Hell Hath No Fury

by M. J. Schiller

  I did, however, say goodbye to fulltime work so we could travel together. I still subbed whenever Tara needed me, but fifteen years as a lunch lady was about all I could take. I hadn’t needed the job in the first place. Bill’s alimony and child support had covered all of my expenses after the divorce. But I wanted to show him I could get a job. Even if it wasn’t all that glamorous. Lately, though, it didn’t seem like I was giving the kids my best. There was only so many times you could tell the kids, “One napkin,” or “No butting in line,” before it began to drive you crazy. I didn’t want to be the crabby old lunch lady, so I went out on a high note.

  We also decided not to spoil the kids with the money. We did take over the college payments from Bill. Even though the divorce decree said he was responsible for the kids’ educational expenses, it didn’t seem right to have him pay when we had the means to take care of it. In addition, we set aside funds to invest in the kids, if they should need it to get a company up and going or something, but we wanted to see them make it on their own. And two million dollars didn’t go as far as it once did. Still, it was more than enough with Kyle’s pension and savings.

  Hunter and Elise were playing a board game in the kitchen and I was putting laundry away when the doorbell rang.

  “I’ve got it,” I told the kids, as I was heading in that direction anyway. I set the stack of towels on the couch and hustled to answer it.

  I was fairly shocked when I opened the door and found Bill lurking on my doorstep. He hadn’t been to the house since Kyle had gone to his place and they fought.

  I jumped right in before he could speak. “Listen, we aren’t married anymore. You’re the one who threw that away. I’m in love with another man, and I don’t want you interfering in our lives anymore.”

  He frowned. “Well, hello to you, too.”

  I cocked a hip. “What are you doing here, Bill? The kids made it pretty clear they want nothing to do with you anymore.”

  He scowled. “Yeah. So they’ve told me. Thanks for reminding me.”

  “Well, if you’re not here for the kids, what do you want?”

  “Uhh…well, can’t I come in?”

  Hell, no. “No.”

  He snarled. “Fine. I’m here because…I want to apologize.”

  I rocked onto my heels. This was unexpected, to say the least. “What the hell is wrong with you?

  He stared. “What?”

  “You’ve never apologized to anyone in your life.” A thought dawned on me. “Are you seeing a therapist?”

  He licked his lips. “Yes, actually.”

  I sucked air in. “No way.” Bill Neaman seeing a therapist would mean he was acknowledging something was askew in him. But to apologize to me? “Are you twelve stepping me right now?” I tilted my head.

  “Geez. Can’t a guy even make an apology to you without you being suspicious about his intentions?”

  I leaned on the doorframe and crossed my arms. “No, Bill. You made sure of that.” He didn’t comment, which was unusual in and of itself. I tried to read him, to gage his honesty. “What made you change?”

  He stared at his feet, shuffling them. “I saw Kathy with another man.”

  I frowned, holding back a growl. “Kathy. The slut you cheated on me with?”

  He looked away. “Yes. That Kathy.”

  “I thought that was over a long time ago.”

  “It was. Actually, once you found out, it wasn’t fun anymore. Anyway, I never actually cared for her, but it still was like a punch in the gut when I saw her with this guy. I realized that is what it must have been like for you. It bothered me all night.”

  This couldn’t be happening. Bill Neaman with a conscience? “No, Bill. It was worse. Because I was actually foolish enough to love you.”

  He studied me, again shifting his weight from foot to foot. Where was the swagger he usually threw around like confetti?

  “I know.” He took a deep breath. “Listen, Sam…I want to change. I need to change.”

  I blinked. Words would not come.

  He huffed. “I’m not changing into a good guy or anything. I know that. It’s not in me. But I can be a better man, at least. I can try every day to be better, and maybe, eventually, I will be.”

  There had to be a catch.

  He exhaled. “I don’t blame you for not believing me. I’ve given you no reason to. But I hope I can prove to you I’ve become a better person.”

  “Why? Why does it matter to you what I think?”

  He looked at me fully for the first time. “Because, Sam. Believe it or not, I still care about you. I know I never acted like it or showed you how much you meant to me…. I don’t know why I am the way I am, but I’m hoping my therapist can help me with that.”

  Footsteps sounded behind me, at the top of the stairs, but I couldn’t turn. I was in shock.

  “Daddy?”

  Tears formed in his eyes. Before this hour I didn’t know that was possible.

  “Hey,” he said softly, peering at her.

  “What’s going on?”

  He glanced at me. I hesitated for a moment then stepped aside and swept my arm to invite him in.

  He moved to the bottom of the stairs. “Uhh….” He yanked on his tie to loosen it a little. “I know you’ve been pretty angry at me. And you have every reason to be.” He stared at the bottom step. Could Bill have really changed? “I messed up, Elise. I messed up bad. And I don’t deserve another chance, but I need to ask anyway.”

  Like me, she seemed dumbfounded. Hunter watched the scene from behind her shoulder, his brow furrowed, taking it all in.

  “Do you think you could maybe find it in your heart to forgive me? Maybe not now, but down the road sometime? I’d like to…try to be a better father to you and your brothers. But especially to you. I’m, uh, not very good with women….”

  Elise descended the stairs slowly, hesitating with each step. But on the last, she threw herself into her father’s embrace. “I’m so sorry, honey.” I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me teary. He clutched at her, and for a second I thought he would lose it, which couldn’t happen, because my brain would explode. He released her, but kept his arms around her. Then he raised his gaze to Hunter. “Who’s this?”

  “Oh.” She beckoned to him and Hunter came forward, eyeing Bill cautiously. “Daddy, this is my boyfriend, Hunter.”

  “Boyfriend?” He looked to me to confirm it, and I nodded. “Boyfriend?”

  “Uhh. Nice to meet you, sir.” Hunter held out his hand like the good boy he was. The old Bill crossed my ex’s face briefly, and he hesitated to take the kid’s hand. But eventually he caved in, although I know he wasn’t happy about it. “Uhh.” He glanced up the stairs. “Is…Kyle home?”

  I could tell even saying my husband’s name was a struggle for him. “No. But he’s due home any minute.”

  He seemed relieved. Keeping one hand on the banister, he turned to me. “Well,” he exhaled, “I owe him an apology, too. But…maybe not today. I’m kind of…drained.”

  “Yeah. That might be something I should prepare him for.”

  “Would you?”

  I considered him for a moment then said under my breath. “I must be out of my mind.” Then added, “Yes. I’ll talk to him. Now you might want to scoot before he gets home and there is a big misunderstanding of your intentions in being here today.”

  “Good point. Bye, Elise.” He scurried out of the house so fast, it was comical.

  I closed the door behind him then stood, hanging onto the knob. I turned to Elise. “Did that happen?”

  Elise appeared equally stunned. “Umm, I think so.” She twisted toward Hunter.

  He threw his hands up. “Don’t ask me. I don’t get what happens here on a good day.”

  “Sam!”

  “Oh, shit.”

  “Sam? Did I see Bill leaving our house?” Kyle looked like he was set on destroy mode.

  “Yes.”

  “What the hell was he doing
here?”

  “Umm. He wanted to apologize.”

  He blinked. “Apolo-what? I know you didn’t just say apologize, because we’re talking Bill here.”

  “I know.”

  “He apologized?”

  I nodded with a grimace.

  “Huh.” A long pause ensued. We all waited for what was to come next. “Is he seeing a therapist or something?”

  I cracked up. “That’s what I asked him.”

  Kyle smiled. “Well, is he?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ho-ly shit.” He walked to the front window and stared out.

  Elise and I exchanged a look. “What are you doing?”

  “Checking to see if frogs were falling from the sky or if any of the other signs of the Apocalypse were present.”

  We all laughed.

  “Hey, anyone want to go paintballing?”

  I screwed up my face. “I missed the transition there.”

  “That’s because I didn’t have one.” He came over and put his hands on my hips. “Come on, bride. You’ve always said you wanted to do it.”

  “Oh, I’m in, I’m not sure about Elise and Hunter.

  “Oh, we’re in.” Hunter threw out an unspoken challenge.

  “Let’s go, then.”

  Kyle

  With all her trash talk on the way to the paintball place about wiping out Hunter and Elise, Sam was little help. We were resting behind a couple of bales of hay. I was on my stomach, gun at the ready. Sam had her back against a stack of several bales and was filing her nails, of all things.

  “I’m just saying, you didn’t need to hit him at such a close range.”

  “Come on.” I sighted, my barrel steadied on top of the hay, pretty sure Hunter and Elise were hiding behind the stack of bales across from us. “He’s a big boy. He can take it.”

  Sam picked up her gun, rested it on her shoulder, pointed behind her, and pulled the trigger, showering orange paint across the straw opposite us. This was her contribution.

  “Besides. I didn’t get to pound Bill today, so I deserve to take it out on somebody.”

  She sawed away at a nail. “Prone—”

  “Don’t say it.” I frowned at her. “You know, this is our honeymoon. The least you could do is participate.”

  She grinned, leaning over until she was practically on top of me. “Oh, I plan to participate—all right.” She nibbled on my ear.

  “Sam. Stop that. You’ll get us splattered.” Her mouth hit a particularly sensitive spot. “Sam.”

  “What? You don’t like this?” She climbed more fully onto my body and along with the kissing, was now also trying to tickle my ribs.

  “Sam, stop.” I finally set my gun aside, flipped on my back, and took her wrists. She grinned, hovering above me. “I don’t think you’re taking this seriously.”

  “Oh. I’m taking it seriously.” Even though I still had her wrists trapped, she began to shimmied the rest of the way down my body.

  “Sam.” But my warning went unheeded. I pushed off the ground and rolled her. “You are messing with the wrong man.” I lifted my head and realized we were no longer behind our protective shelter. Hunter popped up from behind his wall of straw with a battle cry on his lips. I threw myself over her and took a paintball between my shoulder blades. “Damn.” Those puppies hurt. I scrambled to my knees, and she rolled/crawled behind the barrier while I followed her, careful to shield her, although she didn’t deserve it. She stopped, leaving me exposed. I slapped her butt. “Move it.”

  This time Hunter and Elise designed a synchronized attack and peppered me with a rainbow of paint splotches. I side-crawled to the slim area she’d left for me.

  She looked at me. “Oh, wow.” She laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. “They really got you.”

  I chuckled, too. “Yes, they did. Now get your helmet on and—”

  “It flattens my hair.”

  “Would you rather have paint in it sweetheart.” I dangled it in front of her and she snatched it.

  “Good point.” She slapped it on. I’d be fantasizing about her later tonight. Those eyes peering at me through the visor—sexy.

  “All right. On my count, you roll out left, and I’ll take the right side.”

  She nodded.

  I snapped my visor in place. “One, two…Sam, take your gun, honey.” I shook my head. Because of her I would return home with bruises spotting me like a Dalmatian. But when we got ready for bed and I stripped down and she saw them, she would be super sympathetic and show her appreciation for my self-sacrifice.

  The things you do for love.

  “One, two, THREE!”

  Elise

  Hunter removed his helmet.

  “You’re gonna get us in trouble.”

  “Just for a minute. It’s so hot.”

  I worked mine off, too. “You’re right.” I panted.

  “Besides,” he drew closer. “I can’t do this with my helmet on.”

  He laid a kiss on me which stole my breath away even more. “Mmm.” I smiled at him then turned serious, slamming my helmet on. “Let’s get them.” With the visor down, I peeked around the side then flipped the visor open so I could talk, my back against the hay, on my feet, gun ready. “They need to pay for that shot.” I looked at him. “Does it still hurt?”

  “Yeah. It stings.”

  I flipped the visor closed again and leaned out on my side and was surprised to find them fairly close, directly opposite us behind a similar hay structure. “Well, suck it up, soldier, ’cause we’ve got ’em.”

  He got as excited as me. “Where?”

  “About…twenty of thirty feet directly in front of us, behind bales.”

  “Nice.” He slipped his helmet on. “Let me get eyes on.”

  He was so cute. This most likely wasn’t a forever thing, but he would always be the best first boyfriend ever. Unless you counted Scott….Hunter ducked around the corner then to my surprise, set off a flurry of shots before falling back. Cute or not, he was getting the riot act for that little maneuver.

  “Dude. Now they know where we are.”

  “They were in the open. I had to take a shot. And I got Kyle, too.” He was grinning from ear-to-ear. “Four or five times. He was a sitting duck.”

  I held out my gloved hand, palm up and he slapped it. “Nice. I guarantee my mom had something to do with that rookie mistake. Kyle would never expose himself like that.”

  “No doubt.”

  A song came to an end on the outdoor speakers and we listened intently for the next one.

  “Linkin Park!” we both yelled, but he had me by half a second.

  “Damn. You’re closer to the speakers.”

  He shook a finger at me. “Dude. No excuses.”

  “Fine,” I said, pouting.

  “Now,” he said as he narrowed his eyes, “let’s get them.”

  “What’s your plan?”

  “Full frontal attack. I’m going over this bale, you swing out wide around your corner.”

  “Okay.” We adjusted our visors and got in position. I looked at him and he held three fingers up, counting down silently.

  I rolled out, and he launched himself from our hideout. He assessed the situation immediately. The other side attacked at exactly the same time. He ran and hurtled their barrier, twisting in midair and getting in a few shots before hitting the ground on the other side. I, however, was caught. Mom scampered off somewhere, but I was dead in Kyle’s sights. I ran, but was stung by a ball on the side of my left leg. I hopped on the right leg, grimacing, then stumbled to the ground and began to drag myself on my belly to the protection of the straw. Kyle immediately dropped his gun and yanked off his mask.

  “Elise! Elise!” He came running to me and slid on his knees the last few feet. “Oh, honey. Are you okay?”

  I rolled onto my back with a wicked smile, aiming my gun at his chest.

  “Gotcha.”

  He got to his feet and backed away, with his h
ands in the air, right into Hunter, who had snuck behind him.

  Hunter grinned. “Searching for this?” He had Kyle’s gun.

  “Why you little—”

  I shook a finger at him, snapping my visor open. “Uh-uh-uh. No cursing in front of the children.”

  Kyle chuckled. “You are so grounded.”

  All of a sudden, my mom yelled. “Wait.” She held a hand in front of her. “Linkin Park.”

  “Mom. We had that like fifteen minutes ago.”

  “Lace your fingers behind your head. We’re walking you to the exit.”

  Kyle complied, rolling his eyes.

  “Hey, Mom. Can I have your gun?”

  “Sure.” She handed it to me.

  “Sam! Really?”

  “What?”

  “Follow Kyle, Mom.”

  She walked up to him and they moved toward the exit, side by side.

  He chuckled. “You have like no killer instinct. Zero.”

  “I think I did pretty good. I don’t have any paint on me. You’re the one who’s covered in paint.”

  “Oh-ho-ho. And why am I covered in paint, Sammy?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Because I was saving your sorry ass.”

  “Well no need to get hostile.”

  “Don’t say it. Don’t say it.”

  “You’re prone to violence.”

  Hunter and I walked behind them, listening to their bickering.

  We may be loud, obnoxious and drenched in paint, but we’re the Scofields, baby. Or at least I considered myself one.

  And I had no wish to be anything else.

  Before You Go…

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