The Wanting Heart

by Rionna Morgan

  Barrs turned to Kate. “Kate,” he said kindly, “can you tell me what happened?”

  “Luke and I went to dinner. At the Out West Steakhouse near the rodeo grounds. The one where Blake and I went to years ago and had crab legs.”

  The statement gave Blake a glimmer of hope.

  “Luke got mad … ” Kate continued in some confusion. “I fell asleep … We flew to California … .” She shook her head.

  Barrs looked at Ranae in confusion.

  “She’s talking about a few weekends ago. I don’t think Luke was mad at her then. It was their first date.”

  “I didn’t stop fighting,” Kate breathed. “Mama, I was strong.”

  The confusion and jumbled words split Blake’s heart. “Dolly, be strong,” were the last words Kate’s mom had said before she left for Oregon. The memory might have just saved Kate’s life. Blake reached for her hand.

  She flinched.

  “Sorry, Kate.” The whisper was so soft Kate didn’t hear him.

  “He was going to kill me. He killed Lady Bug.” Kate rocked back and forth as tears spilled down her cheeks.

  “Take your time,” Barrs soothed.

  Kate tried to begin again. “I’m alive.” She stopped again and bent her head. “I didn’t give up. I hit him with it.” Kate pointed to a huge gray rock that she and Erin had found at the river. “I ran. He caught me. I kept fighting.” Her lips trembled and tears fell in torrents. “I didn’t give up.” She looked up at Blake. “I didn’t give up.” She saw tears in his eyes as well. And, anger so intense it was frightening. She looked away.

  “Kate, I have to ask you one more question,” Barrs said quietly. Kate looked to him. “Did Luke rape you?”

  Shame filled Kate. How she could have been so stupid as to trust Luke … Pain and anger threatened her emotions, but she went on with determination. “No. I didn’t let him. I fought him.”

  She looked at Blake. Relief washed his face, but the rage in his eyes remained.

  “Okay, that’s good,” Barrs told her. He gestured at the paramedics. “I think we’re ready to send you to the hospital.”

  When Ranae and Erin had bundled Kate up and helped her out the door with the paramedics following them, Barrs turned to Blake.

  “Do you need to question me?” asked Blake.

  “Yes, I just need to know what you saw when you came in the door.”

  “Red,” Blake said.

  “Yes, I can imagine.” Watching Blake carefully, the police chief tapped his sidearm. “If that were to happen to my daughter, I wouldn’t think twice about using my pistol.”

  Blake’s jaw worked. “Well, I have to be honest. The thought crossed my mind when I saw what the bastard had done. Then, when I held her and she let me, I knew there wasn’t anything that was going to drag me away.”

  “Good to know, son. We don’t need any vigilante justice here.”

  “Too bad,” Blake responded. “As to what I saw, when I came in … ”

  • • •

  The emergency room was a feverish place filled with accident victims, stoic faces, and illness. A quiet, blonde nurse met Kate and her friends when the ambulance came in, whisked them immediately into a private exam room and punched a button on the wall to call a doctor. She arrived within moments.

  “Hello, Kate. I’m Stephanie Thorns, but you can call me Stevie.” She smiled at Kate who sat on the examining table. “I specialize in cases like yours.”

  Kate hunched into her shoulders. “Hi,” she said.

  “Who are your friends here?” Stevie pointed to Ranae, Erin and Blake sitting on the hard yellow chairs nearby.

  “This is Ranae, my roommate, and Erin. And this is … ” Kate paused. “Blake.”

  “Pleased to meet you. You guys are welcome to be here for the first part of the exam, but pretty soon I’ll ask you to wait in the other room.” She smiled when they exchanged terrified looks. “I know it’s silly to tell you not to worry, that I’ll take good care of Kate, that she’s safe here, but I’ll say it anyway. Kate will have the best possible care, but you have to let me give it to her. It means I’ll have to make a full examination both in order to make certain she’s all right and to collect as much evidence as possible so that the police can catch the man who did this to her.” She turned to Kate. “Kate, if you’d like your roommate to stay with you, we can do whatever will make you most comfortable. My examination will be thorough, though, and I know you’ll want as much privacy as possible for that.”

  Trembling, Kate exchanged glances with each of her friends in turn, then nodded at the doctor. “Nae, can you … ?” she whispered.

  Ranae’s hands twisted in her lap and her eyes moved fearfully taking in the sterile exam room, but she dipped her head once in assent.

  Ranae’s clearly telegraphed “been here” terror was not lost on the doctor, but all she only smiled a quick thank you and said, “Good,” before glancing at the others.

  “Nae, I’m going to get some coffee and try to call Nichole again,” Erin said.

  Blake nodded, not taking his eyes off Kate.

  “Okay. I’m going to stay here.” Ranae reached to hug Erin. “I love you.”

  “I — you,” Erin paused. “Tell Kate.” Erin turned and grabbed Blake’s arm. “You can’t stay here,” she told him.

  He shook his head.

  Kate tried to look at him, but couldn’t meet his eyes. “Please, Blake,” she whispered, “don’t make this harder. Just go.”

  “Kate, I — ”

  The doctor intervened. “Kate’s going to need fresh clothes,” she said in a kind voice. “It would help her a lot if someone would go get them.”

  Blake looked at Kate, who nodded. “Please,” she whispered again.

  Blake went.

  • • •

  On the way back to the apartment Blake was darkly silent, but still unable to reach Nichole, Erin chattered anxiously.

  “I can’t stand to think what might have happened to Kate if you and Jack and Leona hadn’t come. Where are they anyway?”

  “They went back to the ranch. The figured they’d see her tomorrow.”

  “I’m glad you came,” Erin told him.

  Irritation swept Blake. “Of course I came. Kate needed me. I should have been with her tonight. Not him.” He hit the steering wheel with his hand.

  “It’s not your fault. You’re not the one who told her to go have fun when Ranae had the feeling something was wrong and wanted her to stay home, I am. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine, not yours.”

  She was still running on in the same vein when they reached the apartment. It wasn’t until Blake grabbed her arm and pointed that she noticed the note and the deep red rose lying on the sidewalk in front of the door.

  “Oh my God,” she breathed.

  Unease prickled through Blake. Even knowing that he shouldn’t touch what might turn out to be evidence, he bent to retrieve the square of white and opened it. Scribbles of blue ink proclaimed tersely, I am not through with you yet.

  Erin swallowed. “He didn’t leave.” She caught Blake’s arm and spun around searching. “Why didn’t the police find him?”

  Fury coursed through Blake and came out in a curse. “He ran, the bastard, then came back. I’m sure he’s gone now.” Another oath bit the air as the thought completed itself. He spun back toward his truck. “Kate’s not here, she’s at the hospital. He would know that. Let’s go.” Reaching the truck, he felt behind the seat and pulled out his rifle.

  Shocked, Erin stumbled when she saw the gun. “Why would he go there? There’s too many people. There’s the police. We don’t have her clothes.”

  “He didn’t care how many people saw him before he attacked her, did he?” Blake shouted as he slid behind the st
eering wheel. “Get in. We’ll make do for her clothes.”

  Erin had barely shut the passenger-side door behind her when he gunned the truck’s motor and tore out of the parking lot.

  They arrived at the hospital to find Kate perfectly safe with Ranae, the bleary-eyed doctor, and the same female police officer who’d been with Chief Barrs earlier.

  “She can go home,” the doctor was telling both the officer and Ranae when Blake barged in. “I have my report and she said she doesn’t want to stay the night. Since she didn’t lose consciousness during the attack, she probably doesn’t have a concussion, but if the gash on her head were any deeper, I’d make her. I’ve stitched up both her head and her arm as well.” She turned to Kate. “Be gentle when you wash and keep the stitches dry.” Back to Ranae. “She’s got pain medication and I gave her something to help her sleep tonight.” She glanced at Blake and looked at Erin who rushed in to stand behind him. “She’ll be fine in body, if you guys stay with her.” To Kate. “Emotionally it will take time.”

  She watched the girls fuss over Kate as they again wrapped in her blanket and helped her out. Then she looked hard at Blake. “A minute?”

  “Yes?” Blake answered turning.

  “It’s easy to see that you care about Kate.”

  “Yes. I do.”

  “Just make sure that your anger toward the guy who did this to her doesn’t show so much that she thinks it’s directed at her. Be careful. She’s very strong, but she’ll need more love and patience to deal with this than anyone imagines right now.”

  Blake nodded. “Thanks, Doc. I’ll do my best.”

  He walked out reflecting that the doctor had made sense. He wasn’t sure if he could mask his feelings toward Luke entirely, but if it would help Kate, he’d sure as hell try.

  • • •

  When they returned to the apartment, Ranae helped the shivering and exhausted Kate pull her bed down for the night. Despite the doctor’s orders to keep her stitches dry, Kate needed to take a shower before she went to sleep. She could still feel Luke’s dirty hands and body on her and she needed to do whatever she could to erase that, scrub away the filth from the night’s events.

  Her mind refused to shut off.

  Both Ranae and Erin insisted that someone should be with her at all times. Intellectually, Kate knew they were only trying to help, to make sure no one ever harmed her again, but she wanted space, needed relief from their panicked hovering. She tried to convince them that she could shower alone, but the duo wouldn’t listen. In an effort at compromise, only Erin sat on the counter in the bathroom while Kate let the hot water wash over her until it ran cold.

  Still she didn’t feel clean.

  Blake and Erin had discussed the note with Ranae; among the three of them, they decided not to tell Kate about it or the rose until they absolutely had to. They did, however, finally decide it would be prudent to inform Chief Barrs.

  “No, he’s gone. We can’t find him.” Barrs’s muffled voice came through Blake’s cell.

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Well, between what was collected on scene and what was collected from Kate herself at the hospital, we have all the evidence we can get — for now. The forensics team combed the place after you guys went to the hospital. We have to wait to see what comes of that. But between the description you all gave us and that video cam set up from before Kate went out, we have an excellent idea of who we’re looking for. The best we can do unless something more comes up is keep looking. And I’ve arranged for a patrol car to keep tabs on the apartment for the next few days.”

  “No need,” Blake assured him. “I’ll be here.”

  The chief made a noncommittal noise that spoke volumes. “Nevertheless,” he said. He let the one word hang for a moment before continuing. “Ideally, I’d like to move Kate to a secure location where we can monitor anyone who attempts to contact or approach her, but she also needs to be with her friends, people she trusts completely, right now.”

  “I’m not leaving her,” Blake said. “No matter what it takes, she’ll be safe.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of,” Barrs responded baldly.

  Blake ignored him. “Also, I want to know about anything you find.” His voice held all the authority of generations of Spencers.

  Barrs recognized the tone. He’d grown up with it, respected it. That didn’t mean he liked the implications behind it. “I’ll do what I can. But you have to know that anything that leaks out of this office — even if it’s only to you — and jeopardizes our investigation jeopardizes Kate as well. Especially, if it means we can’t keep the sonofabitch in jail once we catch him.”

  “If I have anything to say about it, he’ll be in the ground before prison becomes an issue,” Blake muttered to himself.

  Barrs heard him, but only cleared his throat and said, “You can’t help her if you’re in prison yourself, Blake Spencer, so keep your head about you, son.”

  Blake’s jaw clenched as he worked over the truth of that statement. “Will do,” he agreed finally and disconnected.

  He glanced around at the chaos Luke had created in the apartment. Every drop of blood ignited the fuse on his anger. Every broken item and fingernail scratch in the fabric of the couch infuriated him. The rose petals caked with blood stopped his breath.

  He started to clean.

  After his third trip to the kitchen to fill a bucket with clean, soapy water, he went out to his truck to swear and kick the dirt. Then he checked the area for anyone who might be lurking. Returning to the apartment, he again made sure his rifle was loaded. Nobody was hurting Kate again. Nobody! He would make sure of that.

  • • •

  Kate knew when the girls finally forced her out of the shower and into some warm, comfort clothes, but she couldn’t remember how or when she got into bed. She had a vague sense of having heard Blake, Erin, and Ranae whispering together over her head, followed by the sensation of being covered in blankets. She remembered praying that the pills given to her at the hospital would make it so she wouldn’t dream.

  She didn’t.

  Blake didn’t either. His eyes never closed. The cool barrel of his rifle lying across his lap was the only comfort he felt that night.

  CHAPTER 9

  The dull, gray building that housed the prosecutor’s offices loomed in front of Kate. It was her second visit to them and Todd Vernon, the assistant prosecutor who was prepping her case. She glanced at the pair with her: Nichole, who had arrived the day after the attack, and Blake, who’d refused to leave her for any space of time since. She was grateful to them both for their presence, but her own constant need to be surrounded by people she knew was beginning to irk her. She hated the feeling of having lost control of her life because of the brutal actions of one man.

  Tucking the ear buds attached to her MP3 player back into her ears, Kate flipped quickly through the songs she’d been listening to lately and pressed play. Escape from reality came with Dan Seals singing about the way a cowgirl rode out wearing rhinestones and sequins on a sunlit evening. There was comfort in the rodeo songs; they were taking her back to the way things had been when rodeo, her horse, and loving Blake was all she knew. It might not be the fastest way to move on from the attack, but dealing with the present wasn’t easy either. So she lost herself in the music, and even standing right outside the prosecutor’s office, let herself fade into the past.

  Standing beside her, Blake’s thoughts were black. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get the image of Kate’s bloodied, beaten body out of his mind. Every time he saw her, his fury took on new dimensions. He wanted Luke and his evilness bloodied and ground to dust. He hated himself for not being where Kate had needed him. For thinking that striking out on his own in order to make a life to bring her into was the best thing to do. For always thinking that he h
ad to be the one to find the ways and the means by himself, instead of being there any of the times she’d needed him. Because he couldn’t be. Couldn’t bear to see her in pain. This time would be different, though. He might not know what to do for her, but he knew that this time he would be there. Here. Wherever. He wasn’t going anywhere.

  “I’m going to get it right this time,” he muttered.

  Surprised, Nichole looked over. “Get what right?”

  Blake winced. “Did I say that out loud?”

  Nichole smiled. “You’ve said a lot of things out loud lately when you were sure Kate wasn’t listening.”

  Blake sighed. “Fine. So if I tell you I never really knew what to do before when Kate was sad or crying, it won’t come as a surprise.”

  Nichole swallowed a grin and shook her head. “Not so much. I take it this came as a lightning bolt for you, though?”

  “Well … ” Blake grimaced. “I’ve thought about it before. But just now I realized how much it hurt Kate that I couldn’t or didn’t deal with it. I was more concerned about how much her hurting, hurt me.” He looked at Nichole. “Does that make sense?”

  She nodded.

  “I was an idiot.” His lips twisted. “Not any more, though. Or at least,” he amended, “not in the same way.”

  “Maybe we should go inside.” Ready as possible to face the present, Kate pulled the buds from her ears and looked at them.

  Smiling sadly, Blake nodded and tugged the huge wooden door before them open. It creaked on its hinges as they went through. Vernon’s secretary looked up when they entered.

  “Miss White,” she said. “Mr. Vernon is expecting you. I’ll tell him you’re here.” She stood and stiletto-clicked the short distance to his office. “He’ll be with you shortly,” she confirmed, when she came back.

  Kate nodded. Suddenly nervous, she twisted her fingers together until Blake noticed and slipped one of his hands into hers. She flinched — then berated herself for the weakness. He wasn’t her molester and he was there to help. She swallowed and tried to smile at him.