Hell Hath No Fury

by M. J. Schiller

  “I don’t know. This would change our dynamics a lot.” I was teasing. “But…I think I can adjust.” We stared at each other. “This is unbelievable. It sounds like something straight out of a novel.”

  “I know. I’ve had a while to think about it, and I still can’t believe it.”

  “Those oars not working properly?” someone called across the water.

  Kyle quickly put them in the water. “Coming.”

  As we approached the wooden oasis I recognized the speaker. “Hey, Doc. You get lost out here or something?”

  “Yes,” Dr. Downing replied. “I think I took a wrong turn outside my office.”

  “What has my husband roped you into? And where did you get that robe?”

  She struck a pose. “Oh, do you like it? My brother’s a judge. He let me borrow it. As for the rest…Kyle, would you like to explain?”

  Behind her a man was waiting in a rowboat. He climbed a ladder and joined the good doctor wearing what looked to be a very expensive camera around his neck. “Ignore me,” he said with a smile.

  Kinda hard to do when it’s an eight-by-eight wooden area.

  Kyle took my hands in his. “We’ve had kind of a rough year or so. But I am so proud of all of the work you’ve done with Dr. Downing. It’s not easy facing the pain of your past and letting it go so you can move on. I know it wasn’t what you wanted to do, really…but you did do it. For us. Now I want to do something for us, too.” He shifted and got on one knee in the middle of the boat.

  Just when I thought I couldn’t love him any more….

  “Samantha Jo Scofield, will you do me the honor of continuing to be my bride. Continuing to make me laugh, believe in me…” he wiggled his eyebrows “…turn me on—”

  “Uh-uh-uh. I’m no sex therapist.” It was clear she was enjoying herself, though I still wasn’t quite sure why she was here, out on the lake, and not with the rest of the bozos on shore.

  Kyle cleared his throat. “Uhh, yes. Sorry about that. Sorry, Dave.”

  The photographer laughed. “Hey, I don’t mind.”

  Dr. Downing waved her hands. “Anyway, I shouldn’t have interrupted. Go on.”

  “Am I doing good so far, Doc?”

  “Excellent.”

  “Oh, good.” He frowned. “Now what was I saying?”

  I glared at him.

  “Oh, yeah.” He looked down for a second. When he gazed up at me, the setting sun made his face glow. “I love you, babe. More than I ever thought I could love somebody. More today than I did the first time we did this whole wedding thing, and I loved you a lot then. Will you continue to allow me to share my life with you?”

  I put my hands on either side of his face. “Baby, there is no one I’d rather share my life with than you.”

  When we kissed I was startled by shouts from on shore.

  “Awesome,” said the doctor, a little teary-eyed. “Let’s get this done then.” Kyle got on the seat with me and held my hand. “Dearly beloved—”

  “Wait. Therapists can perform weddings?”

  “Yes. I am, as of yesterday, Doctor Reverend Laura Downing by power of the Church of the Free Spirit dot com.”

  Kyle shrugged. “It seemed appropriate she be the one to officiate the wedding.”

  “It’s perfect. As everything else has been perfect.”

  “So, do you, Samantha Scofield, re-promise to take Kyle to continue to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to death do you part?”

  “I do.”

  Without prompting, Kyle said, “I re-promise, too. And I re-promise to love and comfort you, honor and keep you, and forsaking all others. I will be yours alone, as long as we both shall live.”

  “Then by the power invested in me by the state of Nebraska and The Church of the Free Spirit, I now pronounce you to be continuing as husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” We kissed to another round of applause.

  “Congratulations. I’ll see you on shore,” Dr. Downing said, and she crossed to make her way into the row boat on the opposite side of the dock.

  “Are you ready to party?”

  “Of course, I am.”

  “Let’s do it then.” He stuck the oars in the water and began to paddle. We made it back much more quickly than we did paddling out to the dock. Ryan and Jake, who were in street clothes earlier, were wearing tuxes, and helped us out of our gondola upon arrival.

  “Well, don’t you look nice?”

  Kyle took my hand, faced our gathered friends, and raised our hands over our heads in a sign of victory. “She said yes.” We got hugs from everyone then led them to a huge canopy in the middle of the circle of tents. All of the guests already had champagne, so Kyle grabbed some from a black tied waiter and raised it. “A toast.”

  “Wait. Hold on a minute.” I would recognize that voice anywhere. “Isn’t that my job?” The zipper of a nearby tent went up, and out stepped Tucker and Dani, both dressed for the occasion and holding glasses of champagne. I screamed and ran to Dani, swallowing her in a hug.

  “Wow,” Kyle said, shaking Tucker’s hand. “I used to have hearing.”

  “No kidding.” The two smiled and shook their heads at us, then Tucker stepped forward. “Now. I believe it is traditionally the best man and matron of honor’s,” he said as he nodded in Dani’s direction, “duties to present a toast. Since we’re married and share everything anyway, we decided to do the toast together. We’re keeping it short and sweet because I’m starving.” Everyone laughed, then Tucker took a moment for things to quiet before beginning. “Most of you were at Kyle and Samantha’s Wedding Part One, so you’ll know there are those intent on taking this couple down.” He was referring, of course, to my charming ex, who had caused a scene and tipped over the cake table at our wedding, destroying our cake and the toppers I’d worked so hard to find. Kyle had saved the day, as he always seemed to, by constructing a cake out of thirty boxes of Ding Dongs and a can of spray whipping cream. “But try as they might, here they are. Anyone can see these two kids are in love. If they were in the cartoons they’d have springing hearts for eyes whenever they look at each other. But marriage isn’t all Ding Dongs and rock concerts. Sometimes it takes selflessness and some old-fashioned hard work to keep the gondola moving forward. But these two…these two have what it takes. I had the pleasure of watching them fall in love from the very beginning. From a chance meeting at a Chase Hatton concert through Kyle’s road games and the general mayhem seeming to accompany Sam wherever she goes—”

  “I can vouch for that,” Max interjected, and several others added their “me toos.”

  I could tell they had kind of thrown Tucker from his speech and he needed a moment to regroup. “Pipe down, you knuckleheads. The man’s trying to give a toast.”

  “Which he said would be brief,” Dani whispered to me with raised eyebrows.

  “Anyway, as I was saying, these guys have been through some good times, and some bad times. They moved to Nebraska when the only people they knew here was our family, and they are raising three fantastic kids together—”

  “Hear, hear,” Ryan said, raising his glass higher.

  Without missing a beat this time, Tucker added, “Yes. Modesty has never been your strong point, Ry.”

  Laughter rippled through the crowd and Scottie yelled, “I’ll second that.”

  “My point is, Kyle and Sam did the hard work to keep the boat afloat. They give to each other, make each other—and everyone around them—laugh, and hold each other up through the bad times. So please join me in raising your glass to Kyle and Samantha Scofield.”

  When the applause died out, Tucker swept his hand to the side. “And now, my darling wife.”

  Dani nudged me. “It’s about time.” She stepped forward. “I’m sure you can all tell my husband is a lawyer and used to making opening arguments. Well I’ve been brought in to provide the closing remarks to this affair.” She turned to Kyle. “Ky
le, I was on your side since day one, rooting you on because I could tell you were the man for Sam.” She started to get choked up, but reeled it in. “You are sweet, loving, and giving, and above all patient enough to deal with this one.” She tilted her head in my direction.

  “Hey.”

  “You’ve been steadfast and devoted and the kind of man I hope my Scottie and Myles will be. Sam—” She peered at me and fell apart.

  “She’ll never get through this,” Scott inserted. “She cries at everything.”

  Tucker stepped over and squeezed her hand. Dani glared at Scott.

  “Oh, man. You got the look,” Ryan joked.

  “Anyway,” Dani said carefully. “You’ve been my friend during some very difficult times and we’ve had more good times than most. Through it all, you’ve never been one to hold back. You put it out there, whether we want to hear it or not, and that’s often what people need the most. That’s what makes us better people. But not only are you honest with us, you also support us through whatever changes we have to make with a heart which is strong, generous, and true. The two of you are an inspiration to us and our lives are very blessed because you’re in them. To Kyle and Sam.”

  More tears flowed and more hugs were given until Tucker yelled, “Let’s eat.”

  Kyle gave Dani a quick kiss then took my hand and led me under the tent. We passed the cake table, and I dissolved into tears again. The cake was a replica of the cake Bill had destroyed, but it was ringed by white Ding Dongs. Kyle had even found the pair of ice skates and a guitar, which had been broken when the cake fell.

  “I can’t believe you found them.”

  “There’s this thing called the Internet. You’ll have to check it out sometime.”

  We didn’t stop long though, as he led me straight to the dance floor. A band began playing, and we swayed together. Nothing beat being in his arms.

  “You know why I got you in a boat, right?”

  I shook my head.

  “So you couldn’t run away on me.”

  I had developed some serious cold feet at our first wedding and made poor Kyle a nervous wreck. “Oh, I ain’t goin’ anywhere, baby. You are saddled with me for life. Especially now that you can afford me.”

  He laughed. “Ha. See. I knew you were into me for the money.”

  I put my hand on the side of his face. “You’ve got that wrong.”

  “Oh?”

  “I married you because you’re good in bed.”

  He chuckled and pulled me close. In my ear, he whispered, “I’m okay with that.”

  And the rest of the evening was as magical as the start. I don’t know what I did to deserve this boy, I’m just glad I did it.

  Chapter 18

  Elise

  I was behind the stage with my violin in hand. Hunter had gushed about my playing to Kyle, and he’d asked me to play something for him, and…here I was.

  Why do I get myself into these things?

  I chewed on my nails. The band leader was about to introduce me. I had practiced with them earlier…and it had sounded kind of awesome with the keyboard and drums and a second violin to harmonize in the parts where two singers did in the original. So, a very teensy, tiny part of me was excited to play it again. But ninety-nine percent of me was scared shitless and mad at me for not arguing harder with Kyle and Hunter. I mean, they were kind of a biased audience. And…luckily, most of the people in the crowd would also be rooting for me. But it was still nerve wracking.

  The music on stage came to an end and I froze, listening. Maybe they’d forget about me.

  “Thank you so much. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you.”

  Yeah, right.

  “Our happy couple has an extremely talented daughter who is performing for you tonight.”

  I peeked around the edge of the curtain. I almost had to laugh because Ryan, Jake, Scottie, and Zoe all appeared perplexed. They turned to question Hunter, who was enjoying having the inside scoop, for a change.

  “So, Elise?”

  Oh, brother. Here goes nothing.

  “Elise Neaman, ladies and gentlemen.”

  I came out and made it to my microphone, looking down for the most part, but catching my mom’s surprised expression, too—which I did rather enjoy. I was playing “My Immortal,” the song I had played for Hunter on our driveway the night of our first date. This was one of my mom’s and Dani’s favorite songs, and that was about the only reason I agreed to humiliate myself like this.

  I hooked my violin under my chin.

  “Are you ready?” the band leader asked quietly.

  I nodded, and forced a smile.

  He signaled, and the keyboardist played. I was almost immediately caught up in the music, before I even played a note. The beginning chords were so moving. I took a breath and drew my bow across the strings. It wasn’t a difficult song in that it wasn’t fast, but it required finesse to move my fingers along the neck to recreate the tremble in her voice. Soon it was just me and my violin.

  When I played my last note, the place erupted, starting with my brothers and Scott jumping to their feet and whooping. I was pretty sure my mom was crying. And maybe Dani. Heat rose in my cheeks. But not an uncomfortable heat, more of a warm glow.

  “Take a bow,” the band leader instructed.

  I did, pretty proud of myself. I caught Zoe’s eye, and she gave me a thumb’s up. But I was searching for Hunter. When I found him, he was beaming.

  “How about another, Elise?”

  I smiled and nodded, having practiced another song with them, unbeknownst to even Hunter. It was a song by Radiohead called “Creep.” I liked finding pieces you wouldn’t expect to hear on violin but had the emotion that was well suited to one. Since this one was new, I had to concentrate a bit more. I made one small mistake, but it was one that probably only I knew about.

  The leader stepped to his mike. “What did I tell you? She’s pretty amazing, isn’t she?”

  When I came back out to the table, before I could even sit, my Aunt Alex and Aunt Max swooped in to hug me and go overboard with their praise. After they left, Ryan was the first to get a word in.

  “Dude. That was awesome. I didn’t know you even played the violin. How did I not know this?”

  I shrugged, now filled with that prickly heat I escaped earlier.

  “Yeah. You got my mom crying.”

  “Well, that’s not exactly a monumental feat, Scott.”

  Luckily they were starting my mom and Kyle’s first dance as a married-again couple, so the attention was taken off me. Until they called others to the dance floor and Hunter came to offer his hand. Then, of course, Scott and all had to tease me. But Zoe put an end to it pretty quickly.

  Hunter drew me out onto the temporary flooring. “I knew you’d be phenomenal.”

  I mumbled something in reply.

  “That second song was Stone Temple Pilot, ‘Creep,’ wasn’t it?”

  “Oh, so close,” I teased. “Creep” is correct, but this “Creep” is by Radiohead.”

  “Oh, yeah. I knew that.”

  “Riiight.”

  “No, really, I did.” He drew me closer and spoke into my ear. “Did I tell you yet you look incredible in that dress?”

  I pulled back and smiled at him. “Yes. But tell me again.”

  He kissed me below the ear. “You look incredible in this dress. Oh, shit.”

  “What?”

  “Kyle caught me kissing you.”

  I glanced around. “Dude. He’s so wrapped up in my mom, he’s got eyes for nothing else.”

  “No. I’m serious. He did that whole ‘I’m watching you’ thing. I’m dead.”

  “No. I think he’s beginning to like you. He said I should ask you to go paintballing with us sometime.”

  “Only Kyle and your mom would go paintballing for their honeymoon.”

  “I know. Right? Anyway,” I leaned back, “will you come?”

  “With you, anywhe
re.” He kissed me then quickly looked around. “Shit. He caught me again. He’s going to kill me.”

  “No, he’s not.”

  “You know he just asked me to paintball so he can aim a gun at me.”

  “Okay, there may be some truth in that…”

  “See?” He took my hand. “Let’s go somewhere where we can be alone.”

  “Ooh. I like the way you think. But can we stop by my car first?”

  “Sure. Why?”

  “I have a little something for you.”

  “For me? What’s the occasion?”

  “No occasion. I saw something, and I wanted to get it for you.”

  I was pretty excited to give it to him. When we got to the car, I handed him my gift.

  “It’s big….”

  “It’s a decoy box. Open it.”

  I’d wrapped the outer box so he could just lift the lid and get it open. I held it for him and he took the lid off.

  “Hmm. Could it be an album?” He lifted the flat, square package out of the tissue. I threw the box into the car as he tore into the wrapping. When he could see what it was, he smiled. “I love it.”

  I’d found the Steve Miller Greatest Hits album with “The Joker” on it, the song Kyle had quizzed him on before our first date. The cover was fairly iconic, blue with a horse’s head on it.

  “This will look great on my wall.”

  “Good.”

  “But most of all it is special because you gave it to me.” He bent in to kiss me, and Kyle’s voice drifted to us through the dark.

  “I see that.”

  “Oh, my gosh. The man is a menace.”

  I laughed. We ended up holding hands and walking by the lake with the stars above and the moon on the water. Since the time I’d met Hunter, I’d grown so much. Had come to know myself better and be more confident. It was amazing what the love of one person could do to dispel years of doubt. I was a lucky girl.

  Samantha

  It was about a month after our rewedding, and Kyle was out dealing with some financial rigmarole. We decided our newfound wealth wouldn’t change our life too dramatically. We had heard the stories about lottery winners becoming miserable, and we had things so good. Why would we want to risk that? Besides, get a bigger house at this point in our life, when we were ready to scale things down?