The Wanting Heart

by Rionna Morgan

  Todd Vernon came out of his office. His appearance still surprised her. He didn’t appear old enough to be a prosecutor, though the expensive gray suit and confident manner said differently.

  “Miss White. Good to see you again.” He extended his hand.

  “Yes. Thank you. Mr. Vernon.” Nervously, Kate accepted his hand.

  He nodded and turned to her companions. “Blake and … ” He tilted a questioning look toward Nichole.

  “I’m Nichole.” Nichole extended her own hand. “Kate’s oldest friend.”

  “A pleasure.” He gestured them toward his office. “Let’s get down to business. Hold my calls please, Jane.”

  He ushered them inside and shut the door. At the click, Kate felt like she was doomed. Her apprehension knew no bounds.

  When they were seated, Vernon pulled his chair up to his desk and leaned forward. “Let me tell you what I know.” He pursed his lips. “When we catch him, the man who attacked you will be charged with trespassing, assault, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, sexual assault with a deadly weapon, attempted rape, attempted murder and assault and battery with a deadly weapon. That’s just in your case.”

  “What do you mean, just in my case?” Kate asked.

  Before Vernon could respond, Nichole reached over to squeeze her hand. Troubled, she said, “None of us have had a chance to tell you, but I recognized him that night — on the computer.” She paused. “Well, not exactly recognize because he uses disguises, but I figured out who he was when he twirled you. It was the same as what he did with the other girls — what they wrote in their diaries.”

  “What are you talking about?” Kate questioned.

  “He’s a murderer, Kate. California calls him the Red Rose Serial Killer.”

  Kate stared blankly at her. “Serial Killer? What … ?” She lifted a hand to touch the stitches on her head and her voice trailed away.

  Nichole frowned. “From the reports, the police nation-wide know who he is. His parents left him a fortune. He’s said to be charming and debonair. He sweeps girls off to places like San Francisco and Boston to wine and dine them. He spends time with them, sends them flowers and then one night gives them a single red rose, rapes and murders them.”

  “No.” Shocked tore the breath from Kate’s lungs. “That stuff doesn’t happen here.” She covered her face with her hands. “I keep saying that. I can’t believe I was so blind. Why didn’t I see what he was doing? Ranae did. She tried to warn me that night. Why didn’t I listen?”

  “Kate, you are brave and strong. That’s why you’re sitting here today. You fought and you won. Nothing else matters,” Nichole said.

  “That’s right,” Vernon interjected. “But if your friends hadn’t insisted that the police get involved, things might have ended differently.”

  “You saved my life.” Kate hugged Nichole. “All of you.” She reached for Blake’s hand. “Thank you.” She looked at Vernon. “How many are there?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “How many girls?”

  “Kate, I’m sure you don’t want to know that.”

  Kate shook her head stubbornly. She had to know. “I can look it up online so just tell me.”

  “You were the seventh that we know of.”

  “Seven? Oh my God.” Kate bowed her head. “And I’m the only one he left alive?”

  Vernon nodded.

  “Dear God.” She shut her eyes in silence — both in thanksgiving for her own life, and in sorrow for the girls she’d never met. “What do we do now?”

  A reluctant shrug. “We can’t prosecute or go forward until the police find him. In the meantime, you might want to think about going away — letting the police put you in protective custody somewhere until he’s caught.”

  “But I graduate just a few weeks from now.”

  “Perhaps the college can work something out so you can graduate by proxy or something.” Vernon picked up his pen to make the note.

  “No.” Determined. “He’s not going to take that away from me, too.” Kate rose.

  “But honey, if your life’s in danger — ” Nichole began.

  “Don’t you see?” Kate interrupted. “If I go, he wins again. I want to graduate.” There it was again, that sense that her life would never be her own again. The only thing that was helping her through was the thought of graduation. Of finishing something so she could begin something else. Start new.

  “Maybe you should think about it and talk it over with your friends.” Vernon came around his desk. Putting a hand lightly on Kate’s shoulder he said, “We want you to be safe. Let me know what you decide.”

  • • •

  Later, Kate glanced around the living room at her friends. If it wasn’t for Blake being with them, the picture would look just like her memories of their high school slumber parties. On the couch, Nichole was comfy in shorts and t-shirt, her blonde hair clipped high on her head. Her long bronzed legs were crossed at the ankle and stretched across the coffee table. Nearby, Erin sat cross-legged on the floor, fiddling with the cuffs of her worn blue jeans. Her black t-shirt with the faded, “Oh Yeah, Buddy — I Care” was a perfect match for her tousled hair and just-rolled-out-of-bed look. At the opposite end of the couch from Nichole, Ranae wrapped her sweat-pant, t-shirt clad body around a throw pillow. Her long blonde hair was pulled to the side in a braid.

  The odd man out, Blake had pulled a chair from the kitchen table to be part of the group. His jeans hugged his legs from his waist to the top of his boots. His button down shirt was rolled up to his forearms and unbuttoned at the neck. His hat hung on a hook in the hallway. Without it, his hair fell to the edges of his eyes, and she knew if he grinned, he would look like the seventeen-year-old boy she’d fallen in love with. But his tanned face had the curves and angles of a man. His blue eyes were sharp and patient in this moment, where they had lately been anxious. For her, Kate realized. He’d hung close since the attack, not letting her out of his sight for more than a minute.

  She swallowed, trying to wrap her mind around what that might mean.

  Where he sat, Blake felt Kate’s eyes on him. He knew she was looking for something she couldn’t yet name, so he let her look. He used the time to scan the room, noticing the subtle changes the girls had made to help themselves get over the violation of the attack on Kate. The furniture had been rearranged. There were new pillows on the couch, new pictures on the wall. New candles adorned different shelves and tables.

  There was also a new throw rug in front of the rocking chair. In the darkest moments when he shut his eyes, Blake still saw the blood on the old ones. It scared him, how angry the vision made him feel, but he couldn’t rid himself of it. It lay there with his rage, right below the surface of his thoughts. He was getting good at hiding it, but he knew there’d be no relief from either the vision or the wrath until Luke went down or he personally put the bastard in the ground. He looked at Kate. Seeing her huddled in the rocking chair, gripping the blanket in her lap just added another layer to his fury. He let it pile up, understanding that it would be there when he needed it and could do something about it. Calmly, he held Kate’s gaze. Yeah, that’s right, darlin’, you might not realize it yet, but I’m here and I’m not leaving. When she viewed him with confusion, he tilted his lips into the ghost of a smile. When her eyes widened and she looked away, he smiled fully. Yep, he decided, stayin’ right here …

  Ranae’s voice pulled him back into the room. “So tell us what the prosecutor said.”

  “Mr. Vernon wants me to leave town for a while.” Kate pulled on the fringe at the blanket’s edge.

  “What the hell for?” Erin looked at Nichole.

  “He thinks Kate would be safer if she left Colorado as soon as possible. They don’t have any idea where Luke is and they’re afraid he’ll try to come after her again.�
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  “I won’t get to graduate,” Kate said miserably. “All this time and … ” She swiped a tear from her cheek. “And it just feels like if I leave, he’ll have taken everything from me.”

  “I think you should graduate.” Blake sat forward in his chair. He wanted to hold her, comfort her, tell her she was safe. But any time he even tried to touch her, she jumped. He understood, but it didn’t help. Not entirely. If Kate never faced her fear, she’d be terrified forever. Leaving for the sake of safety would only remove her from the security of the people she needed most if she was going to heal. “I think you should spend part of the summer with your friends and then maybe go see your mom.”

  Kate looked at him. Really? she silently asked.

  Blake nodded.

  “How’s that going to work?” Nichole asked. “How are you going to keep her safe if she stays here where he can find her the minute he looks? I have to go back to L.A., damn it!”

  “It’s worked so far,” Ranae told Nichole.

  “One of us will be with Kate all the time,” Erin added.

  “You can’t be,” Nichole flung her arms out. “There’ll always be that one moment when things feel better and someone gets careless and … ”

  Blake held up a hand to stop her worst case invective. “I’ll be here,” he said bluntly. “Always. Careless isn’t gonna happen.” He looked at Kate. “I know I’ve kinda just been in between places lately. Having my grandparents bring me clothes and just sort of following along with whatever you guys do, but if Kate’s going to stay here and go back to work and class … ” He shrugged. “I’ll go with her. I don’t really have to be anywhere else. And that couch is actually comfortable.”

  “But what about the rodeos?” Kate asked.

  “What about them? They aren’t more important than you.”

  Kate gave him a disbelieving stare.

  Blake shrugged. “It’s true, darlin’. So I guess if it’s okay with you and Ranae, you’ve got yourself a permanent bodyguard.”

  “See, that’ll be great.” Ranae looked at Nichole who nodded in agreement.

  “Damn right,” Erin said.

  Damn is right, Kate thought.

  CHAPTER 10

  The weeks had passed and May arrived without incident. Tomorrow Kate would graduate with her friends. Tonight the evening sun poured through the window onto the ironing board in front of her. The light yellow dress draped over it was what she planned to wear under her cap and gown. On Kate’s left thumb there was a Band-Aid. It was the last one; Blake had put it there that morning even though the cut was really just mostly scar. All of the cuts and most of the bruises from that night had healed, but Blake insisted. She had a sort of half-thought that he might be using this last bandage as a reminder to himself not to let down his guard, not to take the weeks of quiet for granted.

  He’d been there every morning and evening, spent every day in constant vigilance, yet Kate couldn’t help but think that he would leave again the way he had before. But he hadn’t.

  Earlier she’d made dinner for him, found herself watching for him when Ranae went out shopping. Things were starting to feel almost normal — except not quite. She’d almost overcome the constant need to have someone in the a room with her at all times. She still wanted them close by, but it was nice to be able to have Erin read her latest fashion magazine on the couch in the living room instead of at the kitchen table.

  It was amazing how far she’d come when she thought about it. She used to feel her skin tingle as she walked from the bathroom to the living room where she half expected to find Luke waiting for her. She was also finally able to be alone in her own room. That was probably due, in part, to Ranae rearranging the furniture and in part to all the friends who never left her alone. That part had driven her crazy sometimes, especially when all she wanted was some peace. But it had helped to get her to where she was now, too, so she was grateful.

  “Mmmm. It smells great,” Blake said, opening the door and coming in.

  “Hey, great.” Erin walked into the kitchen and headed for the door. “You’re here. I’m going to go down town and meet up with Ranae. I just saw this cute thing we need to buy.”

  “Good to see you too, Erin.” Blake laughed.

  “Bye.”

  Kate smiled as the door shut behind her friend. The past weeks hadn’t been easy on them, either. Still smiling, she met Blake’s eyes.

  God, she looks good, he thought. There was just enough light in her smile to make him think she might really be fine. But the moment faded and the wary, injured look returned. Still, Blake had a plan. “Can we chat before we eat?”

  “Sure,” replied Kate. “What’s going on?”

  Blake put his arm around her as they sat. He was pleased that she didn’t flinch. “Tell me what you dream about,” Blake said. “I want to know what you want.”

  “I want a horse,” Kate answered and didn’t even try to hold back the tears. “I miss Lady Bug.”

  “I know, darlin’.”

  “I’ve needed her.” Kate clenched her hands in her lap and let the tears slip down her cheeks. “She was there when no one else was and he took her, too.”

  Blake moved slow and easy. He feathered his fingertips across Kate’s skin, gathering the tears as he went. “I’m sorry.” His gut clenched with so many emotions, he had no idea what to do with them. So he just cupped Kate’s face and watched the misery swim through her eyes while his insides knotted. “Tell me what else you want.”

  Kate closed her eyes. She needed this right now. Needed the understanding and the warmth. After a minute, she said, “I want to watch the sunset every night from my porch swing. I want to hear the crickets and the caddie-dids just like when I was little.” She sighed. “I want the peace of owning land as far as my eye can see. I want a horse that can run so fast it makes the tears slide from my eyes. I want to teach kids who need someone to love them. I want Erin, Ranae, and Nichole to be in my heart and my life for years to come, and I want to be in theirs. That’s it, I guess.” Except for wanting someone to share it with, she added silently. “What do you want?”

  “I want a big ranch. Bigger than the one I run with Grandpa. I want some good horses to ride. I want a piece of ground that will help make money for the rest of my life, and that I can leave to my kids. I want a small stand of good water that I can fish in and a mountain in the distance that has deer and elk. And … ” He clasped his hands in his lap. “I want someone to share it with.”

  Someone to share it with? “Blake, can I ask you a question?” Kate asked softly.

  “Sure. Anything.” He searched her features for clues as to what she was thinking.

  “Are you mad at me?”

  “No.”

  “Are you mad at me about Luke?” Kate paused to put her thoughts in order. “I mean are you upset about what he did?” She shook her head. That wasn’t quite what she wanted to know.

  “Darlin’, I’m not angry at you about any of it. As for him … ” He hesitated, understanding what she needed to know, not sure if he could tell her. “Upset isn’t quite the word for how I feel. I would’ve killed him that night, still could, but I couldn’t leave you then and I won’t leave you now. Also,” he paused, “to tell you the truth I’m mad at myself. Furious, in fact, for not being with you.”

  “Do you still want to touch me?” Kate finally asked what she really wanted to know. To try.

  Blake took a deep breath. When they were in high school, when there was no future, no Luke, and she was filled with laughter and fun there was no one he’d wanted more. Now that she was a woman with a few scars and secrets, there still was no one he wanted more. He tried to put a hold on his desire so he wouldn’t scare her with the depth and breadth of it. But Kate saw it anyway, just as soon as she asked the question. Now she waited to hear the answer
.

  “You’re enough to kill a man with want. I want to touch you so bad it hurts. When I stand next to you, your scent makes me crazy.”

  “Then why don’t you touch me?”

  “Because sometimes when I look at you,” Blake’s fingers reached to caress her cheek. Kate immediately flinched. “I see the fear in your eyes.”

  Kate hadn’t meant to flinch. She wanted to feel his touch. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m not.”

  She looked up at him to see what he meant.

  “I’m not sorry because that means when we do touch again, when we finally kiss, it will be all the more special because we had to wait for it.” He almost reached out again, but stopped himself. He hated her fear. It made him furious. “There is something I have for you, though.” He walked to the end of the couch and pulled a wrapped gift out of his duffle bag.

  “What’s this?”

  “An early graduation present.” He smiled.

  Kate examined the package. The paper was silver with small graduation caps and tassels on it. A long green ribbon was tied around it. With scissors, she cut the ribbon and the tape away. Inside the wrapping was a beautiful cherry wood frame.

  “To hold your diploma,” Blake said. “I am so proud of all you have done.”

  “Thank you. I — ” Kate began.

  “I’m not finished yet,” interrupted Blake, handing her another package.

  This one felt odd and bulky. Kate ripped the paper this time to find a dark green horse halter. “What’s this?”

  “It’s a horse halter.” Blake winked.

  “I know that. Who’s it for?”

  “You.” He grinned.

  “Why do I need it?”

  “Because it goes with this.” Blake handed her a picture. A small gray filly with kind eyes looked out at Kate. She stared back. “I call her Little Lady,” Blake said. “She’s yours. I know that you want to be a teacher. I know you’ll be a wonderful one. But the part of you that’s you is missing.” He pointed at her. “It’s the part of you that belongs on the back of a horse. I know that you’re probably not ready to have another one just yet, but maybe you’d give Little Lady a chance. When she’s a little bigger.”