“Who?” I asked innocently as I accepted the spare red cup full of beer.
“Ha, very funny. My brother of course. He’s not here I’ve already checked.”
“I wish you’d stop making a thing about it Chrissy, it’s not funny.”
“I know it’s not funny,” Chrissy said. “But it is true.”
I sighed in exasperation. I could not allow her to ruin everything. There was no way Nathan could be allowed to find out how I felt about him. It was bad enough Chrissy had figured it out. If he found out I don’t know what I would do. Probably run and hide until my thirtieth birthday.
“Even if it was true, do not get involved. You’ll just make it worse, Please Chrissy, I’m begging you.”
She looked at me with those sad eyes of pity and sighed. “Boy, you’ve got it bad. Okay, I’ll stop teasing you. But I’m serious, I think you’re wasting a great opportunity. I’ve never seen Nathan look at a girl the way he looks at you. It’s like the rest of us dropped off the face of the earth and never existed whenever you’re in the same room.”
My heart jumped at the idea of Nathan Johnson being interested in me. He’d been my ideal, my model by which I judged all other boys. To think he might find me attractive. Might think of me as something other than a sister, something other than a friend made my head spin.
“Come on, let’s mingle,” Chrissy said as she slipped her arm into mine and pulled me into the party. “I bet there are a dozen guys here who’d jump at the chance to flirt with you. Pick one.”
Within an hour I was bored out of my mind. Nathan hadn’t shown up. Chrissy had ditched me to put her tongue down Tim Buckminster’s throat for half the evening and the loud music was starting to give me a headache.
When Frank Miller failed to make it to the bathroom before puking I’d had enough. Seeing that the crowd was too densely packed to find my way to the front door I slipped out the back hoping I could leave via the side gate without anyone noticing.
“Hey Ashley, What you up to?” A deep voice from the backyard shadows asked. Sending my pulse racing as my lungs threatened to hyperventilate. I’d know that voice anywhere, it haunted my dreams.
“Nathan, is that you,” I asked as I walked towards him, drawn like a moth to a porch light. “What are you doing out here?”
He was sitting on a garden bench tucked into the corner of the yard. Someone had created a nice private little space, shielded by bushes. The cool night air teased me with the soft sent of Azalea and the warm musk of Nathan.
His legs crossed, he was leaning back and relaxing, a red cup in his hand. Shrugging his shoulders he said. “I don’t know, hiding I guess. They all seem so young. I was thinking about a guy I knew. He would have loved being here tonight.”
Looking back at the party, everyone jumping to the music, screaming to be heard. I realized how right he was. To him it must seem all so pointless. These people had no idea what life was like, not really. They were kicking the can down the road. Deciding to face adulthood later, not now.
Boy I was in a grumpy mood I realized. I was no better than them. I couldn’t even decide what I wanted to do. All I had to look forward to was an ugly waitress uniform, Chrissy going away, my parents harping on me about school, and worst of all Nathan leaving in a few weeks. The future looked so crappy, I should be in there getting drunk off my butt trying to forget how much my life sucked.
“Come sit,” Nathan said as he patted the bench next to him. “We can sit here and figure out how to solve the world’s problems. Better yet, figure out what we’re going to do when we grow up.”
He’s in a down mood also I realized. Why? I wondered. He should be enjoying himself, he’d definitely earned it.
I sat down next to him, being careful not to touch any part of that amazing body. If I did, the electric shock would have sent me into a coma, or worse, let him know how I felt.
“So Ms. Parker,” he asked. “Why were you trying to sneak out? As pretty as you are I bet you left at least a dozen guys in there trying to figure out where you went.”
“Ha,” I laughed at his obvious joke. Did he think I was pretty? Really? My hands began to sweat and I felt myself shiver. “I don’t know,” I said, shrugging my shoulders, upset at my lame response.
He nodded as if he understood and I realized he did. I didn’t have to go into lengthy detail. He knew me so well that I could mumble an inane comment and he got it, got me.
“Have you figured out what you’re going to do, university, community college, travel? bum around Europe? Waitressing? What?”
I hesitated for a moment. “No, the truth is that none of it sounds right. I just don’t know. What about you. Are you going to reenlist?” I held my breath waiting for an answer. Would this summer be the last time I saw him for the next few years. He’d returns someday with a wife and a couple of kids, maybe spend the holidays then be off again to another exotic posting.
He laughed and shook his head. “Nope, no decision. It feels like I am at a cross roads. One path leads to happiness, fulfillment, and a sense of accomplishment. The other to boredom, wasted opportunities, and second guesses. Unfortunately I can’t figure out which path is which.”
“You’ll figure it out. You always do.”
He smiled at me and said. “Ten years from now, if you could be doing anything, be anywhere, what would it be? Describe your perfect life.”
Pausing I glanced at him from under my brow. Was he serious?
“I’m serious,” he said as if reading my mind.
Taking a deep breath I thought about it then said. “Most of the people, the adults, aren’t really happy. I know my parents aren’t. Oh, they’re content, Okay with their lives. But not truly happy, not living without regrets. You know?
He nodded that he understood.
“The happiest person I know,” I continued, “Is your mother.”
“What? My mom?” he said then paused to consider what I had told him. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t think she truly regrets anything. She could have finished college. I know she wanted to be an architect. But yeah, I guess she’s happy.”
He hadn’t laughed I thought. “I asked her one time why she didn’t become one, an architect I mean. She said, ‘Simple, it would have meant being away from you and the rest of the kids. Missing those special moments.’ That raising her children the way she wanted them raised was the most important job in the world and that she had never really regretted it. Sure there had been times when she wanted to run away screaming, wanted to have an adult conversation but then one of you guys would do something endearing, melt her heart, and all her druthers would disappear.”
“That sounds like her,” Nathan said. “It’s funny, I’ve never really thought of her as a separate person with her own wishes and desires. She’s always just been mom, always there when I needed her, pushing, guiding, supporting. You’re right though I think she is happy. I know that she laughs a lot.”
A calm silence continued between us.
“I know it’s not politically correct, I want what she has,”” I said as I stared at the bush next to me. I couldn’t look at him. If he rolled his eyes at me I’d die.
Taking a deep breath I continued on. “I want to love a man who adores me. Be surrounded by a bunch of kids, at least four maybe five. I don’t care where. Somewhere different would be nice. It doesn’t really matter as long as we have a big happy family. A home full of laughter and imagined drama. The neighborhood Kool-Aid house, where all the neighborhood kids hung out because it was safe and fun. You know?”
The silence felt like a heavy weight sucking the oxygen out of the air. Just what every healthy, young, red blooded male wants to talk about, kids, and a life dedicated to supporting someone else. Please say something Nathan I prayed. Break the tension. I had to know what he thought.
“They say, that no one on their death bed ever looks back and regrets not spending more time in the office. That’s a nice dream Ashley, you hold on to it. Fight
for it. Don’t let anyone try and stop you.”
Glancing at him quickly I saw a soft smile on his lips. He wasn’t looking at me like I was foolish little girl dreaming of being a princess. He was looking at me like a man looks at a woman. A hint of fire and longing danced behind his eyes making my stomach turn queasy. Chrissy’s comments from earlier flashed through my mind. Was it possible? Could the great Nathan Johnson see me as something other than his little sister’s best friend?
We stared into each other’s eyes. His hand came up, pushing a stray wisp of hair behind my ears. I felt my heart jump and my pulse race. He slowly moved forward, hesitated a moment, then leaned in and kissed me.
My world exploded into a million lights. I was in heaven, every sensory organ jumped into overdrive. Every lifelong dream was answered in that one moment. Nathan Johnson’s kisses unraveled my soul.
His hand gently cupped the back of my neck as his lips caressed mine. Without thinking my hands slipped around his neck to hold him close as our lips explored each other.
I was right, Nathan was a great kisser. The night stars disappeared, the cool air melted away. All there was in this world was Nathan and his glorious lips.
We continued on for several minutes, the passion rising, my insides turning to molten lava. Everything building. Suddenly he pulled back. It felt as if part of my soul was missing. His lips leaving mine created an emptiness inside me. Why had he stopped? I didn’t want him to stop, I wanted it to go on forever.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” he said, staring into my eyes as if he were looking for something. Some lost emotion or deep understanding.
“I know, me too,” I said, kicking myself for such an inane answer.
We continued to gaze into each other’s eyes. It was true, the books, the stories. All true. You could get lost in another person’s eyes. You could feel as if the world had changed with a flash. Nothing would ever be the same for me again I realized.
“I’m leaving in a couple of weeks.” He said, his forehead wrinkling in a deep frown.
“I know,” I said with a sigh.
“You’re Chrissy’s best friend."
“I kn…… I’m your friend too, at least I hope so.” Why did I say that, oh no, he’s going to put me back in the friend zone. My heart fell. I could be the dumbest person I knew.
“Oh, Miss Ashley Parker. Friends don’t kiss like that. Believe me. Friends don’t feel like I feel right now.”
“I know,” I said with a smile. Resting my forehead against his. He put his arms around me and pulled me in for a tight, heartwarming hug that made me feel as if all was right with the world. For the first time in my life I was where I was supposed to be.
Chapter Seven
Nathan
Holding Ashley Parker in my arms was the answer to a lifetime of dreams I never knew I held. Both comforting and exciting. It felt as if the world had come to a stop just so I could enjoy this moment. Every bad thing that had ever happened, Jimmy, The faces of our enemies, the sounds of death and fear. All of it vanished to be replaced with a rightness.
Her lips were sweeter than a high mountain fruit and just as luscious. She felt soft, smooth, and oh so feminine. It set my insides on fire. Making me desperately crave those things I couldn’t take. I was becoming lost in her I realized as a fearful frenzy built up inside of me.
The sweet scent of lilac and roses surrounded me, enticing, and arousing. Filling my mind with sexy thoughts about possibilities. Locking itself in my memory. Forever, this subtle perfume would be the scent of what a woman should be.
Don’t lose it Nate I told myself. You’re leaving in a couple of weeks. This is Ashley Parker remember, Chrissy’s best friend. There were so many things wrong with it.
I pulled back to look into her eyes. Such depth, such perfection.
“To hell with it,” I mumbled to myself as I leaned in to kiss her again. I couldn’t stop myself, she was so enticing, as if attached to my soul, pulling me in.
The kiss lasted and lasted, neither of us willing to break our connections. My hands slipped behind her back and under her knees. Without stopping our kiss I lifted her to my lap then placed both arms around her waist to pull her in close.
She moaned and seemed to melt into me. Her hands squeezing the back of my neck, her lips caressing, devouring, nipping and tugging. As if she couldn’t get enough. All of it setting me on fire.
Finally after several minutes we reluctantly separated enough to rest our foreheads against each other. Both of us fighting to catch our breath.
She smiled and said “Nathan!” that simple word turned my stomach inside out. It was said with such caring. As if I was the most important thing in the world. In fact the only thing in this world with any value.
At that exact moment I understood the history of the human race. Every wonderful invention, every great act of valor. All of it came about because men were searching for a beautiful woman to say our name like that. To look at us as if we were the most important thing in the world. It was enough to make me want to fight lions, climb to the stars, and move mountains. Anything to make her happy.
Somebody was coming. I could hear the soft ruffle of the grass as they approached. Although I was pissed at the pending interruption, a small measure of pride surged through me, I hadn’t completely lost my edge. Holding on to Ashley I looked towards the backyard and waited.
“I knew it, I just knew it,” My sister said, her hands on her hips, looking like she’d just found the cure for world hunger. My stomach fell but I didn’t let go of Ashley. Holding my breath I waited to see how she’d react. Embarrassment, shame, fear, what? I wondered.
Ashely slowly turned her head to look at my sister. “Go away Chrissy,” she said with a slow silky voice. “Just shut up, turn around and leave. I’ll talk to you later. Okay?”
Chrissy’s mouth dropped into a perfect O like a hooked bass. Her eyes flinched but then she smiled. A big welcoming smile. Turning she left, almost skipping, mumbling “I knew it,” the whole way back to the house.
Her reaction surprised me. I thought she’d have been a lot more upset. She was probably already figuring out some way to use this against me.
Ashely watched her walk away and didn’t turn back to me until her friend had actually entered the house. Then she smiled at me from under her brow. Her eyes becoming shy and hesitant reminding me of a new born calf, as if unsure where she was and what she was doing.
The previous moment was broken, at least broken enough for us to gather our wits about ourselves before the fire consumed us and we went so far there was no coming back.
“She is going to tell everybody,” Ashley said. “There is nothing Chrissy loves more than being right,”
I smiled. “Does that bother you, people knowing that we were kissing? Worried that someone is going to tease you. We’re not little kids anymore Ashley.”
“No not really. I’ll be screaming it myself from the roof tops later. As for the teasing, half the girls in that house are eating their hearts out right now. Believe me there won’t be any teasing. Looks of jealous awe, and surprise sure, but no teasing.” She paused for a moment “It’s just, I wasn’t too sure how you felt about it.”
Her shy eyes had reappeared, as if afraid of what I might say.
A thousand thoughts flashed through my mind. Chrissy’s best friend, two weeks, intoxicating perfumes, soft curves, forever kind of girl. All of them jumbling around inside my head. I stared into her eyes and realized things could go a lot further tonight. I knew it to the depths of my soul. Ashley Parker wanted me as much as I wanted her. The thought scared me. This was dangerous ground, be careful I told myself. This is Ashley Parker you’re dealing with.
“What I am feeling is probably not appropriate for your innocent ears,” I said.
Her brow narrowed then her eyes smoldered with a burning glaze that threatened to melt my insides. “I’m not a little kid anymore Nathan, Maybe I want more.”
“Believe me, I know you’re not a child. That’s the problem.” I was going to kick myself for the next ten years. Anyone except Ashley and we’d already be in a back bedroom at the party. Her happiness was important to me I realized. Important enough that I could turn away from the thing I wanted most in this life.
Her sultry smile became a pout as she slid off my lap and back on the bench. I’d probably hurt her feelings but it was for the best I reminded myself. It wasn’t near as bad as I’d hurt myself.
“Come on, I’ll walk you home,” I said.
For a moment I thought she was going to stomp off. Return to the party and throw herself at the first guy who came along. I was going to have to seriously mess up their evening if anyone came close to her. Instead she gathered herself and nodded without looking at me.
Holding the back gate open for her I watched her yellow dress swish back and forth as she proceeded me down the path. Make that twenty years I was going to regret my decision.
Chapter Eight
Ashley
Some things in this world aren’t meant to be Ashley. Get used to it. Embrace it. Nathan isn’t interested and throwing myself at him was only going to embarrass us both.
At least I had that kiss. At least I knew what that was like. Of course that meant I’d be spending the rest of my life remembering that feeling. Remembering the fire and love that threatened to burst my heart into a thousand pieces.
Sighing to myself I unzipped my dress, letting it fall to my bedroom floor before I kicked it into the hamper, seriously doubting if I’d ever wear it again.
Nathan’s backing off had been a gut wrenching experience that left me in pieces. It hadn’t been Chrissy’s fault, it hadn’t been Nathan’s. It wasn’t even mine believe it or not. It just was. Timing, circumstances, something had made him pull back. For a moment though, for a few minutes I had seen the desire, seen the love in his eyes. He couldn’t have faked that. No way, I was as sure as anything in my life. For a few minutes it was possible to believe that he cared about me.
My Sister's Best Friend (Best Friends 3) Page 4