Choosing You

by Allie Everhart

  “It’s getting late. We should go.”

  Back at campus, Garret walks me to my room and comes inside. “So I know it wasn’t much, but did you at least have a little fun?”

  “Yeah, I had a great time. Thanks for taking me out.”

  “I can’t believe you were just going to sit here and do homework. Thank God I stopped by and took control of the situation.”

  I punch his arm. “You didn’t take control. I’m the one who decided to go. And I almost told you no until you lured me in with the offer of free birthday food.”

  “Well, I was hoping my mere presence would convince you to go. When that didn’t work, I had to pull out the birthday freebies.” He smiles smugly. “I know how to get to you.”

  I roll my eyes. “Whatever.”

  “Do you want to watch a movie upstairs?”

  “No, I think I’ll go to bed. I have class early tomorrow.”

  “All right. See ya later.” He gives me a kiss on the cheek and turns to leave.

  “That was kind of lame,” I say.

  He turns around. “What was lame?”

  “That kiss.”

  He looks offended. “What’s that supposed to mean? We’re friends, right? Nothing more?”

  “Yeah, but it’s my birthday. A birthday kiss has to be better than that. That was like a grandma kiss.”

  I’ve challenged him, knowing how much he loves a challenge. I’m sure I’ve confused him with my request, but I want him to kiss me. And I want a real kiss, not a friend kiss. I’m still committed to the friends-only agreement, but sometimes a girl just wants a damn kiss. Is that so wrong?

  Garret stands there like he’s unsure what to do. “So you’re saying I can kiss you and you won’t get mad? Even after—”

  “Would you just kiss me before my birthday is over?”

  He hesitates, then takes my face in both his hands and kisses me. It starts out as a gentle, sweet kiss and slowly moves into a deeper kiss that is so hot I find myself gripping the back of his shirt and pulling myself into him. Then, with his hands still cupped gently around my face, he ends with two soft, short kisses and pulls away. “Happy Birthday, Jade.”

  He’s gone before I can critique the kiss. But it was great. It was beyond great. It was perfect. A perfect birthday kiss.

  I’m sure Garret’s upstairs wondering what the hell just happened. But let him wonder. He left me wondering what the hell happened when he told me to get lost a few weeks ago.

  I clear my gifts off the bed and go over to the desk to put my envelopes of money away. When I open the drawer I see my mom’s letter again. Part of me really wants to open it. But another part of me wants to burn it in the trash. Just having it suddenly appear like this makes me hate my mother even more. How dare she continue to haunt me from the grave. Isn’t her voice in my head enough? Does she have to keep stepping in and destroying everything? I wish that Frank had waited to give it to me. If it weren’t for that letter, this would have been my best birthday ever.

  19

  Friday after class, I try out my new running pants and long sleeve t-shirt. The weather keeps changing from warm to cold and today it picked cold. I head outside and take the trail that leads into the woods. Yellow, orange, and red leaves cover the ground and the crunch of them under my feet almost sounds like popping fireworks. I alternate between steady running and sprints. The anger over my mother’s letter still nags at me, but the steady running clears my head while the sprints burn off the anger.

  When I get back to the residence hall, I feel empowered again. I refuse to let that letter take control over my emotions. I’m still on a high from Garret’s kiss last night and that’s the only emotion I want to feel right now.

  I saw Garret at lunch and he was back to treating me like a friend, like the kiss never happened. But it’s probably best if we keep the friends-only thing going. After what he did, part of me still isn’t sure if I can trust him. And I’m still worried what his dad will do if he finds out I’m hanging out with Garret again. What if he took my scholarship away? I’d have no way to pay for school.

  “Jade, there you are.” Harper slings her pink-sweater-covered arm around me as I walk down the hall. “We’re going out tonight. You, me, and some other girls.”

  “I don’t do the party scene. You know that, Harper.” I wipe the sweat off my forehead. “I just ran. You might want to keep your distance.”

  She takes her arm away. “We’re not going to a party. We’re going to a nice restaurant for dinner.”

  “Why would we do that?”

  “For your birthday. There’s this great Italian place about 20 minutes from here. You like pasta, right?”

  “Who told you it was my birthday? Garret?”

  “Maybe,” she says, smiling. “But don’t get mad at him, Jade. You should’ve told me yourself.”

  “My birthday is over. I’m done celebrating.” I open the door to my room and she follows me inside.

  “You’re going to dinner unless you already have plans. So do you?”

  “No, I don’t have any plans.” I sit on the bed and yank my running shoes off. “So who else is going?”

  “Katy, Rachel, Stephanie, and Madison.” Harper’s pink sweater is so bright it’s blinding me. I wish she’d give the pink obsession a rest now and then.

  “They all want to go out for my birthday? I don’t really know them that well.”

  “What are you talking about? They eat with us all the time.”

  “They eat with you. They’re not really my friends.”

  “They are, too. They like you. They think you’re funny. And they’d invite you out more if you acted a little nicer to them.”

  “Nicer? I’m already nice to them.”

  “Yeah, but maybe you could talk to them more. You kind of ignore them and only talk to me when they’re around. Anyway, we’re leaving here at 6:30. And wear a dress because it’s kind of a fancy place. I could do your hair if you want.”

  Harper’s such a girly girl. She loves doing hair, makeup, nails—all that stuff. “Okay. If you have time, you can do my hair.”

  “Really?” She comes over and hugs me quick¸ keeping her distance from my sweaty body. “I didn’t think you’d say yes. Come by my room in a hour and we’ll get started.”

  She walks away, then turns back when she’s halfway out the door. “Hey, what’s up with you and Garret? Are you dating again?”

  “No. We were never dating. We’re just friends.”

  “He’s so damn hot, Jade. I seriously don’t know how you can just be friends with that guy. You sure you’re not dating?”

  I laugh. “Yeah. I think I would know that.”

  “Hmm. Okay. See ya.”

  I shower then let Harper do her magic on my hair. She has a gazillion hair tools, some of which look like medieval torture devices. She straightens my hair then curls it with giant rollers, making soft waves that look better than my hair’s natural waves. Then I let her do my makeup because she insists I don’t apply it right.

  When she’s done I put on my one and only dress and some sparkly earrings Harper let me borrow. As I’m leaving her room, she spritzes me with perfume.

  Dinner is at a restaurant two towns over. It’s a small place that overlooks a lake. It’s very expensive and of course none of them will let me pay. Now that I know the other girls actually like me, I’m able to relax around them. I make a mental note to be nicer to them in the future. I could use a few more friends.

  After dinner, three short, round Italian guys sing Happy Birthday to me and give me a cake. It’s like I’m living someone else’s life. Nobody’s ever made such a big deal over my birthday.

  We get back at 9:30 and Harper and her friends offer to skip the Friday night parties to hang out with me. But I insist they go. I know that’s what they really want to do and I’ve had enough girl time for one night.

  I go back to my room and when I open the door I notice a soft glow coming from the ceiling.
I look up and see that it’s covered in sparkly blue lights. I slowly walk inside unable to take my eyes off it. It’s beautiful, like I’m looking up at the night sky.

  “You like it?”

  I turn back. Garret is leaning against the door frame.

  “You did this?”

  “I did.” He comes inside and shuts the door.

  “How did you get in here?”

  “I have connections.”

  I look at him to explain.

  “Jasmine let me in. When Harper told me she was taking you to dinner tonight, I took over your room for a couple hours. And no, I didn’t go through your stuff.”

  He stands next to me and looks up at the ceiling as he casually puts his arm around my waist. It causes all kinds of sensations I probably shouldn’t be feeling with someone who’s just a friend. I glance over at him in his low-hung jeans and black t-shirt. His shirt is fitted and shows off his broad shoulders and lean abs. Harper’s right. It’s nearly impossible to be friends with a guy this hot.

  He squeezes my waist. “You didn’t answer me. Do you like it or not?”

  “Yeah. I love it.” More sensations fire off inside me as his hand slips down and rests on my hip.

  “Good. Because I almost fell off the ladder getting that middle section tacked up.” He points at the area above my bed where it looks like he tried to make some type of design with the lights.

  “Why did you do all this?”

  “It’s your birthday gift. With your insane budget, I had to go to this store that sells everything for a dollar. These lights were so cheap they may not work for very long.”

  “I buy stuff at those stores all the time. I’m sure they’ll last.”

  “I knew how much you liked mine, so I had to get you your own.” He leans down and kisses my cheek. “Happy Birthday, Jade.”

  “Thanks.” I look up at the sparkly lights again. “You see? You really can make someone happy with just a few dollars.”

  He turns to face me, placing both arms around my waist. “I made you happy? With these cheap ass lights?”

  “Very happy. I love the lights. They’ll make me happy every time I look at them.”

  He smiles. “It doesn’t take much with you, does it, Jade?”

  “Nope.”

  There’s awkward silence. We’re standing very close and his arms are still around me. Is he trying to test my willpower or something? He looks way too good. And he smells incredible. I feel like I should say something but I can’t. I’m too busy trying to keep myself from kissing him.

  Garret is staring at me. I’m wondering if I have marinara sauce on my face. Maybe it got on my dress. I glance down to check. He catches my chin with his finger and brings my face up to his. “You look amazing tonight, Jade.”

  “It’s just a dress. You saw me wearing it at your parent’s house.”

  “I know. And you looked nice then, too. But now you’ve got your hair like this and, I don’t know, it’s just different. Probably because you’re not glaring at me from across the dinner table.”

  I laugh. “Yeah. That’s probably it.” He’s still staring and it’s making me self-conscious. I break free from his arms and go sit on the bed. “So you’re going out with Blake tonight?”

  “That’s the plan.” He sits down next to me. “But if you want me to stick around, I can skip the party and do something with him tomorrow instead.”

  “You should go since you told him you would.”

  “I guess, but I really don’t want to hang out with him.”

  “Garret, you made a deal with the guy.”

  “And I shouldn’t have had to. He should keep his mouth shut if he thinks we’re friends.” Garret kicks off his shoes and scoots behind me to lie down on the bed. “Hey, check this out.”

  Seriously? Is he trying to test every ounce of self control I have? He wants me to lie next to him on the bed under the sparkly blue lights? Like we’re just innocently checking them out? Damn, he’s good. Very smooth. He’s clearly worked these tricks on girls before. And like the girls before me, I totally fall for it. But at least I’m aware of what he’s doing. I give myself points for that.

  I lie next to him, keeping a safe distance between us. “It’s even better from this view.”

  “See that section right there?” He slides closer and points to the area above us. “I wanted to make a constellation with the lights but I ran out of time.”

  When he puts his arm down, we’re so close the sides of our bodies are touching. I roll on my side facing him and putting some distance between us again. “You should really get going.”

  He turns on his side as well and removes the distance I created. He rests his hand on my hip, making my heart pound faster. “Are you trying to get rid of me, Jade?”

  “No, but you have to go to that party with Blake. And I should get to sleep.”

  He leans in so close I can feel his breath. He lowers his voice. “It’s not even 10.”

  “Really? It seems later.” My heart’s now beating out of my chest. I know I should back away but I can’t do it. I keep imagining that kiss from last night and I just want him to kiss me again and end this torture. “It’s probably 11 by now.”

  “It’s 9:40. I can see the clock from here.” His eyes never left mine. I’m sure he didn’t check the clock. “So are you sure you want me to leave?” He gives me that cocky smile which I find so damn irresistible.

  “Positive,” I say in a tone that’s not at all convincing.

  He’s so close to me now that I’m sure he’s going to kiss me. I shut my eyes, preparing for it.

  “Okay. Then I’ll leave.” The bed shakes as I feel him jump up. “I’ll see you on Sunday.”

  I open my eyes and find him almost at the door.

  “Sunday?” I get up from the bed, feeling the heat in my cheeks, which I’m sure are bright red.

  “Pancakes. We’re still going right?”

  “Well, yeah. But what about tomorrow?”

  “What about it?”

  “Don’t you want to do something?” I can’t stop staring at his lips, wishing he’d just freaking kiss me.

  “What do you have in mind?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.”

  “Well, think about it and if you decide you want to do something, you know where to find me. Goodnight, Jade.”

  Then he just walks out. Talk about mixed signals. What the hell was that? He touches me, compliments me, and gets all close like that and then doesn’t even kiss me?

  I can’t be mad at him because it’s what I wanted. He was being respectful of my friends-only request, waiting for me to decide when to take things farther. And tonight, I was very close to taking things farther. A lot farther.

  We don’t meet up again until Sunday morning. Garret tells me about the party Friday night. He says that Blake was so drunk that he didn’t even remember him being there. And yet the jerk insists that Garret go to these parties. I guess Blake just wants to make sure Garret isn’t hanging out with me. I know Blake hates me for taking up Garret’s time and especially for cutting Garret’s alcohol intake to basically zero. Even when Garret goes to these parties, he hasn’t been drinking, which totally pisses Blake off.

  Over the next few days and the weeks that follow, Garret and I become even better friends. On the weekdays we watch TV in his room, go for a run, have meals together, or just sit and talk. On the weekends Garret goes out on Friday nights, usually to a party with Blake, and on Saturday nights we do something together. Sundays are still pancakes followed by Garret’s football game with the guys. So far, the arrangement seems to be keeping Blake, Ava, and anyone else who’s watching us, quiet. We haven’t had any unexpected visits from Garret’s dad.

  We’ve managed to keep our just-friends status going even though our attraction to each other is off the charts. Harper says she can feel it whenever she’s around us. She keeps telling me to move out of the friend territory and I keep tellin
g her I’m not ready for that, but I think I am ready for that. Actually I know I am.

  But we still have the problem of Garret’s family. Garret keeps telling me he’s done taking orders from his dad, but then he goes along with the fake girlfriend thing. And he’s doing all he can to make sure his dad doesn’t find about us. So I don’t need a psychic to predict where this is headed. It’s clear that Garret and I will never be a couple. At least not a real couple. We can hang out and maybe even move past the friend stage, but it will always be in secret.

  Knowing all this, I should probably keep my distance from Garret. I should spend less time with him and focus all my attention on school. But I can’t do it. The more I get to know him, the more I want to be with him.

  On the second to last Saturday of October, Garret and I plan a movie night in his room, which we haven’t done for a couple weeks. It’s cold and rainy and a good night to stay inside. We order Chinese food from a new place that just opened up close to campus.

  “What are we watching?” I grab two sodas from the fridge.

  “A sports movie.” He holds up a movie that has a football player on the cover.

  “Ugh. Really? Do I get a say in this?”

  “It’s a good movie. And it’s football season. It’s the perfect time to watch it.”

  “All right. Give it here.” I take the movie from him. “The delivery guy’s probably downstairs. You should go get the food.”

  When he’s back we take our food and sit in the giant bean bag chair. I start the movie. A cartoon dog in a detective uniform appears on the TV.

  Garret moans. “No freaking way I’m watching this again.”

  I tilt my head. “But, Garret, you love this one. It’s your favorite.”

  He jumps up and searches the cardboard box for the football movie. “Where is it?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe it fell into the heating vent.”

  He stops searching. “The what? Jade, what did you do with it?”

  My eyes remain on my chopsticks as I use them to pick up a chunk of sauce-coated chicken. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”