ll have to leave earlier.”

  When his gaze met hers, she bit back a cry at seeing the raw pain in his eyes. His face looked drawn, and his normally dark skin paled to an ash color. She reached for his hand, but he pulled it back and got up from the table so abruptly he knocked over the chair. He didn’t stop to pick it up but stalked out of the room. When she heard the back door slam shut, all she could think of was that he hadn’t put on his coat. It was still snowing, but not as hard and the flakes were smaller. It had to be freezing out there. She ran for the back door, but he was already down the drive. She doubted he’d hear her call to him, and she wouldn’t be able to catch him.

  She righted his chair and sank into it. What now? A glance at the clock told her it was just short of two o’clock. She felt numb. What would Cooper do? She hurt. It felt like her heart really had broken. She looked around the kitchen she’d come to love and thought about the man who had built it. Tears ran unheeded down her face. With an angry swipe, she wiped them away. How could she leave, but how much worse would she feel if she stayed and Mick found her? She knew he’d kill her, but not before he made her watch him hurt or even kill Cooper and anyone else that was with her at the time. It would be beyond thinking if that happened. She felt strength flow back into her. She had warm clothing now, thanks to Cooper. She’d walk to the bus station. It was maybe two miles at the most, and she had plenty of time.

  She’d need to leave the suitcase. If the weather wasn’t so wet, she could probably wheel it, but she’d never manage to carry it up the drive, let alone all the way to the bus station.

  With a determined shrug of her shoulders, she started repacking. She put the fluffy slippers to the side of the suitcase. Each item she took out brought memories. When she placed the final item in her backpack, she looked at the items she would be leaving behind. A sob escaped as she closed the suitcase with so much still left in it.

  By the time she’d finished, it was almost three o’clock and no sign of Cooper. He had been so angry and hurt when he’d left. He had to be going through hell right now. At least she had control of what she was doing. He must feel helpless as well as hurting. If only…but no, it was better to just leave. She turned off the lights and had her hand on the doorknob when she turned back and, instead, went into his office.

  Chapter 12

  The snow had stopped, but now a strong wind blew. Galynn’s eyes stung, and she ducked her head to shield her face as much as possible. She slowed, fighting the pull to stop at the office. She wouldn’t stay but a second. With longing, she instead kept moving one foot in front of the other. Saying more good-byes would just cause more pain to a man that didn’t deserve any of this.

  Cooper took the decision out of her hands when the door opened and he stepped out. At the sight of her, anger suffused his face. Within seconds, he had her by the arm and was propelling her inside the office.

  “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?” he ground between clenched teeth.

  She froze, and for a second, fear caught her in its grip. With a curse, he pulled her into his arms. “Shh, I’m sorry. Oh, honey, don’t be afraid. I can’t stand to see you look at me this way.”

  He released his hold and took a step back. Drawing in a deep breath, he held up both hands to give her space. “You can’t be trying to walk to the bus station. You’ll be frozen before you’re halfway there.”

  Her words came out in staccato. “I didn’t think you were going to come back to take me. It isn’t that far, and I’m dressed for the weather.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Please just let me go.”

  He shook his head and gestured toward the door. “Come back to the house with me. We have time for a cup of coffee. I want to run something by you. Then if you still want to go, I’ll take you.”

  Eyeing her backpack, he smiled. “Besides, you’ll need to repack your suitcase if you still want to leave.”

  She pulled away. “No, there’s nothing left to say. I have to do this.” Her eyes sought his. Seconds passed. Her voice was soft against the wind. “Please, Cooper, please.”

  “I can’t. Not like this.” When he added a soft, whispered, “please,” she turned and, without saying anything more, allowed him to walk her back to the house.

  The door opened on welcoming warmth, and Cooper shrugged out of the coat he’d found in the office. Taking hers, he hung them both up. She’d made a fresh pot of coffee, so all he had to do was turn it on. A few minutes later, the aroma of perked coffee filled the room, giving the scene a façade of normalcy.

  The kitchen hummed with tension. Galynn felt like she was on a tightrope. Like Cooper had said, by him taking her to the bus, she’d be able to use her suitcase. “I’ll go up and get the rest of my things.”

  When she got back downstairs, Cooper looked a little more relaxed. He poured them each a cup of coffee and waited until she was seated before saying anything. “You should have hollered. I would have brought your suitcase down for you.”

  “It isn’t heavy. In fact, it’s a perfect size for me.”

  “Good. Look, Galynn, I’m sorry I stormed out without assuring you I’d be back in time to take you. I needed, time to, uh…”

  She reached across the table and took his hand in both of hers. Bringing it to her mouth, she kissed his knuckles. “I know. You don’t have anything to apologize for. I will never be able to say enough sorrys for the pain I’ve caused you.”

  She looked up and held his gaze. “You have given me more than some women have in a lifetime. You’ve made me laugh, and love.” She closed her eyes for a second, and when she opened them, she saw tears shimmering unshed in his.

  Cooper slowly stood and pulled her to him without breaking eye contact. Moving back to his chair, he sat and guided her down to his lap.

  “We need to talk. I did some thinking up at the office, and I have a proposal for you.”

  She shook her head and wrenched away. At the counter, she rested her hands on it with her back to him. She sensed his presence behind her before she felt his hands come around her waist. He didn’t make it easy. She wanted to be strong, but she wanted him more and, with a sigh, gave up and melted back and into him. He whispered words of love against her neck. Moving against her, she could feel his arousal and immediately felt herself respond. His mouth moved over her neck, nipping and then kissing it away. His low growl mingled with her softer moans as his hands found their way under her sweater to the clasp on her bra.

  His breath sounded loud as his mouth stopped and his hands took over. Her breasts felt full, and she pressed against his hands. He released one and ran his palm down over her stomach, opening the button on her jeans. She was nearly out of her mind when he pushed inside. She tried to turn to get access to him, but he held her firm and
worked his fingers into her moist heat. Pressure built, and she whimpered, begging him for more.

  Her muscles tightened around his fingers, and she cried out as he took her where dreams went. This time when she turned to face him, he let her. With immediate need, he swept his fly open. He lifted her leg, positioning her for entry. At the last minute, he lifted her onto the counter top. “Put your legs around my waist.” His voice was low, intense, and raspy.

  She did as he asked, his size filling her until she wasn’t sure she could take all of him. She shifted, lifting her legs tighter around his waist. His moan echoed her own as she took all he had. Their mating took on an urgency that hadn’t been there before. Too soon, they shuddered as they climaxed together.

  Neither moved, not wanting to separate. Cooper finally pulled away and lifted her off the counter. “I’ll never cook on this counter again without thinking about this.”

  Her laugh came out shaky. “You better not cook at all until you wash it down and use one of those Clorox wipes.”

  “You think?”

  Galynn glanced at the clock. She needed to leave. She still had to purchase a ticket, and with the weather, she didn’t want to take a chance that the bus schedule might be off.

  Cooper saw her and winced. “About that proposal, it would be better to drive down to Ogden instead of taking the bus. If you wait until Friday, I’ll drive you down and help you get into an apartment. We could make it in a long day and…” He stopped when she held up her hand. “Okay, if not Friday, I’ll take you tomorrow.”

  “No, no Friday, no tomorrow. You know that it won’t work. If you know where I’m at, you won’t be any safer than if I stayed here.”

  He gave her a smug grin. “So just stay here.”

  She pulled her lower lip between her teeth, and Cooper immediately reached over with his forefinger and released it.

  “I’m taking the bus. If you drive me, you’ll come back for visits. That—”

  He interrupted her. “Yeah, that’s the idea.”

  “Well, it won’t work. You could be there when Mick finds me.”

  “You mean if he finds you.”

  “No, I mean when.” She abruptly turned and made for the bathroom. Closing the door, she ran cold water over her face and finger combed her hair. That done, she turned the water on warm to clean up from their lovemaking. With renewed resolve, she reentered the kitchen. Cooper had poured another cup of coffee and sat at the table with his head in his hands. Their lovemaking of a few minutes earlier seemed like a dream as they faced each other across the kitchen.

  * * * *

  Cooper looked like a thundercloud when they walked into the bus station. He pulled out his credit card, not because he wanted to, but because she’d asked. She’d explained that she wanted to avoid a cash transaction being flagged for Mick.

  She didn’t look at him when she took the ticket from him. “You don’t have to wait with me. Besides, you need to call your mother about dinner.”

  “I forgot. See, I need you to keep me straight.” He put his finger under her chin, tipping her face up. His eyes told her that wasn’t all he needed her for and reminded her she needed him just as much. “You’re throwing something beyond value away.”

  She whispered back, “I know.”

  “Then don’t. We can fight. We don’t have to wait for him to come to us.”

  At his words, she felt the color leave her face, and she shivered with the chill of disabling fear. He stepped closer, shielding her, putting his arm around her shoulders. He guided her to a bench. “Stay here. I’m going to get you a soda. You look like you need the sugar.”

  The soda helped, and she took a deep breath. He took the half-empty can she held out to him. “You scared me. What just happened? I thought you were going to pass out.”

  She tried for a smile but missed. “I’m sorry. Even the thought of you confronting Mick is terrifying. If you did and were hurt…He isn’t sane, Coop. He plays dirty. He…”

  His fingers dug into her arms as he turned her to face him. “Damn it! Did you hear what I said? I’d rather fight with you and lose than give up what we have without a fight.”

  She reached over and stroked his cheek with her fingertips. He closed his eyes, despair replacing anger. The swoosh of the bus’s brakes brought them both back to the present.

  * * * *

  Cooper watched as she went up the bus steps, willing her to turn back. When she didn’t, he felt like he was going to throw up. Everything in him wanted to follow her and pull her off the bus. He took a step forward and felt a hand on his shoulder. Grant’s deep voice sounded like it came from a tunnel as the whole world receded.

  Cooper didn’t remember the ride home. He knew his dad and Grant were with him and that Grant drove his rig. He knew they talked and he answered, or at least he thought he did. He could remember his father giving him a hug before leaving. He remembered lying down on the sofa where someone threw a blanket over him. He wouldn’t have thought he could sleep, and he wasn’t sure he had. He ached everywhere. It felt like he’d taken a fall down a ski slope.

  His head pounded with the granddaddy of headaches. He swung his legs off the sofa and stood up, surprised that he felt so dizzy. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, and headed to the bathroom. One thing for sure, he was alive. No one dead would have to pee as bad as he did.

  When he came out, he smelled coffee. His heart lurched in his chest. She hadn’t left. It had all been a nightmare. A smile lit up his face as he rounded the corner and came up short. Grant stood at the counter, trying to milk the first drops into a couple of cups. His voice sounded ugly even to him. “Where did you come from?”

  Grant turned and gave him what looked more like a grimace then a smile. “I didn’t come from anywhere. I used the recliner. You were so dopey you walked right past me.”

  “Disoriented.”

  “Huh?”

  Cooper reached for the cup Grant had just filled. “Disoriented. I am a little disoriented, not dopey.”

  Grant finally got another cup out of the perking coffee. He pulled out a chair and winced at his first sip. “Damn, this is strong enough to stain your teeth.”

  “Well, what did you expect? The first part of the perk is always stronger. Personally, I need this.”

  The brothers drank their coffee in silence. Finally, Grant looked up. “Want to talk about it?”

  “Hell no.” Softening his tone, he added, “There’s nothing to talk about. She left. She said Ogden but…” He opened his hands, palms up on the table.

  “So what’s on for today?”

  Cooper held his cup to his lips and let the steam heat his face. His head still throbbed, and he wanted to bawl, something he didn’t remember doing even as a child. Mumbling he needed an aspirin, he left Grant at the table and went back to the bathroom.

  A half an hour later, he finally made his way back to the kitchen. He wasn’t surprised to see Grant still there, and this time with a plate of toast. His brother motioned him over to the table. “Eat.”

  Cooper didn’t want anything. Even toast made his stomach lurch. When he didn’t answer, Grant took a piece and pushed the plate closer to him. “Eat, or Mother’s going to be over here with chicken-noodle soup.”

  At the familiar threat, Cooper burst out laughing. When it ended with a sob, he put his head in his hands and let it out. He could hear himself, but it sounded like a long way off, almost like the sobs were coming from underwater. Grant went into the bathroom and soaked a washcloth in cold water. Returning to the kitchen, he handed it to his brother. Silently, Cooper took it. He held it to his face until it started getting warm.

  Drawing in a shaky breath, he threw the cloth in the sink and reached for a piece of toast. Mumbling, he said, “You never put enough butter on.” More something to distract them than that he wanted it, he got up and opened a jar of jam. Slathering on more than he needed, he glanced over at Grant, who looked like he wanted to say something. “What
? I like jam.”

  Grant was saved from answering by the phone.

  From his brother’s side of the conversation, Cooper wasn’t surprised when Grant asked him if he wanted to run over to Missoula to look at the property.

  “What about your schedule? I thought you worked today.”

  “I called in, so I have the whole day. Can you get your crew set up and go with us?”

  A day away with his father and brother sounded good, and in less than half an hour he had the day laid out for his men.

  * * * *

  It was after six o’clock when the three men got back to Blackhawk. After looking over the property together, they’d decided to put in the apartments. The building was just too good to tear down. Wanting the whole family involved, his dad called to see if his mother could meet them at the lodge for some dinner, and by six thirty, the family was sitting at their usual table. Devon apologized for not making the trip and asked a horde of questions. Their father went over a proposal and some details and promised to get the old blueprints to Cooper so he could draft a design for upper-end apartments. By the time they finished, it was almost ten o’clock.

  Cooper had participated, but barely. No one had mentioned Galynn, but he knew everyone felt her absence. How could one small woman make such an impact in so short a time? Finally he couldn’t take it a second longer, and with a mumbled “good night,” he pushed himself away from the table and stalked toward the door.