Season's Meetings

by Amy Dunne

*

  Time elapsed. The bag of Holly’s things lay on the bed within hand’s reach, but Catherine couldn’t bring herself to open it.

  Holly was gone.

  It wasn’t something she’d foreseen happening. In her mind, she’d convinced herself she’d be able to make things up to Holly. It would never happen now. Hurt washed over her in waves. Emotions crashed inside her as if searching for some way to spill out. They were filling her to the brink, and keeping them bottled up was near impossible.

  It hadn’t felt this bad when Paula left.

  After a lot of consideration, she decided it was because she’d done everything she possibly could to make Paula happy. She’d busted a gut trying to fight for their relationship to work. The regrets she’d had at the end were about letting Paula walk all over her and being too naive to realise she was being cheated on. All of that was easier to manage than the oppressive regret she felt now.

  She hadn’t fought for Holly. She hadn’t listened or took on board her thoughts and feelings. Ignorance in her self-righteousness had ruled over everything. She’d known what was best. Only…she hadn’t.

  “Stupid idiot.” She regretted it all and was disgusted by the way she’d treated Holly. No wonder Holly left. She’d probably look back and think she’d had a lucky escape. Catherine wouldn’t blame her.

  The only positive thing to come out of the whole experience was Kimmy.

  She began to think about their future together. Change was on the horizon; she’d reached a decision. She was going to quit her job and find a new career. Money wasn’t an issue. She had more than enough to comfortably tide her over for a few years if need be. She couldn’t imagine herself sitting around at home doing nothing, but there was no rush to move straight on to something else. In time, she’d find a new career that made her happy and also allowed her to spend time with Kimmy.

  Something in her mindset had changed. Her future wasn’t something to fear or dread anymore, it was something to treasure and make the most of. A huge weight lifted from her body, giving her a sense of freedom. Like a butterfly spreading its wings for the first time after emerging from its cocoon.

  In her mind’s eye she pictured the blue butterfly of Holly’s tattoo.

  “It could never have worked out,” she said, trying to force herself to believe the words. But she didn’t believe them, no matter how many times she told herself.

  The bedroom door creaked open and a tiny head popped around.

  “Hello, Florence,” Catherine said, rushing to hide the bag of things in the bedside drawer.

  “Hello, Aunty Cat.” Florence skipped into the room and Kimmy followed. They both jumped up on the bed. Catherine fussed Kimmy while Florence watched.

  “Are you sad?” Florence asked.

  She’s must’ve learnt the directness from Beth. Catherine gave a shrug and said, “I’m okay.”

  Florence sprawled out, her head resting on Catherine’s lap. Personal space was something Florence wasn’t accustomed to. “I miss Aunty Holly real bad.”

  Catherine stroked the mop of hair. “Me too.”

  “Do you have a photo of her?”

  Catherine was going to lie, but thought better of it. “Yeah, hold on.” She took out her tablet and brought up the photos from Christmas Day. Florence looked through them all, giggling loudly. When she reached the end, she went straight back to the beginning and started the slideshow again.

  “Them tops are funny,” she said, talking about the Christmas jumpers. Her pudgy fingers swiped the next photo. “You look like a family. Mummy Holly, Mummy Cat, and baby Kimmy.” Florence pointed to each of their smiling faces, her fingerprints leaving smudges on the screen.

  Catherine stared at the photo in shock. Florence’s childish words resonated, granting startling clarity. They did look like a little family, a happy family. It was crystal clear. How hadn’t she seen it before?

  Oblivious to the revelation she’d uncovered, Florence tossed the tablet onto the duvet, her interest waning. “You’re a cat, Kimmy’s a dog, and I’m a monkey.” She stood on the bed and began bouncing.

  Kimmy circled Florence’s feet with her tail wagging and playful barks.

  Catherine was struggling to recover from Florence’s description of the photo. Something monumental had shifted inside her.

  “Play pirates with me?” Florence asked. “Please, Aunty Cat? Please?”

  “Okay,” Catherine said weakly. Preoccupied by her thoughts, she followed Florence out of the room. In her mind she studied the photo she knew by heart.

  *

  After witnessing a five-year-old having a tantrum about bath time, Catherine was relieved to return to her room with Kimmy. She removed the plastic bag and tipped the contents onto the duvet. Her heart sank as she inspected the items before her.

  The pendant, apron, and dog toy sent a clear message. Holly didn’t want anything from her, especially not reminders of the time they’d shared. She slipped the pendant over her neck feeling as the cool stone rested against her chest. It was weirdly comforting.

  Kimmy sniffed the contents of the bag and a little whimper escaped.

  “I know, Kimmy,” Catherine said. She watched as Kimmy lay down on top of the apron and buried her muzzle into the creases of the material. “I miss her, too.”

  The thought of Holly driving back to London all alone whilst angry and upset freaked Catherine out. What if there was an accident? What if she crashed again? At least the snow chains were on the tyres. Knowing the car had an extra bit of safety made Catherine grateful for small mercies.

  She spotted something beneath the apron and tugged some of the material out from under Kimmy’s body, finding the Christmas and Birthday cards she’d given.

  Kimmy looked up with sorrowful eyes. Something small and white stuck to her wet nose.

  “What’s this?” Catherine asked. She peeled the white thing off. It took a moment to recognise it was the slip of paper from Holly’s fortune cookie. She fumbled around until she found her purse. She tore through the compartments and nearly gave up on the search, when she found her own crumpled slip. She flattened it out and read the words out loud. “There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.”

  “Are you trying to tell me something?” Catherine asked Kimmy. A little wag of the tail and a chuff sounded suspiciously like a yes. “It’s too late. She’s gone and couldn’t have made it any more obvious she doesn’t care.”

  That wasn’t strictly true. If Holly didn’t care, she wouldn’t have been hurt or upset. Her speedy departure and the bag of belongings suggested she cared an awful lot.

  “What am I going to do?”

  Kimmy didn’t offer up any answers.

  The thought of never seeing Holly again left a gaping hole in Catherine’s chest. But the thought of seeing Holly again in the arms of someone else, well, that was unbearable. She considered the advice Granny Birch might offer. Firstly, she would let rip with her disappointment of Catherine being cowardly enough to let Holly get away. Then she’d suggest Catherine think carefully and weigh up the pros and cons.

  Holly cared for her, and Catherine reciprocated the feelings. They always seemed to be laughing. The sex was phenomenal. Being with Holly eradicated the loneliness that had consumed her for so long. They could have a future together and maybe go on to have children one day if Holly decided it felt right.

  The cons were she’d risk losing Beth, Katie, and Florence. That was a scary prospect. She’d be completely alone.

  In her head, she heard Granny Birch’s voice. “Do the pros outweigh the cons, Catherine?”

  “I think so,” Catherine said, overly aware she was talking to herself and feeling uncomfortable. I’ve actually lost my mind.

  “Don’t be dramatic. I didn’t raise a fool,” Granny Birch’s voice snapped in the familiar cantankerous way. “As the King said, you can’t help falling in love. You know what you have to do. Hold your nerve and go all in, darling. There’s no bigger jackpot th
an a future full of happiness and love.”

  Catherine smeared the salty tears rolling down her cheeks. “I’m scared,” she said. But Granny Birch didn’t reply. She was on her own.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Catherine took a deep breath before walking into the living room. She would tell Beth and Katie the truth. Taking responsibility was the right thing to do. After that, she’d head back to London and hope with all her heart Holly would forgive her.

  They looked up from the sofa in unison. Beth’s eyes narrowed, and a frown creased her brow. “What have you done, Cat? You’re wearing the same guilty expression you used to wear at uni. The same one you wore the morning after you raided the fridge and ate the rest of my cheese.”

  Catherine was rendered speechless. Sometimes Beth’s ability to read her was unnerving. If only eating cheese was my crime this time. And if she remembers cheese, she’s definitely going to remember the promise.

  “There’s something I need to tell you.” She sat and wrung her hands. “I’m not sure how to say it.”

  “Just spit it out,” Beth said, her gaze as unrelenting as her briskness.

  “If you give me a chance I will,” Catherine said, and after a big breath added, “I’ve fallen in love wi—”

  “I knew it!” Beth said, grinning triumphantly. “I promised I wouldn’t say anything, but Amanda likes you, too. Which is miraculous after the way you behaved.”

  “I can’t stand Amanda.”

  “Excuse me?” Beth asked.

  “She’s quite possibly the most vulgar person I’ve ever had the misfortune of encountering.”

  Beth opened her mouth to retaliate, but Katie spoke first. “Forget Amanda. Cat, who is it you’re in love with?”

  Beth pursed her lips and bunched her jaws, clearly trying to refrain from speaking. It appeared curiosity got the better of her. She also wanted to hear.

  Exhaling slowly, Catherine forced herself to keep eye contact. It was now or never. “I love Holly.”

  Beth’s and Katie’s expressions deadpanned.

  “I’ve been a coward and I’m sorry. I asked her to keep our relationship a secret because I was scared you’d hate me and I’d lose you. But it meant she had to lie, which she hated doing. Then last night, she walked in when Amanda forced a kiss on me.”

  “Holly?” Beth asked in disbelief. “As in, baby cousin Holly?”

  Catherine nodded and turned her attention to Katie. “I know she’s family. It happened gradually—”

  “I’d hardly call a few days gradually,” Beth said.

  “So, she left because she was upset?” Katie asked, seeming to take the news relatively well. “Not because something happened at the bakery.”

  Catherine gulped. “Yes. I wanted to talk to her and explain about Amanda, but in my drunken state I fell asleep. When I woke up she was gone. I never meant to upset or hurt her.”

  “I can’t believe you’ve done this.” Beth said, shaking her head in disbelief. Her expression was unreadable. “You promised me you’d never do this.”

  “I’m so sorry—”

  “How could you, Cat?” Beth demanded. “You’re supposed to be my best friend. Do the promises we’ve made to one another mean nothing? I thought they did. Obviously you don’t.”

  “It just happened. I didn’t set out with the intention of breaking our promise or falling in love. It’s been a whirlwind. But I swear, I’m sorry.”

  “You’ve ruined everything.” Beth swiped harshly as tears spilled.

  “What exactly am I missing?” Katie asked. She looked from Beth to Catherine, clearly confused. “What promise?”

  “It’s already gone to shit. I’m going to end up losing you or Holly. When Florence graduates or gets married, it’s going to be so fucking awkward. Holly’s family, and we see her a hell of a lot more than we see you. She makes an effort. Do you expect me to not invite her to any gatherings or important events now? And what about you?” Beth asked accusingly. “Is this going to be more of an excuse for you to cut ties and shun responsibility? You were my best friend.”

  Were.

  That single word broke Catherine’s heart.

  She opened her mouth, but there were no words that could make amends.

  “What’s going on?” Katie demanded.

  Catherine explained the pact. She felt guilt-ridden. “So, you see? I broke my promise and ruined everything.”

  “What?” Katie asked, turning her attention to Beth. “You made her promise that?” Beth nodded and wiped her nose. Katie looked furious. “That was really shitty of you, Beth. You had no right to demand that of anyone, especially not your best friend.”

  Beth gaped. “After everything I’ve been through with my mum, you’re actually saying that to me? You’ve seen how things turned out. I don’t think it was much to ask.”

  “Listen to yourself. You’re dictating who Cat can and can’t fall in love with. That’s none of your bloody business.” Katie held Beth’s stare.

  “I…” Beth said, seemingly stuck for words.

  “What happened between your mum and Gina was shit. I get that. But you can’t control your loved ones because of your fear and insecurities.”

  Catherine didn’t know what to do. The absolute last thing she wanted was for Katie and Beth to argue because of her. She’d never witnessed them have an actual argument. The usual bickering was commonplace, but Katie always backed down or pacified the situation. Right now she was angry.

  “Look, you’ve been trying to set them both up with other people for ages. Why?” Katie asked.

  Beth shrugged, and when Katie refused to speak, she said, “I wanted them to be happy.”

  “Exactly. I watched you go to all the effort. Some people might say it’s because you’re a busybody, but I know differently. You’re a romantic through and through. It’s one of the reasons I love you. You want them to be happy,” Katie said calmly. “They’ve got a chance for that to happen, sweetheart. With each other. Don’t begrudge them that.”

  “But what about if it ends badly?” Beth asked. She looked vulnerable.

  “What if it doesn’t?” Katie took hold of Beth’s hands. “It’s not got anything to do with us anyway. If it goes tits up, we’ll help pick up the pieces. But I honestly think it could really work for them.”

  Beth turned to Catherine, her eyes red and puffy. “I’m sorry, Cat. Do you forgive me?”

  “Don’t be soft. There’s nothing to forgive. You’re the closest to family I have. I never intended to hurt you.” Catherine hugged Beth tightly. The relief was incredible. She hugged Katie, too.

  “You have our blessing,” Katie said with a grin, patting Catherine’s back. “We love you guys. What happens now?”

  Catherine braced herself. She suspected this next bombshell wasn’t going to be well received. “I need to try to make it up to her. I’m going back to London tomorrow.”

  “You’re not serious?” Beth asked with significantly less uproar than Catherine expected. “How are you planning to get there?”

  “Taxi. Kimmy can’t go on a plane, and there’s too much stuff to take on a train.”

  “Are you mad? Do you know how much that’ll cost?” Beth asked, sniffing loudly.

  “I don’t care. Money is the least of my problems. I need to talk to her.”

  “Why can’t you phone her like a rational person—”

  “I’ll drive you,” Katie said.

  Beth’s head snapped to the side and her eyes bored into Katie. “What?”

  “I’m going to drive them back.”

  “It’s over eight hours there and another eight hours back.”

  “I’ll sleep over at Catherine’s tomorrow night and then come back the next day,” Katie said, giving a nonchalant shrug.

  “What about the Hogmanay party?” Beth asked. “Do you expect me to arrange everything by myself?”

  “I’ll leave early and be back in time to help set up.”

  Catherine couldn�
��t bear to cause any more strife. “I’ll get a taxi. It’s not a problem. Honestly.” Beth and Katie ignored her, as if she wasn’t in the room.

  Beth’s expression softened. “Promise me you’ll be back in time for New Year’s Eve. I can’t stand the thought of not spending it with you.”

  “I promise. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Katie kissed Beth’s mouth tenderly.

  Blushing, Catherine’s eyes darted around the room. Awkward!

  “You better be back,” Beth said firmly. “Because I don’t fancy explaining this to Amanda by myself. She scares the crap out of me.”

  *

  Everyone was up bright and early. Catherine helped Katie load the car while Florence said a long, emotional good-bye to Kimmy. “I—don’t want them to—go,” Florence said in a howling tone, her face tear-stained as she hiccupped sniffles. She had her arms wrapped a little too tightly around Kimmy’s neck.

  Catherine knelt down to intervene. “Come here, Florence,” she said. She opened her arms wide for a hug. Florence reluctantly let go of Kimmy, who hid behind a chair. Catherine wrapped Florence up in a big hug. “We have to go, but I promise we’ll come back soon.”

  “Tomorrow?” Florence asked. A trail of tears leaked from her nose.

  “Not quite that soon, I’m afraid.”

  “I’s gonna miss you.”

  “We’re going to miss you, too. But don’t forget the big present waiting for you in the office. Only two more sleeps and you can open it,” Catherine said. It seemed to do the trick. Florence perked up and smiled. Catherine was relieved she wouldn’t be here to see Beth’s expression.

  “Right, family. We’re all packed up and ready to go,” Katie said. She picked Florence up and spun her around. Without the slightest hesitation, she covered the small, wet face in kisses.

  “You’re going to look after Mummy Beth, aren’t you?” Katie asked. She carefully put Florence down.

  “Yeah,” Florence said, giggling as she wobbled around like a short drunk person.

  “I expect a phone call as soon as you’ve made up with her. I want to hear all of the juicy details,” Beth said. She hugged Catherine tightly. “I mean it. Don’t make me come down there.”