by Dyanne Davis
“I don’t have to go,” Sassa answered his uncle.
“No, but if you have respect for your family you will do it. Then we can set about finding wives for both of you. You can return to the States for visits, but you will return with wives to help keep you out of trouble.”
Sassa grabbed Hamid’s arm and pulled him. “Hamid, if you say anything they will have us married off within the week. Keep your mouth closed.”
“I have no intention of my family finding me a bride. I’ve found my own. I’m not going to marry anyone else.”
“But you did give your word to return home. Let it go for now.”
Hamid looked around him at the soil, at the building, and then his eyes came to rest on the new Mercedes his father was driving. A lump formed in his throat. No, it had not been a financial burden for his family to send him to receive a western education, but he had promised to return, and his father knew he would keep his word.
For now, it was best to do as his cousin had suggested, push his thoughts of Heaven to the back of his mind. He took a deep breath of the air and could swear he smelled the gunpowder from hundreds of miles away.
Things had changed here in his country, but it was still home. The ache eased as they rode through the streets. Sounds of Arabic hung on the winds. Mostly his friends and he spoke English now. They’d quickly learned that people were offended when a language was spoken they didn’t understand. There were many hospitals where the doctors and other health care workers were forbidden to speak in another language unless it was on their break.
The rule had annoyed Hamid at first, until he saw that many different ethnic groups were relegated to the same rules. He’d noticed small groups of Africans and Filipinos talking in their native tongues, huddled in small groups during lunch. Hamid had also seen the look of disdain from Americans. He had not come to America to make waves. And besides, with the new terrorist threats, Hamid’s nationality was always at question. It was a wise choice to speak English.
As he thought of these things, anger filled him and a real homecoming took place within his soul. For the first time since he’d stepped off the plane, Hamid was glad to be home.
The smells from his mother’s kitchen, the aroma of curry, filled him with longing and made it complete. He would bet that his mother had instructed the servants to make all of his favorite dishes. There might be a chance that his mother had cooked for him herself.
“This is home,” Sassa said, and ran from the car kissing relatives along the way. “I bet you miss this, don’t you, Hamid?”
Hamid didn’t fail to notice his father glance over his shoulder toward him. “Yes, Sassa, I’ve missed my mother’s cooking.” That was enough for now. They would not get into a long debate over what Hamid was or wasn’t eating. He’d only moderated the foods to make them more palatable for Heaven. He had not done anything wrong.
Hamid caught his mother up in a big bear hug, enduring her numerous slaps on his face and body for being away so long. He was laughing, and then suddenly tears were running down his cheeks. Everyone was crying at once, rejoicing over his becoming a doctor.
This was what Hamid wanted from Heaven. He wanted to believe she was happy that he’d gotten his license, but that was not the look in her eyes. She’d hugged him when he’d lifted her high in the air, but there was fear in Heaven.
Hamid’s heart seized, and he knew that even then she had been afraid that he was leaving her.
“Hamid, what’s wrong?” his mother crooned.
“Nothing, I’m just glad to be home.” He kissed her forehead. After stuffing himself with so much food, followed by many sweets, Hamid was finally pushing the offered dishes away. He grinned at Sassa. He loved his mother’s cooking, he would admit that, and yes, he could do with a bit more curry in the dishes he was making for Heaven. A couple of times he’d sprinkled it in his own dish, but later when he’d kissed Heaven she’d pulled away. Since then he’d done without.
“You can’t stop thinking of Heaven, can you?” Sassa asked.
Hamid grinned. “I tried.” He cocked his head to the side at the sound of a familiar voice and blinked. He saw Heaven in his mother’s kitchen wearing a sari, a thousand twists in her hair, and laughing with the female cousins and the servants as she stirred a pot. “Heaven,” he said softly before blinking again. The image disappeared. But he’d seen her in a golden sari that accented her dark beauty.
“Hamid, what’s wrong?”
Hamid glanced at Sassa. “She’s coming here, Sassa. She’s going to come to Pakistan. I just had a vision.”
“You’re crazy.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Okay, what was she doing in this vision of yours, yelling and screaming at you for kidnapping her? Kicking your behind? What?”
“I saw her laughing and happy and a part of this culture. It’s going to happen.”
* * *
A few weeks later, after the wedding, after the parties, after visiting all the relatives, Hamid looked at the place his father had picked out for the clinic. It was only a few miles from his family’s home. He saw the need in the community, and knew the work would be most satisfying. He knew most of the people wouldn’t have money to pay him, but that had not been his primary interest. His family had money, lots of money. So that was not his focus.
“Hamid, you’re licensed so we can start hiring nurses and get you started, have the clinic open in a week or two.”
“Father, I have business to attend to in the States. I can’t open it right now.”
His father narrowed his eyes and squinted at him in disappointment. “Does your word mean nothing, Hamid? Is that why we sent you away to receive the best education, for you to turn your back on your people and on your word?”
“I’m not doing either. I fully intend to honor my commitments.”
“Then there is no reason why you can’t open the clinic. I didn’t say you couldn’t return to the States for a visit every now and then, but if you’re serious, if you really intend to honor your obligations, you will get this clinic open and start to work here.”
Hamid stood facing his father. “I’ve already been here longer than I planned to stay. I told her I would return in a month.”
“This woman you’ve known less than a year, is she more important than your family, than your word?”
Hamid didn’t answer. A lump formed in his throat, his chest felt tight and his stomach filled with knots. Hamid recognized it as stress, something he’d never experienced before. He thought of Heaven. He wasn’t able to talk to her as often as he wanted, but he could tell from the tone of her voice that she was thinking he was not coming home and was mentally distancing herself from him. He didn’t want that. How was he going to call her and tell her he had to stay a little longer?
“How long do you think I need to stay before I can leave again?”
“It will take at least six months to get the clinic running, Hamid. You’re a doctor. You know that it will be your business to manage. You will be the one the people will come looking for.”
Hamid licked his lips and turned away from his father.
“It’s better this way, Hamid, trust me.” His father patted his shoulder and walked out of the building, leaving Hamid alone, truly alone. His honor or his heart? Which was more important? Surely if fate had really had a hand in his falling in love with Heaven, fate would find him a way out of this mess.
Chapter Ten
Hamid stared at the retreating back of his father, knowing his father had left him to deal with his decision in privacy. At the sound of footsteps, Hamid turned. From the look on Sassa’s face, Hamid knew his cousin had been somewhere in the clinic listening. He stood and waited for his cousin’s remark.
“I didn’t sabotage you, Hamid.”
“I know that.”
“I just wanted to be sure you knew. I spoke up for you and Heaven. I tried to get Uncle to allow you to return and gather your things. He told me clearly to kee
p them for you or to get rid of them. He wants me to get the key to your apartment so I can clean it out.”
Hamid reached his hand into his pocket, pulled out the keys, and handed them over to Sassa. They stared at each other for a few moments before Hamid walked away.
* * *
At the sound of Heaven’s voice Hamid regretted that he’d made a vow to his family. He missed her and wanted her with him. “Heaven, you’ve been avoiding my calls.”
“No,” she answered. “I’ve been busy. My registry is really taking off.”
“You’ve been too busy to talk to me?”
“You should have been back more than a week ago.”
“Are you punishing me?”
“When are you returning?”
“Heaven.” Hamid closed his eyes. He heard the panic in Heaven’s voice. How could he tell her?
“You’re not coming back, are you?”
“Heaven, my father found a clinic for me to run. I have to get it started. It has to be running smoothly…before…before I can come back to America.” He took a deep breath. There was no easy way to say it. “Heaven, it will be at least another six months before I can return to you.”
“Do us both a favor and lose my phone number, Hamid. I’m not waiting for you.”
Before the phone was slammed down and disconnected him from her, Hamid had heard the catch in Heaven’s voice. He’d never known her to cry, but this time she sounded on the verge of it. He called her repeatedly, even trying her cell. It was apparent she’d cut off all communication with him. He’d just have to wait until she was willing to listen.
Hamid pulled a deep breath into his lungs. Didn’t Heaven know that he missed her? Didn’t she know that he was unsure if he possessed the will to keep his vow to his father, to remain in Pakistan for six more months without her? He loved her. Heaven was the first thought in his mind when he woke up and the last thought before he drifted off to sleep each night. He had to find a way to make her understand her place in his life, to know that he’d not really gone back on his promise to her, that it had only been delayed for a little while. He would return for Heaven, that much he did know.
A few days later Hamid went to his uncle’s house to look for Sassa. He’d been trying for days to get Heaven to talk to him and she wouldn’t. He needed a friend who understood.
“You don’t have to stay here, Hamid. You can just go back,” Sassa said after Hamid told him he was staying.
“I know that.”
“Then why are you staying?”
“Are you telling me if your father ordered you to stay you would return, regardless of his wishes?”
“I didn’t make a promise to give anyone my life. You did that, but it’s not fair for Uncle to hold you to that promise.”
“If I don’t honor my vow my father will bear my shame, not I. We know the ribbing he’s always gotten about the special treatment he gives his youngest and favored son.”
“Your birth order is not your fault. Nor is it your fault that your father favors you.”
“It may not be my fault, but try telling that to my brothers.”
“Your brothers love you and your sisters worship you. They are thrilled that you’re remaining here.”
“Of course my sisters want me here. They have no concept of time. They still think they will be able to dress me.” Hamid laughed. “And my brothers love me, you’re right, but I can see in their eyes that they’re all waiting for me to fail. They’re waiting for me to go back on my word, to break my promise. I want their respect, Sassa. I owe it to my father to prove to the entire family that his trust in me is not ill placed. I can’t let him down.”
“Looks like being the favored son comes with a heavy price.”
“I’ve enjoyed all of the privileges. Now it’s time to take my place. I should have done it years ago.”
“What about Heaven?”
Hamid’s eyes closed and he sucked in his pain. “My staying does not mean I love her any less, or that I’m choosing my honor over her.”
“But if you stay, you are.”
“I’m going back for her.”
“When?”
“Someday.”
“And you think she will be there waiting for you?”
An idea came to Hamid, a way to give him a shot at having Heaven wait for him. “I’m going to send her a present, Sassa, the sari I bought for her and a few other things. Will you take it to her when you return?”
“Just mail it.”
“Sassa, please, this is too important to trust to the mail. Will you take it to her?”
“Yes.”
“Do you promise?”
“I said that I would, but I don’t see how a gift will do anything.”
“The gift that I’m going to send her will. She’ll understand.”
“But will she wait?”
“The gift is only to soften her up so she will listen to me. She’s been hanging up. When I called to tell her I had to stay here for at least six months, she told me to lose her number. I do not intend to do that, but I need her to understand.”
“Get your gift, Hamid. I’ll deliver it.”
* * *
Heaven eyed the punching bag. She imagined a coconut, then a melon, then Hamid’s head and then…her gaze settled on Brandon. He was back in the class. The sensei shot her a warning look, but she didn’t need it. She was over Brandon, she no longer had the desire to beat him senseless, or at least she had enough sense to know that wouldn’t happen with Brandon.
She remained focused, remembering what had happened the last time she’d forgotten that basic rule. Maybe, just maybe, that was what she needed, for someone to hit her and knock some sense into her.
“Heaven, why are you standing there? Does this look like a ballet to you?”
“I was waiting for instructions.”
Brandon glared. “I thought you said you were over me.”
Heaven laughed, “Brandon, you are so full of yourself. Get over it. You have no impact on my life, none. Do you understand? Nada, not a bit, get it?”
She turned on her heel to walk away, went a few paces, gave a loud yell, and ran back toward Brandon. She kicked out, catching him off guard. She pulled the kick back mere inches from his face.
“Now do you get it, Brandon? I can control myself. You have nothing to do with my life.” Heaven fell in line and did the katas with the lower belts. She needed the intensity to bring back her focus. For the first time in two years, she felt nothing for Brandon. He was merely a memory. Gone was the ache she’d carried for all that time. She felt nothing. She wasn’t in love with him and she no longer cared that he’d left her. Good for him, she thought. She hoped he was happy.
One stance after another and Brandon was pushed even farther away. Heaven was thinking of Hamid. What a fool she’d been.
* * *
Month after month passed and Heaven missed Hamid more with each passing day. The ache for him had not lessened. She still loved him, but she wasn’t going to hold her breath waiting for him to return for her. Instead, she was spending time with her friends. She’d even had a date or two. Now she was faking a laugh as her friends joked about her lack of a love life.
“Dang, Heaven, your batting record with men is zero. You were right not to fall for Hamid,” Peaches almost shouted. “He’s been gone for what, five months now?”
“She did fall for him. Don’t you remember how crazy she got when Ongela went out with him?”
Heaven looked at Peaches and Latanya. “Hamid had no choice but to stay in Pakistan. He gave his word.”
“But he gave his word to you that he’d come back. You should be glad he’s gone.”
“Why should I be glad he’s gone?”
“Because now you can go back to doing what you want. You don’t have to be bothered with him looking over your shoulder or trying to please him.”
Heaven gave a snort of derision. “Do you think I was doing the things that I was to please H
amid? Get real. I began feeling better when I started eating better. As for being glad he’s gone, I’m not going to lie. I miss him like crazy.”
“Then why did you get your number changed to avoid his calls?”
“Because I was crazy.”
“Heaven, if he really loved you he would have come back regardless of what his family said. Who the heck wants a little baby that can’t make up his own damn mind?” Peaches asked.
Just like that, a ping went off in Heaven’s brain. “You’re right. Who wants a little boy, one who would ignore his word because he fell in love? I wouldn’t.”
“Are you saying that you’re okay with Hamid’s leaving you?”
“I’m saying I respect Hamid’s honoring his commitment. I don’t think he should have come back if it meant going back on his word to his father.”
“So, you’re over him?”
“I’m not over him, but I’m over wanting to hurt him.”
“Are you going to contact his cousin and try to get in touch with him?”
Heaven looked toward Ongela, wondering if she’d read her mind. “I thought about it, but nope, I’m going to leave well enough alone. Hamid still has a couple of months to remain in Pakistan. And who knows, something can happen and I’ll get my hopes up and he’ll have to stay longer. No, I’m going to enjoy having met him and having loved him. Being with Hamid helped me to finally get over Brandon, and it helped me to put that nonsense we’ve been spouting about black men back in the closet where it belongs.”
“So, are you now swearing off the brothers?”
Heaven laughed. “Every one of you has dated outside, so don’t give me that. I’m just saying that I’m open. If the guy touches something in me, I’m going to give him a chance. Right now, my business is growing so fast that I don’t have time to think of dating anyone, not even Hamid.”
But Heaven would finally open the gift that Sassa had brought to her. In the long run, it wouldn’t make any difference. She was not putting her life on hold for Hamid, and she would not waste any energy wishing for things that wouldn’t be. She had her dream. Her business was a huge success; there were four or five medical personnel filling out applications every day, and the jobs were pouring in. Her accountant had been right. In the end, operating out of her apartment had not made a difference in her ability to secure jobs, but it had made her bank account fatter.